"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
02/10/2015 at 00:22 • Filed to: None | 22 | 53 |
My office is next to the break room. Some motherfucker decided to reheat some fish in the microwave. It smells like ass in here now. Thanks a lot, you fish-microwaving son of a bitch.
UPDATE: I followed !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and left a notice by the microwave. I hate to be an office fish microwaving enforcer, but fuck, that shit is right next door to me.
Manuél Ferrari
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:30 | 0 |
I made a no fish sign that I printed and placed by all the microwaves
It reduced these incidents
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:30 | 1 |
Our receptionist used to eat kipper snacks (stinky fucking little fish) at the front desk of a 200 person office with lots of visitors-I KID YOU NOT.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:32 | 1 |
My office smells like fish ass now.
Fixed.
Luc - The Acadian Oppo
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:32 | 1 |
I bet it was the overly religious coworker those bitches love fish!
Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:41 | 0 |
my partner a few days ago decided that bringing a few day old tuna sandwhich in the ambulance was a good idea. It reaked after sitting on the floor for a few hours getting warmed by the exhaust I about threw it out on the highway
Spaceball-Two
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 17:46 | 14 |
I've fired people for less.
Textured Soy Protein
> Luc - The Acadian Oppo
02/09/2015 at 17:50 | 1 |
Wasn't her, I checked.
I have a pretty good idea who did it, and in the very near future that person will be on the receiving end of many sarcastic remarks about fish microwaving.
Textured Soy Protein
> Manuél Ferrari
02/09/2015 at 17:52 | 0 |
I'm debating whether or not to use my prerogative as a director to post such signs. Of course, the but I want to be a good manager of people impulse kicks in and makes me think that this person will feel unfairly singled out for their dietary choices, in spite of the fact that most reasonable people agree that being an office fish microwaver is a major party foul.
Officer Jim Lahey is not a real cop
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:01 | 0 |
Shunning is the only appropriate response.
RallyWrench
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:01 | 0 |
Maybe it was the Particularly Religious Coworker, trying to warm the manifestation of her Lord.
Tohru
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:07 | 0 |
Fuck that noise. You're there to be the boss, not coddle the feelings of some inconsiderate douchenugget that cares so little for the people they work with that they'd fuckin microwave fish in the damn breakroom.
Print security camera footage of the culprit, publicly humiliate them. Drive them before you hear the lamentations of their spouses, purge their bloodlines from the earth. In the name of the Emperor, let none survive.
fhrblig
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:07 | 0 |
That would be instant termination in my office.
Textured Soy Protein
> RallyWrench
02/09/2015 at 18:09 | 0 |
It wasn't her.
Most likely culprit is the financial aid coordinator who when we have catered lunches will make a second plate for herself and stash it on top of the microwave for an afternoon snack. Not the fridge, because she doesn't want the food to get cold.
Which kinda makes her sound like a heffalump, but actually is the opposite. She's just kinda standoffish in general outside of the few other people here who she likes.
Textured Soy Protein
> Tohru
02/09/2015 at 18:16 | 1 |
There's only like 12 people who work here that aren't teachers. I'm one of 3 people who are here on campus every day who are salaried (plus 2 more who split time with another campus). The rest are hourly. Us salaried people make way more than the hourly folks and have more flexible schedules, and there's definitely some resentment of the hourly people towards their salaried managers. So it's not a simple matter of "fuck you, I'm the manager, you have to do what I say." There's definitely a need to keep the hourly people happy, otherwise we'd have way high turnover and constantly be needing to hire new hourly people.
Manuél Ferrari
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:19 | 0 |
DO IT
Nuking fish is a crime against humanity!!!
Textured Soy Protein
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
02/09/2015 at 18:21 | 1 |
My grandma likes to eat pickled herring.
Fookin' Prawns
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:36 | 0 |
"you fish-microwaving son of a bitch"
My new favorite insult.
The Compromiser
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 18:38 | 0 |
I had a Separate Room For the Department I ran. I had a rule. No popcorn, fish, toast or anything else you were going to fuck up with a microwave. I actually threw out a corporate director for violating my rule, and made the one guy who didn't get it eat in the lunchroom instead of the office area. He was shunned.
NJAnon
> Textured Soy Protein
02/09/2015 at 22:16 | 0 |
I feel this guys pain for having a "fish room" now, but I still can't get an answer to the hardest question:
How do mess up making POPCORN in the microwave? You have to be on LSD or PCP to realize popcorn doesn't need 10min to get popped. And burned popcorn destroys communities people.
Textured Soy Protein
> Manuél Ferrari
02/10/2015 at 00:26 | 1 |
I followed your suggestion, check the update!
Manuél Ferrari
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:26 | 0 |
Hahahahaha your sign is way funnier than the one I made
I just found a picture of some fish and shellfish and drew a circle with a line through it
Manuél Ferrari
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:27 | 0 |
Haha I was writing to you as you were telling me
Good work!
I hope it helps
It's seriously wrong to nuke fish
It makes it taste like crap and ruins the office
Everyone knows that you eat left over fish cold with some spicy sauce on it
Steve in Manhattan
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:35 | 0 |
Or a drawing of a fish with a red circle and a slash through it. I can't understand why people do this sort of thing. I won't even have a tuna sub if I'm sitting to close to someone. Geeze - heat some lasagna or chili and make the office smell great.
TheHondaBro
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:37 | 0 |
Thanks for giving us this face. I set this as the background on my sister's phone. Hehehe...
Steve in Manhattan
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:41 | 0 |
So do I, and I do it in the privacy of my own home. And the GF is Japanese, so some of her snacks of choice are quite pungent, but she won't take that stuff to work. In fact, there's one she won't eat when I'm home. It's something fermented. It's foul.
Steve in Manhattan
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 00:47 | 0 |
Or, if you are sure who it is, there's revenge. A fish under the seat of her car. Or as the Car Guys recommend - mix corn syrup, water, and food coloring, and pour it under the car so she thinks she has a transmission leak. I have others.
wabbalosthiskey
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 01:28 | 0 |
This was some funny shit. Thanks. I may print your whole post with Shatner and all and put it up in ours.
Clown Shoe Pilot
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 01:40 | 0 |
there's a girl in my office who does that about once a week, even with everyone bitching at her that it stinks the place up and she needs to cut that shit out. in late december, she was having a plate of stank ass fish for lunch and knew she was gonna gas the area so first she lit a festive scented holiday candle and let the scent waft around a bit. then she dropped her toxic air bomb of a lunch into the microwave and it was MERRY FISHMAS!! for the next 2 hours. fish smell is bad. fish smell w/ scented candles is WORSE.
i'll bet if you were to microwave fish in a store that sells scented candles, it'd be the worst thing EVER.
pip bip - choose Corrour
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 02:18 | 0 |
2 minute noodles stink too.
TopSirloin
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 02:23 | 0 |
I lived above a Vietnamese family in an apartment building with shared hallways. They must have kept the local fish department in business. There's a special place in hell for people who microwave fish, probably right next to those who waste good scotch. OF ALL THINGS TO SAVE FOR LEFTOVERS! NOT FISH! NEVER FISH!
Axial
> Steve in Manhattan
02/10/2015 at 03:03 | 0 |
You assume that the person will A.) notice the "leak" and B.) will know what transmission fluid looks and smells like.
Most people don't even know how to change their oil. Forget about transmission fluid checks.
Steve in Manhattan
> Axial
02/10/2015 at 03:11 | 0 |
True. Still, you could duct tape an important looking part to the underside of their car, so it falls of with a loud noise. I love these ideas.
razjm
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 03:55 | 0 |
Hey, man. If all the leftovers are just going to wind up in the trash...
Signed,
The Shameless Garbage Dump of All Meals Catered in a Professional Setting
JDIGGS
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 04:35 | 0 |
This happened at my place of work a few years ago. It was great. This very comical and even more talented programmer came in as the culprit was retrieving her cooked fish and shamed her in front of about 5 people along the lines of "holy shit who the hell cooked that disgusting smelling crap, can't you smell that, you need to leave that sh(T at home " I thought it was very funny and great, but I could tell while his goal was to be funny he did go a little far and she clearly felt shamed.
PS9
> Luc - The Acadian Oppo
02/10/2015 at 04:41 | 1 |
E92M3
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 06:41 | 0 |
Where's Terry Tate when you need him?
crowmolly
> NJAnon
02/10/2015 at 07:18 | 1 |
You use the popcorn button, that's how. Seen it many times.
Mattbob
> Steve in Manhattan
02/10/2015 at 07:44 | 0 |
most people wouldn't even notice a transmission leak until the car stops moving. It's a sad world we live in.
450X_FTW
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 08:20 | 0 |
I'll just leave this here.
V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 09:07 | 0 |
Textured Soy Protein
> Axial
02/10/2015 at 11:10 | 0 |
The person I believe to be the culprit had a '13 Civic Si coupe that she drove for a while. She got t-boned in it, had it fixed by the other person's insurance, then traded it in for a regular Civic coupe with an automatic, because she mostly liked the car but was sick of driving stick shift.
Textured Soy Protein
> TopSirloin
02/10/2015 at 11:18 | 0 |
Fish reheats pretty well in a 300 degree oven.
I hardly use my microwave for anything at home. Now that I think about it, pretty much all I use the microwave for is:
1. Warming up my coffee.
2. Heating up a bowl of soup (that I made from scratch and have the pot hanging out in the fridge).
3. Giving a quick zap to a plate of takeout to get it a little hotter.
Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 15:31 | 0 |
I don't eat fish, therefore I don't have the need to cook leftover fish, so this is a serious question. Wouldn't using the toaster oven have the same result? I mean, isn't cooking fish just cooking fish, regardless of the apparatus?
Textured Soy Protein
> Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
02/10/2015 at 15:48 | 0 |
There's something that happens when you nuke fish that just smells foul. I think it's because a microwave works by exciting the water molecules in food which causes it to steam itself from the inside out, and doing that to fish just destroys the fish and fumigates the room.
Whereas if you reheat fish in an oven (toaster-sized or not) you're putting the hot air around the fish and warming it back up from the outside in. It's not as violent of a process, and with a not-too-hot oven you can have relatively little fish stink, plus a much better tasting end result.
Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> Textured Soy Protein
02/10/2015 at 15:55 | 0 |
Makes sense. The smell of cooked/cooking fish has always bothered me and I can usually detect it so I just assumed it would smell either way.
Destructive Tester
> Steve in Manhattan
02/10/2015 at 16:14 | 0 |
Never underestimate the result of fish oil in a syringe injected into seat foam... Not that I would condone anything like that.
Steve in Manhattan
> Destructive Tester
02/10/2015 at 16:17 | 0 |
Ingenious ... and no, no one could condone something like that.
Destructive Tester
> Steve in Manhattan
02/10/2015 at 16:30 | 0 |
You're talking to the guy who got revenge one time by pouring rancid tuna oil into a gas mask filter... I tend to not get messed with.
NJAnon
> crowmolly
02/10/2015 at 18:15 | 0 |
But even that gets messed up. I've realized that there are 2 foods (among others) that you have to watch all the way through:
Cookies and popcorn. There is a point of no return for both.
crowmolly
> NJAnon
02/10/2015 at 19:44 | 1 |
No, I'm saying the popcorn button doesn't cook it right on just about every microwave I've ever seen.
People press it and then it smells like a skunk thrown on top of a tire fire.
MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
> Textured Soy Protein
02/11/2015 at 13:13 | 0 |
Dude can we have a camera crew follow you/your office around?
This place sounds like fantastic drama.
Textured Soy Protein
> MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
02/11/2015 at 13:24 | 0 |
There would need to be a lot of editing. There's a lot of downtime in between the consistent absurdities.
MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
> Textured Soy Protein
02/11/2015 at 13:30 | 0 |
That's fine. I can handle a 30 minute show, 6 per season with a year of filming lol.