"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive)
02/12/2015 at 20:45 • Filed to: None
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"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive)
02/12/2015 at 20:45 • Filed to: None | 1
| 4 |
I had an eyegasm when Ford revealed the new GT. Crossing my legs to avoid the embarrassment wrought by my engorged rod, I closed my eyes and pictured my grandmother naked. It didn't work. Kittens in blenders being sexualized by drunken Patriots fans couldn't have turned me off even while threatening emasculation. The new Ford GT is a pants-tenting wonderland and now they are parading it around in silver.
Social responsibility nothing, Ford is practically flaunting its genitals. The new GT is like being slapped in the face by a Kardashian ass-shian. Did no one at Ford stop to think of the children? What about the children? The poor children! There simply isn't any accounting for taste anymore.
"Oh," they'll say. "It's a car. It's not pornography." And to that I say fuck right off with your lies, your dirty, tainted lies. This car isn't a car beyond having four wheels and a motor. It is everything that is wrong with MTV wrapped in metal, rubber and glass. It is the dirtiest, darkest parts of PornHub. Have you seen those buttresses? It simply isn't fair. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow.
Damn you Ford. Quit teasing and just finish me off, damn it!
Ford owned Detroit and everyone is stroking them off for it. Everyone is lapping up their bullshit as if it were being served in an expensive Manhattan restaurant but I can see the truth, I know what they did. Ford, there was no magic or trickery, took a bunch of tits, butts and sexy bits, tossed them in a blender and slipped it into the Koolaid.
That's right, elite of the automotive press; Ford just slipped you a ruffie.
Tomorrow, a week from now or next month we will wake up with sore butts and a confused sense of bewilderment lingering in our loins. Thank you Ford, we'll say, for using so much high quality lube and it's not as if you are unattractive, I didn't take the grenade home, but I feel kind of dirty. We were just abused by Ford and now we are thanking them for the trouble.
What the hell, guys?
The worst part? It's not the rape or the abuse of trust. It's realizing that we are never going to be the same and that we will never look at the world through the same hopeful eyes. The things that used to hold beauty won't and we will always be begging for more, begging to get hit. "Hit me," we beg. "Normal isn't enough any more."
Gaping exhausts, dark and ominous but also welcoming, inviting. Giant buttresses so wide as to welcome a mans arm, maybe two. Intakes and ducting, tempting…
The internet says "I need Feminism because…" with some trite caveat added but the truth is that we all need Feminism otherwise Ford is going to keep slipping us the big D (and I, for one, am okay with that).
Garrett Davis
> Lets Just Drive
02/12/2015 at 21:03 |
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Leadbull
> Lets Just Drive
02/12/2015 at 21:06 |
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I wonder if I could fit my head through that flying buttress.
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Lets Just Drive
> Leadbull
02/12/2015 at 21:30 |
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What kind of a man are you if you don't at least try? Amiright?
Axial
> Lets Just Drive
02/12/2015 at 23:46 |
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Why do I feel like I've read this before?