"uofime-2" (uofime-2)
02/04/2016 at 15:42 • Filed to: None
1
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"uofime-2" (uofime-2)
02/04/2016 at 15:42 • Filed to: None | 1
| 26 |
I didn’t even realize that they had begun delivering these cars, but apparently they have and s !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! :
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Edit: apparently the post was taken down, but here’s the quoted text:
“
I am writing this message to anyone that might have been in Lakeview Thursday night around 9pm.
Specifically I am looking for anyone who was by Stratford and Broadway, which was where my car was parked.
Obviously I have a large degree of humility when writing this because I am seeking people out here to see if anyone has any information about who may have taken a gigantic shit on the windshield of my brand new Tesla Model X.
This is not a joke.
I was on a date with a girl, one who was very conservative. It was our third date and when we walked out, sure enough we saw that someone had taken a very large shit on my windshield comprised of two sizable logs and smaller ball which rolled down to my wipers. Pee was not visible leading me to believe that *perhaps* someone had shit in a container at home and then threw it on my car later.
Now I know a lot of people might find this funny but my date was really traumatized by the whole thing and I have zero leads. What’s more, the CPD “absolutely refused” to help me, a tax paying citizen, clean the shit off of my car. But they obviously didn’t hesitate to tell me I could not drive with the poop on my windshield because it would obstruct my visibility. I had to use a redeye magazine and a bottle of water to clean it off and that sucked.
I am looking for solid intelligence in regards to anyone who might have seen anything. Do not reply with a car type you think you saw or a suggestion. I am writing this to someone who saw something in particular or perhaps, someone who indeed knows the person who pulled this stupid joke on me. As for the latter, if you were willing to leak the name of the person who did this, I promise you that I would spare you of all legal charges and physical retaliation. However I will plan on ruling out you with DNA for I have kept a sample of the shit for I can see someone trying to pull another fast one on me. And trust me, that is not going to happen.
Taking dumps on a person’s car is something children do, not adults. And although from time to time, I could see why someone deserves it, this was absolutely uncalled for. And I think it says a lot about the people of Lakeview and those that work at The Rocks (the staff there laughed at me when I told them what happened). You are all pieces of shit for watching this happen and doing nothing, probably watching there as some jerk tossed a giant shit on my windshield or perhaps you even saw it drop from his or her butthole as the pee was collected separately, which still makes sense so they wouldn’t slip on the pee after it was all said and done.
Listen closely. I am offering a significant compensation to anyone who has good solid intelligence that I will handle in my own way. I am not going to mention dollar amounts here but I work in the medical community and trust me when I say I think the amount I have in mind will not disappoint. After all, I do own a Tesla.
Lastly, a message to the person who did this: I will find you. Do you understand me? I have already had my lawyer draft up subpoenas to acquire footage from nearby security cameras amongst other things. Personally, I think you need medical attention to do what you have done. I am so greatly saddened this city has been over run by thugs and poor people who are having too many children. I cannot be surprised that Donald Trump is doing so well when I see my car had someone shit or toss shit on it in clear view of the public. And maybe he should be doing well if he is better suited at taking on the maniacs who have been overrunning this once great city.
Good Intel on who did this = Good money
I’ll end on that.
Michael
“
OPPOsaurus WRX
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:49 |
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BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest.
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:49 |
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TheOnelectronic
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:51 |
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My bullshit sense is tingling, no pun intended.
gmctavish needs more space
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:51 |
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Wow....I really hope he finds out who did it, and publicly humiliates them in some way
DrJohannVegas
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:53 |
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It’s a shitty situation, to be sure, but the poster of the ad sounds like a real butthole, to be honest.
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uofime-2
> TheOnelectronic
02/04/2016 at 15:53 |
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Yea, mine too. I had to check if they were even delivering them and it looks like they have. Still the story is fishy, but hilarious. So here it is for oppo’s entertainment.
I really hope its fake too, because I park near there many weekends and I don’t want to deal with that shit, literally!
DoYouEvenShift
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:55 |
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Maybe its that weird dude that had his order cancelled. Now hes on a shitting spree.
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uofime-2
> DrJohannVegas
02/04/2016 at 15:55 |
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Not to profile, but I suspect many of the folks who are lining up to buy these are most likely not my sort of people.
Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:58 |
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Got this vibe off the post:
garagemonkee
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 15:59 |
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I’ll do it again if I get the chance.
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uofime-2
> DoYouEvenShift
02/04/2016 at 16:00 |
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I’ve heard of being pissed off, but this is just shitty!
cazzyodo
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:02 |
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Damn, post down. Any screenshot?
Alfalfa
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:03 |
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It’s been removed. I need details!
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uofime-2
> Alfalfa
02/04/2016 at 16:08 |
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I just updated the post with the original text
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uofime-2
> cazzyodo
02/04/2016 at 16:08 |
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I just updated the post with the original text
boredalways
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:13 |
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And now that read it, I have no fucks to give
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cazzyodo
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:34 |
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Thanks.
That story is, dare I say, a load of shit. Just attention seeking...I mean, really?
After all, I do own a Tesla.
The effort it took to write that up wasn’t worth it, Anonymous CL Phantom Pooper Investigator.
Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:35 |
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About a month ago, I was getting fuel behind a car hauler with a few Model Xs on board. On Tuesday night, the Tesla dealer here in Sunnyvale, CA had a Model X showing from what I could tell. Yesterday, I was out at Redondo Beach in Half Moon Bay, CA and the house next to the parking area for the beach had a Model X in the driveway (that left the house shortly before I left the beach).
The rear Falcon Doors looked pretty cool from the street during the dealer thing (I didn’t stop, probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the F-350 Powerstroke work truck burbling into the driveway).
Nauraushaun
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:42 |
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I will find you
Pfft. This isn’t a movie. You sound like an idiot. Get over yourself.
Having said that, if this happened to me I’d be inconsoleable.
Jayhawk Jake
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 16:42 |
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“Taking dumps on a person’s car is something children do, not adults”
Children don’t do it either...
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uofime-2
> Jayhawk Jake
02/04/2016 at 17:03 |
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Childish adults on the other hand find it hilarious.
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uofime-2
> Nauraushaun
02/04/2016 at 17:05 |
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Birds shit on my car all the time, while this is a bit larger, its nothing a car wash won’t fix.
Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
> uofime-2
02/04/2016 at 17:06 |
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Better to be pissed off than to be pissed on, I suppose.
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uofime-2
> Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole
02/04/2016 at 17:08 |
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That part of the story is at least confirmed, they clearly are delivering them.
There’s heaps of model S’s around chicago, an X I have yet to see. I am going to drive by a dealer here in about 30 minutes, so maybe I’ll look and see if they’ve got any out front.
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uofime-2
> cazzyodo
02/04/2016 at 17:09 |
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Put that in your email signature!
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cazzyodo
> uofime-2
02/05/2016 at 08:50 |
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It’s at the top of my resume, actually.