Every Darkwing Duck entrance metaphor, ever.

"SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman" (dasborgen)
11/18/2015 at 20:35 • Filed to: None

I am the terror that flaps in the night,... I am the batteries that are not included... I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am... I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul... I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show... I am... obviously out of my trademark blue smoke. I am the termite that devours your floorboards... I am the surprise in your cereal box... I am the headache in the criminal mind... I am the raspberry seed you can’t floss out... I am the onion that stings in your eye... I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares... I am the hairball that clogs your drains... I am the low ratings that cancel your program... I am the auditor that wants to look at your books... I am the slug that slimes your begonias... I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair... I am the itch you cannot reach... I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters... I am the jailer who throws away the key... I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks... I am the sandtrap on the fairway of evil... I am the sourball in the candyjar of goodness... I am the grade curve that gives you an F... I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you... I am the neurosis that requires a $500 an hour shrink... I am the wierdo that sits next to you on the bus... I am the bug that splatters on your windshield... I am the spider who naps at your neck... I am the combination lock on the vaults of justice... I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg... I am the pin that will burst your bubble... I am the bubble gum that clings to your shoe... I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out... I am the cat that lays kittens in your bed... I am the switch that derails your train... I am the paper cut that ruins your morning... I am... feeling really stupid. Boy, I hate it when I’m early. You’d think criminal masterminds would be more punctual. I am the weed whacker in the garden of evil... I am the moth that seeks your porchlight... I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair... I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice... I am the flea you cannot flick... I am the stain that CAN’T be rubbed out... I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth... I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries... I am the single career man all women want to date... I am the check writer in the Cash Only line... I am the zit that forms when you’ve got a really big date... I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop... I am the electrician who short-circuits the power lines of crime... I am the parking meter that expires while you shop... I am the pit bull that bites the ankle of crime... I am the shnowzer that digs up your petunias... I am the soapscum that limes your bathtub... I am the hair ball that clogs your drain... I am the shopping cart that mixes your paint job... I am the eraser that rubs out the typos of crime... I am the terrier that nips at your shoelaces... I am the blown fuse that blacks you out... I am the butter that burns in your pan... I am the itch in your trigger finger... I am the cold sore that stings your lip... I am the hair in the lens of your projector... I am the badly photoshopped Michael Cera you see every day... I am the scourge that... pecks at your... well your nightmares... I am the pustulent blister that bursts in your boot... I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice... I am the widget missing from the easy-to-assemble swingset... I am the editor that cuts your scene... I am the burnt-out bulb you cannot reach... I am the spinach that sticks to your teeth... I am the cat that somebody let out of the bag... I am the cotton swab that gets stuck in your ear... I am the plot twist in the second reel... I am the flea on your parrot... I am the heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime... I am the ghost of a chance that you don’t have... I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime... I am the yo-yo that keeps coming back... I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime... I am the top root that clogs your pipes... I am the editor that leaves you on the cutting room floor... I am the check that overdraws your account... I am the low point on your sine wave... I am the limestone that petrifies your bones... I am the awkward goodbye that lasts for far too long... I am the upvote you withhold to be a petulant dick... I am !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!