$kay...

Kinja'd!!! "PS9" (PS9)
01/12/2015 at 11:38 • Filed to: jokes

Kinja'd!!!5 Kinja'd!!! 8
Kinja'd!!!

Please do not try to steal the 2016 Ford GT. As fast as it looks, it cannot outrun a helicopter. Canada will not break the same deal with you that it did for Afroduck, and neither will Mexico. Federal Prison is the least fun place a person can end up assuming you are caught alive, and you can't moderate oppo from there.

Please $kay. We beg of your. We love you, and still have warm memories of the $kaybabes you'd post for COTD when we still had it. Your friends and family are more important than a car. It's not too late to back out.


DISCUSSION (8)


Kinja'd!!! RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > PS9
01/12/2015 at 11:51

Kinja'd!!!2

As fast as it looks, it cannot outrun a helicopter.

Actually, you may be surprised to hear that's completely wrong. The never-exceed speed on a JetRanger is 150mph.

Kinja'd!!!

Other common cop helos are similar. Helos are actually in most cases extremely limited in top speed due to rotor issues - not many people know that. Now, granted 150mph overland is at an advantage vs. on-road, but still.


Kinja'd!!! BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
01/12/2015 at 11:53

Kinja'd!!!0

Should've been written as "You can't outrun the radio".


Kinja'd!!! RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest.
01/12/2015 at 11:54

Kinja'd!!!0

Very true. Radio at the speed of light, though that only applies if they kept up long enough to know where you went.


Kinja'd!!! $kaycog > PS9
01/12/2015 at 11:56

Kinja'd!!!1

Alas, I'll think about it. I love you guys too!


Kinja'd!!! PS9 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
01/12/2015 at 12:00

Kinja'd!!!0

It's more than just an advantage; it's an absolute. Being able to outrun the helo in a drag race still won't be good enough if your goal is to evade being seen by it, which is what you want if you're running from the police. Even if you can outrun it, you still can't outrun it.


Kinja'd!!! RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > PS9
01/12/2015 at 12:11

Kinja'd!!!0

So, endurance then. Assuming a miraculous lack of roadblock, the new GT can maintain 150MPH+ much longer than the JetRanger can, and a 10mph speed difference makes for only six minutes to clear a mile on the chopper. Assume a 20mph difference, and that drops to three minutes. The GT will be very difficult to locate visually from the chopper before it clears three miles away, so in under ten minutes under the best of conditions for the chopper, the chopper has lost the GT - not hard when the chopper is not supposed to be maintaining over 138 in a straight line.

Granted, this is a thought experiment on being seen - it's not terribly hard to predict where 150MPH+ ground traffic will be capable of going. If the GT is going to continue on a course somewhere, it pays to drop off speed and hide after losing the helo, because the course after that point at high speed is just as predictable as if the helo could still see you...


Kinja'd!!! PS9 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
01/12/2015 at 13:08

Kinja'd!!!0

To a chopper, one minute would still be too long if you want to escape the police. It's not just a single machine; it's the tipping point to a dragnet that stretches across the entire metro area, and you can't out run that at just 200mph, especially using infrastructure that is designed to be predictable and limit the options of those running from the police.

Hiding works well in TVs, Movies, and video games because the people behind those things have a degree of control over those fictional universes that a real thief would not. The police aren't going to just give up after your star rating goes down, and they also aren't going to be good sports and give you a head start and wait til you can't be seen by the chopper anymore; They will respond immediately. They will be wherever you are going, and they will know you were heading that way because you were already spotted moving in that direction.


Kinja'd!!! RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > PS9
01/12/2015 at 13:40

Kinja'd!!!0

I know all this. I'm just saying that *in theory* there are exploitable flaws, and the speed of a chopper is one. Flaws that are more exploitable on the boundaries of a metro area and almost impossible to exploit anywhere concentrated. Actually breaking the system would require better information than the authorities and a God Level perspective of when you'd actually done things required - such as lost visual contact. The relentlessness factor is the biggest in favor of the popo, followed closely by interconnectedness of departments - ability to maintain visual contact isn't as ironclad as one might think, based on what chases I've seen. Interconnectedness also works better with 5-15 minute reaction times for outpost stations to stage - if one is blazing by at a high rate of speed, it becomes tactically harder. A 15 minute response time at 150mph is nearly 40 miles.

This all is vanishingly unlikely, of course. Pulling this off ("outrunning the chopper", that is) would require extreme coordination, probably an inside man (or two), access to police scanner frequencies, action in a more remote point with many avenues of egress, fast (readily identifiable) vehicles, and extreme ballsiness. All that with maybe a max 20% chance of *immediate* success, with very very low odds of continued success in the following days. Anyone capable of bankrolling this or organizing it would have to be insane to do so.

On the other hand, if strategy involves never establishing contact with the police, and breaking an area before choppers can mobilize, the flaw in chopper speed becomes much more apparent.