How My BMW 135i Chose Me

"Jake Stumph Racing" (jakestumphracing)
08/20/2015 at 11:19 • Filed to: jakestumphracing, BMW, 135i, Mazda, Mazda3, stories

The BMW E82 1-series was a polarizing car during it’s 5 year run in the United States. The styling was derisive, some commenting that it’s bulldog looks lacked proportion and was ugly. Others loved it’s short wheelbase punchiness, and general ethos of being a personal-sized BMW coupe with simple design. I definitely fall into the latter. Ever since the car came out in the States I was a fan, it was so aggressive compared to everything else, and as an enthusiast, I knew that smaller meant lighter. Sign me up.

First, let me back up and preface this story. My previous vehicle was a 2008 Mazda3 hatchback. That car was my first foray into modifying, and racing cars in any capacity. I owned that car from new (March 2008) to January 2013, and it taught me so much. Everything from understanding engine tuning, chassis tuning and suspension dynamics, and how to start getting into autocross and track days.

It was a willing, and reliable partner, but not without it’s quirks (kind of like the driver). There were so many “firsts” with that car, and the memories will always be close to my heart.
However, after nearly five years, several revisions, reboots, and changes to my modification pathway for the car, I wanted something different. I didn’t have the means at the time to keep two vehicles, so it was with a heavy heart that I returned the car back to stock, parted everything out, and began looking for something new.

I had a general outline of what I was looking for, faster, manual, RWD, sporty. I had loved the look of the E82 since I first saw it, and really wanted a 1M but I knew that financially, it was simply not possible. My roommate at the time had picked up an E90 335i and was constantly in my ear about the tuning potential of the N54...

I looked at an AP2 S2000 , it was like a Miata turned up to 11, but I physically did not fit in it, and the motor didn’t blow me away like I thought it would. It lacked the urgency, freneticism and “punch-above-it’s-weight” feel that I had known with older Honda products.

I looked at an HR 350Z , it had presence, and felt substantial, Japan’s take on an American cruiser/brawler. The engine felt meaty, and the gearbox was pretty nice. Ultimately, it was too much of a cruiser, and didn’t set my hair on fire enough.

I looked at a 2.0T Genesis Coupe 6MT R-Spec , which was in every way terrible.

The FRS came out in 2013, and I was all aboard the hype train. I wanted to love it so much, because, on paper it was perfect for me. I was on the forums every day, planning out modifications, and generally trying to absorb every bit of information that I could. However, I drove a few of them, and was underwhelmed. I knew that like the S2000, I was supposed to love this, but it just didn’t do anything for me.

So, I kept driving the Mazda.

One day, after visiting my Mom at her place, she mentioned seeing a “cute” car up on the plinth at the local BMW dealership. My Mother generally doesn’t know, or care about sports cars, at all, so I brushed it off.
The next day, she sent me an autotrader link to the cute car that she saw. It was a CPO 2010 (N54) 135i, 6MT, stripper car in Alpine White on the used lot, with 10,990 miles, still on the OEM tires. I drove to the dealership with my roommate and my Mom and took it for a test drive.

Maybe it was indicative, but the sales associate took a look at me and my roommate and told us to go out and have fun, he would keep my Mom company at the dealership. I drove the car around town, it was smooth, but nothing special. I hit the freeway on-ramp and hammered it, and I was...underwhelmed. This couldn’t be right, this car had firepower under the hood. This is the lightest BMW made with the N54, it should be a rocket.

I looked at my roommate and asked if it felt slow to him. He said it was just in my head, and that I wasn’t used to the lack of drama associated to the flat torque curve of the twin-turbo engine. I came into this, used to my roommates tuned N54 car, I guess the tune makes that much of the difference. A bit disappointing, but I kept driving, and driving. The more I drove, the more I became acutely aware that something about the car just felt right. The way that the thick ///M sport steering wheel fell right to hand, the seating position was low, and the notchy shifter had a spring loaded tension that flicked from gear to gear like it was eager to be rowed. I felt right being in this car, in a way that I didn’t in the others. There was an intangible feeling that this was the car that I was supposed to be piloting.

Eventually, there was a long clearing, and soon I was foot-to-the-firewall on it. Second gear, into third, the car felt pretty good, so I kept in it, and into fourth, not looking at the speedometer, just looking ahead. It was all so smooth. My friend asked if I was done yet, that’s when I realized that we were going quite a bit faster than I thought. The N54 is a deceptive beast, the linearity and smoothness of the power delivery does not relay the fact that this car could hustle. I was sold.

In January 2013, I had my 1’er, and on the original stock summer runflats, I braved an Ohio winter, but it didn’t matter, because I was in love.

But there was one prang of the heart, early into ownership.

My Dad ended up seeing my old Mazda at the auction block a few weeks after I bought the 1’er. He said that after listening to the same loud, booming cold start every day for several years, that he couldn’t mistake it for any other Mazda3 wagon. He said, it was mostly there, but it looked like hadn’t been washed since the day I traded it in (I spent the night before giving it a send off detail), and overall little worse for the wear.

Hearing that pulled at my heartstrings. I loved that car, and it was (and still is) near and dear to my heart. I had to let go of it, like a lover mourning their dead spouse.

I was okay though, happy even. Every time I sat in the 1’er, I knew that I had made the right decision. Every autocross and spirited drive brought me closer to the sort of mechanical harmony that only my Ultimate Driving Machine could deliver. Both cars had character, both had soul, and I realized that it wasn’t necessarily that I loved the way that Mazda3’s drove, no I just loved my car, because I had 81,000 miles worth of adventures in it. I wouldn’t want another one, unless it was mine specifically. The 1’er had the sort of exuberance that can only come from a compact coupe with a wild donkeypunch of an engine. It was ready for 81,000 miles of adventure, and if I have my way, many more than that.

When I began this article, I was conflicted, was it a celebration for getting the car that I had long admired, and coveted, or was it a swan song for a passing legacy? Now that I’m getting near the end of this sob story, I think that most people who love cars would agree with me here: it’s both. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to describe this, as I’ve owned my 135i for well over two years now. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m a sentimental fool, and was reminiscing about all of the good times I’ve had, now, with both cars. At the present time, I’m convinced that despite me constantly griping (in a loving way) about the shortcomings of the E82, that there is no other car out there, that I would trade for, and that includes the ND Miata, which if you know me, is absolute lunacy. Maybe I’ll keep it forever. Maybe I’ll finally tackle that 1M widebody conversion. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be thankful for what I’ve got, and continue to enjoy it as much as possible in those ways that are still intangible, but still so enjoyable.

So here it is, my long overdue goodbye, and my equally long overdue hello. A toast, to the cars I love(d).

[Jake Stumph is a track day bro, and general hack of a writer. You can !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for track side commentary, pictures, videos, and colorful commentary on modifying and trying to set lap time records with an unusual choice for a track day car (it seems to work well, thus far). He also wrote this in the third person, because he likes to jam more self-deprecation into his content, by any means necessary.]

DISCUSSION (21)

bob and john > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 11:28

fuckin BEAUTIFUL.

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 11:29

Your words resonate with me. I do a lot of bitching about the flaws of my 135, but every time I go drive something else with the thought of it maybe replacing the 1er I wind up completely underwhelmed and thrilled to hop back in my car.

I just crested 80k miles in mine (30k of which were done by me), so I’m starting to get to the point of needing to think about whether I’m going to keep it for a while and invest some money in it or part ways, but I’m having a harder time letting it go than I expected.

nerd_racing > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 11:54

Driving the 128 and the 135 is what convinced me to get my 128. Sure I wanted the turbo, but I didn’t need it. I wish I had waited for the right 135i but I still love my 128.

Have any of you guys had issues with the stock radio? Mine seems to have lcd issues, if it’s too hot or too cold it doesn’t render the full screen. The one in the gauge cluster is just fine though. Sometimes the radio ghosts in and out and overlaps too.

TheNeonDriver - Now with More BMW! > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 13:01

I feel very much the same way from switching from my Neon SRT-4 to my 335i. Not as nimble as your 135i, but it is still lots of fun at autocross and feels way nicer on road trips.

Jake Stumph Racing > nerd_racing
08/20/2015 at 13:35

BMW has long had issues with their pixel displays in radios, affects E30 to present. Disassemble and rebuild, or live with it. For what it’s worth, mine is fine.

Jake Stumph Racing > Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney
08/20/2015 at 13:38

Good luck, I always think about what I’d let it go for, but no newish cars really appeal to me enough to get rid. The ND Miata has been testing my limits, but whenever I get back into the 1’er, it just overwhelms with character and slightly impractical charm.

Jake Stumph Racing > bob and john
08/20/2015 at 13:39

Thanks man, it came from the heart.

nerd_racing > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 13:47

Thanks for the heads up. I will deal with it until my radio dies, then I will replace it and install the bluetooth antenna and speaker. Maybe by then I can get the BT cable and program it so the bluetooth will work. I have the ipod package already so most of it is there.

Jake Stumph Racing > TheNeonDriver - Now with More BMW!
08/20/2015 at 16:14

It’s tough to justify something new when there is years of sentimentality attached to the old. It’s okay, after 2.5 years, the 1’er and I have had our own crazy adventures, and stories to tell. It’s why I started writing JSR in the first place.

CallMeTURBO > Jake Stumph Racing
08/20/2015 at 18:00

Dude wide body conversion thoughh

I didn't even know you could do that

Jake Stumph Racing > CallMeTURBO
08/20/2015 at 18:05

The front clip (bumper and fenders) are plug and play. the rocker molding/side skirt is plug and play. Obviously, the quarter panels would require the old cut and weld, but you can buy new OEM 1M quarter panels for ~$600/ea to section in. If you’re on a budget, you can do the whole conversion for about ~3k depending on what 1M stuff you want to skip on.

PG; the scalpel wielder > Jake Stumph Racing
08/21/2015 at 04:37

Kinja'd!!!

Very well written! The n54 has grabbed my heart by the balls in this first month of ownership. Sure there are a few niggles but the power is so awesome. Coming from a tuned Jap car background with a lot of love poured in. I miss the Honda sometimes but good god this thing is a beast!

Kinja'd!!!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Jake Stumph Racing
08/21/2015 at 16:36

Nice - I went from ‘05 3s manual hatch to ‘08 M3 manual sedan in 2012.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Jake Stumph Racing
09/01/2015 at 10:35

Interesting.. I think I know who you are... You still live in Ohio?

Jake Stumph Racing > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
09/01/2015 at 13:29

No, I moved to California. If you’re thinking of a white 1-series that rips at autocross in the Columbus area, you’re likely thinking of Kyle Herbst’s 128i. He is killing it in STX this year.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Jake Stumph Racing
09/01/2015 at 13:46

I’m one of the people who convinced Kyle to start autocross.... And no, I’m definitely not thinking of him. And his E82 is not white, it’s silver. I will be with him at Nationals. I’m not as fast he is but I try my hardest

I remember your Mazdaspeed3. I’m religiously at every OVR event. I can probably count on one hand every event I’ve missed since I moved to the area. But I just can’t remember if I ever introduced myself. Sorry :(

Jake Stumph Racing > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
09/01/2015 at 13:52

I was at just about every OVR (and several Buckeye Miatas and PCA) autocross from late 2009 up until I moved in 2013. I’m a big, goofy looking ginger. I’m sure we’ve rubbed elbows at some corner station over the years.

Let me say this: Enjoy what OVR has, other regions are simply not as fun. That said, 2016 should be interesting, I’ll have a new autocross project, and I will be aiming to clean up shop in H-Street. ;)

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Jake Stumph Racing
09/01/2015 at 14:03

you’re getting the Overdog HS car? (Fiesta ST) I think the SCCA has gone wrong with that car in the class.

FiST should be in GS and the GTI and FoST should move up to FS or even DS while the WRX and Golf R should move up to BS.

Have fun out there and keep posting! Did you see my MK7 GTI PP video from Sunday? That’s my ride for Nationals

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/autocrossing-a…

Jake Stumph Racing > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
09/01/2015 at 14:09

Nope, taking an unlikely hero into the fray. 2010 Civic Si. Longer gearing than the newer Si, so 2nd gear is actually usable, mech LSD, and a fairly competent suspension. Should be fun. Hoping to be under $2k all in on prep.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Jake Stumph Racing
09/01/2015 at 14:17

It’ll be tough. I had a 2010 Si 4dr for all of 6 months. I think the FiST is the better car for the class.

I’ll be happy to be proven wrong though

Jake Stumph Racing > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
09/01/2015 at 14:19

We shall see.

I took a quick look through your Kinja and saw your handle on there. Now, DasBorgen, I remember. You had regularly drove an E36M3 when I was around.