I may have killed the one thing Particularly Religious Coworker truly loved

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
12/02/2015 at 12:42 • Filed to: Particularly Religious Coworker

The tech school where I work is in a 3-story office building. The main entrance is in back, but our front desk entrance is in front. Whenever someone comes in looking for another business, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! gives them a looooong speech telling them to go around back.

I don’t know who got the brilliant idea to put the main entrance to an office building in the back of the building while also putting the lobby for one and only one of the tenants of said office building in the front, but it’s a stupid idea, especially because those same people didn’t put up any clear signs saying the main entrance is in back. Every damn day there’s a bunch of delivery people and customers of the other businesses in our building, coming in saying “uhh yeah ummm...I’m looking for suite 301, is that here?”

It would be very simple for Particularly Religious Coworker to just tell them “the main entrance is around back” and be done with them, but for some reason, she has developed, refined, rehearsed and repeated the same speech which she gives to all people who enter our doors and are actually looking for another tenant of our building. She tells them this in her fake sunny Wisconsin
“dontcha know” voice:

Now you see, this is (school). All of us businesses here, we all lease this building. (School) is on the first floor, and all of the other businesses are on the second and third floors. So what you need to do is, you need to go back outside, drive around back, and you’ll see another entrance, and that’s the main entrance. When you go inside that entrance, you’ll see a flight of stairs and an elevator, and you’ll need to check the directory, because to get up to the third floor you need to use the elevator. So if you go park around back, there’s plenty of parking back there, and that’s where the entrance for that business is.

Phew!

Because my office is down the hall from the front desk, I have to listen to her repeat this whole schpiel 5 times a day every day and curse her existence, wondering why the hell she thinks people who are looking for some other business also need to know that we lease this building. Because obviously, that’s a very important detail to consider when going around the back of the building.

A couple days ago, I was thrilled when some lady came in looking for another business, PRC started reciting her speech about how we all lease this building, and the lady cut her off:

“So do I just go around back? Ok, thanks.”

It was in this moment I decided to make a sign and stick it in the little window next to our door. It has a big arrow on it and says:

This entrance is for (School). For all other (Address) businesses, please use the main entrance in the rear of the building. Thank you!

This sign was a great success, because yesterday, I heard “NOW, WE ALL LEASE THIS BUILDING” a grand total of zero times.

But now I’m thinking, maybe PRC is lonely, and giving that speech is her way of starting a conversation with people, even if she’s doing all the talking and they’re just thinking “so where do I need to go that’s not here listening to you speechify,” but that’s the interaction she wants to create. What if by removing that from her life, she doesn’t have any attention anymore? What have I done? I’m a terrible person!

Ah nevermind, I’m just glad I don’t have to hear about how we all lease this building anymore.

DISCUSSION (29)

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 12:53

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 12:54

You’re not a horrible person. I would have put up a note a lot sooner.

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > For Sweden
12/02/2015 at 12:55

Kinja'd!!!

450X_FTW > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 12:58

I don’t know who got the brilliant idea to put the main entrance to an office building in the back of the building

Saugatuck, MI. Basically the San Fransico of Michigan. They have a bar that has a sign out front “parking in rear only”.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:01

I have to say, the continuing saga of PRC is one of my favorite non-car things on Oppo.

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:02

My cube neighbor farts, burps, eats rice with her fingers, constantly draws out her name when on the phone to make sure they spell it right and is convinced she has one of a limited run of Ford Focus European Edition that she has to have now that her current European Edition Focus got smashed. And her bathroom is custom because she has a garbage disposal in her shower drain.

I’ll trade you.

Future next gen S2000 owner > 450X_FTW
12/02/2015 at 13:02

Kinja'd!!!

MonkeePuzzle > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:06

#EntranceInRear

PRC would love that on the sign.

Textured Soy Protein > Future next gen S2000 owner
12/02/2015 at 13:07

PRC has this citrus scented hand lotion that makes everything within a 15 foot radius of her office (which is separate from the front desk area) smell like lemon Dawn dish soap.

DrJohannVegas > For Sweden
12/02/2015 at 13:09

MFDM

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:09

So we have a deal then? I’ll get annoying dawn dish soap lady and you get European garbage disposal lady.

Anon > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:10

It’s been a while since I’d heard about particularly religious coworker! Always brightens my day!

qbeezy > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:24

I love your PRC posts more than waiting for a Doug Demuro column that doesn’t talk about a car he drives!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Future next gen S2000 owner
12/02/2015 at 13:26

I’m sincerely concerned about the garbage disposal in the shower drain.

1 Where’s the switch?

2 What the hell do you need that for?

3 How the hell did they pull off installing that...

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:27

Ahhh PRC.

You took away her game.

She’s coming for you. She needs something else to use that attention on.

Good luck.

Textured Soy Protein > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/02/2015 at 13:39

Maybe if I eat more candy from the jar she’ll have to refill it more frequently?

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:41

For 2 years, back in the days of copper telephone lines, we lived in a house that inherited the phone number from the local college library.

After about the 20th call inquiring about the availability of a particular research book, my 15-year-old self started using a German accent to say “Sorry, vee haff already burned it.” and hanging up.

Off topic, you just made me think of that.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 13:45

Way to be a team player.

Future next gen S2000 owner > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/02/2015 at 13:53

The mind does wonder.

RallyWrench > Textured Soy Protein
12/02/2015 at 14:42

Nobody’s lonely with Jesus. Right?

Rico > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/02/2015 at 14:48

Kramer had one installed on an episode of Seinfeld so he could make dinner in his shower.

Rico > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/02/2015 at 14:51

Seriously one of the best series here, I always wonder what zany new thing she’ll do.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Rico
12/02/2015 at 14:53

It’s funny, but theoretically impossible giving apartment sub floor space.

Disposals are almost a foot tall, where’s that going to fit?!

(sometimes I wish I could shut down logic and enjoy a TV show for what it is)

Rico > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/02/2015 at 14:56

Lol damn I didn’t even think they needed THAT much space. I always thought it was just a blender blade inside a sink drain.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Future next gen S2000 owner
12/02/2015 at 15:03

deleted since someone else raised it. stupid kinja not showing me all the posts.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Rico
12/02/2015 at 15:05

common disposal set up

Kinja'd!!!

(google image search)

I know because I’ve replaced one under my sink before, and may have to in my knew house in the not too distant future.

You can actually get them with decent horsepower lol. (2 hp, most are 1/2 hp). Gotta have a little electric motor to run said blades, though they normally don’t have real blades:

Kinja'd!!!

They have “impellers” which basically force stuff down those small holes.

I know too much about this because when I’m going to do a project at home I do way, way, way too much research.

Rico > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/02/2015 at 15:39

This is good Oppo lol. Hmm so all those scenes in movies of people getting their arm mangled in a garbage disposal are false! I’ve never had a house with one.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Rico
12/02/2015 at 16:25

Hahaha. Well I’m sure it wouldn’t be pleasant to put your hand in there, those impellers would do some serious freaking damage.

I doubt you’d get sucked in like a movie though lol.

ChickenMcBooty > Future next gen S2000 owner
12/02/2015 at 16:54

A garbage disposal in her shower?

Hmmm, I guess all that rice has to come out sometime , but damn.