What is the silliest auto journalist trope? 

"Noah - Now with more boost." (antriebverliebt) 11/15/2016 at 16:28 • Filed to: None

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We all know about Doug’s world famous bumper-to-bumper warranty. It’s taken over the internet. But it’s still known as his thing so it hasn’t become a trope just yet. That said, there are SO MANY words and phrases that have lost all meaning because journalists overused them. The essential question is: which tropes are the most ridiculous? I’d like to nominate a couple and hopefully others will chime in:

- “The ( insert beautiful vintage car here ) was so good that it could be released again today!” Just no. Come on. This idea has gone way too far. First of all, it’s an inarticulate and overly simplistic way of saying that the car’s design was ahead of it’s time, so it has held up well. Also, 50% of the time, this comment is made about a car that is undeniably a “period piece” so to speak. Jay Leno is the worst offender. I love his channel but in his latest video he made this comment about the F40. Seriously Jay? That’s the quintessential late eighties/early nineties supercar with cocaine and strippers styling plus massive turbo lag.

- “This ( insert any non-German car here) is all about passion .” This drives me nuts too because it’s usually said to differentiate the “other” car in an XYZ vs. the German counterpart comparison test. As we all know, every country is capable of producing soulless appliances on wheels, and the Germans can do some nutty stuff. Remember all of those V10s they kept stuffing in sedans and SUVs a few years ago? That was awesome!

For Sweden > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:32

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That they are all insufferable hipsters.

Tropes are facts, right?

crowmolly > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:34

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The “why don’t we get” trope.

This car is great! Enough power, comfortable seats, handles perfect. Why can’t we get it here in the states?

Maybe because what enthusiasts like and what normies will buy can be divergent?

Kanaric > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:35

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People saying that Japanese cars and bikes have no soul. Like the GTR for example.

Ties in what that “passion” statement. 

TheHondaBro > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:35

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MIATA IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:35

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On the Smoking Tore I laughed pretty good at an Infiniti Coupe being called a “perfect mix of luxury and performance” by a writer they were calling out

Kanaric > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:39

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One funny thing is shitty Alfa Romeos from the FWD period all have soul and passion etc. All while in Europe the competition 90s you could buy a 200sx (Silvia) which very much is like a car from a period when Alfa had “soul”.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:45

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“Go-kart like handling”

STOP! STOP IT! CUT IT OUT! THE ONLY EXCEPTION IS THE ARIEL ATOM BECAUSE IT IS BASICALLY A TUBE FRAME WITH WHEELS PUSHED TO THE CORNERS LIKE OH, I DON’T KNOW.....A GO KART?

“Compared to cars of today, _(insert 15+ year old car here)_ is just so light and flickable. A true example of the virtues of wei-”

NOPE! NO MORE! You’re done after that point. Everything else is nostalgia about hwo great a car is in your mind but there’s a reason why cars gained weight and can run 5 rings around that old hunk of junk and let me remind you of the fact that when that car was new, y’all ripped it to shreds and said it was overweight and terrible.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 11/15/2016 at 16:48

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Damn kinja......addendum edit - the ariel atom is also the only go-kart because the engine is right behind you. Sorry, caterhams and exocet miatas. Still not go karts.

RallyWrench > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:50

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The constant whining about electric steering is getting old.

TheJWT > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 16:53

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-Also per Doug- “The BMW i8 proves hybrids can be just as much fun as gas powered cars”

I don’t disagree that hybrids can be just as good, if not better in some situations, but the i8 is not that car. It’s not that quick, it doesn’t drive that well, and it doesn’t feel that special.

The other ones are that Mclarens are too technical to be fun, and that aircooled Porsches are better than liquid cooled. Those are flat out wrong.

TheJWT > RallyWrench 11/15/2016 at 16:56

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Obviously tearing a bicep trying to park a 3 ton landyacht is superior

zachaput > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 11/15/2016 at 16:57

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Lotus Elise?

TheHondaBro > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 11/15/2016 at 16:57

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RallyWrench > TheJWT 11/15/2016 at 16:59

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Gotta be ripped to steer the ship, Brougham.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:04

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“the gear lever feels like a bolt action rifle”

FromCanadaWithLove > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:09

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“This new electric steering has no feel. There’s no connection to the road.”

Or really when they describe anything with “feel.” Stupid.

It’s a bullshit thing to say, because there’s still a literal metal connection to the wheels.

LongbowMkII > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:19

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“Tropes.”

LongbowMkII > TheJWT 11/15/2016 at 17:20

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3 ton land yachts demand hydraulic power steering. 1 ton sports cars demand no power steering.

Textured Soy Protein > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:27

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The totally-unnecessary overly poetic language for the sake of seeming fancy, or something. Basically every article written by Jack Baruth. For example, the opening paragraph of Road & Track’s 2017 Performance Car of the Year:

THE SUN HAS BECOME STACCATO, a stippled Dopplering twinkle through a fast-forward canopy of trees, accelerated from a single scene into a 24-frame-per-second motion picture by the Porsche 911 Turbo S and the politely muted howl of its 580-hp twin-turbo flat-six.

Man, fuck you.

Wobbles the Mind > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:28

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“Handles like it’s on rails!” - Aren’t the worse handling things on rails though?

“A nice *snick snick* to the gearbox.” - Unless we are talking about Saturday night Nickelodeon then I have no idea what you’re telling me.

“I see a lot of *insert other car maker* upfront and *insert automaker* in the rear* and *insert automaker* in the center console layout and *insert automaker* in the... Really wanted something more original.”- Well shit, maybe those are design trends then!!

Takuro Spirit > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:37

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If I see “screed” used on the FP ONE MORE TIME...

StingrayJake > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 17:40

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“Flappy paddles” references or just generally being negative about semi-automatic transmissions (that shift faster than you can think) are generally dated and used by auto journos and forums members to show how analog they are. Only real drivers drive real cars with real manual transmissions (apparently there’s only a handful of those drivers left since manuals literally don’t sell).

Noah - Now with more boost. > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 11/15/2016 at 17:57

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Lol!! I love the vitriol. 100% with you on this one

Noah - Now with more boost. > RallyWrench 11/15/2016 at 18:00

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Yeah it’s just the way things are now, we don’t need that drilled into our heads.

comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 18:09

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“bespoke”, inspired by the Sentra “Nismo” post:

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/sentra-nismo-1789012950

From the Autoblog link:

The interior gets a bespoke leather-wrapped steering wheel 

I’m sorry, no mass produced car, much less a flipping Nissan Sentra will ever have anything actually “bespoke”. And that word just pisses me off anyway, it smacks of hipster ‘handcrafted’ BS. A good parody of which....

IanZ - limited-slip indifferential > Textured Soy Protein 11/15/2016 at 18:11

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I couldn’t read the whole article because of how terribly written it was. I know you want to sound good, but say something while you’re doing it please.

Noah - Now with more boost. > For Sweden 11/15/2016 at 18:13

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Yep. Insufferable needs to be on your resume when you apply to Motor Trend.

Noah - Now with more boost. > Textured Soy Protein 11/15/2016 at 18:16

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This was so pretentious that I threw up halfway through and couldn’t finish reading.

Noah - Now with more boost. > Wobbles the Mind 11/15/2016 at 18:20

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Exactly! Things that are on rails don’t even steer! Also UGH when journalists do the thing you mentioned about associating different brands with design elements... doing that is fine but at least mention a specific model not just a make, and tell us exactly which curved line or proportion is reminding you of something! WRX fans videos are a whole lot of that interrupted by describing anything he likes in very specific terms - good, great, cool, neat...

Noah - Now with more boost. > Kanaric 11/15/2016 at 18:21

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Yeah this statement doesn’t make any sense. Japanese sports cars and luck barges have always seemed quirky to me?

EngineerWithTools > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 18:22

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“The ALL NEW.....”

First, I bet no car is truly “all new”, as building all new parts for everything is silly and stupid-risky. But ok, I’m being fussy.

Still, to call a car with a software update and new headlights ALL NEW is a waste of ink, or electrons.

TheJWT > Textured Soy Protein 11/15/2016 at 18:23

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I thought 2016 couldn’t get any worse before I read that.

FromCanadaWithLove > Textured Soy Protein 11/15/2016 at 18:25

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Holy shit, fuck that.

Noah - Now with more boost. > TheJWT 11/15/2016 at 18:26

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Yeah man I prefer the mclarens to the 458, they are a new and exciting brand. Ferraris are so cliche and all of the poseurs order them in red.

Noah - Now with more boost. > crowmolly 11/15/2016 at 18:28

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Soooo divergent lol. It’s like we’re a tiny portion of the market or something....

Noah - Now with more boost. > comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 11/15/2016 at 18:29

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Totally didn’t notice this one, you are so right haha. Bespoke is now ruined for me

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 18:30

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“Why drive a (insert econobox here), when you could be driving a (insert 15-20 year old depreciated Super/German car here)?”

Please make it stop. It isn’t really true, and the act of attempting it doesn’t apply to a huge number of folks. I do practice some version of this myself by daily driving a 23 year old corvette, but it only really works because I used to turn wrenches for a living and I have another vehicle.

Actually putting nearly 20k a year on a complex, aging, big boy sports car costs roughly 2-3k a year in parts and tires to keep it a nice and reliable aging sports car. It certainly consumes plenty of my free time. It wouldn’t work if you didn’t have another car to drive to work while waiting for some uncommon and expensive part to arrive in the mail, and it wouldn’t financially work to pay someone else labor to keeping it going. If you had a family, the time commitment to keeping it going yourself as a daily driver wouldn’t work either.

Noah - Now with more boost. > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 11/15/2016 at 18:30

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Also, VQ motors are gross!

Noah - Now with more boost. > FromCanadaWithLove 11/15/2016 at 18:33

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And then right after they dump on the feel, they tell us how amazingly responsive the systems are. Gee I wonder why the manufacturers made the switch....

Noah - Now with more boost. > StingrayJake 11/15/2016 at 18:34

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I’m with you there, commuting with a manual is a disaster and I’m glad I don’t do that anymore

Noah - Now with more boost. > Kanaric 11/15/2016 at 18:35

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Now that is an excellent point. In their defense though I have driven one of those alphas and it was a lot of fun. But only because the torque steer was so extreme that it was hilarious

TheJWT > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 18:36

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There are so many cliches when it comes to writing about supercars... Mclarens are computers, Lamborghinis are insane, Ferraris have an unmatchable soul and passion . (shoot me) I’ve driven an MP4 and 2 different 570s, and they’re absolutely fantastic. I’ve driven a Haracan, and it isn’t a nonstop cocaine orgy.

They’re all just very fast and hard to see out of, anything beyond that is purely subjective.

Noah - Now with more boost. > ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com 11/15/2016 at 18:37

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Rob Ferretti said something really intelligent about maintenance costs. I forget the exact equation but his point was that cars will always cost you 3 to 5% of the purchase price every year no matter how cheaply you bought it

Noah - Now with more boost. > Takuro Spirit 11/15/2016 at 18:39

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SCREED!!! Whatever that means. I don’t visit the FB so I don’t know actually lol

Frenchlicker > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 18:41

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“Sadly it can’t be had with a manual”

I understand everybody wants the feel of a manual in an enthusiast car. However they actually want that car to sale in real numbers and many newer auto or semi auto enthusiast focused cars can do a better job than a human.

Noah - Now with more boost. > TheJWT 11/15/2016 at 19:18

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That’s wild, sounds like you’ve found yourself behind the wheel of all kinds of crazy stuff. I’d crash all of those things, good visibility or not lol.

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 19:20

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And when you get into the world of big-boy sports cars or aging German cars, it will easily cost you 3-5% of the purchase price of a new car per year to keep it going, at least as a daily driver.

DynamicWeight > comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 11/15/2016 at 19:23

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Thank you, bespoke was terrible the first time I read it and has not gotten any better. It is a terrible word.

Noah - Now with more boost. > TheHondaBro 11/15/2016 at 19:26

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Boat is the answer!

DynamicWeight > crowmolly 11/15/2016 at 19:26

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Funny, I hate when people point out “because people won’t buy them”. That is obviously what the manufacturer thinks, but how is not voicing your desire for things going to help get those things made? I want things and I buy things. I will whine about things I want not being made dammit! It’s my right as an American !

Noah - Now with more boost. > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/15/2016 at 19:28

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and then the question is, how many of these journalism majors have actually fired a bolt action rifle??

Noah - Now with more boost. > LongbowMkII 11/15/2016 at 19:28

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Tripe?

Noah - Now with more boost. > EngineerWithTools 11/15/2016 at 19:30

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lol. All new is more like a marketing term that means “we’ve changed a few body panels”

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 19:34

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I have. And the analogy is apt, it’s just overused.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > zachaput 11/15/2016 at 19:35

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Too luxurious. Too much body panels. Not enough bees in the face.

TheJWT > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 19:54

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There could be worse internships for a 21 year old than one at CCC!

Noah - Now with more boost. > TheJWT 11/15/2016 at 20:23

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hahah wow your resume is all set!

Noah - Now with more boost. > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/15/2016 at 20:24

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oh for sure, I have too

StingrayJake > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/15/2016 at 20:28

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I enjoyed using the paddles on a Z06 at a driving experience I did earlier this year. Of course the coach was telling me exactly when to go up and down so that made it easy. I also did some laps in a 458 with a different coach who didn’t tell me when to shift (and the Ferrari’s high-reving engine make the shift points not quite so obvious) and it was a frustrating experience. We switched to auto partway through the second lap.

Of course I’ve driven auto my whole life so I’m sure everyone is going to be like “She doesn’t even go here.”

duurtlang > StingrayJake 11/15/2016 at 20:39

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So you’re saying you found it difficult to shift a semi automatic Ferrari on a track while you’re not used to shifting in the first place? That’s nothing but normal I’d say. That’s hard (which is a good thing) for experienced drivers. It does invalidate your opinion about manuals somewhat though, if you lack the experience it’s hard to criticize that experience convincingly.

duurtlang > Frenchlicker 11/15/2016 at 20:46

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Enthusiast cars tend to be more about the experience than about ‘better’ though. It’s about the smile on your face, not the digits on a stopwatch.

I do agree with the economic argument though. If a certain version doesn’t sell enough, manufacturers rightly discontinue said version.

Frenchlicker > duurtlang 11/15/2016 at 21:43

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The problem though is that journalists are usually better at writing down zero-60 times than they are conveying smiles per mile. Plus, people can brag about the excitement unless the car is a track destroyer(outside of with people like Oppo).

StingrayJake > duurtlang 11/16/2016 at 00:51

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That’s fair

Tapas > Noah - Now with more boost. 11/16/2016 at 01:10

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I think Jeremy Clarkson’s funny hyperboles have become a trope. He uses them generously and multiple times in his reviews and that’s been his style.

But now, every journalist attempts at least one funny hyperbole in their review.

CobraJoe > Noah - Now with more boost. 12/16/2016 at 10:33

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I think the more important question is Which bolt action rifle?

I have owned and fired a WWII Russian Mosin–Nagant M44 carbine, and it is far from any kind of mechanical precision.  When the bolt was pulled back, it had about 1.5inches of play in the back of the bolt.