I was a dick today (like I always am in situations like this). 

"My citroen won't start" (lucasboechat) 02/14/2015 at 11:10 • Filed to: None

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A lady in very tacky clothing driving one of the vehicles I hate the most decided to steal my parking spot so I told her to fuck off. (complete story after the jump)

She did so by going the wrong way and ignoring a line of vehicles waiting for me to park in the supermarket's parking lot. I was having none of that so I shoved the Subaru into the parking space before she could and she proceeded to honk at me. I got out of the car and calmly gave her the finger while I walked to the store.

She screamed (Brazil is a very religious country) "God will punish you for that, I have him by my side!" to which I replied as nonchalantly as I could "your little imaginary friend will do no such thing, so you can fuck off"

(Now comes the part where I humblebrag about being at the beach) I'm at the beach, I shouldn't have to deal with people like that during my week off.

bryan40oop > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:14

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Brian Silvestro > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:15

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was this all in english or Portuguese

bryan40oop > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:15

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Steve in Manhattan > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:17

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That's not being a dick at all - that's sticking up for yourself.

Comedian Dana Gould tells a story: a friend of his, an agent in Malibu, was trying to park at a strip mall. He signalled to pull into a space, and a 911 came screaming by him and stole the spot. The guy gets out of the car, flips him double birds (!) and heads for the mall. Dana's friend does his errand, sees a little sushi joint, and decides to have lunch. The guy is in there - and flips him off again!

Oh, the guy was Pierce Brosnan. Yet another reason to hate Die Another Day .

My citroen won't start > bryan40oop 02/14/2015 at 11:19

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My citroen won't start > Brian Silvestro 02/14/2015 at 11:20

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Portuguese

Textured Soy Protein > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:21

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Last weekend at the grocery store, I noticed this guy loading approximately 10 or so gallons of milk into the back of his Honda Odyssey while talking to his kid inside. He then returned his cart to the cart corral, and as I was backing out of my space, he walked right behind my Jeep while talking on his cell phone. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting him. As he was getting in his van, I stopped, rolled down my window, and yelled,

"Hey next time maybe DON'T walk behind a moving car dude!"

He yelled back,

"DUDE! You had plenty of room!"

My citroen won't start > Steve in Manhattan 02/14/2015 at 11:30

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I could've just ignored her... I was 49% sure my car would be keyed upon my return. Pierce is a dick.

PS9 > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:31

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I can't put my finger on it, but the proportions on this thing are just weird. Giant greenhouse, short hood length, about a mile gap between tire and wheel arch, lifted like it goes off road with tires that obviously aren't made for that...

EDIT: I take back the tire thing, but the rest of it is still weird.

tromoly > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 11:41

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In your story I have the mental image of Sofia Vergara yelling at you. Which makes it even more annoying.

My citroen won't start > Textured Soy Protein 02/14/2015 at 11:52

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What are those?

My citroen won't start > PS9 02/14/2015 at 11:52

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It is not a good car and it looks very weird indeed, I hate it.

NonDriftingS13 > tromoly 02/14/2015 at 11:53

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Yep me too. But it's not a bad image

notbad.jpeg

bryan40oop > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 12:11

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Brian Silvestro > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 12:14

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Then why weren't the quotes in this post in portuguese!?

It would make it so much funnier

RedPir8Roberts > Steve in Manhattan 02/14/2015 at 12:59

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Maybe Brosnan recognized the guy as an agent? I dislike Die Another Day for the torture montage (worst intro ever on a Bond film), and the invisible car, Rosamund Pike's lack of acting skill, and the surfing scene. However, it wins some points back for the hovercraft scene, Halle Berry in a bikini, and the car chase, which was at least more than a few seconds long.

I think the perfect response to someone who swipes a spot may be to just stop and say, "I'll just wait here," and smile.

Steve in Manhattan > RedPir8Roberts 02/14/2015 at 13:12

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Nope - the guy had never run across Brosnan. And I thought Rosamund was the best thing in the movie. If you haven't, check out her performance in Gone Girl . She nails it.

Textured Soy Protein > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 13:57

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They're Dude Wipes , a.k.a. baby wipes for grown men to wipe their asses with.

(I took this picture of them in the grocery store before getting in the "Dude!" argument with the guy who bought 10 gallons of milk.)

Slant6 > My citroen won't start 02/14/2015 at 19:47

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I was parking at a Mexican restaurant once and a Buick was pulling out of a parking spot and blocked my veiw of someone else going for that spot. I parked there and some guy that was watching called me a jerk for taking the spot. I told him that I didn't see them and that they were in a parking spot already (I often park on the side of the building where they were waiting for the spot) and there was no turn signal to let me know they wanted that spot. He called me a "punk kid that shouldn't be driving". I was upset at first but after driving nearly a year after that incident I realized most people don't know how to drive.