Today's bigly house of bigliness, Vol. 2

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 10/23/2017 at 21:00 • Filed to: Houses, Bigly

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Welcome, friends, to another installment of the life of a male escort. Such a life takes me to many homes. Bigly homes, to be precise.

Here’s a photo dump with annotations:

3 car garage and a huge driveway! Oh, and a house.

This is probably only 50% of the entire kitchen.

No one will hear you choke on the filet mignon from the other side of the island.

The span of this fridge is about 8 feet.

Some of you guys like WOLF. Well who doesn’t?

The kitchen in the guest suite is the size of my own about .

Also to note: guest suite has it’s own carefully hiddely side entrance. Perfect for deadbeat relatives or renting out to subsidize your monstrous mortgage payment.

This looks expensive.

Lots of controls for... activities n_n

There was much more, but I did eventually have to get back to work.

Upstairs also had what I can only call a “party suite,” with an enclosed wet bar and two addition bedrooms accessible only past the bar, one shared bath and one private. And then the master suite and a few bedrooms, two living rooms, I don’t know.

Work commentary:

Last time I worked in a home like this (which was of course a few days ago, and arguably daily overall) for this builder, the homebuyer had zero children. At this price range and area, there are often less than three children, anecdotally speaking. Maybe it’s just for resale value purposes, but the amount of excessive money in Seattle-metro area is pretty astounding at times.

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:04

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CP. Doesn’t give me a home-y vibe.

ranwhenparked > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:05

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The biggest thing I see with this is that the front yard is a concrete slab and there’s a garage almost the same size as the house itself that overwhelms the front elevation, which is a common issue in a lot of new construction.

Also, if that counter is actual marble, just wait till an over served party guest spills a glass of red wine.

Saracen > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:10

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Looks and sounds like a really expensive flip. High-end, but very plain.

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:16

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That gas range is beautiful, if only it was not white.

AestheticsInMotion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:16

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One of those houses where you could swap a room with any other bigly house built in the last few years and neither family would even notice

OPPOsaurus WRX > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:22

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that kitchen looks as big as my whole open floor plan

the exterior isn;t bad at all, a couple tweaks

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Saracen 10/23/2017 at 21:23

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As always, the priority seems to be to appeal the the broadest audience.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/23/2017 at 21:39

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I had a feeling you wouldn’t hate this one.

Yes that porch area with no windows is bizarre, until you remember that that’s where the guest suite is. Probably to make it at private as possible. But still, could do one-way panes or something. But then it wouldn’t quite go with all the other windows.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:47

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That shower has me confused, it’s like an outhouse with two holes. I don’t really want to share that experience with anyone.

DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 21:51

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B I G M O N E Y (aka me)

Tristan > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/23/2017 at 21:53

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My exact thoughts. The conflicting dormers are making me twitch.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/23/2017 at 21:55

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I love it, I would just - if money was truly no object - do 5' of sanblasting centered on the overall height of the glass. You can still show off your fancy tile work and be able to shower without people checking our your pucker. In addition, I would spring for low-iron glass to give a blue shine instead of that greenish hue. But low-iron tempered glass is bigly bigly bigly bigly expensive.

Mid Engine > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:03

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Then they call a handyman, say, from Bothell. They want a bunch of stuff done that really doesn’t need to be done, but just cuz. The craftsman wanders the place for well over an hour taking careful note of all the requests. A price is a quoted, and the homeowner erupts. Insists on a discount because they work for Microsoft, or Amazon, or the Book of Face, or... the craftsman leaves and won’t work for them for any price. Great circle of life in the Puget Sound

OPPOsaurus WRX > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:03

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or something as simple as curtains.

I worked on the plans for this one,

2/3 of the blank wall was stair, but beside the stair was a bookcase on hinges which led to a safe room which was the other 1/3 of the blank wall

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:05

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Male escort. Of course. Your obsession with light fixtures is starting to make sense. If you’re going to be swinging from the chandeliers, you have to be concerned with how much weight they can safely hold.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Mid Engine 10/23/2017 at 22:31

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You know the game well.

One of the worst homebuyers I worked with was a VP at Starbucks. As an example, he bought a spec home midway through construction, and threatened to sue the builder for not tearing off all the siding and replacing it with the one he wanted. It was a nearly-finished spec home, guy. Get fucked.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:34

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So... my shower is pretty similar to that one. Greenish glass. Not quite as big - one wall mounted shower head and one ceiling mounted rain head. Same door handle and hinges and stuff. Similar lights above. My tile is a lot less fancy. Anyway most of the time it really doesn’t bother me. It’s not like random people I don’t know are coming into the master bathroom. Sometimes tho one of the dogs will come sit by the door and watch me shower. That’s a weird feeling.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:39

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I’ve got some money to renovate our main bathroom so I’m logging ideas. Getting rid of the tub and going with a large shower.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:40

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Hey at least there isn’t shrubbery in front of the garage doors.

Spridget > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:43

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It looks like they just combined a bunch of expensive house stuff into one disorganized mess.

Kat Callahan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 22:47

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As a proponent of the tiny house movement, this physically makes me ill.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Kat Callahan 10/23/2017 at 22:55

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Think of it as 15 tiny homes fused together to accommodate a handful of humans.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/23/2017 at 23:04

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As long as you have another tub somewhere in the house, go for it.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 23:09

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The curse of the 1/2 bath valuation. I was going to ask my Realestate agent about that...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/23/2017 at 23:18

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You can still have a beautiful glass enclosure on a tub though. Try getting a 5' new tub and then have a 12" tiled bench on one side for versatility.

Here’s a photo with a pan in lieu of a tub:

John-Palazzo > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/23/2017 at 23:42

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Where the chandeliers at, though?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > John-Palazzo 10/23/2017 at 23:46

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Kat Callahan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/24/2017 at 00:54

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Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Kat Callahan 10/24/2017 at 01:27

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adamftw > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/24/2017 at 07:32

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You check out the family photos at all? When I worked in homes out in the Hamptons, the phrase “You can’t have it all” really rang true more than half of those houses once you take a look at who lives there.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > Kat Callahan 10/24/2017 at 09:14

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As an engineer, the thought of the inefficiency of heating and cooling so much unused space makes me want to break out in hives.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/24/2017 at 09:18

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After having a glass shower and realizing the amount of work it takes to keep that bastard clean and free of water spots, I can say never again unless I can afford a maid.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/24/2017 at 09:22

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Initial thoughts:

Mismatched McMansion windows!

Breakfast bar is perfect for a small, linear dinner party for six.

That shower box makes me uncomfortable. I get that there’s a drain in the floor and glass walls to stop the water, but it still seems weird that the shower floor is contiguous with the rest of the bathroom floor.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Svart Smart, traded in his Smart 10/24/2017 at 09:25

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Curbless showers are the latest trend, maaaaaaaan.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky 10/24/2017 at 09:25

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I get the feeling that one would spend as much time squiging off the water as taking the shower.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/24/2017 at 09:53

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In one that big you would. Or you could hire a guy. It’s not weird to have a window washer on staff, in your bathroom right?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky 10/24/2017 at 10:35

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Someone has to hand you a towel too right?

The Snowman > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/24/2017 at 21:40

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All that bigly sq footage and my 1200sqft house still has double the garage capacity.