"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
08/12/2015 at 06:30 • Filed to: Hyundai Genesis Brand
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"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
08/12/2015 at 06:30 • Filed to: Hyundai Genesis Brand | 3
| 27 |
I’m sure all of you at Hyundai have found that alphanumerics suck when all the best ones are taken (thanks alot Audi and Mazda). Well fear no more, Wobbles has a system that even Johan de Nysschen would say, “I’ve seen better,” then return to his jai alai match against Mary Barra. All this done free of charge after you pay me in car wash vouchers and cold cuts.
Let’s start with when to change model names. Under no circumstances do you change the nomenclature before you change the models. That’s like me handing you a chocolate chip cookie, telling you it’s a chocolate chip cookie, letting you bite it and tell me it is indeed a chocolate chip cookie, then me slapping the cookie out of your hands and exclaiming, “No! It’s Cake!” But if I hand you a brand new chocolate chip cookie, say it’s outmeal-raisin, even after you find it to be what you know as the previous chocolate chip cookie, part of you will always doubt that and call it outmeal-raisin when you recommend it to other people to consume. You’ll say something like, “It’s oatmeal-raisin but it tastes exactly like chocolate chip!” Whammy, my product is now known for phenomenal tasting raisins. (Yes I’m eating cookies right now for breakfast, Im an adult so I do adult things). Anyways, the takeaway is to not change model names until you have a new model or at least a mid-cycle refresh. * Please forward to Cadillac.
Let’s start with what the current models and concepts would become when Genesis is spun off as its own brand.
Starting Lineup
Genesis GQ-series: Midsize Sedan lineup
Genesis GQ200 - turbo 4-cyl
Genesis GQ300 - NA V6
Genesis GQ400 - TT V6
Genesis GQ500 - NA V8
Genesis EQ-series: Fullsize Sedan lineup
Genesis EQ400: TT V6
Genesis EQ500: NA V8
Now we know a version of the current Genesis Sedan is coming with two doors, so we’ll need a system for designating this body style variant. Perhaps a classical French term that will evoke romance and heritage? A word that stands out, yet feels somehow familiar. How about something truly daring, like the term “coupe?” Granted, customers will be a bit confused why there are only two doors, but they’ll learn over time to associate the term with a two door variation of the respective model.
Possible EQ-Series Coupe for example
The Nomenclature System
The model series is denoted by the first letter.
H for compact
G for midsize
E for fullsize.
The second letter is the body style.
Q for sedan
P for CUVs and SUVs
Thus the GQ-series would be a midsize sedan, and the GP-series would be a midsized CUV. A GQ-series Coupe, would be a midsized two door variant of the GQ, and a GP-series Coupe, would be an abomination based on the midsize CUV.
The three digit numbers denotes the hierarchy of engine performance (and thus trim level).
200 - lowest (turbo-4cyl)
300 - low-mid (NA V6)
400 - high mid (TT V6)
500 - highest (NA V8)
Any time a smaller engine supersedes a larger engine in performance, the last digit is replaced with the letter N. So if you have a GQ400 making 400hp, and a GQ500 making 455hp, no issues. But say you take the TT-V6 and bump the power up to 467hp. Now you have a GQ40N.
Of course an N appearance package will be needed. Maybe instead of going with N -sport we can call it N -lite (get it, enlight?!)
I guess they could still use HTRAC for the AWD system, but maybe offer a super-handling version called N TRAC.
Actually, there’s alot you can do with N branding! N -lign for the special system of tire alignment only available at the dealership. N -gauges for the special all LCD instrument panel. Not to be confused with N-gage, the controller for placing the vehicle into Eco, N ormal, Sport, Sport Plus, and Nsane! mode. Don’t confuse Nsane! mode with N -sane mode, which where all traction and stability controls are fully engaged, seatbelts tightened, and throttle/steering responses retarded (also known as standard Hyundai mapping).
No system is without its flaws, but I think this is the right amount of confusion and aggravation to charge a premium for. You’re welcome Korea!
LongbowMkII
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 07:17 |
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Chrysler really shot themselves in the foot with naming the last Sebring the 200. To extend your metaphor, it is naming your used condom cookie chocolate chip then wondering why no one will buy one even after you remove the used condom from the recipe.
Random Commenter
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 07:26 |
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I hate alpha-numeric car names. It’s fucking retarded, for the most part... BMW and Mercedes cars are about the only exception, imho... but only because they’ve has been using alpha-numeric names forever.
As for the spread of this phenomenon, I hate it. I think it’s lame, and unimaginative. I’m not even a fan of Cadillac naming their cars things like “CTS” and “ATS”... I miss Cadillacs actually having names... like “Eldorado”, “Fleetwood” and “De Ville” for example.
IMHO, alpha-numeric naming schemes are a step backwards... But I’m guessing eventually car companies are going to take a step even further back at some point to copy Tesla... I wonder how long until the Ford “F-150” is renamed the “Model T”...
Just use names for cars.
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Random Commenter
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 07:31 |
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Chrysler is dying a slow, painful death... They have 3 models this year... The 200, 300, and Town & Country. It’s a shame...
Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 07:57 |
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This.metaphor.is.awesome.
CalzoneGolem
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 08:06 |
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The only people that hate the Sebring are internet car nerds. The 200 is a handsome car.
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LongbowMkII
> CalzoneGolem
08/12/2015 at 08:09 |
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The only people who hate the sebring are people who have worked on sebrings.
FTFY
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CalzoneGolem
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 08:12 |
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And internet car nerds.
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Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 08:18 |
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Worked on, ridden in, driven, looked at or otherwise associated with the sebring.
ftfy
Cé hé sin
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 08:50 |
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Hyundais don’t have names like i30 and i40 over there?
SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 08:54 |
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Or sat in one. Or looked at one.
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SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 09:00 |
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I don’t think they did. Initially when they were selling the Sebring rebadged as the 200, sales went up because people actually seemed to believe that it was a new car. Also people really liked the 300, so since it had a similar naming convention, they assumed it would be similar. I know at least two people who bought Sebrings after they changed the name to 200. Even when I pointed out to them beforehand that it’s the same piece of shit that Chrysler had been making since 2001, they either didn’t believe me or didn’t understand what that meant. A comparison I can think of is if Lancia decided to reenter the US market with the Lancia Grand Voyager and people started buying it like crazy because of its Italian style or performance even though it’s just a Town and Country.
nermal
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 09:00 |
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I think Hyundai needs to spin-off a higher end brand with an entireley new name if they want to sell higher end cars. Same concept as Nissan / Infiniti, Toyota / Lexus, etc. They need to be sold in separate dealerships as well.
Part of the appeal of buying a $50k+ luxury sedan is that you get to go to a “premium” dealer to do so. You can completely separate yourself from the plebeians and their inferior $15k econo-shitboxes and vastly inferior bank accounts.
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LongbowMkII
> SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
08/12/2015 at 09:03 |
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right and they’re not falling for that shit again. well, I say that, I wonder how many sebring200 owners bought a chrysler product again.
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Wobbles the Mind
> Cé hé sin
08/12/2015 at 09:15 |
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Nope, we get names like Elantra and Veloster. But this directed at their luxury end which won’t share the i-scheme.
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Wobbles the Mind
> nermal
08/12/2015 at 09:28 |
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Agreed, but I don’t think Hyundai has a good enough reputation yet for it to matter what they call their luxury brand. The Japanese manufacturers were able to do it because American and European luxury brands were at a low point and poor reputation for reliability and cost of ownership. Right now you need Tesla levels of innovation to break into the group. If you must be better than the established brands to be seen at the same level. Plus anything you do, they will match before you even hit the mid-cylce refresh.
Patrick Nichols
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 09:30 |
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I don’t know how many people will buy an HJ...
RoboRed "The road to hell is paved with overturned Vanduras"
> LongbowMkII
08/12/2015 at 09:35 |
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It is for this reason that I absolutely refuse to call the first gen 200 as the 200. It is a gussied-up Sebring.
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Wobbles the Mind
> Random Commenter
08/12/2015 at 09:36 |
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I feel the same mostly. But when you offer a large variety, you need a way for people to easily find what they are looking for. You also have to remember that people don’t try to learn every brand’s systems or models. If I said Taurus, Fiesta, Fusion, and Focus you wouldn’t have any idea what they were or how they related. I say A3, A7, A4, and A8 and you know they are in the wrong order and the same body style without ever seeing them.
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Wobbles the Mind
> Patrick Nichols
08/12/2015 at 09:39 |
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Depends on the base price. Either they’ll ask for more for their money or be enthusiastic about the dealer experience.
BigBlock440
> SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
08/12/2015 at 09:39 |
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Even when I pointed out to them beforehand that it’s the same piece of shit that Chrysler had been making since 2001
Well, they probably didn’t believe you because you were wrong, but that’s ok.
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Wobbles the Mind
> nermal
08/12/2015 at 09:48 |
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I would agree if the vehicles cost moves inline with the luxury makes. I think they are one more generation away from it making sense.
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SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> BigBlock440
08/12/2015 at 09:54 |
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Yeah, I’m over giving car advice. No one ever actually listens to me. Most recently, a friend was looking for a car. He was looking at used GTIs because he thought that they were well priced. I told him the reason they’re cheap is because they break all of the time and that he should look at the STs and maybe a BRZ. He didn’t even look at those, bought the used GTI, and is already chiptuning it, so I know it’s only a matter of time before he starts to have problems with his water pump. I don’t even know why anyone even asks.
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Random Commenter
> Wobbles the Mind
08/12/2015 at 09:59 |
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So, what you’re essentially saying is that because people are dumb and lazy, they need a library index like naming scheme for them to be able to understand which cars are which?
I disagree... Even a lot of the people I know who aren’t into cars have at least some knowledge as to how the Taurus, Fiesta, Fusion and Focus are related, and understand which one fits into which segment... The confusion for most of the non-car people I know comes when you get into the “top shelf” varieties of cars... They, for instance, wouldn’t know what the difference between a Bentley Continental GT, and a Bentley Continental Flying Spur is. Or what the difference between a Koenigsegg CCX and a Koenigsegg Agera R is. But they likely know what the difference is between a Fiesta and a Taurus is.
boxrocket
> CalzoneGolem
08/12/2015 at 10:43 |
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The new non-Sebring 200 is handsome. The prior version is ok, but bland. Better-looking than the Gallant it was based on.
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CalzoneGolem
> boxrocket
08/12/2015 at 10:49 |
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My mom has a third gen Sebring. It is a decent car. I’ve driven it a few times. It feels solid and is pretty comfy. She loves it.
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boxrocket
> CalzoneGolem
08/12/2015 at 10:57 |
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K.
I hope you don’t have to work on it. Especially changing the battery that’s in the wheel well.
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CalzoneGolem
> boxrocket
08/12/2015 at 10:58 |
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It is not like it would be my first Mopar product.