My Car Was Totaled By The Most Common Unicorn

"Mark - Sixpots None The Richer" (marklinde) 10/04/2015 at 14:15 • Filed to: Kolbenfresser, Das Boot, Sixpots None The Richer

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My grief-stricken memory is a bit fuzzy right now, but here is essentially all the shit that has been happening in the past few direful days.

I was in middle of mastering my time-waste kingdom, when my flat mate entered the realm to give me a letter. It was from the local police department and my initial thought was:

“ Scheiße , I was assured that no one would miss the old man with the orca-shaped scar!”

Well, this is a story for another day, my friends, because in the letter I was informed about an accident my car was involved in. My mind was racing, yet I couldn’t remember anything. Did I commit a hit and run? This being the ultimate loathsome crime, I was actually wishing that they found the old orca-man instead. Mistkerl !

After studying the document more closely though it was clear that someone crashed into my car while it was parked in front of the flat.

I was puzzled. The accident happened three days before I got the letter, and I was daily driving my car as always during those days. Additionally I was even cleaning a part of the interior for nearly 1.5 hours the day after the supposed crash !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on Oppo:

I’m such a lazy f*ck. After the trip to Norway - when we basically will have lived two weeks in the car - I will - Oppo is my witness - clean up my car meticulously...

Although I was up close to the car I didn’t notice anything, so I was relieved because I assumed nothing too severe has happened.

Wait.

Enhance.

Ford F-150?! I’ll be damned! Now this whole affair is getting really weird. My Boot was hit by a rare star-spangled-freedom-carriage and I overlooked the crater this primeval leviathan must have left in my delicate arrangement of German fine mechanics?

Finally I paused the World of Warships replay - apparantly I really do watch everything Youtube has to offer -, put down the coffee mug and went outside to investigate the citadel penetration. I found this:

He called the cops for this inanity? Did he not see the warzone that is the exterior of my bucket? A simple note would have been sufficient, don’t you think? Still, bless him and his honesty, right?

So why the clickbaiting title?

Get ready for the sad part of the story.

Apart from the vow I made to you guys I cleaned the whole interior to visit a body shop. Basically I wanted to make sure Das Boot looks as valuable as possible.

Here is the deal: I knowingly bought a rust bucket. Neither did I overlook this nor was I tricked into buying it. I mean you can’t miss the spots even if you’re clueless like me.

And I’m not completely stupid. Acknowledging that I am inexperienced, I paid an independent !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! mechanic to take a thorough look at the car before I bought it. Of course he mentioned the exterior, but he told me that the car’s foundation has a future. I trusted his verdict and bought the Bimmer.

I only paid little money, needed the car quickly because winter was coming and with a trip to Norway I had basically just one specific task in mind a car had to fulfill. All this resulted in a purchase of a technically solid yet surely not perfect 520i. I didn’t mind since it wasn’t really meant to stay with me forever.

On the contrary my life is financially unstable at best which meant that I had to be able to part with any car without thinking too much about it when I wouldn’t be able to hold on to it any longer. While loving it was inevitable, getting as attached as I’m now was never part of the plan.

Still, I thought - and was assured by an independent mechanic, mind you - that the old girl would have the potential to soldier on as long as I’m willing to generously pour money and effort into it. Of course this meant adressing the rust. I already looked up spare parts like doors and fenders and was prepared to waste a good chunk of Euros as long as I’d be in control of the project and its steps.

So a few days ago I visited a body work specialist to talk actual numbers. He looked at the car for a fraction of a second and said: “There’s nothing you could do, it’s over!”

He explained to me that even if I was willing to spend an - in terms of value - unreasonable amount of money on it I’d just remedy the symptoms. There are pockets of resistance all over the place so a few years later the rust will inevitably return. And the forums I dug through seem to agree with his assessment.

I was mentally prepared to hear a hefty quote, but the futility of any potential effort came as a shock. Why didn’t the TÜV mechanic tell me that the car was doomed? I was paying him to be honest and to avoid exactly this kind of situation. He should have known, right?

In a world of 3D-printing and selfdriving cars my Boot is sentenced to death because a bit of sheet metal is impossible to fix without launching a ridiculously expensive restoration.

All this while the moving and exploding parts may have 150,000km more left in them with a bit of thoughtful maintenance. Hell, even a powertrain swap would be relatively easy if I found someone who is as passionate about the project as I am and willing to help out.

My engine is a peach, the interior still looks and feels nice and the technical issues I already told you about could be dealt with during a weekend spent in a barn. Sadly, all of this doesn’t change the fact that my Boot is sentenced to rot away. Not even a small scratch on the license plate is worth the effort to repair it anymore. What a nightmare this is.

The irony is painfully depressing. Before buying it and in the first few months of owning it I was afraid of falling into a financial abyss. I avoided to get really close with the bucket and didn’t individualise it - I didn’t bother with buying a key fob for example. Basically I was ready to get rid of it at any time. And now that I had my money’s worth of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! with the car I can’t let it go. Instead I’m feeling the urge to throw myself into the abyss.

Who knows what’s awaiting me there? It might not be so bad?

What a bimmer...

ly2v8-Brian > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/04/2015 at 14:45

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Those are the most absurd handwritten F’s I’ve ever seen.

Also good write up it was entertaining.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/04/2015 at 14:47

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:(

Klaus Schmoll > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/04/2015 at 15:09

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Well, with some minor stuf you can probably squeeze another TÜV out of it?

At some point modern unit-body cars are just beyond the point of no return, a.k.a. it just makes more sense to buy a better example than trying to get the rot out of all the little cavities. The rot you see on the outside is usually just the tip of the iceberg.

About a year ago, duurtlang asked me to look at an E30 325iX wagon to potentially export for Doug DeMuro. Long story short, good from far but far from good.

http://klausschmoll.kinja.com/in-short-not-e…

http://klausschmoll.kinja.com/part-2-1648057…

Will Habel > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/04/2015 at 19:17

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It’s stories like this that make me glad I live in a state with no inspections. Allows me to drive my horrifically unsafe rustbuckets with joy. I understand taking vehicles off of the road that are a danger to others, but why does the government care what you do to yourself?

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > Will Habel 10/04/2015 at 23:11

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I for one think that inspections are a good idea. Everytime I visit countries where rolling coffins are crowding the roads I compare their traffic deaths statistics to Germany’s and I’m thankful for inspections again.

At the moment no safety bits are severly affected by rust so my car might pass the inspection which is due in a few months without too much hassle. But am I actually willing to hold on?

Suppose I need to invest money to pass inspection: How much is too much? What if anything goes wrong? Do I fix it - one last time?

This is agony.

This on the other hand is rust-free:

http://suchen.mobile.de/fahrzeuge/deta…

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/04/2015 at 23:14

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(XX=()()=XX)

:-(

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > Klaus Schmoll 10/04/2015 at 23:39

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TÜV is due...Fuck it. Deutsch? Ja!

TÜV steht im Sommer an. Technisch fit genug ist der Eimer wohl. Der Rost sitzt offensichtlich tief, aber TÜV-/sicherheitsrelevant ist das laut Werkstatt, wo der Karren vor ein paar Monaten zuletzt stand, bisher nicht. Die haben auch nicht durchblicken lassen, dass der Wagen bereits verloren ist. Nicht schön, aber fit eben!

Die neue Plakette könnte die Beule also bekommen, aber ich habe dann immer diese Frage mit dabei: Wieviel lohnt es sich noch zu investieren?

Ich habe deinen Export-Artikel damals gelesen. Der 325ix ist schlechter und besser als mein Wagen. Meiner ist rostiger, aber der Innenraum ist gut und ich habe keine Feuchtigkeitsprobleme. Die Türdichtungen etc. werden natürlich nicht besser und sollten bei mir auch mal gemacht werden. Aber lohnt sich das noch?

Leider wohl nicht. ;-)

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > ly2v8-Brian 10/04/2015 at 23:44

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“Public Official F’s”

Thank you! If only I could write about something a bit more cheerful. ;-)

ly2v8-Brian > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 00:08

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Well you certain made this cheerful, at least to read.

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > ly2v8-Brian 10/05/2015 at 00:40

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ly2v8-Brian > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 01:00

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What is that ?

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > ly2v8-Brian 10/05/2015 at 01:06

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Me grinning flattered without actually being able to grin right now...

ly2v8-Brian > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 01:22

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ahh, makes sense

duurtlang > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 04:50

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Come on, don’t be such a pessimist. My brother and law and I are going to try to get a TÜV on this Honda Prelude. He bought it in 2008 for €120. While 4th gear was out it was drivable then, but it hasn’t been driven since. We pulled the (prisine) front seats and carpets out yesterday, and the floor in front of the back seat is Swiss Cheese. No picture of that sadly. Obviously it makes no financial sense to try to get this car on the road again, but we’re going to try anyway.

The purpose is using it for the old banger rally I enrolled in, from the Netherlands via Switzerland and Italy to Andorra coming February 15th-19th. The Honda is located in Arnsberg by the way, not even that far from you (Göttingen?). Oh, and we’re never ever going to wash it. Patina!

Anyway, if we can get this thing road worthy again your BMW is savable. I just hope you’ve got someone who could do the work you can’t do yourself for little money.

(summer edition, as we’ll need snow chains):

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > duurtlang 10/05/2015 at 10:08

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Yeah, a friend just wrote that if you were to ask ten mechanics you will get eleven opinions about the state of the car. He also told me not to be this pessimistic.

But I simply don’t have a network of carpeople here in Göttingen. So I don’t “know a guy” if you know what I mean. Being the person I am, I don’t want to ask strangers a huge favour like fixing my rotten roller for a friendly price without actually being somewhat close.

Arnsberg is by the way a nice sunday drive away from Göttingen. Will you be there in the upcoming weeks? Would be cool to meet up and you might even be able to give me your honest opinion about the car when you take a look at it. And you won’t have to worry about my feelings, I can take it because it can’t get worse. ;-)

What do you mean when you wrote “road worthy”? The Honda looks like a fun project, but do you want to “restore” the car or just fix it up a bit for the rally? I mean patching my car up here and there to keep it going is one thing, being pro-active and really get to the demon core of the issues to give my Boot an honest shot at the future is something else entirely.

duurtlang > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 13:05

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I understand what you’re saying, it took me a while until I found ‘guys’ as well. It doesn’t always have to be a favor by the way, I’ve got a vague aqcuintance (a brother of a friend) who studied as a mechanic and who I just pay if he works on my car in his spare time. It helps him fund his own hobbies. While my favorite shop costs €65 an hour including tax, this ‘guy’ costs €15 or €25 an hour (tax is something we don’t talk about), depending on how fast I want it done. That’s more than what he earns at his normal job, after tax. When it’s a job with low parts costs but a lot of work (welding?) this saves tons of money. Imagine the difference between a 20 hour job at €65 versus €25 an hour. So my best advice would be to keep your eyes and ears open, and maybe partake in some kind of ‘scene’ activity.

I do fear you’re overestimating my ability when it comes to working on the Honda (or your BMW). I’m mostly there to learn while overcoming my fear of breaking things and just getting my hands dirty. I’ve hardly done anything myself on cars (yet!), which i’m planning on changing. My brother in law (a doctor working in Heidelberg) is a self taught weekend mechanic. Arnsberg is where he (and thus my girlfriend) grew up and which I often visit for a weekend. I live in the north of the Netherlands, she temporarily lives in München for her PhD. Arnsberg is nicely ‘halfway’. They’ve got a 4 car garage and lots of tools. My BIL is almost always there in the weekend because his girlfriend and her son live in Arnsberg.

Still though, as long as you don’t have big expectations of what we can do for you and you aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty from BMW and/or Honda grease/rust (and maybe drink a beer while you’re there) I don’t see why you shouldn’t come over. I’m probably there 17-18 or 24-25 oct. Can I ask how old you are?

The Honda will have to pass TÜV and will have to be able to withstand a snowy 4000 km drive safely and reliably. We’re not planning on restoring it any further, we’ve got a second Prelude for that. The white Prelude was initially bought as a parts donor for a red Prelude , but because the red Prelude has its engine/transmission removed and stored away (in 2008) the white one is the easiest/quickest way of getting one of the Preludes in a drivable shape on time. Bonus is that if we do end up in a ditch we’ve done so in a parts donor, not in the restoration candidate.

Where the Preludes were parked 2008-2015. We pulled them out earlier this year. Note that they’re parked on a similar paved parking space as the Fiat 500.

I like your BMW by the way. I recently waved goodbye to my own (rusty) 320i E30 Touring, which was bought by a Belgian. Same drivetrain as your BMW I’d guess.

Will Habel > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/05/2015 at 21:52

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I think safety inspections are fair. In some states, like Texas, you can’t have rust holes or other silly things that do not really adversely effect the safety of the car. It makes it hard for car enthusiasts to keep older vehicles on the road, even if they still have a useful life.

Mark - Sixpots None The Richer > duurtlang 10/06/2015 at 01:47

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Haha, you missunderstood me there. I don’t want you or your BIL to help me work on my car. ;-)

I just thought you might know a thing or two about rust, wanted to have a look at my car and give me your opinion. That’s all. And I didn’t want to impose myself. You mentioned Arnsberg is close to Göttingen so I simply connected the dots. No pressure, I can take the rejection if you’re feeling uncomfortable to invite a stranger to your BIL’s home. Admittedly it feels weird to me too. :-)

I’m 30 years old. Thirty. Damn it, how did this happen?

I don’t want to get too personal in an open blog, but I could contact you if you like if the email adress you posted here

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/shots-some-pic…

is still correct.

Back to cars:

Yeah, I might have a “lead” to a car scene in Göttingen. I talked to a guy who owns a beautiful E34 540i Touring. He swapped in a manual transmission. His friend showed me a picture of his own project: He has one of only 500 E34 Sportlimousines and is taken it apart right now to restore it. Maybe they’d be able to help me out somehow?

The Prelude project is interesting. Have fun, guys! :-)

I couldn’t do what you’re doing. Buying a (nice) car knowing you will sell it in a few weeks/months would be torture for me. I would fall in love with all of them I’m afraid.

Almost the same power-/drivetrain, yes. The E34 has the M50B20, the E30 you owned has the M20B20.

duurtlang > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 10/06/2015 at 14:40

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Yes, the email address is correct. And about being thirty, I’m a whopping 2 years older and let me tell you, it makes all the difference. So much more life experience, it’s unheard off. Just wait and see.

I don’t know much about rust fixes just yet either, I hope this changes soon though. And don’t worry about me feeling uncomfortable, if I invite someone I don’t do it to feel uncomfortable. If you are close and want to hop by you’d be welcome. Talking old cars and looking at them in real life (brng the BMW!) is something I don’t do often enough. I just can’t promise having something real to do for you (right now). Anyway, I’m not going to ask you to spend multiple hours in a car, but if you happen to be close by...

Do you know how much I paid for my E30? €1k, on ebay,de. Over a year ago. Spent a lot on repairs/parts later on though, and it was still rusty when I sold it, although mostly on doors/hatch/sun roof, and not on the underside anymore . I own my Peugeot 205 GTI for over a year now as well. 3 years for the 406 coupe, and the 306 convertible will stay at least until coming open-roof driving season.

thebigbossyboss > Mark - Sixpots None The Richer 02/02/2016 at 13:25

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Here in Canada we have inspections and yet our fatality rate is much higher. Doesn’t really matter how rusted your door is when you plow into a moose at 55 mph.