I have food poisoning.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 02/12/2017 at 12:23 • Filed to: SOS-lopnik

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I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever been this sick.

I was tossing and turning all night, until 4am when my stomach felt like it had turned inside out. After a few trips to the porcelain suggestion box, things got much worse. After my first esophageal donation, I was like, “Whew I feel better now that that’s finally over.” No. It is not over. My sinuses burn of stomach acid. I can’t hold down food or water. When I run to the bathroom, I don’t know what way it’s coming out until the last second. My immune system is flipping a coin: “Let’s see: up, or down?” “Looks down up, sir. He has about 3 seconds to figure that out.” So the last 5 hours have been swell!

All because of a damned chicken sandwich I had last night at a pub. Could have been the lettuce, could have been the tomato. Or perhaps the bacon, which I remember looking at with a bit of concern, but not enough discretion.

Post things I like.

Spridget > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:27

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Fun Fact: I once gave myself water poisoning by chugging 10 bottles of water. Not my proudest moment.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:28

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Feel better buddy

TheHondaBro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:29

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The first time I got food poisoning, Halo 4 had just come out. So I got to stay home and play Halo 4 all day. In between vomiting sessions, it was pretty awesome.

smobgirl > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:29

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That’s awful. Maybe worth a visit to urgent care/ER if it doesn’t ease up soon. I bet you aren’t the only one sick if it’s that bad.

smobgirl > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:30

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Also...

Not a Toyota, but still angular rust-free Japanese?

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:32

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TheHondaBro > Spridget 02/12/2017 at 12:32

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Funner fact: A radio station that was local to me back in California had a contest where you had to drink as much water as you could and hold your pee to win a Wii. A lady died from water intoxication .

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:32

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Sounds like you need to call.... A DOCTOR

Frenchlicker > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:37

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Mwahahaha

$kaycog > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:39

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So sorry you’re sick. Get better!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Frenchlicker 02/12/2017 at 12:42

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jimz > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:42

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probably undercooked chicken, or cross-contamination from same. if you’re having abdominal cramping along with firing out both ends, it’s probably salmonella. I had a bout with that a couple years ago. Best not to even try eating until the gastroenteritis subsides. have Pedialyte on hand and when you start feeling a bit better, see if you can hold down a sip of it here and there.

Frenchlicker > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:45

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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:47

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It’s also entirely possible you picked up Norovirus, symptoms are very similar to food poisoning and it’s more likely to be norovirus.

Also;

fhrblig > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:51

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See a doctor. I thought I had food poisoning once, turned out to be appendicitis. I didn’t have any specific pain, it just felt like food poisoning.

sonicgabe > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:54

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Food poisoning is the worst. I wish you a fast recovery.

This always makes me feel better:

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 12:58

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The stomach flu is the reason why, when I look at places to live, I always make sure the bathtub is beside the toilet. That way, if it’s coming out of both ends, you’ve got a relatively easy to clean spot for both.

Feel better soon.

CTSenVy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 13:05

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Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 13:34

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Oh man, I hope you feel better soon. I remember the last time this happened to me/us, and it was really bad. Mine was, depressingly, from a long-expired box of mac and cheese, which my now-MIL decided to be helpful with and stuck in a new package of them from Costco in our pantry (you see, this box had been in there somewhere in the back for like a decade before we moved in to watch my now-wife’s grandfather’s place). We knew it wasn’t safe to eat, but out of respect for grandpa we didn’t throw it away, then that happened and one fateful night we mindlessly ate it as a side and got violently ill...

You must watch your food carefully.

Toyota Hilux:

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 13:48

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Get well soon fella.

Keep your electrolytes up and you’ll be fine in no time.

brianbrannon > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 13:58

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If you can get some activated charcoal it will help

Mid Engine > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 14:04

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Mount Rainier as seen from the crater rim of Mount St. Helens, overlooking Spirit Lake.

The Lurktastic Opponaught > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 15:05

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Dogmeat’s philosophy of food-like substances: “if this doesn’t agree with me, I can always throw it up later!”

RonnyPStiggs > Spaceball-Two 02/12/2017 at 17:37

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Good lord, that thing is righteous.

RonnyPStiggs > Spaceball-Two 02/12/2017 at 17:42

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Spaceball-Two > RonnyPStiggs 02/12/2017 at 17:43

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Gorgeous!

RonnyPStiggs > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/12/2017 at 17:45

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Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RonnyPStiggs 02/12/2017 at 17:46

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:D

NJAnon > RonnyPStiggs 02/12/2017 at 22:40

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lol wth? old toyota SUV’s?

No Lamborghini Diablo SV’s or Mitsubish Lancer Evolution MR-FQ400's?

RonnyPStiggs > NJAnon 02/12/2017 at 23:21

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No, only the best for my man Zoidberg...

P.S. there’s HiLuxes in this video too

NJAnon > RonnyPStiggs 02/12/2017 at 23:47

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then I guess this is for Zoidberg then: an old song to go with his old soul appeal for old SUV’s 8D