Why I Didn't buy a Mustang or Camaro

"Swayze Train GTi" (swayzetrain) 10/18/2015 at 15:56 • Filed to: None

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The only thing more American than my Corvette is spending beyond your means, which is something I did just a little bit in purchasing the car. Given my requirements (RWD, manual, reliable), and the fact that my financial situation is currently “3 inch hole in both shoes”, people always ask me why I didn’t purchase a Firebird or a Mustang over the most 90s car designed in the 80s. And while I did look at both, there’s a very good reason why I ended up with the Purple Wedge.

Ok, the F-Body. If the Corvette is the poor man’s supercar, the F-Body is an even poorer-man’s Corvette. It’s got a similar wedge aesthetic going on, similarly surprising handling, a similar V8 engine under the hood, and the ratio of automatics to manuals made it just as hard to find a good candidate as a Corvette. Problems abound, however. The image is horrible. Foreigners think you’re a murderer, your neighbors have dreams of running your SLP Loudmouth exhaust through the can-return machine at Meijer, your girlfriend’s parents are concerned about backseat accidents AND regular car accidents, and the girl herself thinks you haven’t talked about your family yet because you’re embarrassed about the double-wide community she assumes you came from.

And like your girlfriend, the exterior will be almost there, and yet somehow lacking. Her facial structure perfect, but details perhaps a bit off. The exception might be the one with added curves, a Trans-Am graced with voluptuousness from one of the more tasteful factory bodykits of the 90s, but that adds to the sea you have to wade through. Endless V6 models, automatic transmissions, projects, beat cars, and the evergreen “450 HP” duct tape shed build, with chromed Edelbrock valve covers next to rusted out strut towers, their holes revealing dry rot on the ancient drag skinnies. All those cars have the same autozone tachometer.

This is basically what the interior of every F-Body looks like, except with more cigarette ash and loose change.

The interior… I don’t even know what jokes can be made. I don’t think it’s been long enough yet. I don’t think we’re quite over the horrors we knew in the 90s. The tears froze to our cheeks as we cried through our morning commute, freshly broken fan knob in hand, asthmatic blower stuck on fan level one, almost as a taunt, just to preserve but the memory of heat as we slowly endured the cruel Michigan winters. Aside from the gauge cluster, the F-Body has an interior even worse than the Cavalier. That’s really all I have to say about that.

Camaro and Mustang is a battle more entrenched in car culture than my views on the negatives of Ferret owners, but I’ve never really picked a side. Both cars have had their moments, and the best ones tend to coincide. But whereas the less-popular Camaro had the good sense to go into hiding during the dark years, the Mustang had a reputation for making Ford money. It was stuck on the corner shilling it’s name for decades until the Foxbody came around, and even then it took a man’s work to bring the queen out of the doldrums of being a basic girl, like some backwards thinking romantic comedy that was probably made around the same time.

Anyhow, onto the Mustang proper. I was looking at New Edge mustangs, made from 1999-2004, and only interested in the GT, seeing as I didn’t want to end up with a worse, copied version of the Buick V6 found in my Pontiac. Sifting through Craigslists reveals armies of pretenders. Racing stripes, K&N stickers, foglights stolen from a GT, autozone chrome letters applied without a ruler misspelling “Bulitt” on the trunk of a car that is 3 colors, depending on which panel you’re looking at, none of which are dark green. And to top it all off, a single exhaust pipe revealing the ugly truth.

This is the Ford’s image problem of it’s own, the “Mustang Kid”. He ruined your local Cars and Coffee by trying to do a burnout in the lot and blowing up his clutch, and not even having AAA at that. He’s fresh out of highschool, either by way of dropping out or skipping class, and his girlfriend is pregnant. His wheels are plasti-dipped and his license is suspended. His car’s exhaust header leak is steadily worsening, but his brain doesn’t really need that much oxygen anyways. Besides, the noise is drowned out by the pair of stolen subwoofers in the back, wired such that the battery drains itself every day if not started.

The worst offender in my town (yes those are spinners and yes it’s a V6). What I truly don’t understand is the thinking behind this. Anyone who knows about cars is laughing their ass off at this thing, especially upon realizing the V6 powerplant. And anyone who doesn’t know just thinks you’re an ostentatious 35 year old manchild. There is no victory.

And while I did find a few manual V8 cars, I never actually went out to look at them. The problem with the Mustang is that it’s always been a car to appeal to the broadest group of people, and that hasn’t always worked for them. In the case of the SN-95, the looks ruined it for me. Had this car been anything from Japan, it would have been okay in my book. But the fake air vents everywhere, massive round foglight enclosures, the spoiler, non aggressive front headlights, huge bumper and fact that it basically looked like a longer Probe (ehuehuehuehue) ruined it for me. The New Edge isn’t even a particularly ugly design, it just look like I want my Mustang to.

While I never ended up taking a test drive of the ‘Stang, I have been in one before, and they’re little better than the competition. The shifter is weirdly placed and looks like it belongs in a truck. The dash has a second gauge cluster shroud for the passenger to remind you they were so cheap they used the same mold for both sides. The plastics are cheap, the design was cheap, the gauges are cheap, and so was the MSRP. I didn’t enjoy it at all.

The F-Bodies and SN-95s are great cars, there’s no doubting that. Even today, they dominate dragstrips as well as being easy low-bar entries into the performance car hobby. But having chosen my Corvette, I’ve never looked back at those two. Except when they’re in my rearview mirror. What I do find myself looking back at constantly is my car as I walk away, and my bank account to make sure I’ll be able to afford food and shoes for the winter.

C62030 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 17:06

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Great article. I appropriately threw up a little when I saw a V6 Mustang with spinners. Those belong on a rapper’s Hummer, not your idiotic orange understeer machine.

DoYouEvenShift > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 17:09

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So youre saying you bought a. car based on what other people might think?

Also congrats on the LT1(LT4? What year did you say it was?)

I have an LT1 in one of my F bodys, great motor!

Tuned-Port-Injected-Rage > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 17:10

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Good write up. How’s the C4 treating you so far?

Swayze Train GTi > DoYouEvenShift 10/18/2015 at 17:37

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I don’t really care what other people think of my cars, but the image problem jokes are too much fun. For reference, I’ve had a Miata and this C4. This is the image problem C4 owners have

I have a 1993 LT1 with a ZF 6 speed, fantastic drivetrain all around

Swayze Train GTi > Tuned-Port-Injected-Rage 10/18/2015 at 17:39

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Pretty good. I’m about to get the mufflers removed, and I have yet to redo the crap Bose sound system. Also, my trunk solenoid broke. But she runs like a top still! New struts are coming up as well.

Oh, also found a screw in my rear tire this morning at Cars and Coffee. I have to replace them soon anyways, but still. No burn outs....

Swayze Train GTi > C62030 10/18/2015 at 17:40

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I’m pretty sure the guy fancies himself some sort of hip hoppist.

Urambo Tauro > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 17:50

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Of all the trim pieces that could have been repainted... the gauge bezel? That silver is just going to bounce light around in front of the driver’s face.

I’ll bet it was a teenager’s car.

C62030 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 18:03

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Those rappists need to get themselves some new stereotypical cars. I’ve a feeling the next one will be...used Dodge Neons.

citrus > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 18:07

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“The dash has a second gauge cluster shroud for the passenger to remind you they were so cheap they used the same mold for both sides.”

everything else about the car may be cheapness (i would know, i own one), but the double dash is a throwback to early mustang interiors, not cheapness.

plus it would be impossible to use the same side of the dash on both sides.

Leon711 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 18:15

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Man, American interiors are much better now.

Swayze Train GTi > C62030 10/18/2015 at 18:53

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The problem with the neon is it has no cred, it’s just an economy Dodge. Everyone knows real ballers drive first year Escalades with $10 in the tank, no insurance, and out of date tags

Swayze Train GTi > Urambo Tauro 10/18/2015 at 18:55

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The color may not be right, but as I remember it the gauges could use a bit of definition from each other.

Also yes, most SN-95 drivers are teenagers.

C62030 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 18:55

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$10 in the tank of an Escalade wouldn’t get you out of your driveway. Thus making it a perfect car to put spinners on.

Swayze Train GTi > C62030 10/18/2015 at 18:59

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If you can’t drive it, you won’t be able to bend a wheel on the first RR crossing you reach! I get it now.

C62030 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 19:01

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Cadillac really does take care of its customers.

RazoE > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 19:49

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The Camaro looked a billion times better.

03mach1 - Now has a Fiesta ST > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 20:20

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It’s crazy how much I can relate to this. Except I gave up on Firebirds early on because they were all V6 autos that were torn apart. And I don’t think I really wanted one anyway.

SN-95’s weren’t any better really. As you said, a lot are owned by people, well my age. And clearly people my age don’t make great decisions which lead to some horrendous cars. Not to mention the ones with really shoddy mods. Or the wrecked ones that were poorly put back together. I could go on. Oh and the overpriced ones. And then I found my ridiculously clean, well kept, one owner Mach 1 that was cheaper than most GT’s (That were still trashed).

Good luck with C4! Looks to be in good shape.

random001 > Swayze Train GTi 10/18/2015 at 20:38

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Had a 92 for a few years before moving up to an 02 Z06. Corvettes are the best at being Corvettes.

dogisbadob > Swayze Train GTi 10/19/2015 at 18:41

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This example sucks because the best part about a Camaro/Firebird/TA is the T-tops :)

With-a-G is back to not having anything written after his username > Swayze Train GTi 10/19/2015 at 18:46

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Oh, man, there is nothing I like better than having my stereotypes reinforced, and you have done so admirably. A very eloquent defense of not buying an F-body or Mustang.

Captain of the Enterprise > Swayze Train GTi 10/19/2015 at 23:39

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How much is a decent c4 these days, I'm in the car market for something around $5000

Swayze Train GTi > Captain of the Enterprise 10/20/2015 at 00:02

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You could get a decent 80s C4 for that much. The dash would probably need work and it would be stuck with around 250 HP stock, but you could wake it up wtih a few easy mods. You’re looking at TPI vs LT1 at that point though.

Captain of the Enterprise > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 07:13

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Would it be a good daily?

 V8 Rustler > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 08:30

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The dash has a second gauge cluster shroud for the passenger to remind you they were so cheap they used the same mold for both sides.

Nope, it is inspired in the original Mustang dashboard.

Axial > Captain of the Enterprise 10/20/2015 at 08:50

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Fairly, yes. I would honestly squeeze it up to $6000 for reliability reasons, but the L98 is a lot easier to work on than the LT1 or LT4 and just about everything is less expensive on the 1985-1989 cars. 1984 is weird, because some parts are single year and thus expensive. 1990 is when the interior changed, and those pieces are also expensive.

— Daily drove a 1996 LT4 for 2 years, now daily drives a 1990 ZR-1. In Virginia.

Swayze Train GTi > Captain of the Enterprise 10/20/2015 at 09:28

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I do. She’s about to go away for the winter, but as long as you can deal with the difficulty of getting in and out, you’ll be fine. Oh, she’s also not the best car in the rain.

Swayze Train GTi >  V8 Rustler 10/20/2015 at 09:29

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Eh, still looks cheap and stupid with those curves, nowhere near as good as the original.

472CID > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 11:17

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Finding a clean stock V8 manual F body can’t be that hard in Michigan can it? (assuming MI given the can return line)

Swayze Train GTi > 472CID 10/20/2015 at 12:05

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I bet we have more than most states, but the key word there is stock. A lot of them have either too little or too much work put into them.

Another reason I really didn’t get into the F body was because of how hard the engine is to work on. The words “drop the subframe” occur at least twice on every page of the Haynes Manual relating to the engine.

T5Killer > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 12:13

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I have been told by a friend who owns both a F body and a ‘96 Collectors ED C4 that the C4 is way worse to work on.

T5Killer > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 12:15

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Meh I like my 95 Cobra interior its miles better looking vs the f-body interior. Granted it could be Stockholm syndrome at this point I have owned it for 17 years now.

T5Killer > RazoE 10/20/2015 at 12:19

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I just wonder what the hell happened to that interior. My 95 has tons of miles on it and is out in the desert sun when I was at work for the 14+ years it was my DD and it doesn’t look half as bad as that one.

Swayze Train GTi > T5Killer 10/20/2015 at 12:31

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I’m not certain how that would be. F body doesn’t have a clamshell hood, or exposed front suspension, and furthermore the engine is hidden underneath the windshield...

RazoE > T5Killer 10/20/2015 at 12:32

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Yeah, GM’s not exactly known for their interiors. Friend had a C5 Z06, and it was just sad. Fast as hell....but sad..

T5Killer > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 12:36

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Yeah I don’t quite get it as well. I have worked on tons of LT1 and LS1 4th gens and they are a massive PITA but I have yet to touch a C4 to compare.

T5Killer > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 12:54

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Great looking Vette. I love the later C4s and that color is awesome.

Captain of the Enterprise > Swayze Train GTi 10/20/2015 at 13:07

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So Michigan Winter might be the killing factor in having it as a daily.

Swayze Train GTi > Captain of the Enterprise 10/20/2015 at 13:14

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It would just be too much too handle, plus I don’t want to get this car all salty underneath. I suppose if they make snow tires in a 285 section then maybe...

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Swayze Train GTi 10/23/2015 at 07:51

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Honestly, I hate most corvettes, but I have something for the C4, not to mention that color