Am I supposed to recognize the "celebrities" in this Kia Stinger promo?

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
10/06/2017 at 13:52 • Filed to: None

I decided to take a peek at Kia’s website and see if the Stinger configurator is up yet. It’s not! But Kia does have a ridiculous brand synergy marketing tie-in with an unnamed “recent big fashion event in New York City” and the hashtag !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Uhhh...what’s going on here?

Once I clicked on the link to the Youtube page for the embedded video, I learned that the gentleman third from the right is Alex Rodriguez. So there’s at least someone recognizable, who I didn’t recognize because I haven’t paid attention to baseball since approximately 1997. He’s also the only male in the picture who made it into the video, so I still have no idea who those three other dudes are.

Why did they make !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , a person who is apparently a supermodel, but I have never heard of because I’m a 35 year old car nerd who wastes time at his corporate job looking at cars online, mix a racing suit with a shirt with a cutout for her abs?

Is there any music they could have chosen that would be even more annoying than the repetitive electronic WAAAOOOOWAAAOOOWA sound throughout this video?

The celebrities mention beating each other’s times, but this race track appears to be a straight line along one edge of a Manhattan parking lot. There’s no visible timing device, not even some guy with a clipboard and a stopwatch.

When asked to comment on her experience “racing” the Kia Stinger, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , another person who is apparently a supermodel, had this to say:

“The car felt sooo good, I hit the gas and it went really fast immediately.”

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , never has there been more detailed, insightful commentary on the intricacies of a vehicle’s performance.

For those of us who were wondering how Kia was going to try to sell a premium sorta-luxury performance 5-door fastback, now we know. Instead of trying to appeal to Car People™ with some sort of really good, better-than-the-actual-luxury-brands aspect of the Stinger, Kia’s ad agency decided to clumsily appeal to brand whore entry-luxury car customers by stroking their brandwhoreism.

Because surely, people clutching a Coach purse while they sign a $299/month lease for CLA250 will be swayed by supermodels and A-Rod briskly accelerating Kia Stingers in a Manhattan parking lot, at a time when a fashion show may also be occurring, and having an E! host interview them about the experience. That will totally get them to think of an expensive Kia as equally impressive to their Instagram followers as an in-car selfie that manages to include at least one BMW logo.

Now that I think about it, maybe this marketing strategy does make sense. Somebody needs to lease all those brand new Kia Stingers so the enthusiasts will have a ready supply of heavily-depreciated CPO Stingers in about 18 months. Someone’s got to do it, right?

DISCUSSION (26)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 13:58

I think there’s a periphery demographic that they can bring in. Advertise for Stinger Swingers, and offer a key basket accessory for the console.

benjrblant > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:07

Maybe Kia’s marketing department feels that it already appeals to Car People™ and they’re trying to focus marketing efforts on Non-Car People™? Plenty of car blogs have already said good things about it. If you’re not exposed to those media outlets, you’d probably be less likely to know about the Stinger already.

SpeedSix > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:07

With all the shitty ‘marketing’ going on nowadays, we really need a scale ranking how shitty it is at a glance, sort of like the Mustang scale.

Azrek > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:12

I got on the train in the Atlanta airport and stood next to a few dudes. Then glanced down and realized I was standing next to Ludicris....and the 2 giant guys inbetween us were likely the ‘muscle.’ Yeah, I had no idea and it took me like 2 stops to realize who he was. I am sure I had some holes burned into my head from the muscle.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
10/06/2017 at 14:13

If keys from Candice Swanepoel and Joan Smalls are in the basket, I’ll buy a Stinger.

With my luck, I’d get ARod.

DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:23

I commented on a Stinger post about a week or two ago stating that the apparent pricing and marketing strategy didn’t make any sense to me because it seemed like they were eschewing the customer base most interested in this car in favor of german luxury car buyers. I’m honestly still astounded because the marketing execs over there have gotten to see first hand that Hyundai had to spin off Genesis to its own brand to capitalize on their foothold in that market. Does KIA really think they can do the same? Yeah the base Stinger is way better value than base german luxury cars, but since when has that mattered to that demographic of buyers?

If I’m talking out of my ass, then please feel free to correct me. I quite like the Stinger, and I really want it to succeed, but I feel like they’re dooming it from the start.

nerd_racing > haveacarortwoorthree2
10/06/2017 at 14:24

My luck: It could be raining titties and I’d still get hit with a dick.

B/Xmrrmvr > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:24

Am I supposed to recognize the “celebrities” in this Kia Stinger promo?

Not unless you’re into fashion? I don’t see the issue of advertising outside of the automotive circle, especially when the majority of Car People™ have the mentality you bring up in your last paragraph.

Thomas Donohue > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 14:44

Didn’t watch it all, but as the name implies I think it’s just supposed to be a straight runway, not a racetrack. I think I saw drag lights.

Regardless, you are way too upset about this. Go watch a Petrolicous video or something and relax.

Textured Soy Protein > Thomas Donohue
10/06/2017 at 14:47

I’m not upset, I’m making fun of them.

Sam > haveacarortwoorthree2
10/06/2017 at 15:12

Could be worse, I guess?

Which is actually the exact stigma Kia is trying to desperately shake from the early days.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Sam
10/06/2017 at 15:28

IDK, Jeets would at least give me a gift bag.

Textured Soy Protein > Azrek
10/06/2017 at 15:37

I once unknowingly stood in line behind Benji Madden at an ice cream stand at one of the Smithsonian museums in DC. I was puzzled as to why this small tattooed man had such large diamond jewelry. I just wanted a drink, my gf at the time and I had been outside and it was hot. She was waiting in the main part of the museum, and when I finally realized who it was, I looked up at her like, “is that...?” She of course had long since already recognized him. Then I thought, “I wonder if this is the twin with Nicole Richie,” and there she was in the corner with a stroller.

Textured Soy Protein > benjrblant
10/06/2017 at 15:39

I get that they’re trying, I just don’t think they’re going to succeed in targeting this demo. It’s like a second-tier Android phone maker like ZTE trying to convince teenagers that it’s actually cool to show up as a green bubble in their iPhone-toting friends’ iMessage.

Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 15:46

I think you mean third from right

Textured Soy Protein > Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner
10/06/2017 at 15:50

Time for a ninja edit 2 hours after putting up this post!

Chariotoflove > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 15:58

The supermodels are blocking my view of the car. :|

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 16:05

I once got tatooed next to Amare Stoudemire we were the only people in the parlor. He barely fit in the chair.

Mid Engine > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 16:21

10/10 would bone both lovely ladies. Didn’t notice any guys in the pic :)

Textured Soy Protein > Mid Engine
10/06/2017 at 16:47

Really? You had to go there?

Kinja'd!!!

LJ909 > Azrek
10/06/2017 at 16:56

I once ran into and spilled iced coffee on Rihanna at a Starbucks in downtown LA. After she calmed down her muscle from trying to kill me she ended up inviting me to a party she was having in the hills later that night. One of the best nights of my life.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 17:48

I don’t know who they are either....

pip bip - choose Corrour > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 22:09

don’t recognise any of them.

Steve in Manhattan > Textured Soy Protein
10/06/2017 at 22:59

For a second I thought I saw Natasha McElhone, but no such luck.

Frank Grimes > Textured Soy Protein
10/07/2017 at 01:14

Aww yess Bodie, Doyle, Tiger, the Jewelry man

awmaster10 > Azrek
10/07/2017 at 13:13

LUDA!!!