How Jalop Is Your Vehicle? 20 questions.

"Berang" (berang)
09/24/2015 at 09:23 • Filed to: obviously I'm very bored this morning

Let’s compile a point system, and see how Jalop your ride is.

Add 10 points for every decade since your vehicle has been made.

Add 10 points if your vehicle was made by a brand or company that doesn’t exist anymore.

Add 20 points if your vehicle was made in a country that doesn’t exist anymore.

Add 10 points if your vehicle runs on diesel or electricity

Add 10 points if your vehicle has a manual transmission.

Add 10 points if that tranmission is shifted by a lever located anywhere not on the the floor.

Negative 10 points if your vehicle has an automatic, unless it’s a CVT made before 1990.

Add 10 points if the engine is mounted somewhere other than under a front hood.

Add 10 points if the engine is air cooled or does not have valves (20 points if both).

Negative 10 points if your vehicle does not have a full size spare. Plus 5 points if the spare is stored anywhere other than in the trunk.

Add 10 points if your vehicle was made by a company that still exists, but no longer sells cars in your country.

Add 20 points if your vehicle was made by a company that never sold cars in your country.

Add 30 points if your vehicle was made a company that sells cars in your country - but was never sold by that company in your market.

Add 10 points if your vehicle runs on 3 or 6 wheels.

Add 10 points if your vehicle was built by a company that originally did not make cars (ie. a tractor company, motorcycle company, plane company, ship builder, sewing machine factory, etc.)

Add 10 points if your vehicle has fold away jump seats.

Add 10 points if vehicle is painted more than three colors, or brown, 15 points for metallic brown.

Negative 20 points if your vehicle is painted silver, white, grey, or black. Add 5 points if it is painted a non-metallic color (excepting white, grey, black, - no points for you) (Neither rule applies to pre WWII cars)

cylinders: 10 points for ever cylinder less than 4 or more than 8 (and five points for 5). So 10 points for 3, 20 for 2, 30 for one, 20 points for ten cylinders, etc.

Add 10 points for each carburetor - 20 points if fuel injected before 1980.

I’ll score some cars I have owned:

1969 Subaru 360: 125 points

1978 Renault Le Car: 65 points

1973 SAAB 96: 95 points

And for example:

1970 Honda S800 (in yellow): 120 points.

I think we could say: 40+ points: barely jalop. 75+ points: certifiably jalop. 100+ points: very jalop. 125+ points: unusually jalop. 150+ points: unreasonably jalop.

Let’s see how your car did - and if you have an idea for something that should be scored, say what it is. I tried to make the questions applicable for people in any country - I wanted to say 10 points if your car was made in France, but that would really only be jalop if you live in the Americas - considerably less impressive if you live in Europe. I dunno, what do you think? Wire wheels, cloth tops, or composite materials worth any points?

DISCUSSION (99)

pip bip - choose Corrour > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:29

in that case my car scores a big fat ZERO!

+10 for a decade

+10 for manual

-20 for being silver.

MLGCarGuy > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:29

2013 Honda Accord: -40 points.

No bonus VTAK points? Plz?

Hiroku > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:33

‘94 Volvo 850 Turbo wagon - 35 points

That doesn’t sound right...

Berang > MLGCarGuy
09/24/2015 at 09:35

Did you count Honda originally being a motorcycle company?

CalzoneGolem > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:35

My car is 100% Jalop and you won’t convince me otherwise.

not for canada - australian in disguise > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:36

-10 for Auto

-10 for spare

+10 for being made by a company that originally made other things (Kia started out making bicycles)

-10 points, Kia Optima LX.

LongbowMkII > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:36

http://jalopnik.com/346367/how-jal…

there is already a standard. However I believe this standard should be updated and I’d want a way too serious discussion about new Jalop standards.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:37

If you’re saying my 1968 Mercury Montego is at 65 points (because V8 doesn’t get any points?) and qualifies as “barely jalop” your list is very, very flawed.

Carburetor should get points these days. Properly tuned multiple Carb set up should win everything haha.

fourvalleys > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:38

11. Negative 10 points if your vehicle does not have a full size spare.

Disagree. 100%. Having a full-size spare adds convenience at the cost of weight and space. I think convenience and added weight are the opposite of what you should be going for here.

Berang > fourvalleys
09/24/2015 at 09:40

But since full size spares have become more uncommon they have become more cool.

Berang > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
09/24/2015 at 09:41

plus 10 for carburetor!

Party-vi > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:41

My 1949 Willys CJ3A with a V8 gets 50pts, and an Alfa Romeo GTA gets 60pts. I think your list is broken. It’s more of a quirky car list instead of a Jalop car list. Owning something old and shitty doesn’t make it Jalop in my opinion.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:42

Alright that puts me at 75.

I still feel it’s a touch low. I mean, who has a Montego?!

You can’t keep changing my score, but true dual exhaust could be a bonus point.

Berang > LongbowMkII
09/24/2015 at 09:42

Way too many questions. I only got enough attention span for like a minute at mos

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:42

That's more hipster than jalop.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
09/24/2015 at 09:44

Don't complain. I got -20.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:45

Only 35 for a stripped, tuned, and engine swapped MR2? Mediocre!

Rainbow > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:45

I think I get 0, but I also think some of these need revision.

20 for being 21 years old, minus 10 for being automatic, +10 for being made (primarily) by Mazda, which originally made industrial tools under a different name. Then -20 for being white, although I think I shouldn’t lose points for that since it also has white hubcaps and white-on-white is beautiful. (See the Countach for instance, and the only color scheme that makes the Sebring look decent) I should probably get at least 5 bonus for having a blue interior, too.

Also, as for country of origin, I think there should be a few points for having a car with no clear country of Origin. My Escort is made mostly by Mazda, made slightly and sold by Ford, based on the Australia-exclusive Ford Laser, and given the name of the European Escort. I’d say it’s primarily Japanese, but I could easily make a case for three other markets. That’s gotta be worth something, right?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > pip bip - choose Corrour
09/24/2015 at 09:45

+10 for having a shifter not on the floor

-10 for automatic

-20 for grey

CallMeTURBO > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:45

So my black e36 is 40 points... Aka non jalop.

But rwd with LSD and manual swaps, how is no jalops

pip bip - choose Corrour > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
09/24/2015 at 09:46

that sucks.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 09:46

Old and shitty can be Jalop if it’s weird or characterful enough. My old Hyundai was Jalop as shit no matter what anyone says.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:47

Spares in general have become uncommon. What about throwing your spare away for weight savings?

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 09:47

Is your Willys silver? Because you may have added that up wrong.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:48

Your list basically says shitty cars are jalop. Well, -20 is a shitty score. Therefore, I WIN BITCHES

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > CalzoneGolem
09/24/2015 at 09:48

Yeah, samesies. Charlie’s Jalop as shit but only endedup with 20 or 25 points depending on how you’re interpretting the decades rule.

RazoE > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:48

-20 points.

For my black 2008 Mazdaspeed 3 with a 6-speed manual with an LSD and a turbocharged and direct injected 4 cyl. Wuuuuuuu?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > pip bip - choose Corrour
09/24/2015 at 09:48

Re-read the list. Shitty stuff is good. Therefore, to my mind, a shitty score means you win.

LongbowMkII > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
09/24/2015 at 09:49

it’s much more impresive to claim you lightened your car by 30lbs than 8lbs.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > LongbowMkII
09/24/2015 at 09:50

It’s even more impressive once you start shopping pieces off ;)

Party-vi > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:52

That made laugh.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
09/24/2015 at 09:52

then i still lose.

you’ve beaten me

grrrrrrrrr!

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
09/24/2015 at 09:53

A 1993 Cavalier isn’t Jalop. A 1993 Cavalier with a chalkboard paint job isn’t Jalop. A 1993 Cavalier Z24 might be Jalop. All I’m saying is just because a car is old doesn’t mean it’s Jalop.

motusid > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:55

My car scored a 0 (zero). Yay!

motusid > pip bip - choose Corrour
09/24/2015 at 09:55

Same here

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > pip bip - choose Corrour
09/24/2015 at 09:56

I think you're in the top 5 at least

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 09:56

But age increases the jalop, this is indisputable.

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 09:57

Just from age and Willys alone you should have lots of points there.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Berang
09/24/2015 at 09:57

If, however, the car originally had a full size spare but has gone to something else, no penalty IMHO.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 09:58

A 1993 Cavalier with holes in the floor, 300k miles, a memory accompanying every mark, and that never lets its college student owner that got it as a hamd-me-down down and loves it for that is Jalop as shit. Sentimental feelings can attach more meaning to a car and make just about any car good in the eyes of the owner. If that weren’t the case, the beetle would be just another piece of shit economy car that no one cares about.

Berang > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
09/24/2015 at 09:58

That is true. Also cars should get points if the spare is mounted somewhere other than in the trunk...

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:01

I think by your simplified version my Series gets 80 points, Benz 30, and 110 for the Ranchero if I’m only sort of cheating.

MPA > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:01

My 2015 FiST: 10 points.

And in actuality, 0 points, because I replaced my full size spare w/ a mini spare from a regular Fiesta so I could move the hatch floor to the lowest position if needed.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:03

I’m in the process of setting up my project to have a spare in the floor forward of the rear axle and thus inside the cab/under the front of the bed. The original location was just vertical behind the seat. It’s going to be a drag front-runner because racecar. COME AT ME, BRO

PowderHound > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:06

03 WRX wagon - -10 points

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:07

A BMW 2002 is only 65 points and barely Jalop? Something’s not right here.

Berang > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
09/24/2015 at 10:08

I decided plus 10 for each carb makes more sense. Because what’s more jalop than one carb? Multiple carbs of course.

I thought about exhausts, but couldn’t decide which factors are more important. Number of tailpipes? Location of tailpipes? Hmmm

Berang > Rainbow
09/24/2015 at 10:09

I might have to add points for rebadges or captive imports...

Berang > not for canada - australian in disguise
09/24/2015 at 10:09

Seems about right.

Berang > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
09/24/2015 at 10:10

Either shitty, or REALLY REALLY good. Anything in between - well it’s just not very jalop.

LongbowMkII > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:10

It seems the a Tatra is about the most jalop you can get by this definition.

It’s not wrong.

Berang > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
09/24/2015 at 10:11

If you kept the original steering wheel, I’d say that’s worth at least ten points.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:11

I SAID I WIN

MLGCarGuy > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:12

Did not account for that. Up to -30 points now. *pumps fist*

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:15

Also, I'd put a Syclone at really really good. Still -20. Further proof that I WIN

Berang > LongbowMkII
09/24/2015 at 10:17

Seems right to me.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:18

What if I have it, but replaced it with something better?

Kinja'd!!!

Also on the other test my car has 150 points (by my quick count) which is “Is that an E39 M5 in your pocket? Or do you have an erection?” level or tier 4 Jalop right under “fantasy garage” material

RoboRed "The road to hell is paved with overturned Vanduras" > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:19

1994 Honda Civic CX

+20 (21 years old)
+10 (manual)
-10 (no full size spare)
+10 (Honda made motorcycles first)
+10 (Rear seats can be folded down, does this count?)
-20 (Painted white (OH COME ON.))
—-
20 points.

Not even points for hatchback? Also, it was made for Honda of Canada, does that tecnically count as not my market?

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:23

no tail pipes are useless. Full system is better.

Like I have true dual exhaust. if you have 2 tailpipes, you may as well have single exhaust with dual exit, and thats fake as hell.

Berang > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
09/24/2015 at 10:24

What aspect of your car do you feel has not been accounted for in these questions? We can make them better.

Meatcoma > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
09/24/2015 at 10:29

5 points if you sold your spare on craigslist?

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:29

Thanks to your spare tire rule, My Miata only earns 10 points overall lol. I want to see you fit a full sized spare in a Miata! These Jalop quizzes always determine that a Miata is not Jalop enough, something is wrong here.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > MLGCarGuy
09/24/2015 at 10:35

Sweet, I'm also - 30 with my 2015 Civic!

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
09/24/2015 at 10:37

No it’s not. If you allow for the collective experiences of the owner in and around the vehicle to count toward the Jalopness of a vehicle, then every car can be Jalop, which is not what we’re trying to determine here. The Beetle was a piece of shit economy car, but it also has a rear engine/rear wheel drivetrain, is air cooled, and had a manual transmission. Pretty Jalop.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:38

Number of doors, body style (s/o to the first 2-door sports sedan), lack of air conditioning, rear wheel drive, manual steering (hydraulic steering should also get points. Basically anything but electronic steering).

I feel like number of gears for manual transmission should be considered. 5-speed gets none, 6 or 4 gets some, 7 or 3 gets a lot.

I forgot BMW started out with aircraft engine production, then motorcycles, so that’s 75 points (or 85 if I put the factory wheel back on).

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:39

I got zero

Party-vi > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:39

But you took off points for having a V8 under the hood instead of in the trunk, and took more points for not having a full-size 33” spare tire. Also, how can you not offer points for 6 or 8 cylinders? Considering most cars have a 4cyl base model engine, 6 cylinders would mean the owner opted for more power. That is Jalop.

Berang > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
09/24/2015 at 10:39

What about side pipes?

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:41

So, by your point scale, if I were to have a 2016 Corvette Z06 in black it’d be -20 points. Yeah. that doesn’t seem right.

Oh, and I think there should be points for forced induction too.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:43

Side pipes would be true dual exhaust that happens to exit on the side.

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 10:44

No points off for having a V8, or having it under the hood.

Berang > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated!
09/24/2015 at 10:48

It’s a new car, so it is inherently un-jalop. Unless somebody modified it to make it jalop somehow.

Party-vi > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:51

That’s the problem - you should get points for a V8 or 6cyl. 5 points for a V6, 10 points for a straight-6, 15 points for a V8 (unless it’s a truck), etc. As of now a Corvette would have 10 points if it was a manual. This list is turrible.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Berang
09/24/2015 at 10:53

So this definition of Jalop means that it has to be old. I have to say I disagree here. I think if you were to take a poll, you'd get an almost universal yes that the Z06 is a Jalop Car. By your own definition, the iron duke Camaro is more "jalop" than the Z06. Can't really say I agree with that.

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 10:57

V8s aren’t interesting. Seriously. Unless maybe it’s a dual overhead cam V8...

4,6,8 - all too common. Maybe points for a straight 8 or a flat six - but really...

TheRealBicycleBuck > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:01

When your quiz determines that a 5-speed WRX hatch isn’t Jalop, your quiz is broken.

Berang > TheRealBicycleBuck
09/24/2015 at 11:03

What makes it jalop?

TheRealBicycleBuck > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:07

Wagon, Boxer 4, Turbo, AWD....

Party-vi > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:08

So a pushrod V8 in a 1967 Corvette isn’t interesting, but the V8 in a Lexus LS430 is?

Of the 50k or so cars available at Carmax, 28k have 4cyl engines, 17k have 6cyl engines, and 5k have 8cyl engines, so I don’t see how an 8cyl engine is “all too common”. 1 out of 10 isn’t too common. 3 out of 10 is way more common.

Berang > Party-vi
09/24/2015 at 11:14

How many of those cars have two cylinders or twelve cylinders?

Driving downtown there will be cars with 8 cylinders every day of the week. Meh.

Plus in the 1960s, although pretty cool in a lot of ways - a lot of cars had V8s, even Studebaker Falcons. A four cylinder? Only foreign cars and Tempests had four cylinders. And the tempest had the stupidest four cylinder of them all, which makes it pretty jalop.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:22

1999 4Runner: -15

AndyG_UK > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:24

I disagree wholeheartedly with this, according to your very random and arbitrary scoring system my brown, manual Citroen gets 15 points and my solid grey (Camapovolo grey, the colour Carlos Abarth painted his actual racing cars!) Abarth 500 gets 0 points yet your crappy Renault 5 and old Saab get lots of points, me thinks this is rigged somehow!

Berang > AndyG_UK
09/24/2015 at 11:27

Why does your Abarth get 0 points?

Slant6 > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:28

45 points for my 525i.

As others have said this test kinda blows but I’ll atribute that to you still being kinda new around here.

HammerheadFistpunch > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:32

Looks like the cruiser is up to 30. Toyoda was a textile company, the spare is underneath the floor on a winch, it has fold away jump seats in the back, and its color could be called metallic brown (antique sage)

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:36

My car history:

1987 Mazda RX7 - 100 ( no cylinders or valves was a big boost)

1999 540i - 15

2004 Focus Wagon - 15?

AndyG_UK > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:37

It's less than a decade old, has a 4 cyclinder engine, is petrol, is grey, no carb etc etc, it's fixed I tell you!

Berang > AndyG_UK
09/24/2015 at 11:39

It’s just not very jalop is the problem. ()

Berang > whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU
09/24/2015 at 11:41

Seems about right.

AndyG_UK > Berang
09/24/2015 at 11:43

and yet is one of the most mentioned cars on Jalopnik and always appears in the all the “best car for” type articles on Jalopnik and my other car is a metallic brown manual Citroen for fucks sake, they should both score all the points! lol

Gonzo, 50 shades of beige > HammerheadFistpunch
09/24/2015 at 12:08

My ‘84 HJ60 scored a respectable 75! (Diesel, brown with 80s striping, manual but no fold away seats thou...)

benh7 > Berang
09/24/2015 at 12:32

A white ND would get negative points? Sad day.

Berang > benh7
09/24/2015 at 13:04

Should have chose a better color.

g_berserk > Berang
09/24/2015 at 13:39

Welp, we already have this

http://www.jalopmeter.com/

Berang > g_berserk
09/24/2015 at 13:45

Too many flaws. I get it - joke points for ash trays and such, but meh.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Berang
09/24/2015 at 14:38

My car scores 0 points. Not that nothing applies, but only two things from this list apply and it cancels out: my 2009 Hyundai Accent sedan. I only say 0 points because I’ve honestly never checked if my spare tire is a full-size or a donut. So, it’s either 0 pts. or -10 pts.

I love cars though, I swear it!

Camshaft Chris: Skyline/McLaren/Porsche Fanboy > Berang
09/24/2015 at 15:27

1997 Crown Vic breaks even at 0.

2012 Ford Fusion gets a -40.

1979 Trans Am gets a 60.

2001 Trans Am WS6 breaks even at 0.

I feel this system is flawed. By this logic, most Miatas would only get 20 or 30.

Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole > Berang
09/24/2015 at 18:24

-30 for my IS? But... 2JZ!!

Nauraushaun > Berang
09/24/2015 at 23:07

MR2 is 45 points. I feel like it should be more.