"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
08/24/2015 at 15:34 • Filed to: time travel, chrononaut, not expressly car related
3
0|
"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
08/24/2015 at 15:34 • Filed to: time travel, chrononaut, not expressly car related | 3
| 0 |
Working as a chrononaut isn’t all fun and games. A lot of people think that travelling through time for a living sounds delightful, but it’s not like you’re going to really nice places. Usually I’m just doing the paperwork to retroactively justify some drone strike or other CIA black op.
Sometimes I push a few things around, leave some falsified documents behind. The guilt doesn’t weigh too heavily on me, it’s just a job. Other guys in previous decades cared a lot more about preserving the timestream, but my coworkers and I are generally just here to collect a pension and do their 9-5. Before you ask, yes, I am forbidden to travel forward in time just to skip the last 30 minutes of the day or fast forward to the long weekend. I know, right?
We have this joke around the office, we tell the new guys “it’s not so bad, except your commute can take centuries.” Centuries! Get it? Well, you’ll get it once you’ve been here long enough. Little time management joke.
I’m in this meeting, and the new project manager from capital expenses accounting wants a timeline of decisions. I ask her “which timeline?” Everyone laughs but her. She doesn’t get it. Even after everyone falls all over themselves to mansplain it to her and maybe curry some favour with the promotions mechanism, nothing doing.
The nice thing about this job is that you can go back in time to correct dumb shit you said in meetings, but the bad part is that you have to go through the same meeting over and over, depending on how much dumb shit you like to say. I like to say a lot of dumb shit. My record day at work was 38 hours long and consisted entirely of me reversing sarcastic eye-rolling at the secretary’s questioning of our social media expert’s promotional tweets.
At the end of the week you have to fill out a timesheet for your hours. After I started just drawing a huge spiral and it was rejected, I began entering negative hours.
But I digress. You see, my boss was in my office, and he was asking for a report. The deadline was yesterday. Literally.