I don't even know how to respond to this

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
11/22/2015 at 23:30 • Filed to: Craigslist

Motherfucker, have you never owned a car before?!

DISCUSSION (24)

Übel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:33

I think the only way to respond to people like this is “Well it shakes a bit under braking so I’m suspecting a warped rotor” or if you’re really pissed off give him the ol’ “I checked the pads and they don’t have much material left” but only if you’re feeling really fighty.

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:35

Did you tell him it needs some brake light fluid?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Übel
11/22/2015 at 23:37

I should just reply with: “Empiricism.”

Übel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:38

Or I mean you could actually answer his question. “Brake job” can mean a lot of things from “only one caliper moves at all” to “eh new pads within the next thousand miles”

TheHondaBro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:39

I would have responded with: “They whispered it to me in my dreams.”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Übel
11/22/2015 at 23:44

If it had a seized caliper or didn’t stop in a safe manner I would not have said that it runs drives and stops. Brake job as commonly used means the pads are worn, not “could be a pad could be the entire ABS! Come on down and find out!”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock
11/22/2015 at 23:46

I had plenty of that fluid on my crappy aftermarket lights on my high school car.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:46

“It doesn’t stop”

D > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:51

With all this time you’ve spent replying to Ubel you could’ve just emailed the dude back and potentially created interest in your car.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Übel
11/22/2015 at 23:55

Kinja'd!!!

Übel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/22/2015 at 23:56

I’m going to assume that you’ve never bought/sold a car on craigslist before because that is exactly the kind of shit that people say in their ads. It’s a lot easier to get that cleared up in a two-sentence email than it is to drive all the way out to the car just to find out that your idea of a brake job might be “pads haven’t been accounted for in past 500 miles”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > D
11/22/2015 at 23:56

Evidently

Kinja'd!!!

D > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 00:06

good solution!

Urambo Tauro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 00:06

Sounds like he’s mechanically inclined.

There are plenty of people out there who would immediately assume their car needed new brakes, when all it needs is (for example) a line repair to stop fluid loss or something. I bet he’s trying to figure out if you’re that kind of seller. He also wants to know how extensive the brake repairs might be.

If I was interested in a car that the seller thought needed a brake job, I’d ask about it too. You want to know as much as possible about just what it is you’re getting into, especially if it’s something that could potentially prevent you from taking it for a test drive.

scoob > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
11/23/2015 at 00:11

“I stop the car by getting out while it’s moving, running alongside the car, and pulling the car back with my bare hands.

I’ve gotten very strong doing this on my daily commute to work.”

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > scoob
11/23/2015 at 00:22

“The freeway offramp was an interesting experience the first few times”

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 00:26

“What makes you say it needs a brake job?”

“The Patriarchy.”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Urambo Tauro
11/23/2015 at 00:29

I guess I’m taking too many things for granted. I would never sell a car that wasn’t safe to drive. But you can’t trust CL. I would never suggest a minor service when it was secretly catastrophic. But you can’t trust CL. I would never sell a running car only to pull out the rug from whoever drove to see it by telling them they can’t test drive it as is. But you can’t trust CL.

MLGCarGuy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 00:38

Respond with “other cars are my stopping aid” or something.

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > scoob
11/23/2015 at 02:46

You just made my day.

McMike > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 05:40

Write back and tell them that “in my opinion” It needs a brake job. If I were keeping it what’s what I would do. The option to perform the brake job is up to the current owner, which I am currently trying to not be at the moment.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 07:14

I mean, I understand that you’re frustrated by the other dumb asses and scammers you’ve dealt with. I’ve been there, and some of the shit just boggles the mind. However, this is a perfectly reasonable question.

Captain_Spadaro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 08:51

Craigslist buyers are morons 99% of the time (or so I hear).

PotbellyJoe and 42 others > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/23/2015 at 14:57

See your problem is that you are not a normal CL seller.

I have been involved in buying and selling many cars on CL. I have adjusted the amplitude of my expectations ten-fold thanks to CL sellers.

Here’s the translation from CL to Oppo:

“Small dent” = a hippo sat on that quarter panel.

“Rough at idle” = blows white smoke, coughs sputters and backfires, then stops running after 10 seconds, every light is illuminated on the dash.

“New tires” = They have 18,000 miles on them.

“Needs tires” = Needs them about 20,000 miles ago.

“Some staining in interior” = My wife gave birth in the car and we don’t want to clean it.

“Needs brakes/breaks” = the entire system is gone and has been gone for months.

“Ran when parked” = I parked it here and ran away from it.