2017 Land Cruiser Seat of the Pants Review

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 12/29/2016 at 12:50 • Filed to: Land Cruiser, Toyota, Review, Cruisin

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So I recently got a letter from my local Toyota dealership telling me that they are in desperate need of my !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! so much so that they were willing to give me 2 movie tickets just to come in and test drive something. Yesterday was slow at work and I was going to a movie later in the evening so I thought...why not?

Like this but silver

My plan was to see if they would let me drive the most expensive thing Toyota makes - the 200 series Land Cruiser. My excuse was flimsy but at least partially valid; My father in law fell in love with touring on the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and has since been looking for a 200 series land cruiser to replace his sturdy work/travel van. Will he ever bite? I doubt it, his wife is staunchly opposed but he keeps floating the idea.

I found that it was surprisingly easy for me to get the keys to a 2017 Cruiser because, according to my new sales friend, they sell so few of these a year (he says about 5) that no one ever comes in to drive them and so salesman jump at the chance to go for a ride along.

So here we are brushing the recent storm’s remainders off an 85 grand Toyota. Now Im not going to mince words and try to convince you that $85,000 isn’t a lot for any car, let alone a Toyota, however, I think its !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! [you know I had to get it in there somewhere]. Still, I was keenly aware of the amount of money I was piloting around.

OUTSIDE BITS

My test drive was brief and the car was covered with snow so great pictures I did NOT get, but I can say that I LOVE the proportion of the facelift in person. I’m not a huge fan of the sock in the crotch hood bulges that do nothing other than obstruct vision, but aside from that I think it looks really great up close; well proportioned, and unapologetic.

One thing I don’t like that seems to be endemic to Land Cruiser wagons is relatively low door sills and a huge butt. I like that the wheelbase is moderately contained and it means steering it around isn’t a big deal, but that huge butt is 90% of what I hit off road, and those door stills are way WAY lower that they are on the focused 4runner and Tacoma trucks. Those trucks, however, pay an interior penalty for that raised sill height and the land cruiser does not. I have a general visual rule for SUV off road worthiness potential: if you draw a line from wheel center to wheel center, all the body should be above that line to be off road worth, with the running boards in place...its not. I generally don’t count running boards so it gets a pass, but only just. A 2 inch lift and larger tires would bring it up, but only to the point where the 4runner is now. This is my #1 complaint with the 200 - Its too low.

INSIDE BITS

Inside its obvious that the panorama vision of the 90's cruiser is somewhat damped by “modern” styling cues and safety requirements but the sightlines are still really great and there is a lot of adjustability in the seat and tilt/telescope wheel to get real comfy. Speaking of comfy, holy hell is that leather nice; I’ve planted my butt in a lot of former cow and I can tell you that this is the nice stuff.

I really like the way Japanese cars fit my frame and the cruiser was very much to my liking, I felt an immediate rapport with the controls and seating position and after test driving a new Tacoma and 4runner this is by far my preference of the 3, not only for its quality but they way it fits me. I liked the layout of the controls, and i LOVE that they still have a handbrake. Bless you Toyota. I didn’t get a change to check out the back seats this time around but I have before and they are nice and roomy. The interior refresh suites the vehicle nicely and the fit and finish is second to none. Sure there is a lot of plastic in the IP and center console...big deal, plastics last, don’t need maintenance, and look fine here. Some people say they hate the “wood” trim on the wheel...I can see that...it didn’t bother me at all mostly because I didn’t bother touching it for more than a second or two.

DRIVING BITS

Pressing start wakes it up in a surprisingly angry way, it actually gave me a little start. It was like the engine was wound up and pushing the start button just released a catch holding back the fuel. The engine note is nice, but a bit player in the overall experience. That engine, the 5.7 liter 3UR-FE, is the main reason my father in law is looking at 200 series and with 381 hp and 401 lbs-ft its a compelling reason but, it wasn’t all that amazing. I guess 5800 lbs of truck will sap the fun out of nearly any engine. Acceleration was...whats the word...seamless. It never felt quick but I was always driving faster than I thought and getting to 80 on the freeway required much less room and time than the senses predicted. Its as James may and Rolls Royce might describe as “adequate”.

The new 8 speed didn’t feel like it had 8 speeds, but the shifts were smooth and more or less out of mind. It did do some weird stuff once or twice but the mass of the vehicle effectively dampens any small tremors in the force.

The mass, oh the mass. Here’s the thing; its a lard-ass but it feels SO great to pilot. It feels good-heavy, and thats a strange thing to try and describe. The steering is light but there is some feel, the brakes are crazy strong on initial bite and the body motions are well controlled but you get a sense of being a part of something solid. Its not at all ponderous, it just feels meaty. I like that a lot in a truck. Some cars feel fragile or “tinny” this is the opposite of that feeling and yet it doesn’t make the car a handful in the least to drive.

FINAL IMPRESSIONS

I don’t know what I was expecting though I know what you are expecting from this review and you’re going to get it: I like Land Cruisers.

I like they way they feel special, like when you finally buy your first nice pair of dress shoes or quality watch - there is a restoration of faith that in the age of planned obsolescence that there are still products that are designed and built with an eye to timelessness. No, its not perfect;

Its too low

It drinks like an 80's cop drama protagonist

Its not the touring wagon it used to be, or could be

Its awfully expensive

But I love its stubbornness to exist in this world all the same.

All images from Toyota newsroom for editorial use

EL_ULY > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 12:57

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I was pretty much expecting all those things. Still number one on my WANT list

HammerheadFistpunch > EL_ULY 12/29/2016 at 13:00

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Don’t test drive one; there is an intangible quality to it that makes you question things about your financial decisions.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:01

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I’ve always felt like a huge butt is kinda what makes a Cruiser look like a Cruiser, at least as far as the wagons go. The 200 is a really handsome truck, but more importantly, it looks like a Cruiser to me.

Glad to hear they still get shitty gas mileage too. Poor gas mileage and huge butts, that’s what Land Cruisers do.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:01

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I feel it drives anything like my Dads Tundra and a newer Lexus combined then I’m sold.

HammerheadFistpunch > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 12/29/2016 at 13:03

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Yeah, I still wish they would move the rear axle back a few inches, its 4 inches shorter than a 4 door wrangler for comparison.

HammerheadFistpunch > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 12/29/2016 at 13:05

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It drives better than a tundra I can tell you that.

LongbowMkII > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:10

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to craigslist...

mjswee > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:13

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I’m considering replacing my BMW 335d with a used 200 soon. My winter ride FZJ80 is getting a little long in the tooth and I’d like to consolidate two of my vehicles into one. I like the facelift, but its too much coin for me so I’m probably going to settle on an ‘11, ‘12, or ‘13.

HammerheadFistpunch > mjswee 12/29/2016 at 13:15

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My father in law is looking at an 08/09 but you can’t go wrong, its not like the 8 speed nets any real world benefit anyway. Im seriously considering selling my FZJ80 for a UZJ100 with fewer miles. I see the list of things that need to be done and it makes me sad. Just age, brittle plastics and connectors, items in need of rebuild like the steering gear, worn out seats, etc.

EL_ULY > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:16

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being pissed that 2 Jack in the Box tacos went from $0.99 to $1.19 make me question my financial decisions lol :]

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:41

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I should hope so. The current gen Tundra rides like a root canal without novacane.

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/29/2016 at 13:44

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I think they are okay, but the tacoma is a better ride...and that says something.

BJ > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:45

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If your local dealer only sells 5 per year, then there’s no hope at all we’ll ever get them here in Canada. Yes, I know, there’s a Lexus-y version, but it’s not the same thing.

HammerheadFistpunch > BJ 12/29/2016 at 13:46

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yeah, they sell like 2500 a year in the US...something like 250 a year in canada before they went away. You could buy here and drive there though, right?

BJ > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 13:52

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I’m not sure - it might be necessary to wait the 15 years because technically the vehicle is not for sale here.

Rufant > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 21:05

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Nice work. I’m definitely not driving one now. Too easy to get carried away and have some big finance payments before too long :)

Everytime I look back at the article you skillfully slipped in there, it makes me realise that Jalopnik are really missing a trick without things like that on the front page. It was definitely part of the character that made it so appealing.

Anyway, it is what it is, just a shame.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/why-the-toyota-land-cruiser-is-so-expensive-1715003811

HammerheadFistpunch > Rufant 12/29/2016 at 21:30

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Thatnks, yeah i can only imagine what your diesel versions wo0uld do to my wallet.

As for articles, if noticed since the kiabosh there has been a lot less energy around oppo and jalopnik...there are other metrics besides page views that matter for the long term health of a website and its easy to forget that

Rufant > HammerheadFistpunch 12/29/2016 at 21:43

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I’ve been checking in one Tim’s DriveTribe page a bit. Just trying to get a feel for what that is all about (still haven’t got it...), but they have obviously set that up platform to tap into that whole part professional/part amateur appeal. It not only helps people feel part of something, but it also offers genuine variety in content, there is only so much really good original stuff 10 or so professional writers can produce.

DipodomysDeserti > HammerheadFistpunch 12/30/2016 at 10:02

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Is the transmission a Toyota unit, or is it the ZF made eight speed that every other manufacturer is putting in their vehicles?

I like your watch analogy. The Land Cruiser reminds me of the Grand Seiko dive watch. A very well-built, reliable, high end machine with a timeless, consistent design. It’s not the fanciest, most expensive, or most recognizable watch, but it keeps better time and is much more durable.

HammerheadFistpunch > DipodomysDeserti 12/30/2016 at 10:40

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If my research is right it’s the AB80F

Meaning aisin-warner, second generation, 8 speed, 4 wheel drive

The one in mine is A343F so same make. Mine still shifts reliably and smooth

(AISIN-WARNER, 3rd generation, 4 speed, 4 wheel drive)

DipodomysDeserti > HammerheadFistpunch 12/30/2016 at 12:19

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Aisin makes good transmissions. They made the five speed for the Wrangler for a while.

boostme > HammerheadFistpunch 12/31/2016 at 16:14

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the 200 series are nice, maybe someday I can upgrade from the fjz80. nice write up

boostme > HammerheadFistpunch 12/31/2016 at 16:23

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would love to get a used 200 but I think they still cost too much. you can get a brand new 4runner/tacoma for the money.

backroadnomad > HammerheadFistpunch 01/05/2017 at 12:36

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Solid huh? So after hitting a pothole on the street, it doesn’t vibrate eternally, similar to a bowl of jello like my Xterra?

This may or may not be 50% of the reason I want an LR3.