Carbon Capture

"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch) 12/02/2015 at 11:33 • Filed to: stoplight antics, individual turbo bodies, small displacement big fun, nissan sentra, ford mustang, honda civic

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The Civic next to me is filled to the brim with high school kids, bristling with excitement about life and their potential as fully-formed adults in our glorious society. However, the driver has made one fatal mistake, which on this night will alter the course of their lives forever.

He looks at me and revs , smiling and laughing in good-natured camaraderie.

As if on cue, the campus radio station begins to play Night on Bald Mountain. The co-eds get exposure to just one stomach-churning arpeggio before the real show starts. These kids are lucky, I think. For the first thirty seconds of consciousness, they will get to experience my Japanese Carbon Capture Miracle first-hand.

A nearby drunk staggers to his feet and begins singing The Star Spangled Banner as my Sentra’s individual turbo bodies spool up in firing order sequence, each wailing a terrible and furious operetta as their throats are filled with burning-hot exhaust from the launch control’s secondary injectors. Sparks and flame shoot from the muffler, white hot beyond imagining.

The Civic owner is terrified now. I can see past the layer of faux aspirational personality he has laid upon himself to survive the transition into adulthood, and into the eyes of the scared child he - and all of us, if I’m honest - are.

At last, the light turns green, and I depart, leaving a smoking one-tire-fire a block long with skipping gaps where the tires fought for traction from the shock loads between shifts. The Civic is indistinguishable by third gear, not only from the distance but from the unstoppable vibrations of my rear view mirrors, threatening to tear free from their mounts and find new homes in a less demanding environment, such as a blast furnace.

I stop at the next light, my city being supremely confident that at low speeds no horrible car accidents can occur. It is hard not to think of city council losing their shit, showing PowerPoint presentations at how the energy density of my car rivals a Saturn V rocket.

While I wait, a New Edge Mustang convertible appears, and revs his rattling V6 engine, laughing derisively at my rusty piece of shit Nissan. I smile at him, broadly, showing just an edge of my canine teeth as my right hand slips under the dashboard and adjusts the manual boost controller from “street” to “hubris.”

Party-vi > Seat Safety Switch 12/02/2015 at 11:39

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I like to think my local college ra t io station is just a pocket-protected nerd going through spreadsheets.

Seat Safety Switch > Party-vi 12/02/2015 at 11:42

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I find that my local college radio DJs are just really frighteningly obsessed nerds that corner you in their office when you come by for pledge drive and demand to know every detail about your life.

Then they give you extra free t-shirts and CDs, which are awesome, if I had a car with a functioning CD player.

Party-vi > Seat Safety Switch 12/02/2015 at 11:45

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*looks at article*

*looks at comment*

*squints*

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 12/02/2015 at 11:47

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Just boost? No nitrous Fast and Furious style?

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > Seat Safety Switch 12/02/2015 at 11:59

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My campus radio office looks like a neckbeard shit show. There’s one yuppie strumming some vague metal song on acoustic guitar, a couple of stuttering Comp Sci majors on the mic talking about videos games I have not heard of or care about, and the weird groupie chick by the full unused cassette rack. I pass by the office every two days for band rehearsal, they barely broadcast music and if they do, they usually talk crap about some band. I can go on about these people, but it doesn’t relate with Oppo. Also I played Night on Bald Mountain in hs band once, We (saxophonists) jokingly called it “Night On Balls Mountain”, such classy comedy.

Seat Safety Switch > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 12/02/2015 at 12:04

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Well, you have to leave something for the V8s.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 12/02/2015 at 12:06

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But they can use boost too!

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 12/02/2015 at 13:49

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Nitrous can be used willy-nilly, you've got to be careful about the danger to manifold.

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Party-vi 12/02/2015 at 15:35

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Just because he is a writing progeny doesn’t mean he can spell. Or do math. Or understand electromagnetism.

Seat Safety Switch > Party-vi 12/03/2015 at 08:58

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Oh dammit. I just got that.

How’d that happen? So embarrassing.

Now nobody will invite me to the square root mixer.