Found a Snapper!

"zeontestpilot" (zeontestpilot)
06/04/2015 at 08:25 • Filed to: Michigan

There’s a lake, downhill, about 500’ from me. Apparently the turtles are climbing uphill to lay eggs. Last week we had a small painter turtle. This morning we had a decent size snapper. So of course I was walking my dog when I saw it.

Oddly enough, despite relieving herself 30’ from the snapper, she didn’t see it. And she barks at anything. Anything...

It was a good size snapper too, it’s shell was just bigger than my face, and it’s mouth would easily break the bones inmy hand if I got too near. Isn’t nature grand?

DISCUSSION (41)

macanamera > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:28

1. Snappers are so awesome. Literally, they are dinosaurs.

2. Never fuck with a Snapper.

3. My dog and I run in to them pretty often, and I know he's never had a bad experience with a Snapper because he still has all his appendages, but boy, does he stay the fuck away. Like, won't get closer than 10 feet from any direction.

505Turbeaux > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:30

I caught a huge one while fishing once. Fucking thing was no joke. Went right for the needle nose vice grips to retrieve the hook

MultiplaOrgasms > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:30

Sweeeeeeeeeeet!

thebigbossyboss > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:32

If you have to pick up a snapper...don’t do it. But if you have to the proper way is on the shell right on top of their head and then also the shell right at the centre of their rear end. Then they can’t bite you.

But I would not fuck with a snapping turtle, they are big mean mofos.

My buddies brother once poked one with a stick on the back of it’s shell. It did a spinorama and bit the stick in half in less than a second. Yikes!!

thebigbossyboss > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:33

Can you blame him? My buddy poked one with a huge stick once, it jumped spun around and bit the stick in half in less than a second.

macanamera > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:35

I saw an Alligator Snapping Turtle in Florida once. Mind blown. 200+ pound snapping turtle. It looked like it could bite through a tree trunk.

thebigbossyboss > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:37

That is huge. I would not get within 10 feet of that thing. Never mind your damn dog haha.

macanamera > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:39

It was just so menacing. I've seen a 2000+ lb crocodile and the turtle was way scarier. It just looks like it has been waiting 50 years for you to get close enough.

zeontestpilot > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:41

I'm surprised/impressed it climbed the hill. There used to be a road that went down it, but it's too steep for cars, so they barricaded the road. Even walking down it can be difficult. I'm impressed by the turtle!

zeontestpilot > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:42

There used to big a snapper around here, like the width of a rowboat. No idea if it's still around though.

macanamera > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:42

Where do you live? The width of a rowboat? Was it an alligator snapper?

zeontestpilot > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:43

Yeah, I wasn’t gonna bother moving it. It was laying eggs in my neighbors driveway, not mine, :). I mainly amused by it.

zeontestpilot > 505Turbeaux
06/04/2015 at 08:44

How did you hook it? By the mouth?

thebigbossyboss > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:44

I was just reading up on these turtles. Apparently they are way more docile than the common snapping turtle which of course (at least round here) is rather noted for it’s belligerence when out of water.

Alligator snappers seem to tire more easily out of the water...now that being said I still would not get close at all.

zeontestpilot > MultiplaOrgasms
06/04/2015 at 08:44

I should ask my wife it we can keep it, just for kicks.

thebigbossyboss > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:46

You may consider letting your neighbour know so he doesn’t drive over the eggs. My friend once bravely rescued a snapper from the roadway. Not sure I would have. I value all 5 fingers.

macanamera > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:46

That’s actually pretty common among all reptiles, the bigger they are, the less active. Reptile metabolism works differently than mammalian metabolism. Really huge reptiles spend 99 percent of the day hardly moving.

Kinja'd!!!

Also: RIP in peace, guy in the hat.

macanamera > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:49

No no no, don’t do that. Two hands under the rear portion of the shell near the back legs, but where it can’t scratch you. If it’s too big to be picked up like that, leave it be or call a professional.

Rule NUMBER FUCKING ONE- never ever ever under any circumstances fucking ever put your hand anywhere near a snappers head.

zeontestpilot > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 08:52

I live in Michigan, east of Lansing, on a campground. It was a long time ago when I saw it, over 10 years ago. I can’t remember the exact details of the shell to identify it, but i remember it swimming underneath my gpa’s 2-person boat, which is currently at my house.

I write about it once on oppo: http://oppositelock.kinja.com/let-me-tell-yo…

Snuze: Needs another Swede > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:53

That’s awesome! I think you just found a new pet.

When I was a kid, my grandparents lived by a river off the Chesapeake Bay, and they used to get a lot of snapping turtles. My grandmother was like some kind of turtle tamer - she liked to go walking every morning and when she’d come across a snapper in the road, she’d carry it back to the river so it didn’t get run over. She gave absolutely no shits - she’d walk up and the turtle would be thrashing around and snapping and she’d just scoop it up and carry it down to the river like it was nothing.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 08:54

Those fuckers are MEAN. I've stopped a few times to help them cross the road and the only way I'll get close is with a long ass stick. Maybe ill nudge it with my foot if I'm wearing steel toes. They are just nasty. But still cool to look at. From a distance.

zeontestpilot > thebigbossyboss
06/04/2015 at 08:57

I will if I remember when I can home. I haven't met her yet ( I'm new to the neighborhood), but I can be a interesting ice breaker, lol.

kanadanmajava1 > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 09:07

Those are awesome! Sadly we only have couple of small lizards and snakes living here.

They might have pretty neutral nature smell so dogs might not smell them very easily.

I have a tortoise and most dogs are freaked up when they see it.

zeontestpilot > Snuze: Needs another Swede
06/04/2015 at 09:08

I texted my wife the Q. She’s probably sleeping, plus I know the answer already. I just like to keep her on her toes, :).

zeontestpilot > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated!
06/04/2015 at 09:10

This one just stated at me, which surprised me. I expected it to open it's mouth, ready to bite. Not this one.

CalzoneGolem > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 09:13

I love finding snappers. We’ve got a lot of wet lands near us and they love to lay eggs in the sand next to the roads. If you start shit with a snapper it will end it. Don’t start none. Won’t be none.

zeontestpilot > kanadanmajava1
06/04/2015 at 09:17

Well, in Michigan, we tend to get good size animals. Plus I’m in the country, which certainly helps.

I’m still waiting for a chance encounter with Bigfoot, :). We was spotted back in the ‘70s about 5 miles from my house. Hoping!

zeontestpilot > CalzoneGolem
06/04/2015 at 09:18

I thought she was pretty docile honestly, especially for laying eggs.

thebigbossyboss > macanamera
06/04/2015 at 09:20

Your technique sounds safer, but they still cant bite up. When you grab it from behind it’s head you move your hand from the back not the front.

CalzoneGolem > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 09:34

Yeah, they’re fine as long as you leave them alone and aren’t tasty looking.

zeontestpilot > CalzoneGolem
06/04/2015 at 09:39

Well, I do taste delicious, so there might be a problem....

kanadanmajava1 > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 09:48

The winter in Michigan should be quite harsh so its interesting that there are turtles living there. I have known this before but it’s still surprising.

Reptiles are small here but quite big mammals and birds live here. We have a lot of moose and handful of (Eurasian) brown bears and wolves live here. Within kilometer where I work there is a marsh where I have seen a white tailed eagle and several ospreys. And this area is our country’s most densely populated area. In Finland you cannot get very far away from the nature.

But the number of bears is so small that its almost a miracle to see one.

JKER > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 10:06

Weird timing, today there’s two snappers out of the pond at work. Never seen them out of the water before. Must be baby-making time.

CalzoneGolem > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 10:06

You should be more careful then.

Whatever happened with the Jolly Roger?

zeontestpilot > JKER
06/04/2015 at 10:28

Should totally play smooth jazz for them.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 10:32

My wife’s boss has an African Spurred Tortoise as a pet. I’ve been trying to convince my wife that we should get one as well. The only problem is they live 50-100 years and get to be about 2’ in diameter and up to 200lbs.

zeontestpilot > CalzoneGolem
06/04/2015 at 10:40

It’s pillaging once again. I got it back, but now the steering is worse then before, -_-. The steering wheel shakes violently over 60, but the actually wheels seem to be not affected. I know the inner tie rods are loose though.

CalzoneGolem > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 10:43

Yeah, mine never stopped vibrating.

zeontestpilot > Snuze: Needs another Swede
06/04/2015 at 10:46

Semantics. I'd just focus on how long it would be til I could ride it. Priorities, :).

Snuze: Needs another Swede > zeontestpilot
06/04/2015 at 10:51

I’ve done some research and it’s going to take a long time, like 30 years or more. Seems like most tortoises grow rapidly the first few years of their life. The spurred tortoise grow from hatching size to about 9” long in a matter in 2-3 years. Then it takes them 25+ years to reach full size.

zeontestpilot > CalzoneGolem
06/04/2015 at 10:53

Bummer....