"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
11/16/2015 at 11:34 • Filed to: subaru, fel-pro, indie mechanics, just subaru things
12
4|
"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
11/16/2015 at 11:34 • Filed to: subaru, fel-pro, indie mechanics, just subaru things | 12
| 4 |
I was a god when I saw the true face of Subaru. Now I scramble in the debris of my beautiful life. My hands claw frantically for the smallest hope, an unbroken wish. You looked down at me, safety glasses atop your nose, and pulled me up. It was just a cracked radiator endtank, you said.
From that moment on I’ve waged a war against head gaskets on the mean streets of Hell’s Kitchen.
We bristle as the sound of the door’s viewport sliding open fills the alley. A pair of angry eyes appear. It wasn’t easy finding this place, and it was going to be even harder to get inside.
“What’s the password?” asks the man.
My fists ached with the memory of the jobber mechanic I worked over to pre-emptively smooth over that little wrinkle. He only went four of five rounds with me before he knocked me unconscious with one blow from a Snap-On front-wheel-drive wheel bearing toolkit and fled down the street. But I was told, afterward, that my compatriot Murphy nobly finished the job.
“Coolant conditioner,” I stated flatly, cool as a cucumber.
The door slid open, exposing my worst nightmare. A Subaru meet. Grown men were standing around a table, worshipping rare sakura pink parts. Trading in reinforced gearsets for fragile five-speed gearboxes. Warning each other about minute differences in tire tread from corner to corner. Behind them was draped a floor-to-ceiling Monster Energy vinyl banner.
Dropping to one knee, I unholstered my Harbour Freight Earthquake impact gun as the alley behind me lit up red and blue.
“This is a raid, motherfuckers!” I screamed as I let loose the first torrent of braps on an EJ25D head bolt. The head lifted, revealing its secret.
“Just as I thought,” I said to the ringleader, who had been brought to me in cuffs, “Fel-Pro.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” said the ringleader, “just don’t ask me why your headlights stay on once you turn the car off.”
Captain of the Enterprise
> Seat Safety Switch
11/16/2015 at 11:41 |
|
I love you for these.
Leon711
> Captain of the Enterprise
11/16/2015 at 12:04 |
|
An asset to oppo
|
Leon711
> Seat Safety Switch
11/16/2015 at 13:14 |
|
SENPAI NOTICED ME!
ultimatt
> Seat Safety Switch
11/18/2015 at 15:03 |
|
I ask him “Have you seen this cool video?” as I play the Blocko Gymkhana series on endless loop. The Subaru fan’s ultimate terror.