The key to trolling is sublety

"jjhats" (ssaxman) 09/03/2015 at 12:04 • Filed to: None

11

47

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

HammerheadFistpunch > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:07

4

100% is a minivan

Ash78, voting early and often > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:11

1

So deadpan with the response:

“Any connotation you have with minivan is up to you I’m just calling like it is. It’s low no increased ground clearance is shaped round and smooth not angular and upright is built on a car platform not a truck, has thin sidewall tires for street driving not off-road and has special doors to load kids just like a van. I see nothing about it like an SUV and that’s why we like it”

I’m in the “not a minivan” camp unless we’re ready to start calling almost every single crossover a minivan. The sliding doors (or lack thereof) are the key feature for me.

jjhats > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 12:11

0

thank you. the doors are the icing on the cake. I love seeing the little sheep get defensive

jjhats > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 12:13

1

the key is fully letting them believe youre not a troll. the doors are the key factor here and It would help if the back end was squared off a bit more to fit the van shape but this thing for sure isn’t an suv

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:14

0

So crossovers don’t have a bad connotation while minivans do? I think we’re far enough removed from the 90s now to acknowledge that minivans are better at doing the job that crossovers do.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 12:15

3

I’m ready to start calling pretty much every crossover a neutered minivan.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:15

0

Man that thing is ugly. Tesla will at some point need to fosuc on exterior design. I think not bothering to make the X look better is so lazy, but it won’t matter.

HammerheadFistpunch > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:16

1

its okay that its a minivan, connotations be damned. Also, sheep? c’mon, there are way better pejoratives than that old trope.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 12:16

1

Yeah, I don’t see it as anything else. Same for most crossovers.

jariten1781 > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 12:18

1

1st gen Odyssey wasn’t a minivan?

jjhats > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 12:18

0

see I don’t think that’s fair. if it has the illusion of an offroad height
(jeep renegade, Subaru crosstek) it isn’t. also I think a van should have 3 rows of seats so that’s knocks out a bunch too. the doors really don’t help the teslas case but yea people are weird they like crossovers but hate vans and wagons which are both better at their respective purposes than the crossover which in most cases is a huge compromise

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:19

1

Crossover?

jjhats > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 12:19

1

I wish there was a better word but read the front page of that subreddit. they are hunkering down for a model 3 without even knowing anything about it except price. they remind me of the apple faithful who have buy products before they even try them by placing huge trust in the brand.

HammerheadFistpunch > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 12:19

2

I think the main issues is that people have a problem with minivans. Minivans are awesome and totally a car persons car. No they aren’t agile, but they aren’t slow anymore and they are the essence of ugly utility. I wouldn’t want to daily one, but I would certainly have one in my stable as a fully covered light duty truck alternative. I mean, you can fit tons of 4x8 in them...without it getting wet and they have better payloads than most midsized trucks while getting better mileage and being better to drive...whats not to like?

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 12:21

1

At what point do you think that these crossover people will realize that they’re the minivan soccer moms of the 2010s?

HammerheadFistpunch > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 12:28

0

I know here in baby land USA (Utah) my family and friends that have growing families are getting tired of the crossover thing and actually converting to minivans. The truth is that they are just the better tool for the job and the way they are optioned out these days makes them pretty plush rides. They are starting to covet the better minivans. My father is law drives one and uses it as a truck, its been a great vehicle for him.

bryan40oop > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:36

0

This is gold

DoYouEvenShift > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 12:37

0

Thing is, people that are popping out babies now, grew up in that era. Minivans were considered slow, ugly and it was cool to hate them. That mentality sticks to this day.

However I do agree with pretty much all your points regarding crossovers and minivans.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > DoYouEvenShift 09/03/2015 at 12:39

0

Oh yeah, I get that. I grew up in a series of minivans. I’ve also thought about getting one as a third car about a billion times because of the functionality.

DoYouEvenShift > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 12:45

0

They really are very functional, and can be had dirt cheap.

Growing up, one of my unlces bought a beater Trans Port for that reason. Thing was tank, you couldnt kill it. Hes one of the most hardcore car guys Ive ever known. He loooved that thing, made a great parts hauler.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > DoYouEvenShift 09/03/2015 at 12:49

0

Yeah, that’s pretty much what I’d be using it for. Dirt cheap parts/gear hauler and maybe occasionally acting as a road trip or tow vehicle.

450X_FTW > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 12:52

0

According to the EPA, it’s a Light Truck.

Kanaric > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 12:54

0

SUVs are the new minivans anyways.

jjhats > 450X_FTW 09/03/2015 at 13:10

0

so is the grand caravan

Tekamul > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:11

0

No sliders, no minivan.

Unless those doors are even more magic than they appear, they still aren’t going to let me trust a 5 year old to open them in a parking lot.

Tekamul > jariten1781 09/03/2015 at 13:13

0

Tall wagon

450X_FTW > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 13:13

0

So is this. Yeah it’s true. Chrysler designed it to be classified as a “truck” to help with their CAFE ratings

HammerheadFistpunch > Tekamul 09/03/2015 at 13:14

0

You don’t have to, they open by remote...just like most minivans.

jjhats > 450X_FTW 09/03/2015 at 13:14

0

then im questioning why you pointed out the tesla is a light truck...that proves nothing as we both clearly know

Tekamul > 450X_FTW 09/03/2015 at 13:15

1

So was the PT Cruiser. The gov’t employees are not geniuses (but Chrysler was, in that case)

450X_FTW > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 13:15

0

I’m pointing out that according to EPA with regards to passenger vehicles, there’s only 2 classes. Truck or Car

Tekamul > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:22

0

Yes, but they don’t prevent my fears. Returning to the minivan, somebody parked too close, and before I can stop him, my kid swings a door open into a parked car....full of lawyers.

With a slider, they only need about 4 spare inches.

I realize no solution is perfect, but I’d prefer the smallest margin required. Besides, if we toss out the slider as a defining feature, minivan sales just went up 800%, as every car-based crossover with a 3rd row is, indeed a minivan. Don’t tell Dakota that mom’s been carting her and the rest of the equine club around in a Lexus minivan. No one will talk to her a dressage review.

HammerheadFistpunch > Tekamul 09/03/2015 at 13:33

1

isn’t one of the features of the falcon door that it doesn’t stick out much?

Tekamul > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:42

2

I honesty don’t know. I haven’t seen it in action, only opened and closed.

*runs to other corner of internet*

Maybe?

HammerheadFistpunch > Tekamul 09/03/2015 at 13:43

2

well now i know what Im doing for the rest of the day...starring at that gif.

Tekamul > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:48

1

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hold a piece of paper up to my screen to try to judge how far out the tips went.

ETA : But seriously. $100k, I’ll never get near one.

For Sweden > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 13:52

0

I am truly humbled

For Sweden > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 13:52

0

Gullwing doors are close enough to sliding doors for me

d15b > bryan40oop 09/03/2015 at 14:08

1

Seriously.

People are going to go “off-roading” to the middle of the wilderness....only to run out of juice?

TheRealBicycleBuck > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:19

0

Kinja only allows one star per account.

:)

Manic Otti > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 14:19

0

Apparently, minivans are only “cool” if they’re 4WD.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Manic Otti 09/03/2015 at 14:20

0

TheRealBicycleBuck > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 14:26

2

Kids from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s won’t drive a wagon.

Kids from the ‘80s and ‘90s won’t drive a minivan.

Kids from the ‘00s won’t drive an SUV.

Kids from the ‘10s won’t drive a crossover.

I think the basic philosophy is to avoid owning the same vehicle Mom drove when you were growing up.

Manic Otti > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/03/2015 at 14:43

1

I would drive the hell out of this.

sketchcat > jjhats 09/03/2015 at 15:01

1

those doors are designed for parents that have:

very patient kids who will wait for the doors to completely open before getting in or out.

Parents that never run late, and never have to drop the kids off at the school like a landing craft on Omaha beach.

Vrooom! SCREECH!, sliding door slams open! “GREEN LIGHT! DEPLOY DEPLOY!

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Tekamul 09/03/2015 at 15:38

0

I do wonder why more cars don’t have sliding doors for that reason. They seem so much more practical for tight parking spaces.

HammerheadFistpunch > Tekamul 09/03/2015 at 15:40

0

as far as I can tell the max reach of the door is a few inches past the extreme outside of the body. Maybe 4 tops, and it all happens up high where the tumblehome of cars makes them narrower.