What's The Least 'Jalop' Car?

"472CID" (472CID) 02/25/2015 at 13:06 • Filed to: None

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We all know E30, Miatas, El Caminos, and Citroen SMs are ultra Jalop, but what's at the other end of the spectrum.

I'm going with the Lexus RX, a featureless jelly bean of a luxury crossover for those who couldn't possible care less about driving.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:11

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Honestly it's really hard to find a car that doesn't have at least *ONE* car that doesn't have a redeeming factor or two, but I've got to go with...

Chrysler Cirrus. There were zero redeeming features on that car. One of the worst things I've ever driven.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:13

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This generation Impala.

It wasn't good at really anything, it didn't look good, and it was made with the same craftsmanship of the brand that forgot to install brake pads. It was purchased by those who refused to buy anything that wasn't made by GM or rental companies. It is worse than a Camry in EVERY.SINGLE.WAY.

HammerheadFistpunch > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/25/2015 at 13:13

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Im with you, all cars have their jalop value points. Heck, I would would trade my cruiser for an RX if all i did was drive to the office and back. To be fair, I kinda really want an LS600hL...like a lot.

GhostZ > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:13

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I thoroughly agree with your choice and it's my exact thought.

spanfucker retire bitch > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:13

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Motorcycles make horrible cars.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/25/2015 at 13:14

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But the SS...

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/25/2015 at 13:15

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Was absolute shit. Wasn't fast, wasn't reliable, and wasn't even close to fun to drive. You know what's just as fast? A V6 Camry.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/25/2015 at 13:15

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The last 2 years with that 300hp V6 doe...

Sweet Trav > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:16

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ALL Crossovers.

But, I think the Nissan Murano takes the cake with its CVT.

Biased Plies > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:16

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I thought it was universally agreed that the answer here is Miata a beige Toyota Camry.

bob and john > spanfucker retire bitch 02/25/2015 at 13:17

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least jalop car.

and motorcycles are VERY jalop. you want driving feel that makes a miata look like a bus, stupidly fast acceleration, ok fuel econ AND costs less then 20K? motorcycles

zeontestpilot > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:17

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I think the real question is, what is the definition of a jalop car?

IMO, any car can be jalop, it just matters on who is driving it. Crossovers are the evolution of station wagons, but I can see myself rocking a few of them. I can see myself hooning a minivan as well. My current car is a pt cruiser, and it is a very jalop car because I drive it that way.

I'm not trying to undermine you, lol. I just really don't want to be excluded. If anything, my pt cruiser is the most jalop cruiser out there, :p.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather 02/25/2015 at 13:17

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It was still the same crap quality, with slightly more power.

Mattbob > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:17

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A city bus is the least jalop vehicle.

My citroen won't start > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:17

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I really like the RX. I would nominated something like a new Honda Civic/Corolla.

spanfucker retire bitch > bob and john 02/25/2015 at 13:18

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Right. Motorcycles would be the least Jalop cars, because they are horrible cars to drive.

Cars.

Joke

Your head.

Sir Halffast > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:19

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Ahem.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:19

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On that theme I'd go with a last gen RAV 4. Even more dull than the Lexus and doesn't have any of the redeeming features the Lexus does (nice interior etc). They refuse to be driven even slightly hard and are a mass of grey and black inside. The V6 is a little jalop though, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

bob and john > spanfucker retire bitch 02/25/2015 at 13:19

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give me 20 minutes, the coffee will get to me by then

Takuro Spirit > Mattbob 02/25/2015 at 13:19

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Nah man. Rear engine, RWD, diesel..... VERY Jalop ride.

LifeIsStout > Sweet Trav 02/25/2015 at 13:20

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I was going to say the Murano CrossCabriolet...

Takuro Spirit > Biased Plies 02/25/2015 at 13:20

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_

HammerheadFistpunch > Mattbob 02/25/2015 at 13:20

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Just ask Matt Hardigree

CalzoneGolem > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:21

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A couple of years ago this thread would have been 13 people posting that it's a Chrysler Sebring. We've come a long way baby!

Snuze: Needs another Swede > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:21

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/Thread

The RX series is by far the WORST vehicle ever. It is a completely soulless appliance. Imagine the biegest, lamest Toyota Camry, then pay 2.5x more money for it. That's what an RX is. It has no redeeming qualities as a vehicle what-so-ever.

In every car there are tradeoffs, for example, having a less powerful engine but getting great gas mileage. The RX doesn't trade, it just gives everything away. Very underpowered, but gets shit gas mileage. Is a relatively large vehicle, but feels very cramped inside and has a surprising lack of cargo space. Steering and braking are numb and disconnected, yet doesn't ride very luxuriously. Is way more expensive than a Camry, yet doesn't feel significantly more luxurious. Also the AWD system is mediocre, the stereo is blah, and it's a pain in the ass to perform most basic maintenance tasks on.

There is literally no single redeeming quality to this vehicle. My wife has one and the only reason is because it was free. And the day that it dies I am going to dance a merry jig.

itschrome > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:21

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Any crossover really...

Biased Plies > Takuro Spirit 02/25/2015 at 13:21

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Yours is green, British racing green at that. Also, manuél, so you're good.

Takuro Spirit > Biased Plies 02/25/2015 at 13:22

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Oh I thought you were referring to the emotion, not the color. Carry on.

WiscoProud > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:25

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Its funny you bring up the Lexus RX. My dad recently decided to get a new vehicle and give his old one to my sister. He's like me and loves the hunt. As a result, I was very happy when he sends me a picture of a Grand Cherokee SRT8 that he just bought. He's been telling me for 20 years how he would like to get a performance vehicles again, and he did it. I was so proud.

Then I get an update.

He decided that although the SRT8 was a lot of fun, it wasn't very practical or useful. (Mind you when we go hunting and what not, I'm usually the one driving since I'm still drawn to off-road oriented vehicles.) He returns the vehicle to the dealership and instead buys a Lexus RX.

It was like for a split second he wasn't being weighted down by taking care of my grandmother and a shrewish wife, and was finally going to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Instead he was dragged back by soul crushing pragmatism and embraced the beige.

It literally watched the last morsel of enthusiast in him die. I tried to hide my disappointment when he was telling me about the Lexus, but all I can say is thank god we were on the phone. I'm sure my facial expression was as if someone had died.

He enjoys it and I guess that's all that matters in the end.

extraspecialbitter > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:27

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I'm assuming "Least 'Jalop'" means the most boring, uninspiring, POS car that makes you want to tear your eyes out using rusty needles, and then die in a hole created from a boulder that's been eroded by the gleet of a skunk's anus.

I present to you the Daewoo Leganza.

(Apologies to Daewoo Leganza owners. I didn't mean it. Your car is sexy. And I love you.)

crowmolly > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:28

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5th gen Nova. Not the Geo or Tercel versions.

Since it's branded Chevy it loses a lot of points. And it is a poor exit for what was once a strong brand name. This is the automotive equivalent of Jordan's baseball career.

Saoul-Virage > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:30

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Every "Ludospace" :

In Europe, Citroën, Renault, Peugeot and Fiat sold their tiny FWD van converted into what they called "ludospace" : if you see a car like this, you can be sure that the driver will be depressed and don't know how to drive.

Confused Miata > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:32

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The current Nissan Latio/Versa. A cheap appliance for the very dull to get about.

Textured Soy Protein > WiscoProud 02/25/2015 at 13:32

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Grand Cherokee SRT8 not practical or useful? It's got a bunch of cargo room and 4wd (just no low range). Only thing not practical about it is the gas mileage.

WiscoProud > Textured Soy Protein 02/25/2015 at 13:34

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You don't need to tell me that. I thought it would have been a great vehicle for him.

472CID > spanfucker retire bitch 02/25/2015 at 13:36

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The joke kinda makes sense now that you've explained, which make it a not very good joke.

Moves-Like-Senna > Biased Plies 02/25/2015 at 13:37

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I was at the meeting about this

472CID > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/25/2015 at 13:38

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You're right, pretty much every car I could think of could probably be argued for (against?) this question. The way I think of it though, what car's average drivers care the least about cars/driving.

Mattbob > Takuro Spirit 02/25/2015 at 13:43

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what about the hybrid buses? Also, on a bus, you are most likely not driving.

spanfucker retire bitch > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:44

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Of course, because I had to explain it.

472CID > WiscoProud 02/25/2015 at 13:46

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That story was an emotional rollercoaster. A SRT Jeep doesn't strike me as a good hunting vehicle (or the RX for that matter). In fact I can't think of any street performance oriented vehicle that would be good for hunting (off road work, space for messy dead bodies).

472CID > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 02/25/2015 at 13:47

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Yeah it doesn't get much more dull than the Rav4, but like the Camry the V6's have remarkable power/weight ratios.

Xkjacob > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:48

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Every car Lexus has ever made except 1.

472CID > zeontestpilot 02/25/2015 at 13:50

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As I said to another commenter, pretty much any car can be argued for being 'Jalop.' I think it's mostly what the average drivers of a particular vehicle fit the 'Jalop' paradigm least. (but also if a car is really horrible/boring)

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:52

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In my country we don't get the V6, although we did get a more potent diesel that dragged it to 60 in 9 seconds which is reasonable. I've never seen one of those on the roads though, just the less potent diesels that can barely outrun my 1.3 Panda because of all the weight.

Biased Plies > Moves-Like-Senna 02/25/2015 at 13:53

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Can confirm, though I fell asleep during it.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:54

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Last generation Range Rover sport supercharged. Faster than a Jeep SRT8 and low-range.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > LifeIsStout 02/25/2015 at 13:56

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Nah, at least it is a convertible. Someone driving a murano cross-cabriolet in the snow with the top down would be very jalop!

EL_ULY > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 13:56

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NONE! Hoon all the things!

Sam > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/25/2015 at 14:09

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There was a girl at a driving course I was at who was smoking the tires on a Cirrus through the slalom.

Sam > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 02/25/2015 at 14:10

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One of those even killed my first Miata.

472CID > EL_ULY 02/25/2015 at 14:14

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Then what's the least hoonable car? I'm thinking Lexus GX or some other tall SUV that will try to kill you if you hoon it too hard

LexusHound > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 14:33

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I've got an RX300 and will be getting an 07 IS350 soon. Its gonna be great! I'm getting a great price and its been babied at the dealership.

Panther Brown Tdi Volvo Shooting Brake Manual Miata RWD Wagon Stole HondaBro's Accord. > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 14:34

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My mom's Buick Enclave.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Sam 02/25/2015 at 14:42

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That poor miata.

WiscoProud > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 14:48

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Thanks. The easiest way to deal with dead animals is to just get a hitch basket. Don't even need to bring them in. That being said, I have just thrown deer in the back with just a tarp.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/25/2015 at 14:49

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Is that not the Jalop way?

EL_ULY > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 14:52

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Hooning can be done in the mud or snow. GX comes with KDSS similar to the McLaren MP4 since the mid 2000's. Hydraulically controlled sway bar allows them to disconnects for crawling situations but ridged for some hooning on some loose sugar sand. Pretty rad truck! As for the RX, in hybrid form, it is actually pretty quick. Lexus hybrid drive was never for fuel economy like the Hybrid Sythergy Drive in Toyota. In fact, the RX features a full electric real differential also since the mid 2000's. Pretty high tech stuff.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather 02/25/2015 at 14:53

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Still slower than a V6 Camry, with worse driving dynamics, so no. Modifying it because that's what your stuck with, yes.

sellphones2493 > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 16:06

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sellphones2493 > Xkjacob 02/25/2015 at 16:14

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IS300
ISF
LF-A
SC400
IS350

Lexus has put out a few decent cars in the past.

Xkjacob > sellphones2493 02/25/2015 at 16:39

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i seem to remember falling asleep in quite a few of those models..

Maybe we just have differing suspension preferences. I like the Miata, Rx8 and mr2 feeling. The Lexus always felt squishy and didn't communicate to me about the granular nature of the concrete like the others do.

VonBelmont > Sweet Trav 02/25/2015 at 16:44

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My mom had a Murano about 13-ish years ago. Quite the rocket ship, IIRC.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 17:16

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Careful, somone on here has one that they quite like. Just so ya know.

472CID > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 02/25/2015 at 18:15

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It's nothing personal with whoever that might be.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 18:18

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I figured. I actually don't object to the idea of people having or sharing a negative opinion of a model someone else on here owns in a polite way (that would be dumb) but I let people know just in case.

Tina Corbett > 472CID 02/25/2015 at 19:07

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Well, I know I'll probably get a few replies to this one but:

Nothing can be un-Jalop if you drive it right. Even my crappy old Taurus could be fun if I was out on the back roads and knew I could drive like an idiot safety.

Hoon it till you can't hoon no more. ;)

Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/26/2015 at 13:50

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Counterpoint: High ratio of fleet/rental to retail sales means more of them were hooned.

Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles > crowmolly 02/26/2015 at 13:52

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There was a fun 4AGE version.

leathermansouth > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 02/26/2015 at 14:09

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But you can't ignore that fact - the V6 is supposed to be a hoot in that gen Rav4, its not fair to simply cast it aside!

leathermansouth > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 14:11

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Its a beast off road, and can be hooned accordingly. Sold as the Land Cruiser Prado in nearly every other market than the USA, these are used by international aid agencies, NGOs, para militaries, etc. They are legit trucks and need to be afforded respect.

j250ex > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 14:11

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2002 Chrysler town and country. No where near as clean and put together as this one. By this age they're on their 3rd owner and pushing well over 150,000. Food stained interior with crumbs everywhere! Panels are loose and belts whine. Eh I see these all the time and they really do make me cringe. I understand needing a car for your kids but please not this one.

yurikaze > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 14:15

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Ironically, the act of hooning an unhoonable car elevates it to an even higher level of Jalopness than hooning a car that is hooned on a regular basis. Example: Drifting Semi trucks, off-roading Smarts.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles 02/26/2015 at 14:17

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There are quite a few rental Camry's. I've seen even more of those.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > leathermansouth 02/26/2015 at 14:17

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I can't buy one here, plus I doubt the V6 fixes the floaty handling and body roll.

VWDashboardLight > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/26/2015 at 14:26

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This Impala, Chrysler 200, Hyundai sonata, basically any shitty rental car.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > VWDashboardLight 02/26/2015 at 14:33

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The Sonata doesn't belong in that list, it's actually a decent looking car.

Ike B > WiscoProud 02/26/2015 at 14:35

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That's horrible. I'd feel the same way as you.

For some reason this reminds me of my dad trying to give me his mint Eldorado ETC, which is comfortable and reasonably fast (300hp), but it's FWD, eats transmissions about every 30,000 miles (it's on its 3rd now, despite flawless maintenance), and the values on these cars are plummeting because of that lack of reliability.

I've lied to him every time he's asked me if I think it could be a classic someday, telling him some version of "maybe...?"

I've only owned old, simple cars that are bulletproof and easy to work on for a reason, because that's what I can afford. I also happen to brutally hoon those cars, and all but one of them has been RWD because sideways. I don't have the heart/balls to tell him that car won't be worth much in a couple more years, especially if he gave it to me and my bank account would leave it in my driveway 10,000 miles from now because it's a FWD 300hp car, I drive fast, and it literally goes through transmissions faster than tires, the former costing more than any of my cars.

He keeps talking about buying a Challenger with at least a Hemi in it but I'm not holding onto hope. He used to have sports cars all the time up until I was about 5 years old.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 14:38

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As someone with a 4Runner, I would venture to say those are super hoonable. Basically a 4Runner with a more powerful V8.

Aaron Paul: Oppo's Resident Fake British Actor > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 14:42

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I'm going with the Lexus RX, a featureless jelly bean of a luxury crossover for those who couldn't possible care less about driving.

That's why my mom has one.

VWDashboardLight > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/26/2015 at 14:45

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This is true...

Ike B > extraspecialbitter 02/26/2015 at 14:49

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Apparently you haven't seen the Leganza commercial they showed in America where a supercar and a luxury car drive into a garage and a Leganza pops out. From that commercial you'd think it was the greatest car ever made, rather than a slow FWD econobox that could be outrun by the even cheaper Nubira from the same car company.

DrScientist > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/26/2015 at 15:01

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Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > DrScientist 02/26/2015 at 15:01

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#jeeplyfe

DrScientist > Mattbob 02/26/2015 at 15:04

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youre on the bus because the spec 944 isn't street legal and the jaguar needs a new fuel injector harness.

DrScientist > zeontestpilot 02/26/2015 at 15:06

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way way back in the early jalopnik days, there was a calculator so we wouldnt have to debate...

http://jalopnik.com/346367/how-jal…

probably needs an update to the criteria, since 7 years has passed. jesus christ, 7 years?

so... how jalop is your PT?

Oneofsevenbillion > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 15:09

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Discovery Sport. It's for all the women who want, but can't afford an Evoque.

zeontestpilot > DrScientist 02/26/2015 at 15:34

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I stopped counting the points because it kept going deeper in the negatives. I will say, it's not too balance in the giving of the points, lol.

I will say that in the jalop/oppo fleet, this is one of the few cruisers in it. But it may be the only proud owner. I got to get me an Oppo sticker for it....

katyperrysleftnipple > DrScientist 02/26/2015 at 15:47

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Holy crap, using that calculator garnered me -20 points for my leaser 2013 Altima.

9brghtn4 > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 15:54

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BMW X6. It's just an abomination. And I don't say X6M because 600 hp, but that car is seriously fucking wrong in so many ways.

capitolK > WiscoProud 02/26/2015 at 15:55

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Soul crushing? The performance Jeep was fun for all of 30 minutes. Day to day the lack of modest prestige and crappy materials and fit and finish make themselves more pronounced. New RX is one of the best vehicles on the road.

capitolK > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/26/2015 at 15:58

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SS was tacky garbage. And from 2012-forward the Impala has come with a 300hp V6 standard (same hp as the V8 in the SS).

WiscoProud > capitolK 02/26/2015 at 16:05

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modest prestige? Who buys a vehicle for "modest prestige"? The RX is a soulless, bland, lowest common denominator, inoffensive, forgettable, entry level luxury SUV. There is literally zero chance of 50 years from now someone freaking out because they found a mint condition Lexus RX is a barn. It will be forgotten by time.

While the Jeep is far from perfect, at least it inspires a response in people.

capitolK > WiscoProud 02/26/2015 at 16:18

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The $50k Lexus RX has become an upper middle class status badge. Range Rovers are seen as too tacky. Don't infer that I'm suggesting it'll ever be a collectable. Most of them are driven for a year or two before they're handed down or traded in for a new one, as your dad seems to have demonstrated. Trust me, buying new RX's is a total "thing" in your dad's social circle.

jalop1991 > zeontestpilot 02/26/2015 at 16:49

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IMO, any car can be jalop, it just matters on who is driving it.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

It's a poor workman who blames his tools.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 17:42

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The Toyota Sienna.

Justin T. Westbrook > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 02/26/2015 at 17:44

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"...that dragged it to 60 in 9 seconds which is reasonable."

The fact that even you used the term "dragged" to describe its performance makes it unreasonable

The fact that its pulling 9 seconds to sixty in the 21st Century

#2 is backed heavily by the competition in the segment and price of the Camry

Maxima Speed > spanfucker retire bitch 02/26/2015 at 18:09

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laughed out loud at that comic. what is it?

Maxima Speed > 472CID 02/26/2015 at 18:14

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Baahhh!! You're all amateurs. Ive hauled two deer at once in the trunk of a Nissan Maxima. Granted they were fairly small ones.

Maxima Speed > EL_ULY 02/26/2015 at 18:18

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I do wonder whether one can hoon a Prius. Does it even have enough power to slip loose on snow? Still if nothing else you could hoon it into a pond to see how long it will float or some other Top Gear-ish nonsense.