Well that's easily the stupidest thing I've done all year

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
04/20/2015 at 15:16 • Filed to: None

Long story short: If you see a Hells Angel’s-wannabe fuckwad driving his bike like a dick, don’t purposely piss him off. I was minding my own business in the right lane going the speed limit when I’m suddenly deafened by a bike with weird-ass exhaust passing on the left driven by a guy in a leather jacket. I then watched him lanesplit past one group of cars and pass on the left shoulder past some others. The road soon cleared of cars and I sped up to see what this asshole’s issue was. Why? I don’t know. I eventually ended up behind him as he did 85-90 in a 60, and he happened to take the same exits that I did. I dunno why but I really wanted to flip this asshole off. I probably should have eaten lunch, maybe then I would have been thinking straight. I head off down an offramp and he slams on his brakes *on the shoulder* and gets behind me, then pulls up next to my open left window when I pull up to the stop sign at the bottom of the offramp.

“You got a fuckin’ problem, kid?”

“Yeah, I don’t appreciate the way you ride that thing.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Less lanesplitting, passing on the shoulder, maybe having even a passing regard for the law and considerate driving.”

“Oh fuck you you little pissant”

At this point he started reaching for the fairly obvious gun in his jacket. A quick check of oncoming traffic revealed I was good to turn right at any time, so I made my escape after barking out some laughter at this asshole pulling a gun on a kid in a civic in the middle of traffic.

Lesson learned: Eat lunch so you don’t do stupid shit in response to other people doing stupid shit, road rage is real, don’t piss off people with guns.

Got it?

This is Professor Jake signing off.

DISCUSSION (43)

CalzoneGolem > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:20

That is pretty stupid.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:20

I think the Civic is warping your mind and turning you into a Civic BRO, causing you to do things you wouldn’t usually do.

macanamera > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:20

I would have...disposed of him.

Rainbow > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:20

You’re not the one who did anything stupid.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Rainbow
04/20/2015 at 15:21

Giving lip to a dude with a gun usually isn’t the recipe to a long life.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:21

Let him pull then swerve in. Car wins.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
04/20/2015 at 15:22

Hey man, that’s totally not fair. In a totally unrelated note, wanna buy some weed?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
04/20/2015 at 15:23

We were stopped at a stop sign, lol

Sneaky Pete > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:25

Should’ve thrown a half eaten burrito out of your window at him while he was passing you.

Edit, reference here- double edit, kinja isn’t allowing me to paste. Reference Anchorman.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:25

Then you will only feel two bumps as you duck, turn and hit the gas. Scumbags making the rest of us riders look bad had it coming.

FastIndy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:26

Then swerve FASTER!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:26

Have the bigger gun?

Kinja'd!!!

Sam > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:27

So, if you had a gun, would you have been in the right if you shot him down? Legally speaking only, of course. I think just the act of him reaching is enough of of a threat to your life.

ACESandEIGHTS > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:29

Hey man, sounds like you figured it out in the end. Doesn’t matter if the law’s on your side: you ain’t enforcing it. Also, think of your mom. Or dad. Or whoever’s going to miss you if some road rage flares up and this guy actually does pull a gun. Should he? Would he regret it? Would he be found and go to prison?

Man, it don’t matter if you’re in a box. Because a bad driver got your blood up, of all things.

It’s a hard truth, but all this stuff is moot after you’re dead. If you want to think about it in a macro sense: none of this will matter 100 years from now anyway, so living the next 70 years in peace is your best option. Btw, I don’t know how many people can ride a motorcycle without acting like an idiot. I’m not one of them, so I can’t speak on it.

Trevor Slattery, ACTOR > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:30

That was pretty dumb man. Just let that shit go. Since the topic has been bicycles lately, I can tell you that even as a cyclist, if a car does that shit to me in traffic and I catch ‘em....it’s going to be ON.

gas head > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:31

Next time have a Snickers

5-Speed Gangsta > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:31

Nobody got hurt and you lived to tell the story. Hopefully you never encounter him again

ttyymmnn > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:32

Back when I was about 20 (mid-’80s) I was driving a delivery van (awesome little straight 6 Chevy 20, IIRC) when somebody cut me off. Not really that bad, but I flipped him off. He stopped in the middle of city traffic, put his car in park, got out, and came stomping back to my van. I was stuck. His face was all red, and you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. He got to my van, opened the door, and tried to pull me out of the van, screaming, “Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!” Luckily, I had my seat belt on. He let go, slammed the van door shut, got back in his car and drove away, leaving me shaking. It’s been thirty years since I flipped somebody off.

As Obi-Wan Kenobi said, “It’d be as well to let it go.” You’re not going to change the guy’s driving habits, and you might get hurt—or killed—in the process. Take a deep breath, shake your head, and keep driving defensively.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:32

Is this a route you travel frequently? If so, watch your six.

I used to ride in a club (sport bikes) but we had to deal with some unsavory characters from the Hells Angels. I learned early on that in basically all of the US, all colors wearing motorcycle clubs are defacto governed by Hells Angels, or one of their feeder clubs. To have your club recognized, you have to have the blessing of the Angels. And running an unrecognized club was not a good idea.

The long and short of it is that these guys really don’t care much for “rules” or “laws.” There’s a reason they are called 1%ers and it has nothing to do with wealth and occupy movements. If you piss them off enough, they won’t hesitate to dispose of you.

ttyymmnn > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/20/2015 at 15:37

Is this a route you travel frequently? If so, watch your six.

This.

DoYouEvenShift > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:38

Should of told him to share the road.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:44

Neither is going after someone in a car on a bike.

Rainbow > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 15:48

I mean, he did ask... The solution here is for him to stop being a douchebag. It’s completely the wrong approach to decide that the victim is the one who needs to avoid the conflict.

But yeah, I get what you’re saying. I would have just called the cops on him.

ACESandEIGHTS > Sneaky Pete
04/20/2015 at 15:55

That’s how I roll, Brospeh.

Lekker > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 16:08

Here’s what bothers me, the fact that enough people get intimidated and eventually hurt or killed by asshats like him make the rest of them feel empowered enough to act like such a careless snob, willing to commit stupid crimes for laughter. Killing some kid in a civic whom had just offended him would be a laughing point when he hits the bar with the rest of his group.

The fact that you and I, as any other civilians should have the overall power and ability to shame people into acting more reasonably, but the lack of people standing up to these guys makes them truly believe they’re ok to carry on. And if no one stops them.. they are.

Now excuse me while I go ponder how the social infection we now call society that has gotten so bad - and curse that biker off a little. Glad you’re okay and you thought on your toes, bravo.

ACESandEIGHTS > Sneaky Pete
04/20/2015 at 16:17

That’s how I roll, Brospeh Broseph.

Couldn’t edit the other.

Your boy, BJR > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 17:06

*can I buy some

The dealer is ALWAYS in a Montero Sport.

Your boy, BJR > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/20/2015 at 17:12

I’ve honestly had nothing but good experiences with the Angels. Working the parking lot at the AP tattoo conventions, they’d show up, I’d let em park for free, and they’d have one of their junior guys hangout and keep me company/act as a bodyguard. (Working outside in the hood with $20k in your pocket is generally dangerous) granted, them bringing out beer for me (I was 17 at the time) probably triggered my alcoholism, but they didn’t do that on purpose.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/20/2015 at 19:24

Kinja'd!!!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Lekker
04/20/2015 at 22:58

You turned a random altercation into a stunningly thought-provoking philosophical point. I’m gonna go think about this until I get distracted by shiny things.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/20/2015 at 23:00

Well that’s fucking terrifying.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Sam
04/20/2015 at 23:02

Really not sure. I believe a direct lethal threat to life is justification for use of lethal force in self-defense, but the law is stupid sometimes so who knows?

TheHondaBro > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 00:35

Hey, the year’s not over yet.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 04:46

mow him down!

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Your boy, BJR
04/21/2015 at 09:42

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to disparage the Angels here, there are good people in the club and many chapters that do great things for the communities and things like that. Whenever I had to deal with them, they were nice and cordial, but I was always a little on edge. I just always had the impression that below the big jolly santa claus persona, they would have no problem wrecking peoples shit. I was once told something to the effect of: the only rules they care for are their own - if you play by them everything is going to be awesome, and if you don’t, well, the outcome will be unpleasant.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 09:45

Sorry, not trying to make you paranoid. Did you happen to see if the guy was wearing colors?

Lekker > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 10:20

Well, it is due to our natu - ooooooooooh a c7 just parked next to me at work.

What were we saying?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/21/2015 at 10:48

Not even sure what that means. I just remember noticing the leather jacket and a lot of autozone chrome bullshit on his bike.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 12:02

Kinja'd!!!

Sorry, I should have been more clear. “Colors” is a term for a motorcycle clubs insignia that their memebers wear to signify that they are a club member. Pictured are Hells Angels colors. Colors are usually given in stages. IIRC, A new recruit only wears the “Hells Angels” rocker on the top. There are specific guidelines to earn the rest of the colors, usually you have to be a member so long, and go on so many rides, hold a certain position with the club, etc.

As I alluded to above, the Hells Angels have somewhat of a monopoly on official motorcycle clubs and on colors. Lets say you and some friends wanted to start a motorcycle club - you need to find a local HA chapter or one of their feeder chapters in your region and get their permission, and their approval on your colors design. If you and your buddies just decide to make up some giant patches and sew them on a vest and you get spotted by some HA guys or their affiliates, questions are going to get asked.

Another motorcycle term you should be familiar with is a “lone wolf,” which is a person who isn’t affiliated with a club. The guy you encountered is probably a lone wolf. I think I was just thrown by your description above as “wannabe Hells Angel,” coming from the community it means something different to me than it does to you, I think. His behavior just sounds really out of line for an Angel or feeder member. It’s been my understanding that these guys won’t hesitate to use force if they think it’s necessary, but they also have a delicate balance to maintain a reasonable PR imagine, so they don’t want their members just shooting people up over a minor road rage incident. They also tend to keep their bikes really nice, I don’t think a bunch of stick on autozone chrome would cut it with those guys.

Your boy, BJR > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/21/2015 at 12:42

Well, duh, they’re an outlaw biker gang. But I noticed, as a civilian, they can be fun to hang out with in a more relaxed neutral setting.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/21/2015 at 14:23

I’m slightly disturbed that one club basically regulates all motorcycle clubs, but it is at the same time fascinating. I didn’t see a patch on his jacket like that, but I wasn’t really looking that hard.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
04/21/2015 at 15:46

Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. To be honest I may be exaggerating somewhat in terms of them controlling all clubs - there are a handful of other big clubs that I know they consider equals. But I don’t think any of them have the sort of social/political/economic influence the Angels have. And I don’t think the Angels have chapters everywhere, so I’m sure there are a lot of areas that escape their influence. But I do know that in the regions where they do have a presence, they run shit. They are very secretive, a lot of the stuff that goes on you won’t see or hear about in the news or on a Wikipedia page. It’s a murky world, and there’s a reason I stopped riding in a club.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Snuze: Needs another Swede
04/21/2015 at 15:51

Wow. I feel like I need to find some AMAs or something about this.