Soft Close Hoods Are the Smartest Feature Introduced This Decade

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind) 01/16/2017 at 09:23 • Filed to: Features

4

12

I need to take a moment to say that the Aston Martin DB11 has the ONLY application of soft close tech I can see permeating throughout all autodom.

Most fancy pants doors are heavy, well insulated, and are engineered to sound like a bank vault being shut during the opening sequence of a heist movie. That’s a $10,000 thud-per-door feature you’re throwing away! You’re going from bank vault to disk drive!!

Cheaper cars, where the door closing seems to sounds as hollow and empty as most of our homes, would feel a bit stupid with the feature (and I guarantee most Korean cars will have the feature in the next 3 years). Butt lettuce face it, soft close doors covering up the deafening echo that comes from a lack of sound deadening just aren’t essential!

But now that hoods are one of the largest single body structures on cars and made of the most expensive materials available while being machined to be within a millimeter of usuablity — in the name of weight savings, amen — a soft close function is absolutely IDEAL for these hoods!

All of you know that pre-2010 hood drop just doesn’t happen anymore, even in the movies. Why come? ‘Cause them hoods are like yellow cake, don’t drop that shit!

So thank you Aston Martin for realizing that these need to be a standard feature. Only the British truly understand that we need better tech on the parts of the car we will use the most...though, I’m still questioning how much more knurling the market can take...* cough * Land Rover Range Rover SV Autobiography pedals * achem! * Damn these automotive allergens!!

*hurls knurls resplendidly*

DrScientist > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 09:30

2

butt lettuce.

ha.

really though, this option should be reverse engineered for every jaguar, alpha, mg, fiat.... i guess every pre-2000 italian or british made car. the hood on my poor jaguar ended up with a slight warp from lifting the hood up so frequently. :(

LOREM IPSUM > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 09:31

0

Unrelated, but I recently bought a soft closing toilet seat. It’s pretty awesome, as never again will I be startled by the seat suddenly slamming down on me. It just slooowly lowers.

The only downside is that now whenever I use someone elses washroom I drop their seat from maximum height, completely forgetting that not everyone possess such technology, thus producing a loud bang which makes me feel like an asshole.

DipodomysDeserti > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 09:35

5

‘Cause them hoods are like white cake, don’t drop that shit!

It’s yellow cake. From Africa. The cradle of fucking civilization. Pray to god you don’t drop that shit.

Wobbles the Mind > LOREM IPSUM 01/16/2017 at 09:36

0

Life is hard out on these porcelain seats, I hear ya! I go to places where the seats aren’t even heated and have to hover like a stinkin’ UFO.

Wobbles the Mind > DipodomysDeserti 01/16/2017 at 09:39

1

Ha, thank you for catching that!

'Wägen, EPA LOL > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 09:49

0

Heh. Butt lettuce.

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 09:50

0

I miss the days like my Corvair where you can sit on the hood and literally NOTHING HAPPENS! My Ram? I’d have a dent as deep as the intake manifold.

Justin Hughes > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 10:35

1

This decade?

My 1983 BMW 320i had a soft close hood, as did the E30. It wasn’t automatic, but it required very little manual effort to operate.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 10:36

0

I don’t know what hoods you play with but I drop hoods all the time, they’re fine

Flyboy is FAA certified insane > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 10:53

1

My 83' 7-series had a “soft close hood” before it was cool. Once the forward opening hood is all the way down, push the lever forward and the latch will pull it completely closed.

Nauraushaun > Wobbles the Mind 01/16/2017 at 15:28

0

Soft close hoods are right up there with motorised speakers and centre console cover, also on the DB11.

Maybe their time would have been better spent making the interior feel less cheap. Since it certainly isn’t cheap.

bob and john > Wobbles the Mind 04/01/2017 at 09:14

0

why am i laughing so hard