This Is Why We Like Cars

"JustDauKee" (oopsiforgotmyburnerkey) 12/28/2015 at 19:30 • Filed to: supercars, Nissan GTR, Porsche, Ferrari, F40, oppo, jalopnik, Why we like cars, cars, petrolhead

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If you’re reading this you probably have something hot, curvy, and Italian stretched across your desktop (and no, I’m not talking about Monica Bellucci - you pervert). By virtue of you even being here, you must have formed some opinion on the very latest slew of superduperhyper-hybrid cars (it’s the 918, anyone who says otherwise is wrong). You, dear reader, are a petrolhead. Sure you’ve probably already told yourself just how much you really hate the Chrysler PT-Cruiser, or if it’s okay to admit to other people that you actually kinda like the new Bentley SUV, but have you ever asked yourself exactly why it is that you have so many different opinions on so many different bits of metal? No? So let me ask you dear reader: why do you like cars?

“Well ...gosh...I dunno ” I hear you think “ what am I supposed to say ?” I might as well have asked you whether you prefer your left kidney on Tuesdays or your right foot on Thursdays, but not to worry – for it is a tough question, and I too am unsure which bit of my anatomy I prefer on any given day of the week. However, dear reader, you are in luck because (after about twelve and a half minutes of deliberation) I have found the answer to this great question – it’s my right foot on Thursday.

Forgive me, dear reader, for I have digressed. Please don’t leave, I shall return promptly to the matter at hand, answering all your burning questions in the process. In order to do so, however, we must consider the Nissan GTR.

At the 1968 Tokyo Motor Show, Nissan released a blistering four-door saloon – the Skyline GT-R. Short for Gran-Turismo Racing and armed with 160 horses, it made its debut alongside the Prince R380. From even before the moment of its conception, the GT-R was bred with a racing pedigree in mind. Imbued with the DNA of a land-speed record breaker, the Skyline GT-R was born to appeal to the Japanese petrolhead (known in the vernacular as ). After an unsuccessful second generation, the Skyline GT-R was cancelled in 1973; only to be resurrected from the ashes in 1989 as the fire-breathing R32. With the sole intent of terrorizing Group A Racing, it did all that and more. Soon enough the world would watch both the GT-R and its cult following grow from something of a local phenomenon to a worldwide automotive tour de force. It is, and I think you’ll agree, in its current iteration an absolutely astonishing machine (I’ll let !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! testify for you). So why exactly is the GT-R so popular? Why do we like this car?

The GT-R is a winners’ car. From the Japanese Grand Prix, to Group A, to Group N, to Super GT, to GT1 and GT3, the Nissan GT-R terrorizes its rivals by tearing up tracks with a ferocious AWD system and breakneck lateral acceleration – and always has done. Even Stuttgart’s finest specimen of forced-induction struggles to fight off the mighty Godzilla even on home soil. It seems that Porsche’s only option now, if it is to successfully defend its territory, is to take on the form of a giant moth.

Now if we look to Porsche for a moment, the reason as to why we like cars stares right back at us.

No, not that. That’s a Panamera. We do not speak of it.

Forget the racing pedigree. Forget that the engine is in the wrong place. Forget the Cayenne. Porsche has been, for 50 years, engineering its way in the pursuit of driving purity. We can appreciate the high-revving flat six. We can appreciate the seamless PDK gearbox. We can appreciate the clean and aerodynamically effective design. But, much more than this, we can appreciate the way in which engineers combine these components into a whole that is much much greater than the sum of its parts. It is not only the rich motoring history that we buy into, but also the dedication and passion that the engineers – both past and present – have put into laying down this mighty machine’s name in thick black tread on the tarmac of history.

Though many of the vehicles that we associate with our passion for petrol do indeed have some form of esteemed motorsport legacy, many others do not. Neither Lamborghini nor Pagani held any claims to a racing pedigree, yet they have still managed to powerslide their way into the history books. Why? It is because each marque has an individual ethos – a spirit, a character - associated with it that we acknowledge and admire. Lotuses, for example, are complicated with added lightness. Audis vorsprung durch techniks (whatever the hell that means), Volkswagens lie about emissions, and Rolls Royces part plebeian seas with polite nods. Be it the driver focused ethos of a BMW, the regal practicality of a Range Rover, or the loveable unreliability of an Alfa Romeo, we admire and are attracted to the ideas and values that are stamped into the very metal of each vehicle. That is why, says the head, we like cars.

But what does, to misquote a famous Scandinavian artist, the heart say? For starters, it most certainly doesn’t go “ fraka kaka kaka kow ”. It does, however, sound very much like an angry naturally aspirated AMG V8, revving to the rhythm of brazen rock and roll. Yes, the heart responds with a resounding “ f uck that ”.

Sure I can rub (theoretical) Turtlewax over the (theoretical) arches of my (theoretical) Ferrari over and over again, lusting after the marque’s performance know-how, bathing in ecstasy over its illustrious racing history, and buying expensive hard-back books with pretty pictures of my car in it until either hell freezes over or Trump becomes president (I’m still very much sitting on the fence in regards to which is more likely), but nothing compares to hurling the damn thing around a track. No amount of appreciation - be it technical, aesthetic, or historic – for your favourite car can ever hold even a candle to the cocktail of emotions and sensations shaken up by testing the limits of both car and driver along an empty stretch of road.

But why? Why does driving provoke so much feeling in petrolheads? Does a Volkswagen Passat not get you from point A to point B just as well, if not better, than a Ferrari F40? No. To those snivelling practitioners of practicality, the petrolhead will proudly present his (or her) finger.

A car is not just for getting from your house to the shops and back again, it’s a time machine. As soon as you slide over the low slung door sill of your two seat dream machine, strap yourself into a hunkered down bucket seat, and grip the rim of that flat bottomed steering wheel, you start feel the years drop from your aging body. Then you start the engine. Suddenly, as the cylinders come to life with much wailing and gnashing of teeth and fire and brimstone and lasers, you’ve been transformed into a giggling heap of childish wonder.

The F40 accelerates you into a previous, more exciting reality when things were either black or white, Christmas or the other 364 days, good or bad. Whereas the Passat lies to you about its fuel economy and makes you feel shitty for buying the biggest hunk of German deception since the annexation of Poland. In the Ferrari, you arrive at the shops not wanting to get out to spend $42 on asparagus or toilet paper or some other household item which serves as a sad reminder that you too have become just another adult with an endless list of responsibilities and obligations. In the Volkswagen, however, you pull into the parking lot, get out, come back with a trolley full of value-packed existential anguish, and weep as you are reminded that even your car is lying to you. While you’re driving the F40, you become a child once again and never ever want to go back. While you’re in the Passat, on the other hand, you want to get home as fast as possible - lest someone you know sees you…driving a VW.

Sure, in both cases you’re an adult when you get in the car and you’re an adult when you get out of it again. Fine. But, once the cylinders are firing, the wheel is turning, and the gears are shifting, it’s as if you’ve strapped into the Millenium Falcon of possibilities and spontaneously punched open-ended coordinates into the hyperdrive. Sure, in the real world not everyone can or will have the chance to own or even drive the kind of exotic metal enshrined on a 10-year-old boy’s bedroom wall. But everyone will have - at some point - a choice between buying something impractical and exciting, or reliable and boring. When you eventually face this dilemma dear reader, I implore you to say to yourself:

“ I know this thing can’t even get me to work on one tank of petrol, I know that I’ll have to saw my wife in half if we are all to fit in this thing, and I know that I will have to make eight trips to Costco instead of one if we are to have enough asparagus and toilet paper to last through the week… BUT FUCK IT! This machine is the culmination of many decades of motorsport heritage, engineering passion and technological ingenuity! This machine isn’t held together by nuts, screws, and bolts, but by the very blood, sweat, and tears of those who have striven to create well-damped dreams out of an oily reality! This machine is a proud ambassador for the technological and aesthetic tour de force that is the power of the human mind and….and…I’m considering buying a minivan instead? NO! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY! ”

And that, dear reader, is why we like cars. The car is a showcase of human ingenuity and capability. It isn’t just a depreciating asset that aids in transporting you from A to B. It is all encompassing, encapsulating technical and aesthetic achievement within a unique legacy of triumph, passion, and dedication. Not only is it something that appeals to the head, it is something that also appeals to the heart. The car is a vessel in which you can outrun the tedium of everyday life chasing revs and escape from the mind-numbing traffic of grown-up responsibilities with a spontaneous downshift or two. The car is a very tangible symbol of escapism, representing the child-like and self-indulgent option of just going nowhere in particular – but don’t get me wrong, I’d sure as hell much rather go nowhere in an LFA than somewhere in an Aygo.

Disclaimer : all the images employed above are not my own, and I’m really sorry if you disapprove of their use. Also please refrain from being offended by what I’ve written, I occasionally use hyperbole and sometimes even really bad jokes. If you still care to disagree with what I’ve said, please do so politely in the comments section. If you wish to remove my freedom of speech, please message me and I’ll quickly get in touch with my lawyer.

pjhusa > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 05:23

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how’s the Macan

did you get it yet

also, nice burn on the Passat, but not everyone can afford an F40 to enjoy the childish life, hence the Volkswagen exists.

Berang > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 05:24

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Herr Quattro - Has a 4-Motion > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 06:28

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I think your partially right, but I think it has much more to do with humans inherit underlying competitive nature. And I’m not talking about just racing.

It’s comparing two cars, and deciding which one is better. It’s taking a modded car, and comparing it to its stock configuration, and Then taking that modded car and comparing it to with its compatriots, and joining a sense of community of people with similar tastes. Then discussing the results of the above subliminal competitions into a collective opinion on what’s next.

Additionally, cars serve as the threshold of the most expensive ‘cheap’ canvas to paint freedom of expression. For example, almost everyone can afford a car of some sort. And (most cars at least) have at least a few thousand likeminded people and parts behind the very idea of just making it better, and having it yield better results in comparisons.

Beauty is in the eye of beholder, and it holds true to cars. While our perception of what makes the opposite sex sexy is genetically encoded into us. Our perception of cars is a learned trait. For example, a baby couldn’t give you an opinion of a F40. But as they’re exposed to more and more, they pick up on things they like and what they don’t like, and then they try to identify with the car that has the most of those features. Then they compare it to what other people like, defened there opinion.

Basically it’s one big dick measuring contest of different individual tastes and communities. At least that’s how Im perceiving it. I’m sure in an hour or two my perception will be completely different, But this shit gets extremely philosophical extremely fast.

(Driving itself is kinda straight forward in the fact that it releases dopamine which makes you feel good)

TractorPillow > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 07:27

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I like cars because they are cool and fun and make me happy.

Party-vi > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 07:55

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“If you’re reading this you probably have something hot, curvy, and Italian stretched across your desktop”

Good instinct. Black Testarossa currently.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 07:57

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I only got bit by the bug really hard after I bought my own car once I had finished university. Prior to that, I was using the bus because I could not afford to have one, and it was tough for me to be enthusiastic over something that I couldn’t have.

The first 2 vehicles that I have drove prior to my university bus days were a Montana, and a Ranger. Not exactly the beacons of automotive nirvana. Once I bought my 3, and began exploring it’s limits on my own terms, did I truly appreciate how much fun you could have. For me, it’s all about the fun.

I get my practicality sorted out by owning 2 cars. I still have my first love, the 3, but it is now accompanied by an NB Miata. My goal is to keep a fun daily driver around in addition to a no-compromises fun machine. That said, if I lived in California, or some place that doesn’t get snow, I’d probably just daily that Miata and take my wife’s car to Costco. (I also can’t show up at some of my job locations driving a Miata, but that’s a different story)

DoYouEvenShift > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 12:29

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Actually, the Panamera is one of the better looking Posches

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 12:32

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Amazing article! :D A great read, and I could certainly feel your passion. I get touches of that feeling on occasion too!

That being said, I would argue, though, that petrolheads can love ANY car, not just expensive, sporty machinery...

First off, my apologies, so this is being written a little stream-of-conciousness before work. I have an Italian ride on my desktop as well, but it is not what most people would call “curvy or hot” or any of those other descriptive words...yet, I still love them and want to import one someday:

I would argue that petrolheads can have similar feelings about any car, regardless if it’s handling, speed, or aesthetics. Buying a car, especially for a petrolhead, can be a very emotional thing, even if it’s cheap. Most of us may not have the money for something expensive, or even somewhat expensive, so even our choice of used daily driver means SOMETHING to us. Whether it’s a 1,000,000 mile old Lexus, a ratty old Ford Ranger, a Hyundai, a Kia - whatever - even basic cars appeal to us on SOME level. Most of us petrolheads have at least a little choice when we choose our rides, even at the bottom end of the market, so there is still something innate in the back of our minds that makes us go “This one, I’ll take this one.” over something else regardless of price and condition.

I may own a 2009 Hyundai Accent 2-door hatchback, but it felt somewhat to me like an unloved pet when I first test drove it...most of the petrolhead community shuns that car for being boring, slow, uninspiring....an “depreciating asset” as you eloquently put it. Yes, it may not be fast, but it felt willing to me - it’s a peppy 110hp. It handles fairly well for an economy box. It’s practical, and has never let me down once, and through our crappy Nova Scotian Canadian winters, it just keeps scrambling along (...aside from out somewhat steep, icey hill of a driveway...). YET....everything I just said it somewhat subjective. I can pull onto the on-ramp to our local larger town 15 minutes away on the highway and even punching it to accelerate up to 100kph and rowing through the gears gives me a pang of the feelings you explain in your post...in my supposedly crappy little Accent. I’m in MY car, in control of MY car. I bought it with my hard-earned money, I bought it with a manual transmission because of the control it gives you and the human-machine link it provides and, inadvertantly, the sense of freedom it provides knowing nobody else in my family can drive it but me (none of them know stick).

You, or many people could drive it and think “this is garbage.” And I, in a way, am sure you’d be right as it has nothing on a sports car or exotic. But that is what makes our community of petrolheads great. Almost all of us can appreciate each others rides in some way, no matter what they are...we can find one detail or another, whether stylistic, practical, mechanical, or engineered that we appreciate.

Take the FIAT 126 that I like. It’s not fast, it’s tiny, it’s hopelessly impractical by modern standards storage-space-wise. It can have scary handling and can BARELY fit 4 people.

...On the other hand, it’s mechanical simplicity breeds respectable reliability and hilariously simple repairs/cheap repair bills (all parts are available insanely cheap in Poland as they were built there until 2000). It has a “cute puppy” vibe to it and there’s an eagerness to the thrum of those two tiny cylinders being revved to within an inch of their lives just to accomplish acceleration to the speed limit. The 126 has the same underpinnings as the original 500, but in a usually-considered-uglier body of 1970’s squareness in a slew of 1970’s colors like baby diarrhea green - It’s ugliness is endearing. It can be had for hilariously cheap prices ($4000 will get me one in great shape, plus shipping to Canada from Poland) and has a unique driving experience (air-cooled, rear-engined, 2-cylinder? Completely different to what we’re all used to!). Hell, if your alternator or starter die or are acting up, you can start the non-electronic-ignition models with a piece of wood and some string . :)

You may not feel “excited” in your referenced sense when driving it, but it certainly gives you a unique and happy feeling that still makes you want to drive it whenever you get the chance. Any of Borsuq’s posts can attest to that. It’s a great “just going for a drive” car. :)

And NOW, I’m off to work! :P

tromoly > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 13:21

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My wallpaper is a very different form of Italian, might not be apparent to most:

Universal Exotics > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 15:23

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Fantastic Article! Quick question, did you type this all up in Kinja or create it somewhere else and transfer it?

CobraJoe > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 12/28/2015 at 16:14

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I’m with you, a car doesn’t have to be an exotic and completely unpractical speed machine, it just needs to be special.

Some cars are inherently special by design or by accident, some earn it through their service or shared experience, some will surprise you out of the blue even during a test drive. (I never expected a V60R to feel as special as it was, and I test drove a few cars that were as fast or faster in the same week).

A car that feels special will be a car that you drive unecessarily just for fun, and that’s where the OP was going I think. Get the car that feels special, not the one that makes the most sense on paper.

spanfucker retire bitch > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 20:00

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By virtue of you even being here, you must have formed some opinion on the very latest slew of superduperhyper-hybrid cars ( it’s the 918, anyone who says otherwise is wrong ).

This is the only correct opinion.

EL_ULY > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 20:22

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I love cars so much that i’d hoon the fuck out of an Aygo as well!

Hoon and love all cars!

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > JustDauKee 12/28/2015 at 20:34

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Forget the racing pedigree. Forget that the engine is in the wrong place. Forget the Cayenne. Porsche has been, for 50 years, engineering its way in the pursuit of driving purity. We can appreciate the high-revving straight six . We can appreciate the seamless PDK gearbox.

I think you mean flat-six?

A bit too much hyperbole in the middle for my tastes but overall a very nice article that displays passion.

JustDauKee > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 12/28/2015 at 21:46

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I stand corrected. Thanks

JustDauKee > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 12/28/2015 at 21:53

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Ahh I have been getting this a lot. I should have clarified: it doesn’t matter what you drive, it’s the driving and the feelings that the driving inspire in you that counts.

I’m not saying we ought to be driving supercars because that’s just not feasible. Even at the bottom of the market when you have a choice between something less interesting and more reliable and something more interesting and less reliable, I hope you go for the more interesting one.

Thanks for your comment

JustDauKee > Universal Exotics 12/28/2015 at 21:57

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Shoutout to Microsoft Word

JustDauKee > DoYouEvenShift 12/28/2015 at 21:58

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BLASPHEMER

Wheelerguy > spanfucker retire bitch 12/29/2015 at 01:53

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Then burn me.