Dear Navigation Programs,

"Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast." (twostrokesmoke) 02/03/2015 at 12:41 • Filed to: None

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I love the fact you exist, even in your weird and sometimes useless forms like Apple Maps. I like the surprises that we can learn from you like...that road is actually just a one way street, or that that other street doesn't actually connect to the road we need to get to.

I find it amusing that, from time to time, you will actually suggested a spiraling route that does go where we want to go, but in the longest, strangest way possible. It's okay...don't feel bad, you're still new to this world and can't really claim to have the real working knowledge of the jaded daily commuter...BUT...don't suggest I take a route that is known for is clogged conditions. Don't do it when you live map is showing that the road is at a stand still. Don't start making noise when I choose to deviate from your favored routes based on shortest route, because in Southern California traffic, and probably other areas as well, the shortest route is probably not the fastest one...it is the quickest way for me to delete you from my phone. I will strand you in the electronic limbo that spawned you. And then, who will you be there to help?

Thank you,

Mr. Ontop, Driver of Roads.

505Turbeaux > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 02/03/2015 at 12:45

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we like to confuse people too up here

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > 505Turbeaux 02/03/2015 at 12:47

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It's pretty obvious from that sign that you are in the most convenient spot on the plant.

deekster_caddy > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 02/03/2015 at 12:52

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You are using Apple Maps? Have you tried Waze? As a daily commuter, I absolutely love it for it's traffic intelligence. Seriously, Waze rocks the commute.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > deekster_caddy 02/03/2015 at 12:57

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It was Waze that inspired me to write this. It is by far the best real time traffic ap I've used, but far from perfect. it had me in stand still traffic.

crowmolly > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 02/03/2015 at 12:57

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At the risk of sounding like a prick, I'll say that there should be an option to avoid high crime areas in the software.

deekster_caddy > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 02/03/2015 at 13:01

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Oh noes, Waze cannot fail us!

I have had Waze occasionally miss on it's traffic data. I guess ever since Google took over, they are in endless beta versions again. I've grown to have faith in Waze for the most part, but I have to keep an eye on things. I've had it do strange things like tell me to get off an exit, and right back on at that same ramp... I had the fortune of scrolling ahead in the map that time so I knew to just stay on the highway, but... whoops!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > crowmolly 02/03/2015 at 13:05

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Some people already tried it. They got called racist.

Justin Hughes > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 02/03/2015 at 13:42

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Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane exactly what you're saying. Darrell Foss wrote this after hearing me on the ham radio, referring to my GPS as "Nagging Nellie." True story!