What Car WOULDN'T You Buy if Billionaire?

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 08/26/2015 at 11:33 • Filed to: WTFQOTD

1

47

Picture this: you get home tonight after a long day and your cell rings. It appears that you have an Uncle Warren from Omaha who died today, and he has left you $10 BILLION after taxes. What ridiculously expensive car WOULDNT you buy?

Yes, you read that right. WOULDN’T. Many of us here at Oppo/Jalopnik are always lusting after cars with house (or even mansion) price tags. Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Koeniggsiggnesssigs, maybe even “just” an AC Shelby Cobra. They’re cool and desirable. But if you had enough money to buy all the desirables, what exotic would you leave out of your 70 car garage, and WHY?

I’ll start:

I would NOT get a Bugatti Veyron. Why, you openly ponder? Simply because of the amount of maintenance required to daily drive it. New tires after a COUPLE thousand miles? New rims shortly after? And why must I put a key into another spot to make it batshit? All the other cars know what I want to do when I mash on the skinny pedal. It’s too complex for my taste.

Your turn. Don’t name anything too obvious. It has to be an expensive car (ETA thanks to Party-vi: has to be over $200k) that a majority of us drool over.

Begin your hypothetical high class shunning.

Party-vi > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:34

8

Because even with $10,000,000,000 in the bank, I’m still not paying $45,000 for a Chevy.

PatBateman > Party-vi 08/26/2015 at 11:36

1

THAT’S NOT A DAMN EXOTIC.

bob and john > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:36

4

lambos.

I find them vulgar...part of it appeals to the inner 12 year old inside me....but i couldnt see myself in one, ever

atrombs > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:37

6

My Ferrari collection would make do without an Enzo. I think it’s the least attractive Ferrari.

PatBateman > atrombs 08/26/2015 at 11:40

0

Good answer!

CalzoneGolem > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:40

2

I don’t think I’d buy any of the traditional hyper or super cars. I would buy no The Ferraris.

CarSnobSr > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:43

1

I'd never buy a Maserati. Even though they are affordable for me right now, I'd never buy one now, or if I was a billionaire.

ceanderson920 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:43

0

Any car from before 1950, they are not fun to drive and they are slow. Yes some look great but for the most part they will be broken down, uncomfortable and a bitch to drive.

JR1 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:44

0

Ferrari 250 GTO

Ferrari Enzo

Ferrari F50

Ferrari 250 California

Ferrari 458 Italia

I could go on listing Ferraris but you get the point. I would buy a Daytona though.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:44

0

There’s a lot of cars. I simply cannot pic one, and I’ve nothing better to do.

Fuck the things I can’t or never will be able to afford!!!

Sn210 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:45

0

I don’t think I’d buy a big ole Bentley or Rolls. I just think they're way too big

crowmolly > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:46

0

Has to be over 200k? Damn.

Well, I was going to say Viper at 100k:

ChooChooMotherFudger > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:46

0

Wouldn’t buy a Ferraris or a Porsche. They would be way too common. I would be one of those eccentric billionaires.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:46

0

McLaren F1.

I just don’t think it’s a car worth paying 8 figures for or even 7.

kanadanmajava1 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:47

0

I wouldn’t buy much cars from this century. Modern supercars might be fast, loud and turning heads where ever they go but I’d still choose their predecessors over them.

WiscoProud > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:48

2

Pretty much any new Lamborghini, most new Ferrari’s, and the Veyron. Douches like Floyd Mayweather buy those. Countach? Sure. F40? Absolutely. Miura? God damn better believe it.

I just like older, less bro-tastic vehicles.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:48

2

Seconding the Veyron, but also for the reason that it’s the “I am a billionaire” stock choice. Unoriginal, and it’s not really classy enough (quite) to make up for that, not to mention it almost says “I know nothing about cars except that one of the versions of this one is the fastest one”. If you want something that fast unburdened by pretense and less obnoxious to keep up with, you get a Hennessey Venom, and if you’re going for supercar dressiness, get an XJ220.
More broadly, the Aventador and most other current gen Lambos don’t really do much for me, and it’s not just the crowd, it’s the looks. I get that looking like an F117 made out with an Abrams on top of a Camaro is a unique company hallmark, but angular plate schizophrenia... nothx. Not that Ferrari is axiomatically better. Maybe a Pagani if it has to be Italian, or otherwise a Gumpert or Noble...

Party-vi > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:49

0

You asked what ridiculously expensive car I wouldn’t buy. I would not buy the ridiculously expensive SS. Also, I’ve seen more Ferraris than SS’ over the past few months.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:52

1

Any Bently or RR...I think they’re beautiful works of engineering and design, I’m just not the ‘old money’ type of guy

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ceanderson920 08/26/2015 at 11:53

1

not fun to drive

That seems overly sweeping. Also confusing. Also insane. What’s unfun about a Blower Bentley? And what’s this “uncomfortable” crap?

djmt1 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:54

2

Any Ferrari. I’m not subscribing to their bullshit.

Pixel > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:57

0

Honestly I have no interest in any of the modern super/hyper cars from Ferrari, Lamborghini, Konigseggggg, Bugatti, etc. They are useless as just cars, you can’t have fun on the street without breaking laws and/or being a massive dick, and they are fragile with high maintenance costs.

Ditto for the super-luxo sedans Mercedes S-class, BMW 7-series, Maybach, Bentley[1], etc. Lots of money for lots of toys & grotesque displays of excess, all with worse than average reliability. An exception might be made for a Rolls, but only if I was going to hire a driver & ride in the back.

My fantasy garage would be packed full of odd classics, weird vehicles, and stuff I can have fun with in the rear world(Ariel, Morgan, etc.).

[1] Working in insurance I have an extra hatred for Bentleys. $2500 bumper covers $5000 wheels despite their being made of the same materials as Toyota parts that cost 1/10 as much? That is price gouging, pure & simple.

Pixel > Party-vi 08/26/2015 at 11:58

1

I’m in the opposite camp from you on this. I’d buy one, pull the SS badges, add either Malibu or Impala badging and have a total Q-ship that goes like hell and no one takes a second look at.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 11:59

0

My driveway would be devoid of the Veyron too. And Any Lamborghini made in the last 20+ years. As well as the R8. And the LFA. Pretty much any supercar now that I think about it. They just don't really appeal to me for the most part.

LongbowMkII > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:00

0

I wouldn’t buy any current maserati, lambo, ferrari (aside from the F12)

PS9 > Party-vi 08/26/2015 at 12:00

0

Badge upgrade is a ~$30k option.

ceanderson920 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 08/26/2015 at 12:00

0

Nothing is wrong with a blower bentley, I just don’t like super old cars. My dad used to have a 39 Packard that he would let me drive and the thing sucked. Imagine bouncing all over the road with super loose non power steering and shitty non power brakes. The only cool part about that car was it had 3 on the tree and it looked good.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 08/26/2015 at 12:11

3

I am outraged, OUTRAGED at your list sir!

Rico > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:11

0

Yeah no Veyron for me. But I’ll rent the hell out of one. No RR for me either, I’ll rent one to get driven in that’s about it. I probably would make due with an S Class Maybach like a pleb.

RallyWrench > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:16

0

Yeah, the Veyron. Also the Lexus LFA and Enzo. I would buy a Zonda or Koenigigseggeggeggggeg though. I might also commission a Rolls Royce Wraith shooting brake. Or not. No, I wouldn’t do any of those things. I’d just buy a new Mustang GT to daily and an F40 then call it good. Plus a nice Lamborghini Espada and maybe 10 other cars.

PushToStart > bob and john 08/26/2015 at 12:17

0

I’ll agree with that under the exception that it’s any Lamborghini after the Countach. If I were a billionaire, I don’t see why I shouldn’t have a Countach and Miura.

RallyWrench > atrombs 08/26/2015 at 12:18

1

Same here. But I’d consider buying an Enzo if SCG agreed to do this to it for me:

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:19

0

Gumpert Apollo. Hideous and don't seem that well made or advanced.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ceanderson920 08/26/2015 at 12:20

1

I was mostly questioning the premise, because anything somebody would get as a billionaire from before 1950 is almost by definition exceptional. Either for having a lot of power (blower Bentley) which is pretty much automatically fun, or for being high luxury - a Delage, a Packard, a Rolls Royce. The second group is more likely - as in your case - to have things hurting the fun, but much less likely to be uncomfortable. Also, considering as far back as a ‘28 Pierce Arrow has power brakes, and most steering and suspensions began to be modernized in the late 30s...

sebdel > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:23

0

If I was a billionaire I wouldn’t buy any road legal fast car. I’d have race cars, F1 cars, no laferrari or p1 for me, those are tuned down for the road, I want some lmp1 prototype and a couple 90’s f1 cars, one 80’s, couple 70’s, a helicopter to go around and a jet fighter for fun. As a billionaire the only car I’d need is a toyota century.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 08/26/2015 at 12:31

0

atrombs > RallyWrench 08/26/2015 at 12:33

0

I would gladly except anything done by SCG. I would do dirty things for a P4/5.

Master Cylinder > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 12:36

0

I gave this a little thought. As a fresh deca-billionaire, there’s basically no car I can’t buy. So why not shun all of them? I bet with a billion or two dollars, I could hire an engineering/design/fabrication staff to help me build a couple of one-off cars that are exactly what I want with no compromises for marketing or accounting.

CaptDale - is secretly British > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 13:53

0

A 458 Italia. As I have said it is the Corrola of the Supercars.

ly2v8-Brian > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 14:26

0

Supercars and hypercars. They do nothing for me.

tpw_rules > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 16:35

1

64C10 > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 16:36

0

I’m not a supercar guy, so pretty much all supercars except the Porsche 918, Lamborghini Gallardo LP570-4 Superlegerra and the Mclaren 570S would be out of the running.

marshknute > PatBateman 08/26/2015 at 19:00

1

Any Koenigsegg. I have the utmost respect for Christian Von Koenigsegg, but I’ve never experienced more than a passing curiosity for any of his amazing cars. I don’t know why, but they just don’t do it for me.

atrombs > CalzoneGolem 08/27/2015 at 07:03

0

I had to read that twice to understand it wasn’t just a grammar issue. Then I laughed.

CalzoneGolem > atrombs 08/27/2015 at 07:43

1

As James May always puts it, “The Ferrari The Ferrari.”

pip bip - choose Corrour > Party-vi 08/27/2015 at 08:41

0

say to yourself that you’re buying a Holden then.

pip bip - choose Corrour > PatBateman 08/27/2015 at 08:47

0

any Lamborghini / Ferrari / Koenigsegg / Pagani or similar low volume car