What car is that NFL player? NFC West edition

"Ross Kraz" (ropstafer)
09/02/2015 at 16:40 • Filed to: what car is that nfl player, what car is that player, nfc west, seahawks, 49ers, cardinals, rams

(I love cars. I love NFL football. Let’s combine the two and compare some star players to automobiles. In this post: teams of the NFC West )

Arizona Cardinals

Larry Fitzgerald, WR: Ford F-150

Why? He’s been around forever. He always seems to surprise and has gotten better with time. He’s dependable. But the main reason that Larry Fitzgerald is an F-150 is brand loyalty. Larry has played for the Cardinals ever since they drafted him in 2004. Not many players in today’s league, especially star wide recievers, can say that. The F-150 leads all vehicles in customer brand loyalty, which in 2012 was a staggering 61% according to Automotive Digest . Fitzgerald comes into the 2015 season as the Cardinals all-time leader in receptions (909), receiving yards (12,151) and receiving touchdowns (89). (Photo credits: Huffington Post, Road & Track)

Carson Warner...I mean Kurt Palmer...you know what I mean, QB: 2010 Chevrolet Camaro

Why? Carson Palmer (actually similar to Kurt Warner’s story) made an incredible comeback with the Cardinals in 2013 after a couple abysmal seasons with the Raiders. The 4th generation Camaro was killed off in 2002, only to be revived in stunning new 5th gen form for the 2010 model year. He hopes to make another comeback this year, as he comes off a knee injury that cut his strong 2014 campaign short. (Photo credits: Cardinals, Car and Driver)

St. Louis Rams

Tavon Austin, WR: Chevrolet SS

Why? Since coming into the NFL, Austin has been regarded as one of the most dynamic young players — and also the most underutilized. The Rams just haven’t found a way to make him a large part of their offense. The Chevy SS gets all the praise from enthusiasts as a usable sports car with rear wheel drive...but nobody actually listens. The SS hasn’t sold well, and GM announced that the Australian Holden Commodore, from which the SS is based, will be discontinued in 2017. (Photo credits: Rotoprofessor, Car and Driver)

Todd Gurley, RB: 2017 Ford Bronco

Why? Gurley is supposed to be a beast. He’s poised to be the next great NFL running back. Everyone in St. Louis is excited, just as everyone in the car world is excited about a new Bronco finally coming out. But, because I’ve been burned before, I won’t believe there is a new Bronco until I actually see it. The same goes for Gurley. (Photo credits: Bleacher Report, Gearheads.org)

Seattle Seahawks

Pete Carroll, Head Coach: Lee Iacocca

Why? Okay, so Lee Iacocca isn’t a car. But Pete Carroll isn’t a player, either. Carroll came in and saved this franchise starting in 2010 and quickly revived it to being a perennial powerhouse, much like how Iacocca saved Chrysler during the late 1970’s and into the early 1990’s. (Photo credits: USA Today, Huffington Post)

Marshawn Lynch, RB: Dodge Challenger

Why? An old-school bruiser of a back, Lynch has a “run over you, not around you” mentality. That’s exactly what a snarling Hemi has. Give Lynch some magic Skittles and he turns into Beast Mode, which can be likened to the Hellcat package. (Photo credits: CharlotteFive, Road & Track)

San Francisco 49ers

Colin Kaepernick, QB: Nissan 240sx Drift Car

Why? Things these two have in common: mind bending agility, awesome athleticism and performance, a little rough around the edges, tattoos (stickers), and a problem with authority. Unfortunately, as ‘Niner fans are finding out, it’s not very fun living with a purpose-built drift car on a day-to-day basis. (Photo credits: ESPN, Motor Mavens)

Carlos Hyde, RB: Mazda RX-8

Why? The RX-8 is actually a very good car, but it fought some harsh criticism because it followed up the legendary RX-7. Hyde faces a similar situation; he has plenty of talent, but he is following in the footsteps of 5-time Pro Bowler Frank Gore, who holds franchise records in rushing yards (11,073) and touchdowns (64). (Photo credits: Getty Images, Car and Driver)

BONUS The rest of the 49ers team: the abandoned British factories that Top Gear visited. “ Where did everybody go?”

(Photo credit: Top Gear Season 15 Episode 6)

DISCUSSION (18)

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Ross Kraz
09/02/2015 at 16:45

Dude... I fucking love these

Patrick Nichols > Ross Kraz
09/02/2015 at 17:06

Kinja'd!!!

ZoopZoopLoops > Patrick Nichols
09/02/2015 at 18:07

Good Oppo is good. As a Santa Clara county resident, the 49ers ones are spot on.

Bonus points for color correctness on the cars.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Ross Kraz
09/02/2015 at 19:05

So is Russell Wilson a Corolla with aftermarket wheels and 15 Jesus fish on the trunk

Ross Kraz > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/02/2015 at 23:16

Could be. He’s a pretty smart, conservative, level headed (boring) guy. And up until that recent contract extension, a Corolla is about all he could afford.

Clutchman83 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/16/2015 at 13:59

No, no. He’s at least a reliable sports car with a ton of Jesus fish on the trunk. I’d say a WRX but he kind of ditched the family thing last year. BRZ maybe?

TwoFortified > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 14:09

I am disgusted. You can’t attach my favorite car, in my favorite configuration to the most loathsome football player in the league right now. Fuckin niners.

(I partially kid. This was fun. But Kap is horrible, and I relish the idea of watching the Niners get destructified all season)

Hipster curious > ZoopZoopLoops
09/16/2015 at 14:33

Kap is the real deal. Rough around edges? He models!

Day to day basis? He made it to Super Bowl!

And where is everyone? I guess you didn’t watch Monday night.

And it’s the San Francisco 49ers, not Santa Clara. That’s we’re the rich nerdy unathletic people who ruin the game with endless stats and fantasy.

Hipster curious > TwoFortified
09/16/2015 at 14:35

Horrible? You probably have zero athleticism and your judging someone who starts in the NFL. Middle of the road, maybe. Horrible. Not even close. Big words armchair qb.

The LINE > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 14:36

As an owner of an RX-8, I can say that it is NOT a good car. Yes, it gets unfairly compared to the RX-7, but even if it didn’t follow behind an all-time great, Mazda really fucked that one up.

Maybe I’m just salty going from a Honda S2000 to the RX-8, but RX-8 forums indicate probably not. Also, fuck the 49ers.

BurnFonk > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 14:49

It is truly upsetting about the 49ers that they are following up the best running back in franchise history with another great back and an great running quarterback...in a pass-first league.

TwoFortified > Hipster curious
09/16/2015 at 15:03

Kap, is that you?

Never said he was horrible at football, specifically (and, to be unbiased, he’s quite the terror in the open field). He’s horrible in that he’s a douchey dudebro that plays for the goddamned niners (our rival team). I also never made any claims to my athleticism (or lack thereof), nor did I directly compare myself to the great and glorous Colin. I’m really, REALLY REALLY sorry to have offended your sensibilities (ha, yeah right, your tears sustain me)

oglocc > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 15:43

Probably should have waited until after Game 1 to write the Kaepernick and Hyde ones. LOL

Jpatrick > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 17:59

Extra Bonus The entire Seahawks fanbase: A highly polished, possibly blue chrome wrapped bandwagon.

Kinja'd!!!

humz > Ross Kraz
09/16/2015 at 18:13