Just Send It! How I became obsessed with doing stupid things in crappy cars.

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
10/06/2017 at 11:35 • Filed to: RallyMetro, #statelinerallycross

When I first read David Tracy’s article about the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! this spring, I thought, “That looks like an insane amount of fun. I’d like to try that someday.” Then I promptly forgot all about it. Cut to about a month and a half ago, when the owner of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! contacted me, wondering if the Gambler 500-Illinois was on my radar, and would I and the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! be willing to represent Stateline Rallycross at it? It was not on my radar, but I was most certainly interested.

Deals were dealt, preparations were prepared. Next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire. As the event drew closer, I gradually grew more and more excited. Honestly, the last couple days beforehand, I was kind of useless because all I could think about was the Gambler.

Finally the day arrived. We rolled from my navigator’s house at 4:45 am, short on sleep but long on excitement. Once coffee was purchased, we headed west towards JC Whitney’s facility in LaSalle, IL. JC Whitney sponsored the event, and was letting everybody keep their tow rigs there over the weekend. When we rolled around behind the building, our eyes both popped open wide. It was a huge flotilla of the most magnificent crap-wagons you’ve ever laid eyes upon. It was glorious. Our excitement meters were instantly pegged at 11.

That semi has a 2-stroke supercharged Diesel engine

We parked the truck and began unhitching the tow bar. We loaded a couple last minute things, I topped off the oil, and then I said to Navigator Steve, “You know, we never checked the tires.” Steve said, “You’re right. Well, there’s two on this side!” I was about to say the same, but then I noticed the left year was almost flat. We hooked up the 12-volt compressor to it, but the sidewalls quickly began bulging. We had to change a tire before we could register. Not a good start, but luckily we had brought two spares along with us.

Dead tire walkin’

The first waypoint was an off-road park. I think it would’ve been hairy if it had been wet, but it hadn’t rained in weeks. The RallyMetro proved to be a little billy goat, and its small size was a definite advantage climbing over, through and around things.

Now, I’m going to skip ahead a bit here. I literally wrote five single spaced pages and didn’t quite make it through day one. As much as I like to think I’m a decent writer, I don’t think anybody wants to read all that.

As we went from stop to stop, we met lots of people, saw lots of hilarious amazing vehicles, talked to a lot of folks about rallycross, and traversed down many gravel, dirt, and grass “roads.” We quickly realized we were not in contention to “win,” but neither of us cared. We were here for fun and adventure, and we were finding it in spades.

One stop was a “haunted” abandoned school house. While there we saw what we dubbed the Lincoln-Delorean climb a big stump for … reasons. We also hooked up with Andrew, Nugget, and Johnny in a Buick LeSabre with its roof sawn open.

A couple stops later was the top of a hill leading to a heavily rutted dirt road. Several cars were parked at the top, including a Mercedes with a hole in its oil pan that they were patching with epoxy. We saw several people take one look at it, and turn around. We were enjoying a nice break when a Corvair on a Blazer frame pulled up and made my day (I love Corvairs, and I love stupid lifted cars, so this was right up my alley).

A couple pulled up in a late 80’s/early 90's Coupe DeVille sporting a giant roof rack, exhaust coming through the trunk, and the rear edge of the trunk lid hacked off, spun around, and used as a sun visor. I complimented the genius sunvisor to the couple. The female half, who was driving, said thanks and asked what was up ahead. I told her, “It’s a pretty hairy, heavily rutted, dirt road.”

“Pretty hairy, eh?,” she replied.

“Yep”

“Perfect,” and then she motored on without another word, right around all the dudes scratching their heads wondering if they should give it a go. She showed them up by adhering the Gambler Motto: Just Send It.

I’d been saying since we got there, that we had to try this. We had so much fun at the off-road park, and the car did so well, to me there was no question. Steve was up for it, but was enjoying the hilltop road party so much, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry. I went over to the guys in the Buick, who were positioned at the start of the road. They wanted to do it, but were worried about their rusty strut tower collapsing. That had already started, and been beaten back into place with a board and a hammer. I suggested that if we were going to go for it, we better do it now while we still have sunlight. They agreed and went for it.

I doubled back to the RallyMetro, where I found Steve talking to a local NPR reporter working on a story. I talked to him as well, and then told Steve we needed to just send it down the road while we still had sunlight. Behind me the NPR reporter, Carl, hopped into the Corvair and we went for it. We tooled our way down it slowly, taking care to keep our little billy goat out of the ruts. We drove over a bridge that was built in 1915. This was turning out to be no problem at all.

All of the sudden, the Corvazer popped out in front of me from the right. He had gone off into the farm field to pass me and was trying to get back on the road, when his left wheels dropped in a rut and he high-centered it. Steve and I stopped to help. We tried pushing it back and forth, but only managed to get it stuck worse. We found some branches and a few flagstones in the woods to jamb under the left rear tire to get it to bite, but no dice.

I told the other guys that I had brought a recovery strap, in case anybody to needed to pull our clown car out of something. The idea seemed ridiculous. Pulling a stuck Corvazer out with a 58hp Chevy Metro that had 267k miles on it? Riiiiiiiiiight.

Left with no other choice, Steve guided me back to where the ruts were shallow enough to cross, and I pulled into the field to line it up. The only tow points on the RallyMetro are up front, so we were going to have to pull using the feeble reverse gear. Our first attempt was a no-go. The Metro just kept stalling. We reset for a straighter pull. Carl and Steve were behind the Corvazer pushing as hard as they could, I revved up the 3-cylinders of screaming fury, dropped the clutch, and … IT MOVED!!!!! Much screaming, hooting, hollering, and high-fiving ensued! Carbonated beverages were consumed in celebration. There were no happier dudes in the whole state at that moment. This is what it was all about!

Free at last!

The Corvazer driver decided to divert around the dirt road through a grassy area in the field. Steve guided me back onto the road, and we adhered to the other Gambler motto: Always Be Gamblin’. We did for a moment drop into the ruts and bottom out, but I gassed it and maintained momentum, and was able to climb up out of the ruts.

Scalpel doctor

We met the Corvazer at the end of the road, and the found the Buick guys there trying to fix the now fully collapsed strut tower with a hacked up a piece of tree branch put it in place with mechanic’s wire. It was too thick though to allow the tire to bolt back on. The driver of the Corvazer produced a battery powered grinder and cut off wheels. They hacked off the end of an abandoned sign post, and whittled it down until it fit in place.

While they were working on that, a couple guys in an old Ford truck pulled up and the driver said, “Hey, is Tom here?” The Corvazer driver approached the truck and said, “Yeah, I’m Tom.” The driver said real serious like, “I’ve been lookin’ for you all day. I’ve got a warrant for you.” Tom turned white as a ghost, he may or may not have started stammering. Then the driver started laughing and said, “I’ve tried that three times today, I finally found a Tom!” We all started laughing, including Tom. The guy lived nearby and just wanted to come see what all the weird cars were doing and shoot the breeze. We saw a lot of confused looking locals as we were driving around, but we also got a lot of smiles and enthusiastic waves. Including from the nice Byron Police officer who had just seen me roll through a left turn arrow that went red on me.

Once the Buick was “road worthy,” we moved out as a group. We made a couple stops to check the Buick for tire rubbing. It was a little, but ABG. Way behind, we pointed towards Cordova drag strip, where the group would be camping that night. We missed a ton of way points, and still were one of the last groups of Gamblers to arrive, but none of us cared. This had been an adventure that none of us would ever forget, and we were all grinning from ear-to-ear. Well, all of us except for Steve. He had passed out in comical fashion as soon as the last bit of light faded from the sky.

Running the Gambler 500 has completely changed my perspective on our hobby. I was already headed down this path with the rallycrossing, but now I’m completely in. Every piece of crap car I see now, literally every single one, I think to myself, “Oh, that would be a good Gambler.” Right now, at the place I’m at in life, I’m not even interested in having a “nice” fun car. I want beaters. I want adventure. Always Be Gamblin’!

Here’s a selection of additional potato pics for your viewing pleasure.

This guy had just successfully driver through that gigantic drainage ditch.

The CRV did make it back out as well.

With the amount of bondo on this thing, I say there’s at least one zero too many here.

I think this is my favorite rig from the weekend.

Gamblers don’t read too good.

These vehicles have roughly the same power to weight ratio

DISCUSSION (54)

vondon302 > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 11:57

Damn this sounds like so much fun. Watched the dirt everyday gambler episode last night and after reading this it’s a must do I wonder how big of a tire I can fit on my P71. Hmmmm

MonkeePuzzle > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 12:00

great write up! sounds like a blast! wish I was there.

William Byrd > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 12:01

OK, that looks like a ton of fun. I may co-drive during one of the LeMons rallies this year.

shop-teacher > vondon302
10/06/2017 at 12:01

It was an insane amount of fun. There were a bunch of Crown Vics. With a slight lift, they can actually fit some pretty big tires.

shop-teacher > MonkeePuzzle
10/06/2017 at 12:02

Thanks! It was a total blast. I highly suggest participating in one of these. Be warned though, you’re likely to catch Gambler Fever!

CobraJoe > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 12:13

My friend and I did the Nebraska gambler earlier this year. It was one of the best times I’ve ever had in a car. Definitely had one of those “These are my people” moments.

Maybe next time our ‘79 Cougar will make it past the 1st check point.

Urambo Tauro > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 12:39

Great write-up! I’m sending that pic of the General Bork to my brother.

shop-teacher > William Byrd
10/06/2017 at 12:43

I’d love to do a LeMons rally as well. This was an insane amount of fun.

shop-teacher > Urambo Tauro
10/06/2017 at 12:44

Thanks!

I loved the General Bork. There were at least three General Lee tributes, but that one was by far the best. I’ve got a few more of it, I can email them if you want.

shop-teacher > CobraJoe
10/06/2017 at 12:45

That’s a good way to put it. I felt the same way. ABG!

Kiltedpadre > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 14:20

Man, after seeing and hearing about this I’m even sadder that there doesn’t seem to be a Gambler in Ohio.

Here I go to check northern Kentucky or eastern Indiana!

shop-teacher > Kiltedpadre
10/06/2017 at 14:27

That red Forester in front of the covered bridge was out of Ohio. The Gamblers seem to be spreading fast. So, while the may not have one right now, there may be soon. You could also try rallycrossing. It’s a ton of fun, with very similar groups of people. Or really, you and some friends could just go start bombing around in cheap cars on the most rural roads you can find. There’s ways to get your fix!

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 14:34

You’ve got some good photos here, particularly the opener.

Deals were dealt, preparations were prepared. And passive voice was used... ;o)

I like the white GMC bobtail the best.

Are you in any of those photos?

Urambo Tauro > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 14:49

Sure! It’s myscreenname (all one word, no spaces) at inbox dot com.

shop-teacher > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
10/06/2017 at 15:03

Thank you! They’re all done on my iPotato, with a modicum of effort ... I am not allowed to use our “real” camera ;)

I think that one was my favorite as well.

No. You can see my enormous shadow in front of the first Corvazer picture.

shop-teacher > Urambo Tauro
10/06/2017 at 15:10

Sent!

Kiltedpadre > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 15:27

Now I’m down the rabbit hole. I only have one friend that’s into cars at all so I’ll need to find a larger group for when I inevitably do something stupid and end out either stuck or on my side. I’m not sure I’d consider it a success without one of those two.

I’ve already found several fine candidates for vehicles too. I was surprised by the number of options actually listed as running under $600. Most were trucks and SUVs that I eliminated because that just seems too easy. My wife may regret moving somewhere with a gravel parking pad big enough for several vehicles.

shop-teacher > Kiltedpadre
10/06/2017 at 15:42

They’re out there! You just need to find them.

There’s a free ‘87 Olds Delta 88 not too far from me. The only thing stopping me from picking it up, is space.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 16:05

MAN Rally Metro LOOKS GREAT!

If you come to the detroit area for one let me know.

Aaaand now I wanna do one of these.

Mercedes Streeter > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 16:31

Holy crap that looked absolutely awesome!!!! I’m happy you had fun!!! I love that old GMC truck too.

Can...Can I join next year? It can help up my wrenching skills! :3

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/06/2017 at 16:37

Thanks! I’m glad I made it a StupidWing. Even though it killed our top speed when we had a headwind, it needed a dose of crazy.

I will definitely let you know if I do one in your area. You really should do one, it’s an OBSCENE amount of fun.

How’s the Capri doing? Make it out to any rallycrosses this year?

shop-teacher > Mercedes Streeter
10/06/2017 at 16:43

I think this was the most fun I’ve ever had in a car. Even more fun than rallycrossing, and you know how much I love that.

I’d love to have you join the team! We’ll need a bigger Gambler though. Could we keep this at your house? My wife will murder/death/kill me if I drag another beater home, and Steve lives in a tiny duplex.

Any chance you’ll bring Tucker to the rallycross next weekend ?

Mercedes Streeter > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 16:47

Sure! My tenant would hate it, but anything that gets her to move out is good in my book. xD

I think I have a cover for it too. :)

I can bring Tucker to that! I actually have the money too now! Though, would it kill him? I mean trial by fire didn’t, but trial by rally sounds much worse!

shop-teacher > Mercedes Streeter
10/06/2017 at 16:50

Alrighty then! I’ll talk to Steve and see if we can make that happen.

It depends on how hard you run it. You could start easy and use your best judgement. I pound the living crap out of the RallyMetro, because I’m on a mission to give it a Viking funeral. You will need to get a helmet though.

Mercedes Streeter > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 16:55

And I’ll get my car cover! Mostly because my mum would probably grumble about it too unless it’s like “out of sight” or whatever. :)

Hmmm...Probably no on Tucker then. Even though I have three smarts, I actually want Tucker to live, he’s my first!

What you’re saying is that I should buy a really silly high mileage 2008 and basically go freaking crazy with it! ;)

Mercedes Streeter > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 17:10

If you do get it this weekend, feel free to dump it in my driveway lol. I won’t be home until Monday. And also feel free to drop in to work on it whenever, my doors are always open! (figuratively, of course). :)

fryguy > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 18:02

You done good with my Babu! 10/15?

shop-teacher > Mercedes Streeter
10/06/2017 at 18:19

“What you’re saying is that I should buy a really silly high mileage 2008 and basically go freaking crazy with it! ;)“

That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying!

shop-teacher > Mercedes Streeter
10/06/2017 at 18:21

I’m doing family stuff this weekend, so maybe next weekend :)

shop-teacher > fryguy
10/06/2017 at 18:22

10/15 will depend on our buddy’s turn-around time to redo the wheel bearing. I can’t exactly demand speed when I’m paying with tequila. I hope to make it!

Birddog > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 19:25

You came all the way out to LeClaire?! Dammit! I should have paid more attention.

I used to do a similar rally and would love to revive it. It was the Illinois Rt66 rally. St Louis to Chicago or Joliet to St Louis depending on the year. (It still exists. It’s not the same though.) Most people did it in cars that were restored or reliable. My buddy and I knew better. One year we did it in a beat to hell 67 Coupe DeVille that was painted flat black with white “flames”. I’ll have to beg for some pics.

Either way, I’m in for the 500 next year.

shop-teacher > Birddog
10/06/2017 at 21:34

Yep! The route ended up being more like 550 miles. We covered a LOT of Illinois, and a bit of Iowa.

Crusty will be a good Gambler!

Birddog > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 21:44

I could have nursed Crusty to LeClaire. That’s less than an hour south. How long were you in the Quad Cities? Was it an overnight?

Lloyd is too big and old to be cramped into Crusty for a rally. I need an SUV or mini van if I’m going to do something wonderfully stupid like this again.

shop-teacher > Birddog
10/06/2017 at 21:51

Most of the group camped at Cordova. I have sleep apnea, so I need power for my c-pap. It was cheaper to get a motel room than to rent a generator for two days. We stayed in Clinton.

Birddog > shop-teacher
10/06/2017 at 22:07

Clinton and Cordova are about an hour down the river. I have a lot of friends in the QCA. Camping could have been made comfortable and fun.

Next year!

shop-teacher > Birddog
10/06/2017 at 22:30

Good!

LiterallyStuckIn1987 > shop-teacher
10/08/2017 at 08:52

This is like Mad Max but broken.

shop-teacher > LiterallyStuckIn1987
10/08/2017 at 11:23

Pretty much, yeah.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/09/2017 at 09:51

Nope, none :(

Still having major electrical issues. I think the starter that’s in it is not working right or isn’t wired right, which then fried the starter solenoid.

I’m tempted to rip every wire out of the thing and start from scratch.

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/09/2017 at 09:53

That sucks!

Might not be a bad idea to start over. Just wire up a simple panel, like a race car.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/09/2017 at 11:11

This might be the plan. I honestly only care about race required functions anyhow. The radio can go in the trash I just want the car to run!

There’s one guy at Metro Detroit RallyX that was running a small battery powered bluetooth speaker in his car to listen to his phone music on the way to events then he left it with his toolbox to save even THAT weight lol. Clever and easy removable sound system if you ask me!

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/09/2017 at 12:18

Nice! I flat tow the RallyMetro, so I’ve got tunes in the truck.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/09/2017 at 12:42

My plan is to drive to and from events.

Thankfully I have the highest level of “come save my ass please” towing from my insurance company haha

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/09/2017 at 13:30

I approve of this message!

I registered and insured the Metro for the Gambler 500 last weekend, so I could drive it to events now ... but I don’t really want to.

Jobjoris > shop-teacher
10/10/2017 at 03:32

Hahaha, that guy doesn’t juts look huge next to the mighty Metro! And the winner here is that furrunner!

shop-teacher > Jobjoris
10/10/2017 at 07:04

Yeah, the Furruner is pretty fantastic. I liked the Land Grover even better, because they had a light bar made of temporary clamp light fixtures with regular incondesant light bulbs in them.

Jobjoris > shop-teacher
10/10/2017 at 07:12

Hahaha, the world needs more furry vehicles!

shop-teacher > Jobjoris
10/10/2017 at 09:28

Indeed! The Land Grover was very soothing to pet :)

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/10/2017 at 10:14

much safer lol

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/10/2017 at 11:40

Without a doubt! That thing has the approximate structural integrity of a dented beer can.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/10/2017 at 13:37

Well that’s....horrifying lol.

Capri is beefed up on structure. Sub frame rails and strut tower/firewall brace. May even add in a rear tower brace.

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/10/2017 at 15:10

Yeah, I had to keep that very much in mind when I was running the Gambler.

I know you’re having a lot of problems with it, but that Capri is going to be totally BA once you get it working.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > shop-teacher
10/10/2017 at 17:01

I would highly recommend trying to stiffen up the Metro, it’ll help a TON.

Yeah I’m thinking if I’m going to just tear apart the electronics I may as well start work on the rear end swap that’s planned. There’s an 8.8 inch rear (brake to brake assembly) in my garage that was just waiting for the 7.5" to blow up.

I’m sure it is and it’s an amazingly fun car to drive even just on the road, so it’ll get there eventually (hopefully).

shop-teacher > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/10/2017 at 17:33

This car has SO many other problems, that I’m not going to bother with mods. Eventually the right front lower control arm is just going to break off, because the mounting point is so rusty, so then I’ll just junk it and get something else.

You’ll get it there!