"Swayze Train GTi" (swayzetrain)
11/25/2015 at 22:05 • Filed to: None
2
14|
"Swayze Train GTi" (swayzetrain)
11/25/2015 at 22:05 • Filed to: None | 2
| 14 |
The Jeep Wrangler is a vehicle whose reputation and design is singular: Off-road prowess. How is it, then, that such a specialty vehicle has so enraptured the minds of people who don’t actually know how to properly operate the 4WD system?
With those innocent eyes, big smile, and muscular frame, it’s easy to fall in love with the Wrangler’s shape
First off, let me offer a disclaimer. I am well aware of the Wrangler’s ability to tackle almost any of the rough stuff off the grey and striped path. Regular tires sit under the massive fenders like Christian Bale’s “The Machinist” physique dressed in his Bruce Wayne wardrobe, waiting to fill out their muscles with massive BFG Mud Terrains. It packs a real manly 4WD system with a manly lever you must shift with your arm like a man, the transfer case responding with an affirmative “clunk”. Approach and departure angles are best described as reaching San Francisco driveway levels.
But in my town, you never see a muddy Wrangler. Not a single one. Plenty of Cherokees, many with snorkels and Super Swampers, mud caked on thicker than the adopted country accent of the driver. Meanwhile, the average Wrangler driver spends more money on maintaining her hair than her car. Sorority girls abound, indifferent to the endless squeaking, rattling, bumping, jolting, spleen-punching agony of piloting this vehicle for any distance on roads that aren’t so good. To them, Jeeps express the same ancient idea that it does to the most devoted off-roader, freedom. But these two interpretations of freedom are different. Jack Bjergstörmer, the four time Baja 1000 winner, professional guard-wolf trainer and train pushing hobbyist, who once beat Dylan Moran in a drinking contest, his idea of freedom is conquering the unknown and perilous without a safety net. But Taylor Marie Collins of Sigma Sigma Sigma wants a Jeep because that’s the vehicle five attractive young adult people all wearing the same sunglasses use to drive down the PCH in advertisements for blue jeans.
Mandatory bro wheels with fake nuts exposed while real ones are covered.
She doesn’t know or care that this vehicle has the refinement of some 1980s Soviet monstrosity built by some company whose name infallibly ends with -AZ. Never once in her life has she considered that, in the year 2010, every car should reasonably come with power windows, or at least power locks, of which this Wrangler has neither. No, her attitude towards the Wrangler remains unchanged, despite the fact that it’s 3.8L V6 engine feels slower than it does when powering a van built 5 years ago with almost 200k miles on the clock (of course, being a jeep, it developed a CEL while I was driving it, could have something to do with the compromised performance, although everything felt fine).
I apologize for this horribly taken picture of the manual lock and window.
Speaking of the engine, what a sadistic choice. As I’ve already granted, the Wrangler is a vehicle well suited for off-roading from the factory. So why, oh God why, does it come with a 3.8L EGH V6? This engine is well known for being completely boring and so weak that you can hardly put a K/N intake and a cat back exhaust on it without throwing a rod. Someone tried to supercharge one. Once. The bottom line is you’re pretty much stuck with 200 horsepower, which actually feels more like 150. The only way around this is to buy a 2011 or newer model that has the Pentastar V6, which people say is actually good, or to pay a company like American Expeditionary Vehicles many, many dollars to put a Hemi in it for you. Apparently Jeep couldn’t be bothered to do the right thing and offer that from the factory. It’s surprising, given the fact that every other aspect of this vehicle is so niche tailored. They give you all the bits to make your own ice cream sundae, but they demonically exclude the maraschino cherry. Your sundae can be as grand as you desire in body, but to complete its spirit requires additional quest fulfillment and monetary expenditure.
Such a vehicle should really be limited in sales, only appealing to buyers who recognize the true potential. No reasonable, 100% tarmac-driving commuter should ever even consider buying one of these, and yet it’s a massive cash cow for the company. Not only do they sell well off the lots, they hold their value as well, somehow distracting potential owners from leaky roofs, sketchy highway dynamics, and a seating position copied directly from a 1990s public school bus.
Also featuring the same interior quality as said buses, only with a slightly worse stereo, and no big bright yellow diamond knob.
People like to say “It’s a Jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand”. Once upon a time this might have meant something too, but now it’s a bumper sticker right over a UofM Lacrosse logo, affixed to a campus cruising, Drake blasting four door Sahara filled with people in neon hats with words like “RAGE” and “PARTY” and “YOLO” on them, yelling at “god damn independents” from the safety of their moving vehicle, and sometimes drunkenly expectorating the words “GO BLUE!” at crowds of people walking or just trying to enjoy a nice drink outdoors. The perfectly shined chrome wheels haven’t been up to their fake beadlockers inasmuch as a deep puddle yet, and the only person who has opened their hood is a mechanic.
I think most Jeep owners don’t understand the Jeep thing. I’ve had endless amounts of fun in these things offroad, but that’s really the only environment they’re suited for. Sure, you’ll survive daily driving one, and it is a car you’ll find yourself looking back at. But after a while, many of those look backs will be as you make your way into your chiropractor’s office.
CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:24 |
|
The thing is, the jeep brand has become a lifestyle company. They make the compass and the tepid Patriot. There is the lambshit crazy SRT8 Cherokee. That will NOT off road, unless you want some things to rub badly. All of those obviously can’t take on trails for shit. Jeep has gone though so many years of mismanagement that the true off roaders with their XJs hold up the image of “Jeep”. For not for them, Jeep would be the Pontiac Torrent. That’s why they’ve reverted from catering to the off roading community to just providing a sense of the lifestyle one could achieve from the Jeep. Or it’d Just be another brand name to slap on a FWD ecobox, sedan, or crossover.
Oh yeah excellent article BTW.
Opposite Locksmith
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:25 |
|
I don't understand the engine choices in these cars
sm70- why not Duesenberg?
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:29 |
|
This is why I don’t understand the dozens of my classmates who put up with the horrid experience of driving these things and never leave the pavement with them. They buy them because they’re cool.
Birddog
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:30 |
|
Some people buy what they like.
Some people buy what they think they like.
Marketing. It’s a hell of a drug!
I knew a guy that bought a brand new TJ (2002 or 2003) because that was the rig he wanted. He traded it in on a Cherokee “Classic” just under two weeks later. Not the vehicle he wanted.
dogisbadob
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:44 |
|
too bad they still never put on amber turn signals :(
|
dogisbadob
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:44 |
|
There is nothing wrong with this :)
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:47 |
|
The door handles are infuriating. F them push buttons.
|
dogisbadob
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 22:49 |
|
It’s the only 4-door convertible currently for sale anywhere. Plus, you can get RHD, so mad JDM yo.
But yeah, too bad they never offered an SRT Wrangler! And they need to bring the diesel over here, which they already make for overseas markets in the same factory as the ones we do get. VW cheating notwithstanding, the diesel would actually get acceptable fuel economy.
Without the fools, they wouldn’t even make the Wrangler anymore! So they’re at least worth tolerating for that reason.
And it’s a shame Suzuki had to leave the US, because they make a Wrangler that actually works! The Tracker/Sidekick/Vitara is awesome, basically a Wrangler done right. Decent gas mileage, a real interior, acceptable on-road manners, and still good off-road. And MUCH more reliable.
That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 23:13 |
|
This is the truest thing anybody has ever said in the history of truth. I don’t understand how Jeep tricks people into wanting a Wrangler when they don’t use it for any of the things it’s actually good at. As a summer convertible and off road toy, it’s fine. As a commuter, good lord, why would you do that to yourself?
My uncle used to drive one 80 miles a day when he also owned an M5 (2003ish) because he didn't want to look like he made as much money as he did. Drive anything else for that, not a Wrangler.
d15b
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 23:19 |
|
I was was able to witness a lady trade (turn in her lease?)Audi for a Jeep Wrangler.
Mind you, this is in Santa Monica. She worked at an advertising agency. To this day, I just sometimes sit and laugh, thinking about that lady and all the shitty pot holes in West LA.
bshappy
> Swayze Train GTi
11/25/2015 at 23:22 |
|
Insecure OSU fan detected.
PyramidHat
> Swayze Train GTi
11/26/2015 at 00:12 |
|
I was at the Truckee 4th of July Parade this year. In the parade, they had a display for the local 4WD club. Now, maybe this was a function of the vehicles they chose to be in the parade, but all of them - all of them - were shiny and clean. For that matter, most Wrangers I see in life are shiny and clean. Hardly fitting for what is widely known to be a very capable offroad vehicle.
What Jeep should do is offer a 2WD version, similar to the Tacoma Pre-Runner - same looks and ride height of 4WD, but with better gas mileage. Hell, they could throw a locker on the rear (if it doesn’t already have one) to keep things interesting.
My big bitch about these - and I do like them - is general reliablity, or rather, lack thereof. A couple of years ago, I was at a gas station and the woman at the pump next to mine had a fairly new Jeep...that had a failing anti-theft system. So she couldn’t start it and she couldn’t disarm the alarm. I helped by stuffing some rags into the horn, but bascially, she was screwed until the tow truck showed up.
|
PyramidHat
> That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
11/26/2015 at 00:16 |
|
Girl I knew in high school had one. She said it was a great 2nd car, but you really wouldn’t want to have it as your only car.
norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
11/26/2015 at 11:44 |
|
I hate to admit I was fooled by them the first time I used them. Didn’t realize I had to press the button.