Someone give me half a million dollars so I can buy this kitchen, please

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 11/30/2016 at 14:21 • Filed to: None

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I not-so-seriously peek at real estate listings from time to time. Every once in a while you see a house with a lead image of its fancy kitchen. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! is one of those houses.

Over Thanksgiving, I visited my parents, and a few years ago they redid their kitchen to be big and fancy and they have granite or some kind of stone counter tops, with tile floors. I’ve spent time in the kitchen before but this time I spent a bunch of time cooking in it. Goddamn it is so loud! Everything echos like crazy and every time you put something down on the stone counter top it’s like CLAAAANNNNNGGGGG and rattles through your skull.

So when I saw this one, with its wood floors and counter tops, plus this floating wood bar counter above a stainless prep counter, mixed with a little bit of tile, I thought “hey that looks super badass, and also maybe not quite so damn loud.”

I’m not sure how I feel about those little multicolored tiles mixed in but otherwise damn I love this kitchen.

Stone counter tops are officially played out y’all.

TheHondaBro > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 14:26

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Oppo group buy?

Nibbles > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 14:30

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It’s gorgeous. I’d be happy if I had a kitchen with drawers to start. My kitchen has no drawers. Who the fuck builds a kitchen without drawers? And who the hell buys house with said kitchen?

Every time I think of it I get so angry that I just want to go out to my garage and wrench some except I don’t have a gat dag garage either who the fuck agreed to buy this place?!

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 14:35

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Fuck that noise. It would be easier to clean and maintain carpet counter tops.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Nibbles 11/30/2016 at 14:36

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I had a kitchen in an apartment that had a total of 3 drawers, but they were maybe 6" wide and not even enough to hold silverware. Seriously awful. I was too blinded by the stainless steel appliances and granite countertops to notice when I viewed it.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 14:44

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I tell everyone. If I ever run into a huge chunk of money that is solely for remodeling a house, all of it would go to the bathroom and kitchen even if it should go to a fancy garage cause this is Oppo.

Nice bathrooms and kitchens are just so nice.

BorkBorkBjork > TheHondaBro 11/30/2016 at 14:45

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I can see it now:

“Who put 90 weight gear oil in the Sous Vide?”

TheHondaBro > BorkBorkBjork 11/30/2016 at 14:48

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“I did. Whoops!!”

*Everyone laughs and has a jolly good time*

Textured Soy Protein > Party-vi 11/30/2016 at 14:51

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Properly stained hardwood can be a pretty low maintenance material. Maybe? I know nothing about these things. It looks cool though and there’s much less clanging than stone.

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 14:52

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Wood holds and grows bacteria, and you have to reseal it yearly, and it’ll stain, and you can burn/discolor it using hot items. Granite or quartz are my top two.

Textured Soy Protein > Party-vi 11/30/2016 at 15:00

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But but but, so loud. I have really sensitive hearing.

My wife got these cheap decorative clocks that tick loudly and I had to make her take it out of the bedroom because I was so sick of wearing ear plugs to block out the ticking just because she liked this stupid “distressed vintage” looking clock with two little birds on it.

My parents have those ultrasonic pest repeller things stashed around their house, a couple of which are in the living room, and when we were going to sit down and watch a movie, I said I didn’t want to sit in the recliner by the pest repeller because I can hear it clicking. I took the seat but unplugged the repeller. Their hearing is going (my mom wears hearing aids) and they constantly talk too loud and listen to the TV too loud and spending 3 days in their house over Thanksgiving was skull-rattling.

I would probably have even better hearing but I DD’d a Miata for 4 years so probably killed a little of my hearing with that.

I could go on.

With all the cooking I do, I really want a kitchen that doesn’t amplify the clanging, or I’ll go nuts.

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 15:04

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You should Line-X your counters. Super grippy and very quiet.

Saracen > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 11/30/2016 at 15:20

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Agreed, I love my house. I have an amazing kitchen (nicer than the one above) and bathrooms. Makes me happy.

Nibbles > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver 11/30/2016 at 15:21

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That’s still 3 drawers more than we have :\

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 15:24

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I don’t like narrow and long kitchens. Also not a fan of wood for countertops because it absorbs stains and odors, it’s soft and easily damaged by heat, sharp objects, etc.

I also like having a prep sink. I like to keep food handling separate from where the dishes are washed.

I love my kitchen. Perfectly laid out, I have a separate prep sink, and acres of beautiful wood cabinets and granite. (My house was quite a bit more than the one you listed, but only 1800 sqft. Ah, SoCal)

That kitchen does have a really nice modern aesthetic though. I love the backsplash, the cabinets, drawers, and how their colors are nicely contrasted. Very nice range too.

d15b > Party-vi 11/30/2016 at 15:38

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It will start to stink if you don’t use lemon juice to kill the bacteria.

Textured Soy Protein > Saracen 11/30/2016 at 16:01

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I guess I’m more a fan of the overall vibe and materials than the long layout. I agree, I’d rather have some kind of island and an L-shaped counter. Prep sink is a good idea.

Generally I’m not a huge fan of the the typical “this is a fancy kitchen” wood & stone look.

I like kind of a modern, vaguely commercial look that still has some warm & inviting details, so that’s why this appeals to me. The navy, white, medium/dary wood & steel combo works really well. I could recombine that into some other combination without wood counters, I suppose.

Granite is just so damn loud every time you put something down on it, my super-hearing can’t stand it.

Thanks to the wonders of Pinterest, here is my vibe, that is also other people’s vibe, but it’s my vibe too.

I should have pinned those instead of just pasting the URLs into this post. I guess I’m bad at Pinterest.

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 16:49

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Look at concrete. Very modern, very durable, and should not amplify sound like granite or other natural stone.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein 12/05/2016 at 15:14

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Can’t help you there, but please let me know when dinner is ready.