Top 10 Things To Do To Have Fun Driving

"Raphmoe" (raphmoe)
01/30/2015 at 10:06 • Filed to: raphmoe, journalism, journalismism, analysis, top 10

Good afternoon and good morning hello friends of Jalopnik and Raphmoe and oppo.

Today's article came to me while taking a long morning shift this morning while eating some cornbread cereal and hot pasta with creamed milk and sugar; delicious. But i distress, I was thinking about what are the top 10 things to do while driving that lead to pure enjoyment and pleasure (besides sexual inter-relations of course) and thought; raphmoe, let's make a list for us to read to the readers of Jalopnik. This list is the Top 10 Things To Do To Have Fun Driving:

Take pictures of your car (showing off what car you are driving makes driving more fun)

Take videos of yourself driving (documenting that you drove a car is where passion lies)

Take pictures of other cars while driving your car; this is fun and leads to more fun.

Shift aggressively and hit the red-line with every gear; God gave you a full rev range; use it!

Corner hard and fast; driving is meant to impress other people, and since you're recording your driving they will be totally impressed when you drive hard.

Talk to yourself often. Raphmoe talks to himself all the time because at the end of the day the only person who enjoys your own bullshit is yourself. Love yourself, often, with Jergens or Vaseline if you love too often.

Take a pit stop at the McDonalds (SPONSORED) dollar menu. Treat yourself.

Pump your own gasoline. There is nothing better than the smell of a petrol station and the taste of a smooth drag from an American Spirit (SPONSORED) cigarette. The cool tobacco and moisture rich gasoline vapor makes your soul aflame.

Drive through mud, and dirt, and puddles, and snow, and abuse the hell out of your car. Seriously, just trash the shit out of it and let it break. This is what cars were meant for! TO be driven and abused. Don't worry about cleaning it or taking care of it. Wait until it's completely broken down and destroyed, then maybe consider using Duct Tape & Dreams (See lede photo) to repair it; thankfully, since this is all documented you can look back and see how cool this was.

Have a Jalopnik account. This is critical to have fun while driving; if you don't talk to Jalopnik and OPpositelock about driving, did you really have fun? Nope, you did not. Remember, being awesome on Jalopnik is more important than cars, money, a life, a career, or anything else in the world. Driving your car and telling us about it is the #1 way to have fun driving.

DISCUSSION (37)

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:10

"But I distress"?

SlickMcRick > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:11

This list could be just point #10 listed ten times and it'd be completely accurate.

macanamera > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
01/30/2015 at 10:11

digress?

Brian Silvestro > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:11

basically me

Raphmoe > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
01/30/2015 at 10:11

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > macanamera
01/30/2015 at 10:12

Yeah.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:12

Also, 5&6 YES!

Raphmoe > Brian Silvestro
01/30/2015 at 10:13

does it make you feel good?

Raphmoe > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
01/30/2015 at 10:13

Yup.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:13

First paragraph right after your breakfast.

Brian Silvestro > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:14

driving isn't even fun cars aren't even cool it's all about impressing the internet people

OPPOsaurus WRX > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:21

the jackass down the street does #4 every morning with his muffler-less focus. for some reason the lead photo had me expecting you to say something about attaching the jumper to your nipples

TopSirloin > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:22

I don't think I want to be anywhere near you on the road. Nothing personal, you just sound like the person who would rear end me because they were busy video taping themselves while driving.

Party-vi > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:37

"OPpositelock"

What this shit is this?

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:38

American Spirits are so damn expensive. I seriously don't get why any one buys them.

Louros > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
01/30/2015 at 10:41

Because they goddamn delicious

Jonathan Harper > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:42

So when do we see your first video?

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:47

raphmoe have still not achieved quality postings of waymoe, but it appears the commentariat is no less confused; success!

Raphmoe > Jonathan Harper
01/30/2015 at 10:48

You post enough for both of us. :o)

Raphmoe > TopSirloin
01/30/2015 at 10:49

I drive like most jalops.

Raphmoe > Brian Silvestro
01/30/2015 at 10:50

everyone wants to be as cool as you, they are very impressed.

Jonathan Harper > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:56

Eh people know what to expect from me. You, on the other hand, (the one with the Jergens) are story just waiting to be told.

Hey, y'all, watch this! > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 10:57

Wait, for number 6, are we supposed to love ourselves while driving, too? Is this also while talking to ourselves? Next you'll be expecting me to be able to chew bubblegum and walk at the same time, and that way lies madness.

CalzoneGolem > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 11:03

Thankfully I'm already awesome on Jalopnik because this list is long.

Raphmoe > Jonathan Harper
01/30/2015 at 13:00

that is why you missed me; i do not show all my cards to the dealer or the players. the game will play itself out in a respite manner visa vis the blog of oppositelock.

Jonathan Harper > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 13:01

I did not miss you.

Raphmoe > Jonathan Harper
01/30/2015 at 13:03

Yes you did; you kept talking about me during my vacation:

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/rip-raphmoe-16…

Jonathan Harper > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 13:05

I was actually more excited by the prospect of you being gone.

Raphmoe > Jonathan Harper
01/30/2015 at 13:06

why?

Jonathan Harper > Raphmoe
01/30/2015 at 13:08

Because I find very little value in most of your contributions.

Raphmoe > Jonathan Harper
01/30/2015 at 13:09