"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
11/12/2015 at 11:40 • Filed to: strollers, children, child management, norwegian booze, drunk soccer moms, lunch control
6
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"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
11/12/2015 at 11:40 • Filed to: strollers, children, child management, norwegian booze, drunk soccer moms, lunch control | 6
| 2 |
I could sense that the assembled crowd was hanging on my every word. Finally, after all the struggle, the insanity, the long nights, the stress, the fear, the urine, it was all coming together for ol’ Switch. I pulled the covering sheet aside and screamed “Voila!” And the cat was out of the bag.
The crowd fell silent, then burst into uproarious applause. A teaser video screamed through the product’s best features behind me, working them into a delusional frenzy with techno music and jump cuts. I descended from the stage and allowed them to taste the fruits of my genius. I would not guide them; I would not force them to experience it my way. They could discover it on their own.
“Martha Brooker, from CNN,” announced the microphone that was suddenly thrust into my field of vision. “What do you have to say about your new power-assist stroller?”
“Martha, I think it’s been too long since nitromethane-fuelled 150cc turbocharged two strokes were available in the child transportation market.” I replied, giving her a mischievous grin, scarcely able to believe that people believed in my project.
“How do you respond to critics that say the chromoly roll cage and integrated six-point restraints aren’t enough to keep today’s children safe at the stroller’s top speed of two hundred and fifty miles per hour?”
I waved her away. Haters were going to hate. My assistant, Mr. Jonathan, moved in quickly behind me to defuse the situation and hand out swag and invitations to the afterparty.
I heard a cheering, and then the sound of the intricately-balanced thumper roaring to redline and hitting spark cut. Turning on my heel, I caught a glimpse of two soccer moms, hammered from the Norwegian booze flowing freely from the courtesy table, testing the stroller’s launch control.
Raising my right hand, I dispensed the ISO standard thumbs-up, and receded into the crowd. Years from now, they would be wondering where such a genius, such a singular imagination, had disappeared to.
I hear a rapping at my door and become instantly aware of the mossy scent of the surrounding greenery. Mr. Jonathan has come, and brought me a critical part of my next invention. I turn it over in my hands, staring at it.
“F1 calls it a kinetic-assist electric motor,” he says, and turns, walking back to the Rover. I look back into my workshop, the dyno plot laughing on the screen. Daycares are gonna need to start buying VHT traction compound in bulk, I think.
Shoop
> Seat Safety Switch
11/12/2015 at 12:05 |
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Hoosier Mama?
Also moaaaaar
Spoon II
> Seat Safety Switch
11/12/2015 at 12:43 |
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Haha, you really need to write a book.