Fight the boring, my review of my 1979 Lincoln Continental Towncar 

"blacktruck18" (blacktruck14) 09/11/2015 at 11:47 • Filed to: None

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Last week my English professor gave the class an assignment to write a review for any product we wanted, I decided to review my Lincoln, I thought I would share it here. We were limited to 1500ish words so it isn’t super detailed and it was written for anyone to be able to read it so it’s not very technical. This is my first attempt at any kind of car review, I hope you guys enjoy it.

Have you ever walked out of a store with a cart full of groceries, made it halfway down the parking aisle, where you could have sworn you parked your car, and not been able to find it? In that instance, did you regret buying an anonymous beige, gray, or black blob of a car? Have you ever opened your trunk and thought “There is no way I can fit enough roughly six-foot long objects in here to insure I get acquitted.”? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need a 1979 Lincoln Town Car Continental in your life.

In my 34 years of life, I have spent more time thinking about, reading about, and drooling over cars than most normal people would in 3 lifetimes. In my 18 years of driving, I have driven everything from tiny economy cars to an Abrams tank. I have owned cars from Europe, Asia, and America, everything from Corvettes to an old Ford Pickup that was too tall to fit through most drive-thru’s. The absolute coolest of these cars is my 1979 Lincoln Town car Continental.

The 1979 Town car was the last of the truly huge American luxury sedans. The last of the cars that due to the sheer size could be mistaken for a Mardi-Gras parade float. By 1977, the other American luxury car makers had given up on huge cars and downsized their largest sedans. Lincoln however pressed on, producing the Town car until 1979. The specs of the Lincoln only tell part of the story about its greatness. In a size comparison to the descendant of the Town Car, the 2015 Lincoln MKS, the big Lincoln is between 18 and 25 inches longer, 2 -5 inches wider, and over 400 pounds heavier. Clearly, the 2015 Lincoln don’t make for good comparison. However, the largest American luxury vehicle being built today, the 2015 Cadillac Escalade ESV, does compare very well. Comparing an SUV to a sedan doesn’t make much sense for overall usefulness and practicality but, on sheer size the numbers do work out. Length wise, the Cadillac is shown up by the Lincoln, which is almost a full foot longer, 18.6 feet versus 19.4. Width wise, it is almost a dead heat with Lincoln coming in at 79.9 inches and the Cadillac at 80.5. As for weight, the Escalade easily tops the Lincoln at 6038 pounds versus 4843 pounds. It’s important to remember that the Cadillac is full of modern safety equipment, 11 air bags, a steel safety cell, and impact absorbing bumpers. The weight of the Lincoln isn’t made up of safety equipment and modern conveniences. The Lincoln’s weight comes from, steel, chrome, leather, and good old fashioned American freedom.

Despite all of its greatness, power and performance are not something the Lincoln does well. The Lincoln gets by with only 159 horsepower whereas, the Escalade is blessed with 460 horsepower. Due to the severe lack of power in the Lincoln, its acceleration numbers are not great. Actually, they are downright abysmal. 0-60 miles per hour takes almost 17 seconds, the slowest 2015 model vehicle on sale in America is Ford 350HD work van, which does the 0-60 run in 12.5 seconds 4. A van produced for no other reason than hauling big heavy equipment around easily out runs the pinnacle of 1979 luxury. On a side note to the 0-60 time, the cigar lighter in the Lincoln will heat up enough to light a cigar before the car will hit 60. Who needs massive acceleration, when you could instead light a Rocky Patel Royal Vintage cigar?

The steering feel, and ride of the Lincoln are also not sporty or performance oriented. The steering feel is definitely vague, anything less than a quarter turn of the steering wheel and the cars reaction is minimal. It’s kind of like riding an elephant, pull the right ear to turn right and the left ear to turn left. It seems simple enough but, it only works if and the elephant decides it wants to turn. That being said, the steering effort is amazingly light, one finger is all it takes to move the steering wheel. Turns are made with the absolute minimum amount of effort on the driver’s part. The ride is comparable to nothing on the road today. I have never actually ridden a marshmallow on a cloud but, if I had I am sure it is exactly like the ride of the Lincoln. Small pot-holes and bumps are not even noticed by the occupants, smaller speed bumps can be completely ignored, just cruise right over them, no problem at all. All of that softness does however make taking turns at high speed a scary event, turn too forcefully and the car feels like it is going to fall over on its side. It isn’t the most confidence inspiring feeling in the world, but this isn’t a car that’s meant to be hustled around like a sports car. It is a car that turns every journey into a voyage, a celebration of luxury.

By any modern standards the Lincoln is a slow car, but that is fine. The longer it takes to get somewhere the more time the driver and occupants get to spend in the wonderfully luxurious interior. Both the driver and passenger seats are electronically adjustable for forward, back, up, down and, tilt movement. Both seats also fold down to meet the back seats which transforms the front and rear seats into a flat area almost the size of a queen size bed. There are seatbelts for 5 passengers and the driver but, in a pinch it would be pretty easy to get 10 people in the cabin. Almost every surface in the interior is covered in soft leather. Compared to modern car seats which hold the driver and occupants in place while driving, the Lincoln seats do nothing of the sort. Take a turn too fast and anyone not buckled in well slide right across the seats and quite possibly out one of the big airy windows. Speaking of windows, the rear seat occupants are treated to opera windows, a design cue which harkens back to the 1920’s and 30’s. The opera windows add not only to the airy feeling of the car but, they add another touch of class to the exterior. Both of the windows have a golden Lincoln emblem embossed into the glass, each passenger is also treated to their own reading light, ashtray, and lighter. The rest of the interior is full of other luxuries including the first heating and cooling system which could be set to a certain degree, and a Cartier designed and labelled clock in the dash. The only drawbacks to the interior compared to modern vehicles is the lack of cubby holes for storage, which can be remedied by sticking things you need handy in between the folds and creases of the seats. Also the cigarette lighters were not designed to provide continuous power like modern cars so they won’t charge phones and other gadgets. Also, there are no cup holders in the car. Does little Johnny need a place to put his sodie-pop? Tell him to grow up and light a Marlboro, than he can us the ashtray to his little heart’s content.

The other benefit of the Lincoln being slow is that it allows other drivers and people on the street more time to enjoy it as it drives by. The Lincoln is arguably not the best looking car ever built. However it definitely doesn’t look like anything being built today. Every crease, angle, and opening is either covered in chrome or pinstripes. Looking at the Lincoln from any angle on a sunny day and the chrome shines and glistens and is almost blinding. The Diamond Blue paint isn’t outlandish however, on the road surrounded by modern cars in their varying shades of boring, it does stand out.

There are a few drawbacks to driving the Lincoln or any other old car. Mainly the gas mileage and maintenance. Originally, it was rated at 12 miles per gallon for city driving and 17 highway. I average right around 13MPG. Factor in having to find and buy more expensive ethanol free gas, which adds about $0.30 a gallon to the price, and the gas bills add up pretty quickly. As with any old car, maintenance can be a problem. Pull into any dealership with a car that doesn’t hook up to the computer, and they cannot help. If I cannot fix something myself, I am stuck going to Mom and Pop repair shops. Some are really good, some the owner might be drunk at noon. If anyone wants to buy an older car, a good tool set and some mechanical knowledge is a must. Also some parts are no longer produced which leads to scouring e-bay and junk yards for used parts that hopefully are still in good working order.

Despite these negatives I would never give up my Lincoln, sure the gas bills are high, there is a certain apprehension every time I try to start it, and it is kind of difficult to get worked on, but overall the feeling that comes from driving it is way better than driving any beige mobile on sale today.

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > blacktruck18 09/11/2015 at 12:52

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Y...you drove an Abams Tank? Can that get an Oppo review?

Two Door I spotted at Autozone for your time. The rootbeer metal flake was Immaculate. IMMACULATE I TELL YOU!

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > blacktruck18 09/11/2015 at 13:21

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As the only other opponaut to have owned a 1979 Continental this was beautiful. It almost brought a tear to my eye. I did not “need” the Lincoln so I sold it but GAWD I miss the fucking thing!

blacktruck18 > banjo cat ghost of oppo past 09/11/2015 at 13:41

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Yes I did, that review would be horrible.

When I was in the Army we escorted some HETT’s hauling 3 Abrams. No one knew how to drive them to unload them off the HETTs. I watched a youtube video once on how to drive one and I figured this was my one shot to try to drive one. I was worried the whole time about wrecking a really expensive vehicle that I wasn’t licensed to drive and wasn’t supposed to be driving.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > blacktruck18 09/11/2015 at 13:56

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Mt. Vernon, IL? I drive through there, every time I go visit my friends in Knoxville.

blacktruck18 > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 09/11/2015 at 14:25

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Thank you, I figured at least you would appreciate it, even if know one else did.

blacktruck18 > DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully 09/11/2015 at 14:26

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That’s cool, I live in Marion it about 40 minutes from Mt Vernon.

Jonee > blacktruck18 09/11/2015 at 14:27

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Very cool. Growing up my next door neighbor had two of these. Both were green inside and out and they were the size of small apartment buildings. I remember once our whole little league team piling inside one of them with room for all our bats in the trunk.

blacktruck18 > Jonee 09/11/2015 at 14:29

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Thanks, I imagine fitting a whole little league team could fit in one pretty easily.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > blacktruck18 09/11/2015 at 15:04

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I’m all the way over on the far side of Missouri, myself. Still, I recognized the signs and thought, “Holy crap, I know where that is!”

blacktruck18 > DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully 09/11/2015 at 15:09

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I took a little road trip to Mt Vernon on Sunday. It’s the longest I have driven the Lincoln so far, it went pretty well.

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > blacktruck18 09/12/2015 at 09:39

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That still sounds awesome, actually. So did you wreck it?

blacktruck18 > banjo cat ghost of oppo past 09/12/2015 at 11:53

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No I did not, it was absolutely amazing/terrifying. Driving them off the HETTs wasn’t too bad except for the one I had to back off. I may have driven a total of 2 miles it was pretty fun, the only sketchy thing was driving them through a little dryed out ravine, there was a bridge over it but I was told if I drove on the bridge it would collapse, I definitely didn’t want to find out.

JR1 > blacktruck18 10/04/2015 at 10:08

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Can’ t believe I missed this article! Nice Lincoln. I didn’t realize 0-60 took 17 seconds. That is slower than a Duesenberg from the 1930’s!

blacktruck18 > JR1 10/04/2015 at 11:10

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Yes, these cars are super slow, it’s not that bad though. It does fine in normal traffic, turning onto roads without a light does take some planning though.

JR1 > blacktruck18 10/04/2015 at 11:11

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I can imagine turning can be a bit of an exercise. Yours is very clean. I love the paint