![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:20 • Filed to: Jeep, jeep compass | ![]() | ![]() |
Announcement to the Good Denizens of Mallcrawl! Presenting a fair quantity of bits and bobs on the Compass 4x2 Mallcrawl Edition. Gather ‘round ye Fire of Mopar this fine evening!
Behold ye Limited Trim styling cue, a chromed wraparound character line. Black contrasting roof is also limited to Limited. Upscale vibe warmly remindeth us of our wealthier neighbours in Evoqueshire.
Standalone 19” wheel upgrade shall suit thine poseur aspirations as thou crawleth ye local public house! Thou shalt accept increased risk of damage to Carriage and Ego from farm ruts, border walls and stray cattle. Increased ride harshness compareth not to thy horse-drawn cart of olde.
Another bauble, ye mirror turn indicators do bathe themselves in golden light, with bars equal in quantity to golden ingots amassed in thy domicile.
Peasantry need not fear, for all trims of Compass available in Mallcrawl feature proud branding on both mirrors.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:39 |
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I think reading this gave me cancer.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:40 |
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You need a “Mall Rated” badge.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:41 |
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Why take the time to write this garble over a regular review....
I just can’t
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:47 |
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Plebeian.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:48 |
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![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:49 |
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This started fun, but got bad by the end.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:50 |
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Limited Joop
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:51 |
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I’m assuming that said driver never needs to go to Tahoe.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 18:55 |
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I actually really like those wheels.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:03 |
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Because simply saying “It’s a misguided piece of shit” is not particularly rewarding to write...
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:10 |
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What can I say, I Made Compass Great Again.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:12 |
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Why is it a hand grenade and not a more traditional weapon, like a Super Soaker?
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:12 |
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You can tell I got tired, the last two blurbs were much shorter!
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:14 |
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Tahoe? Is that a distant land inhabited by the 4x4 species?
Not only is this car wrong-wheel-drive, it probably can’t even accommodate snow tires with those oversized wheels.
It’s purely for local family schleppen.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:15 |
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So misguided that I bought it.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:15 |
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If it will kill a rabbit, I’m sure it will take out a mall crawling jeep.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:15 |
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Not a review. Sharing a few features and what I thought were interesting bits of my new family car.
It barely has a hundred miles—way too early for a fair review.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:19 |
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Well...that’s...ummm...a little...awkward!
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:22 |
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It really rides about an inch too high, but otherwise it occupies a sweet spot in vehicle length for a small-ish family car. It’s not cramped like the rest of its subcompact class (looking at your rear seat, CX-3), but it’s not overpriced like the compact CUV class.
Also, it doesn’t look like a blob like most crossovers do.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:23 |
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If it can take out a Mall Crawler Edition, then it can also take out a Trailhawk.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:39 |
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I’m surprised at the relative restraint of the exhaust tips - no gigantic chromed bezels on each side!
That said, the D-pillar is excessively wide.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:41 |
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Funny they make fwd limited.
Even funnier is they had/have North editions in fwd.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:45 |
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The D-pillar is a bit wide but the side windows are sufficiently large to do lane changes comfortably. The Blind Spot Monitor also helps, but honestly it’s not needed.
You want bad sight lines, try a Toyota C-HR.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 19:49 |
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Honesty, I was surprised that this car existed (I was ready to get a 4x4 and whine about the 9-speed like everyone does). It’s exactly the spec my wife wanted, except the upgrade wheels which are less practical than the standard 18s.
What we were looking for was Nav + power liftgate, in pearl white.
It doesn’t even have the headroom-chopping sunroof.
![]() 11/01/2017 at 21:40 |
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Now I have super cancer.
![]() 11/02/2017 at 09:31 |
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Oh please oh please oh please do this.
Bonus points for also adding a windshield banner that’s upside down and says, “If you can read this roll me back over”.
![]() 11/02/2017 at 15:52 |
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Awesome. I didn’t know these existed. I may need to modify it to say “4x2” to be fully accurate!
![]() 11/02/2017 at 16:31 |
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Yeessss!