Is your car luxurious?

"Land_Yacht_225" (nadenator)
05/06/2016 at 17:56 • Filed to: None

You’re gonna play, play to fucking win.

Does you car have nappa leather? Heat and ventilation on the front seats? Three person memory on all four seats? Power reclining rear seats? Four zone climate control, burl walnut root trim, automatic exterior and interior lights, rain sensing wipers, radar guided cruise control, 12 speaker Bose audio? Does your car forgo normal wiring in favor of using complicated fiber optics for it’s CAN-bus?

Does it power back the driver’s seat and raise the steering wheel out of your lap so your ingress and egress is easier? Do your headrests automatically extend or retract based upon the car’s assumption of your height, made from how far you have the seat moved back from the dashboard? Do your rear head rests power up upon buckling a rear seat belt? And where is your push button start? On the dashboard, like a plebian? Or is it a chrome top to your wood wrapped gear knob, like mine?

Is your suspension fully hydraulic, like a goddamn Citroen? Are your door locks actuated pneumatically? And are they run off the same air pump that runs your soft close doors? DO YOU HAVE REAR VANITY MIRRORS!?!?!? TWIN-TURBOCHARGED 5.5 LITER V-12 ENGINE!?!?!?!?!?!?!

The answer is, probably not!

Sorry, this is like, one of the only fights my car can throw it’s weight around in...

DISCUSSION (19)

Matt Nichelson > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 17:59

Game. Set. Match. You win today.

Bytemite > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:02

Pshh...no massage seats? The Equus gets that.

Land_Yacht_225 > Bytemite
05/06/2016 at 18:05

HA! IT DOES! ON ALL FOUR SEATS!

I just didn’t mention it because....ah....well...you see...the air pump that runs them isn’t...working...at this time. There are two air pumps; seat bolsters/massage and the locks/soft-close doors.

Bytemite > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:07

Well ain’t that very Mercedes of you...I’ll rephrase, the Equus has working massage seats.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:08

Nope. Have none of those. But mine actually runs so........

Land_Yacht_225 > Bytemite
05/06/2016 at 18:10

Incorrect, it is the very definition of Daimler-Chrysler era Mercedes.

You can feel free to laugh at that. I can’t because I have to live with it. But I cannot disagree that the Equus is the best car for sale today.

Bytemite > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:11

I feel like that partnership did little to benefit either of those companies...Chrysler got some Mercedes styling, which was never even attractive to begin with, and Mercedes got...what did they get again?

Honeybunchesofgoats > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:22

“Does it power back the driver’s seat and raise the steering wheel out of your lap so your ingress and egress is easier? “

My Jag did that, but then, shockingly, it broke.

It doesn’t do all of those things for passengers, but passenger amenities are for the car that one’s driver drives.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:31

That's all well and dandy, but you don't have brown leather. White leathers is for plebs, so I'm gonna have to hand this win to Jagvar.

Land_Yacht_225 > Van Man, rocks the Man Van
05/06/2016 at 18:36

1. It’s grey, not white.

2. Jagvar’s Phaeton has tan leather not brown.

3. I say the win is handed to the S600, split between the two owners, one of whom, Jake, has a REAL brown leather interior. One that can only be optioned into the car with a $10,000 designo design package.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Land_Yacht_225
05/06/2016 at 18:40

I’m just gonna say that you forgot mention the most luxurious feature, the V12. Real bourgeoise would never forget to mention that fact to nearby plebians.

Land_Yacht_225 > Van Man, rocks the Man Van
05/06/2016 at 18:43

I suggest you read it again. Somewhere just after the thing about rear vanity mirrors in full caps. You can’t miss it.