Everyone makes mistakes

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 08/20/2015 at 21:56 • Filed to: civic, honda

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One thing you learn after a couple years in the car business: Ford vs Chevy doesn’t matter. Cadillac vs BMW doesn’t matter. Lincoln vs... oh, right. Import vs Domestic. It doesn’t. Matter. Why doesn’t it matter? Simple:

ALL AUTO MANUFACTURERS ARE UTTER BUFFOONS

Furthermore, they give fewer than zero fucks about the guy with a box-end wrench and a dream of saving money and stress by fixing his own automobile.

Ha, and additionally, ha-ha.

I was completely wrapped up in my Honda. It was an amazing little machine. The all-around double-wishbone suspension “ Just like a race car!”, the fantastic little 5-speed transmission, the ease of upgrading the speakers, the ease with which engines go in and out, how amazing it is that the entire engine can be electrically disconnected from the car with two plugs. I was in awe.

But then today I realized something really, really dumb. Honda had solidly mounted the exhaust to the engine in lieu of a flex pipe. Allow me to explain.

In a front wheel drive vehicle with a transversely mounted engine the varying torques and acceleration and engine braking and shifting results in an engine that’s rocking and rolling its way around the engine bay like a mental patient strapped to their bed. Of course, the exhaust system is a solid metal pipe connected to this writhing mass of flexing metal roughly perpendicular to the twisting motion. The result of this is that something, somewhere, has to flex, less you have an exhaust that slaps the ground every time you rev the engine (note: At one time this was the actual case in the Murdersofa, as I had a solid exhaust that dumped below the driver with no hangers. Accelerate = sparks). In the case of an exhaust that uses flexible rubber hangers to attach itself to the chassis, the exhaust won’t hit the ground but it will transfer all of the torque from the twisting engine to the valiant little studs that hold the exhaust manifold into the block. Not good if you value... well, anything really.

Hondas response?

“Screw it. Flex pipes are expensive! Just bolt the thing directly to the bottom of the engine block so that it will torque that little piece of replaceable metal instead of the exhaust manifold! That could never go wrong in any forseeable way! Jenkins, go fetch me a refreshing beverage.”

So that’s what they did.

Of course, what happened is that over time those two little bolts fell off and loosened, respectively, allowing the exhaust to wiggle against the metal bracket and produce the most ear-shatteringly high-pitched squeal ever, and cause me to freak out thinking I had spun a bearing or something (and kept driving the car for three days like that. Go me.)

Not sure where I was going with this other than if you meet your hero, make sure to prepare for whatever inane flaws they may have because you’ll have to live with the consequences eventually.

Also, my new job has a GM certified automatic car wash. No effort to go from a filthy mess to a sparkling mess because now that the dirt is gone I can see all of the nicks and scratches and swirls in my $500 car’s awful paint job! Yay!

Rico > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:06

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That dude’s name was probably Jenkin-san. What is a Gm certified car wash like?

Birddog > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:11

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“Not sure where I was going with this other than if you meet your hero, make sure to..”

Hold up there Cowboy.

If this your “hero” car we have some serious Jalopwork ahead.

(I’ve owned a few 1980s/1990s FWD “performance” cars and none had a flex joint.)

 V8 Rustler > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:13

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“GM certified automatic car wash.”

Does that mean you it is okay to wash Pontiac Grand AMs?

DoYouEvenShift > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:14

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Im pretty sure its the guys/girls in suits staring at spreadsheets trying to please the guy/or girl above that are the buffons.

JR1 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:19

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Lincoln vs... oh

Laugh it up while you can. Lincoln has a solid line of crossovers and the new Lincoln Continental is a showstopper

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To >  V8 Rustler 08/20/2015 at 22:19

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It means GM built it specifically to not screw up paint and such, and only GM dealers can buy one. Or something.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Birddog 08/20/2015 at 22:20

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Not my hero car, but at first it was so hard to find a flaw with it that it might as well have been.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Rico 08/20/2015 at 22:21

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Basically like most others but specifically designed to not screw up paint. It washes off its own brushes, has special fabric for the swirly things, etc. Got my ridiculously dirty car clean with water pressure and what amounted to flailing a shammie at the car.

TheVancen- In Pursuit of a Greater Payday and Car Parts > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:29

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My SHO doesn’t have a flex pipe either. And I didn’t even have the where with all to weld one in when it inevitably snapped in two behind the catalytic converters.

boxrocket > Birddog 08/20/2015 at 22:32

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My 1989 Camry wagon with the I4 had a flex pipe (which was starting to fail...) IIRC.

Rico > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:36

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That sounds awesome

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:43

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I mean if that’s all you can find, that’s pretty good. I can at least find the head gaskets made of butter, engine powered by dying hamsters, and an automatic transmission that makes a 67 hp Subaru feel like a muscle car comparatively, in my 4runner.

Berang > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 22:52

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In this photo, right near the back end of the valve cover is a bracket that is connected to long piece of all thread. The other end is mounted to the fender. This was SAAB’s method for keeping th engine from twisting over under acceleration. It works. The whole car rocks when you rev.

XJDano > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 23:04

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My metro has no flex pipe. I patched the exhaust so many times from it being rusting out, I finally bought a new cat, intermediate pipe & muffler for around, $300. It all bolted together & way easier than welding in patches. Should last until I get rid of it.

Tekamul >  V8 Rustler 08/20/2015 at 23:20

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I doubt it. Mirrors probably still fall off

Round headlight enthusiast > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/20/2015 at 23:49

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Oh boy, yeah, Hondas can be fun sometimes. A lot of stuff in my Integra is held in by really shitty screws that strip if you so much as look at them wrong. Often times those screws get realllly stuck and exacerbate this problem. Fun story about this, when I needed to pull the bumper off the car, there were 9 bolts under the front lip of the hood. In order to get the hood to close, they had to have a flat head. So, what Honda did is make them have an extremely shllow phillips head screw head. (pictured on right)

To top things off, 90% of the time the threads get all crusty, and the bolts get stuck so bad that no amount of PB blaster will free them. 7/9 of these on my car stipped so bad that the phillips heads turned into a circle. So, I drilled them out and tried to use a remover drillbit.

As it turns out, they were stuck so bad that the torque from the drill actually snapped two remover bits clean in half. However, with persistence they did come out.

Anyway, that ruined the bolts. And considering that these bolts are for a specific purpose, no hardware store will carry anything that will sit flush enough to allow the hood to close. You have no choice but to buy them from an Acura parts counter. Stupid things cost me $35 to replace.

If you want to know the misery of my latest screw encounter, try to loosen the 3 screws that hold in your door latch (inside the door jamb). I dare you to get all 3.

fhrblig > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/21/2015 at 00:55

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But at least the nicks and scratches are all nice and shiny! Seriously, it does look pretty good.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > fhrblig 08/21/2015 at 08:38

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HTC Ultrapixel Cameras: Making Shit Cars Look Nice Since 2013

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Round headlight enthusiast 08/21/2015 at 08:40

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The three door latch screws were halfway unthreaded when I got the car, so I’ll gladly accept your challenge. I totally forgot I had that problem, though. Wow.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 08/21/2015 at 08:42

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The car is so basic there is very little to complain about. The only other thing is the seating position is generally terrible (I have to lean forward to get into 5th) and changing the AC from high vents to foot vents etc, only affects the middle vents, the ones on the outer part of the dash have to be manually opened and closed.

MonkeePuzzle > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/21/2015 at 10:24

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“But then today I realized something really, really dumb. Honda had solidly mounted the exhaust to the engine in lieu of a flex pipe. Allow me to explain.”

wha? no they didn’t

the exhaust in your d-series should come from the header, bend under the engine, with the cat mounted in front of the engine, then be connected to the rest of the exhaust by a movable joint with spring mounted bolts. From there back the exhaust is on rubber hangers.

Round headlight enthusiast > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/21/2015 at 10:56

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consider yourself lucky! does the latch not work right?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Round headlight enthusiast 08/21/2015 at 22:44

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It didn’t, but it does now that I’ve tightened the bolts, which was nice because I was freaking out about that a fair bit when I got the car.

Round headlight enthusiast > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/21/2015 at 23:26

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Nice! I had to tear the whole assembly out of the door so your solution was way easier than I thought it’d be!