I'm lost Update Jul 22

"Katsumoto" (katsumoto) 07/17/2015 at 22:45 • Filed to: None

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I’ve dated my fiance for about 3 years now. It was all great and going fine. We got engaged and had been living together for a while.

Today, after 3 years I came home from work and she was gone. There was a single note on the table. It said “ I’m not ready for all this and please don’t ever call me or my family.”

I mean after 3 years and I get this. I’m lost, my friends don’t even have an idea and her or her family isn’t answering my calls. Her friend who she’s known since high school is lost too.

I’ve been sitting in this empty house drinking. I don’t even want to live here in this house anymore. Everything about it reminds me of her. It was recently renovated and she helped pick color and layouts.

I did everything right by this woman. Since day one, been sweet, honest, and never hid anything. We had one fight in 3 years. It was 2 years ago. So its not that. She knows my passwords and stuff. (Which have been changed) I know hers too. Im lost.

As of right now, I’m at a friends place and he can’t figure it out either. At this point, I don’t even care what the reason is behind it. She’s no longer welcome. I don’t do this to anyone, even as a joke.

I just don’t know what to do. She doesn’t play jokes like this. I’ve done right by this woman in her words. I don’t know. It just hit me by surprise and I’m almost tempted to destroy it all. I can’t look at anything in the house without seeing her there. All of her stuff is gone. Like she never lived her.

Aside from this, the rest of my life isfine. My business is working fine, my cars are going strong. She was aware of my financial situation and every last detail about me.

I’m not suicidal or anything. Just can’t stand to look at my own house. My garage or even the passenger seat in my car. It just made me sick to my stomach.

So this weekend I plan on trying to drink memories away and Monday get my cars detailed and get her name off the door of my work truck. (I had my name painted on the driver side and she rode with me on her off days and her name is on the other door)

Beyond that, probably end up moving or at least attempting a repaint of stuff to make her touch disappear. To see if it helps me stay in my own home. After all it was my Grandma and grandpa’s house and I got it in the will.

I’d like to stay but its going to be hard and take alot of money to try to make her disappear.

Update....

Managed to talk to her and figure it out and after talking for 20 mins in Walmart, I realized she just thought I didn’t care anymore because after I’d leave work, I’d come home and relax. She didn’t want it to seem like an explosion. I told her all we had to do was talk about it. I’ve always been there and willing to talk but it hardly ever happened. I told her after what she pulled that she wasnt welcome anymore and it hurt me alot.

She apologized but wanted to work it out. I said no and walked away.

Sorry that screwed me up pretty bad with that. Its not easy to forgive it and move on. She asked me if I wanted back her ring and I said no. She got mad but it was her own fault. Just talk, not move out not answer a call for a few days and then act like it didn’t happen. Sorry.

I’ve managed to keep busy by focusing on my business and bought a used f350 for 5500 bucks. 09 regular cab f350 2wd diesel with 170k on it. Got a guy referred by a good friend looking for a job. So I took a shot. I told him he’ll get a new truck if he works out and doesn’t cost me alot. I’ve got 12k in a truck and 3 car hauler trailer.

I was at an auction with some dealers I haul for and it popped up. I couldn’t resist for the price. I mean 6 weeks ago I bought a new Ram 5500 diesel chassis cab, and 5car trailer for 70. So I guess I have the new guy truck.

Although this guy is pretty wellexperienced, he was willing to start low and work for more. I guess I would be too if I hadn’t found a job in 6months.

IIm back at the office getting work done, got a new guy. So I now employ 4 people. I’m 28 and the oldest guy is 47. 5 trucks, 4 Ram 5500s, 1 f350 ,2 5car trailers, 1 4 car, 2 3 car.

Working was the only thing that would occupy my mind long enough to keep her off it.

All from my deployment money, a small lotto winning of 100k, and my old repo business being bought by someone who wanted my clients so bad he bought me out to get them.

After my doc appt, she had a couple good ideas and I’m trying. Although the anti depressants suck. They knock me out.

TLDR- saw ex fiance,talked, she wants to act like it didn’t happen. I walked away. She’s not welcome. Bought a cheap diesel truck and trailer. Hired a guy who was happy to find a decent job. And now after my doc appt, she gave me good meds and told me to focus on the good stuff and let the bad go.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:47

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Steam - themanwithsauce. Pretty sure we can find something to kill time with. Not a good night for myself either. Keep yoru head up, brother.

Katsumoto > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/17/2015 at 22:49

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I’ll add you soon. My computer is at home.and I’m not going N it this weekend.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:50

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Ah. Dang. Well hope things look up. Oppo is here for you.

CB > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:52

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I really have nothing to add, other than that fucking sucks man. If you need anything, we’re all here for you.

Crest > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:54

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Sorry man. Been there and it sucks. It’s always the memories that linger……..that is a lot harder to paint over and the right way to paint over it is not to sit around drinking.

Instead of that, go out that night, have fun, visit a bar, hit on other women after all you have nothing to loose because if you sit around, the thoughts and memories are gonna eat you alive. It almost destroyed me…….easier said than done but the effort is what counts.

Don’t think just act, 7 billion people in this world, I’m sure someone out there is going to help you make new memories, paint over what you have and make new ones because that;’s the only way to move forward in a situation like this

fhrblig > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:57

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That is just awful. My condolences, try not to hit the sauce too hard. If she pulled this on you, then she isn’t worth it.

Because Racecar > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 22:58

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What a cold way to end something serious, whatever you do hide your keys and turn off your phone, kick back in front of the TV and watch something. Give yourself a few days to recover from what really sounds like a sucker punch from nowhere. If you want to talk let me know, maybe we can talk through Steam or something.

Katsumoto > Crest 07/17/2015 at 22:59

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I’ve always been somewhat of a social drinker. Drink with friends.or at abar or something.

Drinking is easier than getting put on antidepressants. I won’t ever deal with those things again.

Plus its an easy way to stay away from that house.

Berang > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:00

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Family problems? Her family? I would give benefit of the doubt for the time being, unless you maybe know more that would indicate something is going on and she just doesn’t want to deal with it.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:00

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I’s sorry man. That is one confusing situation. I know it’s not easy, but realize that it’s probably for the better. Yah, that really sounds stupid. But, don’t waste your time searching for an answer you probably don’t want to know anyway. Write her off and consider her crazy. Sell the house, get yourself a toy, and get rid of the evidence. Stay close to your family and friends to help you stay confident and thinking clearly. Those are the people that are most important in life.

And drink, but not by yourself, because that’s just sad.

boredalways > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:01

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Beyond that, probably end up moving or at least attempting a repaint of stuff to make her touch disappear. To see if it helps me stay in my own home. After all it was my Grandma and grandpa’s house and I got it in the will.

DO NOT SELL YOUR GRANDPARENTS’ HOME OVER THIS WOMAN!!! You will regret it.

*keep your chin up

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:02

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That sucks dude, no idea what would make you feel better but rum always helps!

R32 help perhaps?

petebmwm > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:04

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Do not, under any circumstances contact her. Neither she or any of her family existed. Treat it as such. Paint everything. Erase it all. If you ever see her anywhere, ignore her. She is a stranger. You do not know her or her family. do not look for a reason, it doesn’t matter. She’s not gone, she didn’t exist. now go to a bar and get some strange.

smobgirl > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:06

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I’ll really just never understand why people just walk away without even the courtesy of discussing what’s going on. I just can’t imagine being that cold, but I haven’t dated a single person who, in the end, was willing to work as a team rather than just take the easy way out and quit. I’m probably not the person to cheer you up much at the moment but I can totally relate.

I’d be glad to help paint and redecorate if I could! I think it’s a little more distracting than he “go to the gym” suggestions. I’ve always been a runner but by god does it give you way too much time to think.

Anyway, I’ll have a beer for ya. Seems a lot of Oppos are down on their luck with relationships lately. Here's to something happy in your near future.

fhrblig > fhrblig 07/17/2015 at 23:08

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Also, I don’t know if music will help, but here...

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:09

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I don’t know what to say, but here’s a hug over the internet. We’re all here for you.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:11

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Go to a baseball game. Even if it’s a minor league. They have always helped me through rough times. Even if I went alone.

Katsumoto > smobgirl 07/17/2015 at 23:13

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Since day one it always felt like I met a female me. Had similar interests, food choices, music, and opinions.

I just guess all us car guys can onlyrelate to one thing. The cars we drive. Since women don’t get us. We can always talk to the car.

Katsumoto > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/17/2015 at 23:16

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I can’t sell the house. I have good memories from being a kid with my grandma and grandpa. I’m not going to leave what they worked hard for.

At best, I’ll repaint and get new furniture to see if it helps. If not. Then piss away more money on a new renovation.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:17

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Well look at the bright side... better that it happened BEFORE you got married and had kids.

It would be a lot worse if after years of marriage, you came home and there was no wife, no kids and a note on the kitchen counter.

Ask me how I know...

And I recommend you DON’T drink during times like this. Alcohol is a depressant... not a good thing to have when you’re already feeling down. This is when you’re most at risk for developing a chemical dependency.

Go for walks, eat well, spend time with friends and family... it will get better.

smobgirl > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:18

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Not sure of the housing market where you are, but you could always rent it out to someone for a couple years. Don’t make any big decisions yet though.

Katsumoto > Because Racecar 07/17/2015 at 23:19

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Yea it was a sucker Punch for sure. Just this morning it was like every other day. Get up for work and kiss her good bye and I love you and then I’m at work.

Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:21

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This going to be a bitch to type by phone but here goes

I’m with you bro. been scarce on oppo cause 6 months ago i had a house with a garage, a dog, and a wife. We were married for like 2 months and she had a midlife crisis basically at 29. All came to a head in january. Now I’m at my parents house drinking playing xbox. While trying to decide what to do with life. Realized desk work is eating me.

In the end you’ll be glad you didn’t get married. Anybody who would do you like that isnt worth having around.

-Magoo

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:23

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Try not to turn to the alcohol to get you out of shits creek, it’s just a temporary solution, and the hangover will just make things worse. Just go for a long drive. If you can get some time off work, go for an even longer drive. Roll down the windows, find your favorite tunes or enjoy the sound of the wind and mechanicals, and find your favorite road and then some new ones. Or if you live in Florida, I’m sorry, just drink.

JR1 > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:33

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Whatever you do don’t make any crazy decisions like selling the house. Someone close to me had his wife commit suicide in their basement and at the time he wanted to sell. He obviously wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. Looking back he has mentioned several times how happy he was he didn’t sell the house.

T omorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

I am sorry to hear about this. Just don't get too tipsy this weekend. Drinking isn't the answer it is just another problem.

smobgirl > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:36

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Hey, some of us try to “get” you :)

I’m very thankful I picked out my car before I met my ex. He apparently had some influence in many of his previous girlfriends’ car choices and I'd be devastated if I was stuck with that sort of memory. Probably a lot like your renovation, I imgine.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:49

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People just freak out and can’t handle things. Don’t try to call her or family, she needs space to realize she messed up. Just don’t do anything over the next couple days that can’t be undone. Try to breath, be with friends and people who care. Either she’ll return of she doesn’t, but dont muddy the water until you know what’s going on.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:54

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Sorry to hear bud...I don’t know you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you any less, nor do any of the rest of us. Hoping you can move on and feel better when the time is right...

Otherwise, we’re all here for you. Find something that makes you smile and forget, if only for a little while....re-watch some Top Gear, Mighty Car Mods or Roadkill.....their antics might at least bring a little smile to your face. Go hang out with friends....play some video games maybe, go to the theatre for a movie. Something to get your mind off of it (not easy, I know), but dwelling on it continuously for a long time can never fix things, nor will you feel any better.

Pretty cold of her to just end it like this...

Bad Idea Hat > Katsumoto 07/17/2015 at 23:59

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I had 2 1/2 years with a girl, who I found out had been/was planning on cheating on me.

I took a year off of relationships. The next person I dated, though, is now my wife.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 00:21

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My ex was like that. Ive been in a similar situation. My relationship wasnt as serious with my ex as yours was with yours, but I get it and have been there. If you need someone to talk to I’m here. Heres my email: applefanatic10.7 (at) gmail (dot) com

I can give you my cell number from there. Text or call. I'm available to talk tonight and I get off work at 1pm tomorrow. I’m here if you need an ear to vent to.

E92M3 > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 01:03

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Ouch man. That’s such a horrible thing to do to someone. It’s bad enough when you see it coming, but being blindsided like that just isn’t right. You deserve to get some closure, or explanation as to what’s in her head. Although when I’ve gotten one it’s never been the truth anyway. It’s not till later you find out the REAL reason. Then it’s followed by anger that your last moments together she had the guts to look you in the eye while flat out lying to you, and showing zero guilt for what she has done. I just can’t understand how someone can drop everything, or stop caring in an instant and write you off completly after spending years together. We’ve all heard stories, and think that won’t happen to me...There’s got to be 2 sides. They must of been verbally or physically abusive, or have substance abuse problem...SOMETHING they aren’t telling us. Then it does happen to you. Women can be so heartless, and selfish. In my case it would of been so much easier if she had just said, I didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did, and I’m so sorry to hurt you like this. I feel so quilty but I’ve fallen in love with someone else. If she really felt better with someone else I would tell her GO. I want you to be happy, and if he makes you happier than me best of luck to you both. But to not have the decency to be honest, or any remorse for the breakdown of 2 familes, and being able to sleep like a baby every night while living the secret life. That’s some cold evil shit. Sorry again man. Just take it 1 day at a time. I would give her, her space. Let her process her emotions. Maybe she’s young and is getting cold feet. Maybe a few days back at her parents or wherever see is will make her realize that’s not what she wants and she was just overwhelmed. If she doesn’t come back, know that it does heal with time. Little by little everyday. Try to imagine god did this for a reason. He has someone better lined up for you, andvthis was necessary to get you there.

Darkshoe (With Straight 6) > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 05:17

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Hey buddy, I’ve been in a similar situation. Your “met a female me” is what keyed me in. One day I got a phone call that she had started dating someone (“uh yeah... you’re dating me, right?”). It was awful. Saw her a year later and she told me that she’d made the biggest mistake of her life. I thought that would be nice to hear, I had been waiting a year for her to say it, but when I finally did I had no reaction. There was a part of me that wanted to let her back in (and there’s a part of me which still does today) but she left. The woman I wanted to keep and cherish left me. How can I ever allow myself to bring her back in? I want to but I don’t think that I would ever feel safe.


Shit.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 05:59

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cheer up , it could be worse!

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 07:59

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I dated a girl for 2 1/2 years and lived with her for 1. She kicked me out of the house with little more than “you make me miserable”, I also felt she was the female version of meme and I ended up being homeless for two days. I’m not going to sugar coat it and tell you everything is going to be find because it won’t, at least not in the short term. You sound like you have some good friends to help you so you’ll make it though okay. Long term everything will be better, you’ll find a girl who you’ll fall in love with that isn’t like anything like your ex and she’ll make you happy.

I still think about Tammy from time to time and you will think about your ex, you always will because she was a big part of your life but the hurt does get easier to bare as time passes.

Now have a Gary Perry GIF

Opposite Locksmith > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 09:52

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We care about you!

Tohru > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 09:52

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Steam - Tohru Rokuno. I’m here for ya too, man. Just had a similar thing happen, just on a shorter timeframe.

Katsumoto > smobgirl 07/18/2015 at 10:45

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Yea its just hard to look at a house that’s basically all new and not think about her in it. I still remember some of the things she said about this or that in the househouse.

That’s what’s the hard part. Looking at thebacksplash. thr bathroom or the office. Its all her in the paint, layout and different touchestouches.

Katsumoto > E92M3 07/18/2015 at 10:51

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Never once hit her. Sure I got mad and yelled but I’d leave to cool down.

I can’t hit a woman. That’s not me. I used to smoke weed but I stopped when I opened the business and became a trucker.

Other than that, just what my doctor gives me which isalot. i do have adrenal insufficiency, hypothyroidism, anxiety, PTSD, Marfan’s syndrome, and a few other things.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 23:17

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How are you holding up?

BlackBird, Mexican Clownshoe pilot > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 23:32

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cheer up man, I went through something very similar this week, spent 3 years with this girl who I was going to propose to later this year, I met her right after I started med-school, I decided about switching careers after midterms last semester, without telling anyone, not even my family, when she found out she flipped and turned her back on me... I feel the shittiest for keeping that kind of secret to myself, but at the end my family supports my decision, and that’s I’ll I need, not someone who will not even try to listen why or tries to understand.

bob and john > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 23:51

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Holy.fuck... Jesus....man. I dont even know what to say.

My email is peternegru1995@hotmail.ca.

If you need someone to talk to you about anything, to u can reach me there.

Katsumoto > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/18/2015 at 23:54

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So far I haven’t even as much as walked up the steps of that house since Friday. I had a friend go by and change the alarm codes and locks since I couldn’t muster up the strength to even see it.

Nothingschanged. She sent me a text telling me that she hopes it works out for me and hopes the best. Then I tried calling and got nothing. The number has been turned off. I called Verizon and asked about it since I know the info to get that far. And it’s been disconnected and the customer left Verizon is all I got.

I’m glad I have some good friends that canhelp. I couldn’t even look at her pictures on my phone or Facebook.

I don’t care her reasoning or what caused it. I’ve talked with friends we both knew together and theyare thinking I’m telling some cruel joke. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to go back to that house. Its going to take alot.

I have an appt Monday with my psychologist and she if she’s got something for me. I’ve already cancelled my week at work and plan to try to get some painters and things changed in the house to help.

Beyond that try to continue with my life and go on. This is a total and complete mindfuck that I could never wish on anyone. Even an idiot driving slow in the left lane.

Its going to take a while to get back to a normal life.

I plan to to away from the house until its changed and she’s gone from it. The good thing is alot of the newer furniture is still under a return policy. So it can be changed out. I’ve explained it to the stores and since most of it was bought at a mom and pop store they’re willing to work with me and help.

That’s the plan for the next little bit and see if it helps. At least my dog was my choice and he can stay. Every last bit of her will be gone and her name is staying private. I’m not going to put her out there like that even after this.

boxrocket > Katsumoto 07/18/2015 at 23:57

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Is it possible something more nefarious happened? Is there a go-between who can check on her? Gone Girl made me paranoid about such things.

Katsumoto > bob and john 07/19/2015 at 00:07

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Yea. This was out of left field, not even a change or anything. Just came home and saw it and walked back out the door.

I’m not a perfect man by any means but she understood that and looked beyond my issues and saw me for me.

I just hope that it doesn’t drain my life away. Her birthday was 2 days before mine and our planned wedding day was the day in between our birthdays.

November 5 for her and 7for me. Although by then I should be back to normal. Its just going to be a while before I get any sort of feeling back.

The only thing I could manage to think of was she couldn’t believe she found a guy likeme, who had his shit together and was working for the best I could.

Prior to me, she was in a few bad relationships that ended in violence or pain. She took a while to open up and then I got to know her beyond what she showed.

I always saw her for what she wasthough. A beautiful girl with a bad past. When we first started dating she asked me my opinion of her, and I shocked her because I was dead on. She was for me too.

Oh well that’s thepast, time to get moving with my life, business and personal affairs. Just going to take some time for myself to reflect and work on moving on.

Katsumoto > boxrocket 07/19/2015 at 00:22

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No, I doubt it. She was always upfront and told me of her problems and things. Between what I’ve got from her and what I’ve got from mutual friends, its just she probably didn’t want an easier life.

She’s been through alot with before me and to her I was more than just a guy. I was perfect to her. She couldn’t believe that there was guys like me, who don’t hit, respect, and love their woman.

She knew I was a guy and couldn’t stop from looking at other women, but I’d always look and then hold her close.

Same thing every day, I’d cook or she’cook. The other did dishes. Watch some TV together, and go to bed. I’d always hold her close, hold her hand and take care of anything she asked about. Her car broke, it got fixed and I’d let her use my truck or car to get around in until hers came back. Had one fight about 2 years ago because I forgot the day we met, we always celebrated that day because she liked to.

Other thanthat, everything was perfect. Never go to bed mad, always slept next to each other. She was fine with my hobbies and I was fine with hers. We’d always hike during good weather at some park. A 2 week vacation to somewhere we hadn’t been yet.

I don’t know what else I could have done. This girl brought the best out in me. All I ever tried to do was make her feel the same way she made me feel.

I never once got tired of her face, smile or perfume. I got a dumb smile on my face when I saw her every time, my heart raced, and my knees got weak.

We talked about thfuture, kids, and all that stuff. I even put up with her sometimes horrible music picks. I can’t stand that pop music that always has some stupid ass chorus that ends up in some commercial or always on the radio. Taylor Swift and that kind of stuff.

boxrocket > Katsumoto 07/19/2015 at 00:30

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Well, that’s something, but I meant something where she could have been pressured by another to leave, perhaps even forced, or some other catalyst. As far as you know, she's safe and secure somewhere, yes?

bob and john > Katsumoto 07/19/2015 at 00:33

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Dude i really dont.knkw what to say... If your ever in the southern Ontario area. Let me.know. The beer is.on me

Katsumoto > boxrocket 07/19/2015 at 00:48

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Yes. I do believe she’s safe where ever she is.

I don’t know anyone that would do that to me or her.

I know about 8months ago her long time ex boyfriend was recently paroled. He only knew her mom’s address not ours.

After a brief talk with the facility he was in, theletters stopped.

My address is only on our mail and that’s it. We don’t have a home phone. Most of the bills aside from her car was in my name so he couldn’t figure out our address. Plus he had a restraining order placed on him for harassment.

I live near a school and as a sexual offender he cant legally even come to the house under ohio law.

Id imagine sometime soon ill find out the real reason. I knkw her, her handwriting and the kind of msgs she sends. Its all her.

Katsumoto > bob and john 07/19/2015 at 00:52

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I probably won’t be for a while. That was our planned vacation thus year. Was a few places in Canada.

My friend has a good solution is to work on blocking her out of my mind and work on acting like she was never here.

boxrocket > Katsumoto 07/19/2015 at 02:41

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Well, you’ve certainly done your due diligence. I hope everything turns out well for you.

orcim > Katsumoto 07/19/2015 at 04:01

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Know any good tribal medicine people in your area? Have them come and “clear” it out. Who knows if that does anything except change our own expectations/perceptions (if we let it), but damn it fixed a knarley knot for me.

105 HP of fury > Katsumoto 07/19/2015 at 07:33

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I’m sorry to hear about this. Hopefully you’re having a better weekend. I haven’t been in your situation before, but one thing I would do: re-arrange the bedroom (at least) furniture. It should at least help to get a different perspective on the room so it doesn’t remind you of her when you first wake up.