"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
11/23/2015 at 11:35 • Filed to: review
14
65|
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
11/23/2015 at 11:35 • Filed to: review | 14
| 65 |
My latest acquisition of a “fun” car has proven a couple of things. 1: I have a very weird automotive bucket-list. 2: There has never been a vehicle so divisive as the final generation Buick Roadmaster Estate wagon.
What do I mean by that second one? Well, every single dude who I have told about, shown to, or given a ride in the Roadmaster thinks it’s awesome. Even my dad loved it, and I was not expecting that. Female reactions, on the other hand, range from confused to abhorred. I think my wife’s reaction is the best representation of the fairer sexs’ opinion of the Roadmaster. “Why the fucking fuck do you like this ugly ass thing?” So, if you’re a swinging single dude looking to attract the ladies, you’d probably do better in an inherited minivan that smells vaguely of french fries than in a Roadmaster wagon. Me? I’m a middle aged married dude with little kids. I give no fucks, the Roadmaster is awesome.
Now that I’ve had it for over a month doing all kinds of things with it, including fixing it, I now present the full Oppositelock Review.
( Full Disclosure: I bought the Roadmaster from a friend of mine who is a retired auto shop teacher, who owned it since 2001. I’ve been bugging him to sell it to me for almost a decade. He finally did, but only after doing a bunch of work to it, and charging me almost no money.)
Exterior: 5/10
Let’s get right to it. Those of us who love the final generation of GM’s venerable B-body platform, we need to be honest here. This thing is homely with a capital ugly. At least the design is cohesive, it all looks like it belongs together. It looks like a big rounded off box, precisely because it is a big rounded off box. The
wood
vinyl is peeling in many places, and the trim is only tenuously attached.
Interior: 5/10
It’s shit. Total shit. There are more squeaks than a flock of mice in a cheese factory. The panel gaps are so big you could get your arm stuck in them. The materials are garbage. Most of the tan leather is still tan, some of it has aged to a weird greenish color in the sun. The glove-box door sags. The door card on the driver’s door is broken. The headliner is coming down on the edges in the rear. The list goes on and on, but none of that matters because the car is cheap and super comfortable. It has three comfy bench seats and a total of eight seatbelts. The front bench is split and the rear bench faces backwards. It’s like driving your living room around.
I must, unfortunately, report that the assertion that these can haul a 4’ x 8’ sheet of plywood with the tailgate closed is a gadamned lie! Lie lie lie!!!! With the two rear rows folded there is a nice and flat 87” between the closed tailgate and the back of the front seat. You will note that 87” is considerably less than 96”. You can get a sheet of plywood or drywall between the wheel wells though, you’ll just have to let the outer 9” rest on the open tailgate. Still pretty good hauling capacity!
Acceleration: 7/10
The Roadmaster is equipped with an Gen II 350 cubic inch (5.7 liters for you metric folk) LT-1 V8. It’s got low end torque for days. Plenty of power to hole-shot most other drivers on the road. My commute is four miles from one suburb to the next, so that’s really all that matters to me.
Braking: 7/10
Obviously it’s no track monster, but for driving around like a normal person on normal roads, I have never wanted for more stopping power. I wish they were four wheel disc, as drum brakes are such a PITA to service. The ABS no longer ABSes, but I bought it knowing that and I don’t care. The only problem I’ve had was age and salt related. A hole developed in the hard brake line that goes from a splitter on top of the read end pumpkin, out the the right rear drum. That required a lot of time on my back on the cold concrete, getting real intimate with all the rust while I removed, custom bent, and replaced the line. It was my first major automotive repair, and dagnabit the thing worked! Only cost me about $9 in parts (and $40 in tools!). I must say that I was able to make it home from work with no trouble, leaky brake line or not, with zero code brown moments.
Ride: 9/10
It rides exactly like you think it does. Sometimes it is a bit too floaty, but it soaks up the bumps like no vehicle I’ve ever owned. The rough train tracks that shake my truck to the bone are practically not even there in the Roadmaster. I think it’d be a 10/10 if the rear shocks weren’t shot.
Handling: 6/10
It doesn’t handle great, but it handles a lot better than it looks like it handles. It is very predictable and competent. Again, it’s no track monster, but if you’re driving like a normal person on normal roads there is nothing the Roadmaster cannot do.
Gearbox: 8/10
A lot of people will disagree with me, but a column shifted 4-speed automatic is exactly what this car should have. More than one person suggested when I bought this car, that I should do a manual swap. As much as I love such automotive whatthefuckery, this car is made for an automatic. It just feels right. Side note: all automatics should all be column shifted, as this one is (come at me bro!). Some may complain that it’s only a 4-speed, but an auto with more than four speeds in 1994 was basically witchcraft. The trans is completely unobtrusive, I’ve rarely noticed what it’s doing. I consider that high praise. Quicker downshifts when I stomp on it would be nice.
Toys: 7/10
Power windows, locks, mirrors, keyless entry, blah blah blah. The cruise control works! I love cruise control on the interstate, and this thing just eats up the miles like nothing. My Roadmaster is also equipped with the towing package, which means it is capable of towing 7000 pounds of toys. That’s 1300 more pounds than my ‘06 Sierra crew cab is rated to tow. Good show old man!
Audio: 5/10
The only option I can find that my Roadmaster is not equipped with is a CD player. It does have a cassette player, which I mostly use with one of those old school adapters to play my I-pod. I am both old enough and enough of a hoarder, that I do have some cassettes. So if the mood strikes me I’ll bust out Led Zeppelin II, Beatles ‘65, or John Lee Hooker. The speakers are not very good, but are not so bad that I don’t want to listen to them. It does have a sweet sweet equalizer that changes not only how it sounds, but also changes what and how badly certain parts of the interior are squeaking and/or rattling. Neat trick!
Value: 10/10
I only paid $1700 for the Roadmaster. That’s a lot of damn car for $1700. If you can find more car for less money, then by all means buy it.
Total: 69/100 (heh)
Conclusion:
I seriously love this car. Sure, it has it’s flaws, but it really is great at what it does. It can haul copious amounts of people and/or stuff in supreme comfort for long distances and a fairly rapid pace. It’s so good at it’s intended purpose, that I intend to do things it was never intended to do: autocross and rallycross it at an incredibly amatuerish level. Why? Probably because I’m a bit of a happy idiot. I probably will not keep it more than a couple years, and I have no intension to modify it much if at all. But dammit, I am going to have some stupid fun in this car. It really is the Master of the Roads.
Engine:
350 cubic inch naturally aspirated V8
Power:
260 HP/335 lb-ft of torque
Transmission:
Four speed column shifted automatic
0-60 Time:
7.8 seconds
Top Speed:
108 mph (limited)
Drivetrain:
Rear wheel drive
Curb Weight:
4500 pounds
Seating:
8 people
MPG:
17 city/25 highway
MSRP:
$25,784
Seat Safety Switch
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 11:46 |
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I once ran into a dude at a party who loved luxury cars but hated the Roadmaster wagon because of its working-class all-American family connotations. He preferred the sublime douchebag appearance of a well-heeled German luxury station wagon.
After I reported him to the House Unamerican Activities Committee, I considered buying a Roadmaster for myself. I visited the home of a friend’s in-law’s grandparents, and test drove their $1500 ‘92 Roadmaster wagon. What a majestic beast, but it could not be parked on my street because the houses are too close together .
In the end, I bought an EG Civic. But at night, I think about what could have been if I had only wanted to walk a few blocks to the local public park in order to retrieve my spongy firetruck-length steed.
CalzoneGolem
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 11:49 |
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If I could swing the mpg I could be dailying one of these into the ground right now.
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shop-teacher
> CalzoneGolem
11/23/2015 at 11:51 |
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Fortunately I live so close to work, that it does not matter.
Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 11:51 |
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Tweak the suspension the way they tweaked the Impala SS from the Caprice, throw in Impala Steering rack. It’s almost there, seeing as it has the same engine instead of the 200hp version.
They did do a Gran Sport version. I wonder if that's what they did to it...
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CalzoneGolem
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 11:56 |
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With ~60miles round trip it makes a big difference to me. I’d say the Taurus is analogous to the Roadmaster in many ways. The chief differences being power plant and drive wheels.
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shop-teacher
> CalzoneGolem
11/23/2015 at 11:57 |
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Yeah, that kind of distance changes things completely.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 11:58 |
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Why the fucking fuck do you like this ugly ass thing
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shop-teacher
> Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
11/23/2015 at 12:00 |
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I thought about doing those, but then I spent several hours underneath it getting well acquainted with all the rust under there. I may get another one from a southern/western state someday and do all those things to it. But this one, this one has too much rust for me to put any real money into it.
That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 12:11 |
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“Homely with a capital ugly” made me laugh out loud.
Also, you’re 100% right about the automatic transmission in this. It’s much the same as my P71...sure, a stick shift would be cool for an afternoon, but after that I’d want my slush box back. And you’re right, there is zero reason for an automatic transmission to have a floor shifter. Column shift forever.
Birddog
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 12:11 |
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That’s better mileage than I would have thought! Hell, it’s economy car territory when compared to Crusty.
Only cost me about $9 in parts (and $40 in tools!)
This, I think you’ll find is going to be a constant if you work on cars for any period of time. The good news is that you’ll already have the tools for the next time or car.
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shop-teacher
> Seat Safety Switch
11/23/2015 at 12:21 |
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After I reported him to the House Unamerican Activities Committee
I laughed VERY loudly at that line!
There are a lot of B-body wagons our there, so you can still own one someday :)
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shop-teacher
> Birddog
11/23/2015 at 12:22 |
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I’m a bit of a tool hoarder, so any excuse to buy tools works for me!
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shop-teacher
> That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
11/23/2015 at 12:22 |
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Preach it!
BigBlock440
> That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
11/23/2015 at 12:31 |
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I disagree, I can think of two reasons why an auto shouldn’t have a column shifter. 1st is for drag racing, you could hold the gears out and shift when you want, easier to do that on the floor. 2nd, if the column is too small to fit a shifter there, like in most econoboxes. They’re already filled up with turn signals and wipers and ignition switches, there’s no room on smaller columns for it.
Haase
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 12:34 |
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Looks like you got a great deal.
I have a very nice 1996 Roadmaster for sale. If anyone is interested, please let me know.
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shop-teacher
> Haase
11/23/2015 at 12:41 |
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I did get a great deal. Although yours looks a lot less rusty than mine :)
Steve in Manhattan
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 12:43 |
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This car is like a Fast & Furious movie - big, dumb, a lot of fun, and reviewer-proof. It looks like exactly what it is. You know what you’re getting. If you go see Furious 7 and complain because you think it’s too violent and has too many scantily-clad women, I have no sympathy for you.
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shop-teacher
> Steve in Manhattan
11/23/2015 at 12:53 |
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Ha! “I love this stupid car,” is something I’ve said out-loud several times. :)
CyborgAdaLovelace
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 12:58 |
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All the stars for you, my friend. So far my limited experience with the car jives with yours almost completely. The one difference is that coming from the Dodge Grand Caravan, the Roadmaster squeaks and rattles a lot less; I’m sure the softer suspension has something to do with it. I just checked the RPO codes and mine has the towing package too!
I’ll still be hanging onto my Dodge because it really can swallow a 4x8 sheet of plywood perfectly.
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shop-teacher
> BigBlock440
11/23/2015 at 12:59 |
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Sure, for drag racing go ahead and put a floor shifter in, but it doesn’t need to come from the factory that way. If you’re serious about drag racing, you’re already waist deep in mods.
The room on the column is a non-factor if you have the classic GM “Put everything on the turn signal level” turn signal lever. The turn signal lever operates the turn signals (duh :) ), the cruise control, the wipers, and the brights. Having a complete separate lever for the wipers, like on my wife’s CX-5 which I otherwise love, is just plain stupid IMO.
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shop-teacher
> CyborgAdaLovelace
11/23/2015 at 13:00 |
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I just checked the RPO codes and mine has the towing package too!
Woo-hoo! What year is yours, and how many miles does it have?
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That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
> BigBlock440
11/23/2015 at 13:04 |
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Agreed on drag racing, you’re dead on there. I don’t think I’ve seen a column that can’t fit a shifter, but if I did, I think I’d rather have it on the dash like a Caravan in that situation.
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CyborgAdaLovelace
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:05 |
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1994, 142k.
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BigBlock440
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:07 |
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I’m just saying there are two reasons I can think of, but I see no problem with a car coming from the factory with a floor shift that’s likely to be raced. And the room on the column shift is a factor if you don’t have the classic GM “put everything on the turn signal lever”. That doesn’t mean it has to go on the floor, the dash is as good a place to put a push button or rotary shifter these days, just that it’s a counterpoint to the “there’s zero reason for an automatic to have anything other than a column shifter”.
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Steve in Manhattan
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:08 |
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Can’t explain those movies or cars like this - you’re just in. I won’t pay for an F&F movie, but I’ll sure watch the bluray when Netflix gets it.
davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:15 |
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Great review!
http://oppositeblog.kinja.com/
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shop-teacher
> BigBlock440
11/23/2015 at 13:16 |
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OK, I’ll allow dash shifter. I still say having and entirely separate lever for the wipers is dumb, and automatic floor shifters are a giant waste of space for 99.999999% of the people who drive them.
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shop-teacher
> Steve in Manhattan
11/23/2015 at 13:18 |
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I honestly couldn’t make it through the first F & F movie when it first made it to cable oh so many years ago. I just hate those style of cars so much, I couldn’t do it. I haven’t tried to watch it or any of the others again. Your analogy is still 100% valid though!
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shop-teacher
> davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
11/23/2015 at 13:20 |
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Thanks! I’ll have to check that out, never been there.
PS9
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:20 |
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Pictures cannot fully convey the sheer mass and size of these beasts. An entire smart car cut to pieces could easily fit back there.
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davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:23 |
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http://oppositelock.kinja.com/oppositeblog-i…
deekster_caddy
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:24 |
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I did an 800 mile round trip last weekend in my B-body Buick. Not a wagon, but still... great towing capacity FTW!!!
400 miles out with car on trailer, 400 miles back home empty. It’s the furthest I’ve journeyed with this in a long time and besides one mishap it did admirably well!
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shop-teacher
> PS9
11/23/2015 at 13:29 |
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It’s true, it really could. The funny thing is that because I’m used to daily driving a full size crew cab pickup, the Roadmaster feels downright lithe to me :)
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shop-teacher
> deekster_caddy
11/23/2015 at 13:30 |
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Nice! It’s amazing having so much capacity in something so comfortable.
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deekster_caddy
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:32 |
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I’ve always wanted the Roadmaster you have... but I have this so I’m happy. BBB 455 > LT1 350 ;)
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shop-teacher
> deekster_caddy
11/23/2015 at 13:35 |
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With that motor, I’d trade ya in a heartbeat :)
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Haase
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:40 |
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California car. No rust here.
Luc - The Acadian Oppo
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 13:48 |
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$1700 bucks / 4500lbs ?
That’s only $0.37/lbs.
Good deal!
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shop-teacher
> Haase
11/23/2015 at 13:49 |
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Excellent! Now that I know how much I love this thing, I may well journey out west or south to buy a rust free one someday.
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shop-teacher
> Luc - The Acadian Oppo
11/23/2015 at 13:50 |
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I’m pretty happy with it!
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Steve in Manhattan
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 14:11 |
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Was the first one Tokyo Drift?
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shop-teacher
> Steve in Manhattan
11/23/2015 at 14:20 |
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No, I think that was the third one. The first one was simple called “The Fast and the Furious.”
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Steve in Manhattan
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 14:26 |
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I’ve seen all except the most recent - none stood out, just dumb and loud. And I thought of a better example - if you go to see a movie called Sharknado, don’t expect Mamet.
jkm7680
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 16:36 |
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???????????????????
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shop-teacher
> jkm7680
11/23/2015 at 17:23 |
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Are you just marveling at how crappy it is, or do you have a question?
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shop-teacher
> CyborgAdaLovelace
11/23/2015 at 17:26 |
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Wow, darn near twinsies.
unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 19:09 |
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My automotive bucket list is weird too considering a Volvo 240, a Peugeot 505 wagon, b body gms and so on. Every time I see a good b-body, I point it out in excitement because around here 99% of the time they are driving on rubber band wheels with rod knock or have no quarter panels from the arch. Also I appreciate that this thing could possibly tow a trailer with a skidsteer on it.
fryguy
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 19:22 |
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Love that first photo. All you need are some half-neeked womans lounging on the hood.
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shop-teacher
> fryguy
11/23/2015 at 19:33 |
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A little chilly out now for that photoshoot :)
ranwhenparked
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 19:49 |
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That pretty much sums up my experience owned a Fleetwood (although, I actually think the Cadillac version was a damn good looking car). The braking and handling are way better than the uninitiated would assume, and the performance is more than adequate. But, the real draw is the ride quality - to this day, that is the most comfortable car I have experienced, driving it on long trips was just an absolute pleasure.
If GM had sorted out the cheap feeling interior and invested some money in keeping the styling current, they might just have wound up driving the Crown Victoria out of production and owning the police and livery markets in the the 21st century. The B-bodies were far and away the superior product.
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shop-teacher
> unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
11/23/2015 at 19:55 |
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I’ve always wanted a Volvo 240. I’ve never wanted a Puegot 505, but the more I read about them on Oppo, the more it’s sounding like fun to me.
There are some apartments next to my work, and there is a REALLY clean blue Caprice sedan parked there. I always stare longingly at it.
718Rogue
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 21:08 |
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I owned a Caprice Classic and I found the acceleration and handling unbearable at first, but once you get used to it it’s fun... Well, still slow but kind of fun.
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unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 21:11 |
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Our family had a turbo 505 wagon when I was little, I missed it dearly. Cool thing is that the wagons have a 1000lb payload thanks to coil rear and solid axle. There is a 505 sedan turbo, that is barely used and the owner keeps it on the street in the nearby city. I left note offers when I was in high school promising I would buy it out right and give it a good home. The owner never contacted me and or loves the damn car. I notice its more in a state of disrepair.
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shop-teacher
> ranwhenparked
11/23/2015 at 21:28 |
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Sadly the B-bodies were killed by the SUV boom. GM was selling every Tahoe they could screw together, so they wanted that factory to build more of them. Didn’t matter that they had more horsepower than Panther cars would have even 14 years later.
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shop-teacher
> 718Rogue
11/23/2015 at 21:33 |
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It’s not a fast car by any means, but it’s got enough low end torque to have fun with.
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ranwhenparked
> shop-teacher
11/23/2015 at 21:34 |
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That’s correct - funny story - Ford was actually weighing dropping the Panthers after 1997, but GM made their announcement first, so Ford backtracked and kept their BOF cars around for another decade and a half.
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shop-teacher
> unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
11/23/2015 at 21:36 |
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It’s always sad to watch a car fall into disrepair. There’s a green Impala SS a couple blocks from my house that hasn’t moved in the 5-1/2 years I’ve lived here. It looked perfect when Ioved in. Now? Not so much.
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shop-teacher
> ranwhenparked
11/23/2015 at 22:03 |
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Oh yeah, I forgot about that. If I recall correctly, police and taxi fleet operators were basically begging Ford to keep making them.
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718Rogue
> shop-teacher
11/24/2015 at 02:25 |
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Haha mine didn’t... Did my first ever burnout in it but it took standing on the brakes to get the tires to start spinning
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CyborgAdaLovelace
> shop-teacher
11/24/2015 at 09:54 |
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Yup!
Yesterday as I was out and about, I got a CEL, which turned out to be the EGR valve. Hopefully just a temporary stickiness (I’d get an EGR valve code on my Taurus about once every 4 months and the internets suggest it may be a similar situation here), but it made me learn about the diagnostics on the climate control panel, so that was interesting. It sure beats doing the Konami code with the ignition and counting CEL flashes like I have to do on my Dodge.
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shop-teacher
> CyborgAdaLovelace
11/24/2015 at 10:07 |
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but it made me learn about the diagnostics on the climate control panel
Oh, haven’t heard about that one yet. I guess that’s a good thing :)
I still have to figure out how to make the “brake” warning light turn off after my brake line issue.
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CyborgAdaLovelace
> shop-teacher
11/24/2015 at 10:22 |
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It’s actually more than just diagnostics - you can get tach and stuff too if you’re interested. Here’s a helpful thread:
http://www.impalassforum.com/vBulletin/show…
As I was doing a little research on the ABS situation, I came across somebody suggesting that to reset the brake warning light, you basically stand on the pedal as hard as you can.
Death By Cornbread
> shop-teacher
11/24/2015 at 12:04 |
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SELL IT TO ME WHEN YOU’RE DONE.
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shop-teacher
> Death By Cornbread
11/24/2015 at 12:09 |
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I will give Oppos a chance to buy when I’m done having my way with it.
LongbowMkII
> CalzoneGolem
11/24/2015 at 12:12 |
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15/25 more or less. (mostly less)