"Steven Lang" (StevenLang)
03/30/2015 at 18:01 • Filed to: None
17
10|
"Steven Lang" (StevenLang)
03/30/2015 at 18:01 • Filed to: None | 17
| 10 |
It is with great sadness that we report the demise of one of the industry greats.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
Johan DeVeenah-Schniffles, native New Yorker and 132nd President of Cadillac, died this afternoon due to the unexpected loss of his last paid-for media groupie.
"All I did was go to the bathroom?", said Motor Trendy Chief Editor And Industry Backscratcher Edward Lowenbrau. "I wanted to have a private moment so I could look at the new Continental in peace."
"That's when I noticed the peephole for the first time."
Immediately afterwards, Johan locked himself in his bedroom and reportedly screamed,
"First I liberated Cadillac from Detroit. No reaction! Then I bring the letters C and T to every Cadillac model. Nobody cares! Every armchair dumbkopf with a computer now wants to second-guess whatever I do! Meanwhile Ford brings out a name that went out with Beanie Babies! Instant sensation! F*** this! I would rather die or work for Chrysler!"
Johan's death is reported to be a heart attack. Not a "Catera Attack" as earlier reported, which is apparently a common fatal illness for many former Cadillac owners.
In lieu of flowers, all donations should be made to the letter Q and the Cookie Monster "Q Is For Cookie!" Fund.
EL_ULY
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:13 |
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ALL OF DA MONIEZ TO MEEE!!! Nom Nom!
Wobbles the Mind
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:14 |
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Too bad about the death, fatal illnesses are usually the hardest to recover from. Get well soon Johan.
GhostZ
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:21 |
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Die or work for Chrysler? You could have just said die.
Brian, The Life of
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:29 |
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LOL'd at "Edward Lowenbrau"
Very good, Sir!
Steve in Manhattan
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:32 |
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May he be forty years in heaven before the Deville knows he's dead.
Manwich - now Keto-Friendly
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 18:38 |
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"Not a "Catera Attack" as earlier reported, which is apparently a common fatal illness for many former Cadillac owners."
Which starts with blindness, prostate growing to the size of a bagel, then soiling the adult diaper and ends with a heart attack
MrDakka
> EL_ULY
03/30/2015 at 18:49 |
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Qookie?
Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 22:14 |
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Did he zig?
When that reaper swung his scythe, did he duck?
JimJamJollop
> Steven Lang
03/30/2015 at 23:11 |
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Let's start a pool on what he decides to re-name the four horsemen of the apocalypse!
Gene
> JimJamJollop
04/05/2015 at 21:05 |
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Obviously the new "H" series. (Stolen from the defunct Hummer division) H1, H2 ,H3, and H4. I'm not too worried though. They don't seem to go that far now that their warranties have been reduced.