Good Neighbors?

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 09/12/2016 at 14:43 • Filed to: neighbors

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Some would consider a neighbor with multiple derelict vehicles in his yard a nuisance, eyesore, hazard, or perhaps even an environmental threat. Nah, this is New Hampshire, Live Free Or Die, right? I’m just entertained. I say neighbor, but really this guy is 3/4 of a mile down the road from me; however, I have to pass his place to get anywhere so I might as well be entertained.

We moved in to our house circa 2008. Immediately we noticed this place that looks OK but maybe like they never throw out anything bigger than what fits in a standard trash can. Building supplies, bicycles, incomplete fences for nonexistent animals, parts of gas grills, and never-used pop-up campers round out the inventory of the yard. That brings me to the vehicles.

Apologies for the crappy drive-by-quality pic. I don’t want to stop and take pictures.

He’s got three roughly-similar 70's era “muscle cars” (?) that, so far as I can tell, have never been touched in the time I’ve lived nearby. They did get moved to the back yard one time, around 2009 I think. He has no garage. He doesn’t appear to do any work on his own vehicles because he has a 90's chevy plow truck that inexplicably runs but he doesn’t use it to plow, despite having three (yes, three!) extra plow blades strewn about the yard.

Further perplexing are the vehicles I see as his daily drivers (please note, he does have 2 kids and probably a wife):

1. Toyota minivan (gone as of ~2012?)

2. Toyota Camry (01-06), beige because of course

3. Toyota Corolla (00 - 06), red (!) currently for sale in yard, has been for several weeks.

4. Toyota Camry (01-06), a different shade of beige I kid you not

And last but most certainly NOT least, he has a driver-quality probably early 70's red Mustang. I saw it for sale a few years back in another town. Then it appeared in his driveway, but no plates. It sat unused and unmoved for probably 2 more years, then finally this year he moved it and put current plates on it. But it hasn’t moved since, I swear. Not an inch.

image credit: google (duh)

If nothing else, he provides me and some friends with endless entertainment. Every year or two he moves the Chevy truck for some reason. But he has yet to plow with it. Why does he even have a plow truck? His driveway is literally 20' x 40' and flat. Why and/or how did he buy a Mustang that he never drives but has no indoor storage for? What is the plan, exactly, with the 3 rotting carcasses in the back yard?

I’ll leave you with one other great day in the history of this house. One day he rented or borrowed a small excavator. He went on a total rampage around the edges of his yard, digging things up and knocking over any tree smaller than 4" in diameter. He made an absolute disaster of a mess around the perimeter of his yard. Then the returned the excavator and never did a single other thing with the affected area. Amazing.

I genuinely bet he’s a nice guy, I should just talk to him. But we’re all busy, you know? Speculation is more fun sometimes than the sad truth.