"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
06/19/2015 at 12:43 • Filed to: 325ix, e30, hardy boys, daily driver, cars make you stupid
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"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
06/19/2015 at 12:43 • Filed to: 325ix, e30, hardy boys, daily driver, cars make you stupid | 4
| 4 |
Frank and Joe Hardy had just purchased their new ride, a 1987 BMW 325ix. Its tight, angular, boxy curves seemed to burst from the reserved styling and its motor roared to redline in every gear, producing savage pops and growls. The steering? Perfectly weighted.
The boys had done their research, alright, and ended up with an excellent example which they towed from the backyard of a friendly college professor. All it needed was a new battery, and the M20 fired up and settled into a gentle idle. It ran like it had been waiting for them all these years!
Needless to say, they were delighted to get the combination of Teutonic style and brutal acceleration offered by a 30 year old AWD German family sedan with a ride height closer to a Steyr-Puch product than an M3.
The two of them were investigating a recent report of ghosts in the New England area when the E30’s dashboard threw an oil pressure light and the savage six began to sputter and cry out in pain. Joe, who was driving, pulled the car to the side of the road and pulled the hood release handle, which snapped off in his hand.
After reaching into the back seat for a pair of vise grips, Frank was able to pull the cable and release the BMW’s flash suicide hood, culminating in a panache-rich panel rattle as the ancient hood hinges rattled from the one-two combo of dried lubrication and metal fatigue. The two of them stepped out of their respective doors onto the hot tarmac of the interstate.
Their sump was leaking, seemingly smashed open by a dead armadillo a few miles back. The boys looked at one another, and then called for roadside assistance, hoping that the motor was stout enough to survive the brief period of oil starvation. Wiping out one of the cams would be bad, but not the end of the world - it’s a pretty common motor, after all, and parts would be readily available at any BMW specialist junkyard. This is why an E30 is such a practical choice for a daily driver!
After the Hardys had set out and solved the mystery in a rental Fiesta, they returned to the stricken BMW in their detached garage with a mind to replace the pan. After dropping the pan, they were met with the curious sight of a front differential, inexplicably stuck halfway through the middle of the pan and impeding all reasonable access for repair.
Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
> Seat Safety Switch
06/19/2015 at 12:46 |
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No, you’ve got it wrong. At the end of the story, Fenton shows up and puts it all back together and it works perfectly.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/19/2015 at 12:55 |
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Notably missing - Chet showing up and being really, really useless, possibly dropping the toolkit.
VonBelmont
> Seat Safety Switch
06/19/2015 at 13:01 |
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Well let’s not forget the time they drove their car into the fucking ocean
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Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/19/2015 at 13:01 |
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And pleading with them not to open the hood, as there might be an engine under there, while complaining that the wheel bearing grease wasn’t edible.
Eventually Tony shoys up with his dad’s truck to take the whole thing to scrap.
And despite the predictability, I really enjoy them :)