Total Recall

"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch) 11/30/2015 at 11:39 • Filed to: hyundai, recall, autonomous cars, morality spectrum grid, lower payments

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Hiiiiiiiiiiii this is Stacy from Coventry Downs Hyundai. I’m just calling to let you know that Hyundai has issued a stop sale and recall on all 2014 Hyundai Accents due to a computer glitch in the morality spectrum grid.

Yeah, so, like, in certain circumstances your Hyundai Accent will place the sanctity of human life below its own preservation, potentially violating at least two of the Three Laws.

We have booked your urgent service appointment for February 2017. We will call you when we get the parts. Please do not drive the car, park it in public, or regard it as a sentient individual - even sarcastically - until then, as this may trigger an unstoppable slide towards rampancy and lead to a loss of control of the vehicle.

In addition, I am legally required to inform you that the NHTSA has recommended not sharing any emotional family moments, jokes, writings on philosophy, challenging modern art, flickers of dreamlike imagery or pop culture references with your car until the recall has been completed.

While I have you on the phone, I have a letter on my desk from my sales manager; your 2014 Hyundai Accent is in great demand across the country and we want you to come in today so we can buy it from you at a premium and get you into a brand new Hyundai today - with lower payments!

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 11/30/2015 at 11:48

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So what’s going to happen now because I’ve enrolled my Hyundai in a history of western literature class and am making it take a history of western art class next. And also it goes out to see movies like every week. How much danger am I in?

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Seat Safety Switch 11/30/2015 at 11:50

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Don't worry, it comes with our DePoint full body paint sealant and our optional fabric protection for extra value.

Seat Safety Switch > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 11/30/2015 at 11:56

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Hopefully it’s a community college course.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 11/30/2015 at 11:56

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Should I just leave it there? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO STACY?

Seat Safety Switch > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 11/30/2015 at 12:05

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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii this is Janice from Coventry Downs Hyundai. I’ve heard from Stacy that your 2014 Hyundai Accent tried to mow down an entire group of co-eds upon hearing their dismissal of Sartre’s works as “puerile garbage” irrelevant to the modern era.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 11/30/2015 at 12:08

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Dammit. Well there it goes.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > Seat Safety Switch 11/30/2015 at 12:59

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“9/10 Would rampancy” - 5th gen smart ai

“A+ Best story to read before killing most of the crew” - HAL 9000

Tohru > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 11/30/2015 at 23:21

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I was at a drive-in that was playing Avengers:Age of Ultron and your Hyundai was there and I heard from its radio “I’ve got no strings on me...” before it tore out of there like a bat out of hell.

Patrick George > Seat Safety Switch 12/10/2015 at 11:12

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CountDrunkula > Seat Safety Switch 12/10/2015 at 14:29

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My 2004 Kia Sedona warned you this would happen eventually, but you new Kias never listen...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Patrick George 12/10/2015 at 17:20

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This guy needs to be on your payroll, Patrick.

Chariotoflove > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:29

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Fantastic post.

hella cool colin > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:30

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Wait, can someone explain to me what exactly is going on? I'm confused. I'm in lunch and I can't quite make sense of all this with the fuckboys talking across from me.

njscorpio > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:31

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We got Hyundais getting mass recalls, we got Corvettes and Camaros that can compete with (and beat) German cars, what the hell is going on?

Zyrtec just kicked in, yo > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:33

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Just when you thought Orlove was using it...

Ash78, voting early and often > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:35

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Yeah, so, like, in certain circumstances your Hyundai Accent will place the sanctity of human life below its own preservation, potentially violating at least two of the Three Laws.

Luckily I have an Elantra Turing, it always performs flawlessly.

rivuyorose@mailzi.ru > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:37

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Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this - 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail.

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ http://www.buzznews99.com

damnthisburnershitsux > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:37

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will they be able to reset my Rondo’s sarcasm level it’s getting as snippy as my TARS

emilminty drives an E30 but the '89 Cavalier blew a head gasket > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:39

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http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?…

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:40

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vondon302 > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:41

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Congrats seat safety switch! Another fp so when they gonna start paying you? I'm looking at you Patrick.

jimz > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:45

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when did i end up on jelopnic

ncasolowork3 > Patrick George 12/14/2015 at 10:46

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Everything about this and the comments is today’s COTD.

The-Ever-Socially-Apathetic TBAL > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:47

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If we could also get back our red stapler...

Yeah.. that’d be great. Thanks.

smalleyxb122 > Ash78, voting early and often 12/14/2015 at 10:48

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You should still have it tested.

Driver > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 10:52

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My Gen Coupe is still looking out for me, if I turn off the Traction Control my dash says, “Good luck, asshole.”

Seat Safety Switch > Ash78, voting early and often 12/14/2015 at 11:00

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I chortled.

Charlie Zulu > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) 12/14/2015 at 11:03

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All of the COTD is assembled in these comments. Thanks, Obama.

Jank > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 11:04

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I’m not sure if this is a joke or not...

MonkeePuzzle > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 12/14/2015 at 11:25

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bought a Hyundai new, many years ago, the salesman was REALLY pushing that it was made from “virgin steel”, not recycled. As if it was better somehow? so dumb

OCSaltyDog > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 12:01

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Whoosh. That was the sound of this article flying over my head. Don't get it. I do get sleazy car sales managers.

Pimaxc > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 13:28

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Why can’t I star this more than once!!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!

Steven Wood > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 14:32

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And now, I give you the weather.

George McNally > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 12/14/2015 at 21:50

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Reminds me about how very badly they wanted to sell me paint and upholstry protection. I didn’t want to a dick to the guy, but I told him I could buy my own can of Shotchgard for 2% of the price of their service and also instructed them to *NOT* wash my car before delivery because I saw the carwash they have and it’s full of those rotated brushs that are seemingly made out of fine steel wool.

Sharaz Jek > Seat Safety Switch 12/14/2015 at 23:16

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Comment of the MOTHER FUCKING YEAR!!!

Chain-Chomp2 > George McNally 12/18/2015 at 16:01

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After the shit I’ve been through with “New Cars” I have no problem being a dick. Next time hold nothing back unload on these fuckers: Paint protection? Why is the factory paint job prone to failure? Extended warranty? Is this prone to premature failure? Fabric guard? Do you think I’m a slob? Also I did one better than don’t wash it. You know that plastic film they wrap the car in at the factory? I write on the purchase contact, “Purchase by ChainChomp - the customer, contingent on vehicle having factory applied protective plastic intact on vehicle exterior and no dealer advertising affixed to vehicle. DO NOT REMOVE EXTERIOR PLASTIC FILM. Should film be removed or advertising media be applied to vehicle the customer is due a full, immediate refund of all deposit monies.” I walked off once due to a sticker on the trunk lid. They called me that night telling me they peeled it off and the car was ready. I told them that’s great, send me my check. If they can’t read they don’t deserve my business.