older car owners of OPPO: A question

"EL_ULY" (uly) 09/27/2014 at 23:42 • Filed to: damn kids with your giant grilles

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If your car could talk, what would it say about its never version (or close relative)? Imaginary car criticism.

My clumsy, slow, plasticy, and understeering poor excuse for a Quattro would say......

"Why is FWD still an option? And what's up with all the damn flash boy? We kept shit classy back in the day. Time to get off your "german emgineering" high horse pal. Can't you see all this oil i'm leaking? I bet you take selfies in the poop room dont ya lol."

2015 RS6 would respond....

"ok grandpa relax, you might blow another rear main seal. Anyways dial-up is too slow to up load my track day vids bro. What's that? I can't hear you over all this HP bro"

(photo is of my VW with the COTA tower in the foggy horizon)

Jedidiah > EL_ULY 09/27/2014 at 23:46

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Get off my damn lawn you ugly fwd piece of shit. You are a disgrace to our name and it is time that people forgot you or time that you died.

EL_ULY > Jedidiah 09/27/2014 at 23:47

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Lol yeeees! This was exactly the kind of comment I was looking for. *high five*

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > EL_ULY 09/27/2014 at 23:48

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Du machst einen tollen Job, Deutscher! Jetzt wieder an die Arbeit.

EL_ULY > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/27/2014 at 23:50

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it will probably need a Spanish translator in a couple years lol.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > EL_ULY 09/27/2014 at 23:50

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My XJ12 would look at a new XJ and tell it, in a snooty British voice, that the XJ is clearly adopted.

EL_ULY > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 09/27/2014 at 23:51

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LOL!!!!!

HammerheadFistpunch > EL_ULY 09/27/2014 at 23:57

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my 80 series might say to it's 200 relative:

i remember my dentist family hauling days, whew, glad that's over. pay your dues and stay out of trouble and you ll enjoy retirement too

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > EL_ULY 09/27/2014 at 23:57

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"FWD and Unibody!? Where the hell is the sliding door and why are you called "Crossover?!" Oh.. you make 280+ horsepower from 3.6 liters? What are overhead cams? New fangeled techie shit. You're quite the looker though, I'll give you that."

(Reffering to the Acadia, which is the closest thing I can think as a replacement)

EL_ULY > HammerheadFistpunch 09/28/2014 at 00:03

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what a wise 80 series

EL_ULY > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 09/28/2014 at 00:04

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the Safari is confused for sure lol :]

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:05

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Give me until tomorrow morning! Ill have a good one!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:06

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You've gotten fat, you damn Juggalo.

EL_ULY > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 09/28/2014 at 00:08

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old Audi and Volvo are having the same dilema with their radically different newer relatives. I'd take V70 R all day over a V60 R-design. Long live the REAL R cars!

EL_ULY > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 09/28/2014 at 00:10

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LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Bingo! :]

PS9 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/28/2014 at 00:11

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UND KEINE ERE!!

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:12

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"You think you're so cool with cylinder deactivation, digital dash, and 7 speeds? Well I have 7 speeds and they saved cylinder deactivation for grandpa's cadillac."

"Wow, you sure are better than me 29 year old Corvette. I bow down to you."

Trust me, that's how it would go!

EL_ULY > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 09/28/2014 at 00:13

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YESSS! I can definitely see more bad blood between Corvettes more than most cars.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:17

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1970 454 LS6 vs 305 California Corvette

"I have no words for you, future me. You're despicable."

"I know."

EL_ULY > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 09/28/2014 at 00:23

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LOL! So true!

PS9 > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 09/28/2014 at 00:24

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aaaaaaarrgrh I can't unsee the juggalo, YOU'VE RUINED WHITE FOUR RUNNERS FOREVER

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PS9 09/28/2014 at 00:34

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It's just the 2014+ models.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:41

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"Young Whipper Snappers with all you fancy doodads. What the heck is a bluetooth? aren't you're teeth supposed to be white? What's this lane departure assist bullshit, can't you just keep it between the lines yourself? Electric power steering??? Back in my day we did not even have any power steering let alone electric! look at those huge wheels for you guys it's all about fashion.Tires would cost a fortune on those. back when I was your age we roll around on 13's all day long!"

mcseanerson > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:44

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Arrow-die-namix? Front Wheel Drive? Parts that break? What is this trickery?!?!

EL_ULY > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 09/28/2014 at 00:44

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oh man, 100000% perfect! LOL! If they had conversation, it would be epic

EL_ULY > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 00:46

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the 740 especially would be soooo confused and rather ticked off with the V60.

mcseanerson > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:47

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You are getting a motor, right?

EL_ULY > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 00:49

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lol! That was cold!

mcseanerson > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 00:53

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Hey at this point it may as well be a flintstone car.

EL_ULY > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 00:58

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preach!

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 01:44

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For my old truck, a 2001 Ford Escape XLT: Why did you soften up, kid? We're TRUCKS , not bloated CARS .

A 2014 Escape would then respond: Whoa there, grandpa! Just because I got a fancy interior and a load of fancy features better than yours, does not mean that I am not a truck. Hell, I get better mileage than you, you fat, tippy box!

.

.

.

For my next car, a 1990 Mazda MX-6 (non-turbo DX): Why do you have to be the star, RS? My four pot is more durable than yours. I am more solid, I can run forever, you haven't proven anything in your life, so why the cocky attitude?

A 1993-1997 MX-6 (4 cyl RS) would say: Shut up dad, I'm so smooth like the air doesn't even know, and hey, I got a power sunroof, and where's yours? OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! I got a POWER ANTENNA!

This has to go to the next level.

DX: "RS, uh.. Uncle GT would like a word with you."

GT: Hey, RS! (distant)

RS: What?

GT: "Last one past the line dresses up like a bare-bones 626 for the rest of the day! You got that, RS? My turbo will put you to shame!"

DX (under breath): There he goes again..

RS: "OOH, you're so ON Unka' Gee Tee, I'm bringing LS to the party!"

LS: That's right Bro! I got a Vee six! VROOM VROOM! See that swooping wing? Not as dinky as daddy's and Unka' DX's, now IS IT?!

RS: "er.. That's right LS! Wait, where's Probe? Get his ass here!"

DX: "Well then. That escalated quickly.."

Amoore100 > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 01:51

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"Hey, why are you so ugly and lumbering all of a sudden? "

Damn, the new Ody is honestly a terrible looking van...would take the Quest aesthetically any day, especially over the blob that is the Sienna...

Scary__goongala! > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 02:04

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"Grandson I am proud of you for losing weight and continuing the family name" says grampa NA to a young ND.

The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 12:04

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My car wouldn't have anything to say to its kids, because it spent its youth out partying, hooking up with random cars and waking up in strange parking lots the next morning. This behavior carried on, while its friends and siblings grew up, married, and became responsible and boring. Now, it's middle-aged and alone, still living in a condo, with dwindling chances of ever producing any offspring.

It did have a favorite nephew, to which the "cool uncle" passed on as many valuable lessons as it could, and so the kid turned out alright, and not as dull as his parents:

Unfortunately, the nephew's kid is not showing much promise at all. He's not sure where he went wrong, as a parent.

Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 12:11

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''You did alright..''

EL_ULY > Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder 09/28/2014 at 12:18

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That's deep

EL_ULY > The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin 09/28/2014 at 12:21

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This is the most perfect comment of the universe!

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 14:01

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My '96 Lada Niva:

[In hhyeavy rassian yaccent ]

You may be look like punk city kid with jewelery fancies but really you just farmer like old dad.

2015 Lada Urban.

Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 14:12

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I mean, my car is the first generation Celica that had fwd, so I can't hate on that. My car has the smallest and least powerful engine they put in the Celica, so yeah it kind of did alright If you compare it.

EL_ULY > Amoore100 09/28/2014 at 17:15

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lol yeah the Sienna and Ody are waaay bloaded now. Maybe safety standards

Amoore100 > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 17:17

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agreed, though the square quest looks okay, the dodge gc and chrysler tc look dated, and the new sedona looks...new...

EL_ULY > Scary__goongala! 09/28/2014 at 17:17

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Yeah, the weight loss is a plus compared to other cars in school coming back from summer break suuuper fat lol

EL_ULY > Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy 09/28/2014 at 17:22

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lol! Beyond EPIC! I'm on the floor. Power antenna!

EL_ULY > gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee 09/28/2014 at 19:31

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oh wow, similar rugged machine

EL_ULY > Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder 09/28/2014 at 19:34

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I feel it needs to come back to take on the Focus ST

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > EL_ULY 09/28/2014 at 20:41

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(not sure if sarcastic...)

They've been building the almost identical car since the 70's because Lada. There's a hilarious 10 minute youtube video where they go on and on about how they've improved it so much by changing the grill, bumpers, and some other trim bits this year, meanwhile the interior is identical to my '96.

Also, my other vehicle, '91 Jeep Comanche to the closest thing to it today, the new Cherokee (the Comanche was based off the XJ Cherokee)

The Magic Rev Matching 4Runner > EL_ULY 09/30/2014 at 00:18

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From this:

To this?:

What's happened to you son? You had potential in life to be great. You're not bad, but... Look you don't need to cry.

EL_ULY > The Magic Rev Matching 4Runner 09/30/2014 at 00:23

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lol!!!!!! Exactly what it would say. 100000% perfect!

The Magic Rev Matching 4Runner > EL_ULY 09/30/2014 at 00:25

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And also:

To:

Okay fine, you're nicer... FATTY!!! YOUR NOSTALGIA IS SO MISPLACED BUYERS NEED A MAP TO FIND THE HERITAGE!!!!

EL_ULY > The Magic Rev Matching 4Runner 09/30/2014 at 00:40

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lol damn dude BUUURN!!!!!!!!

kalabaddon > EL_ULY 09/30/2014 at 13:01

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I aint no good at this talky talky stuff, someone needs to do this for Porsche 911's and MB S class.

EL_ULY > kalabaddon 09/30/2014 at 13:05

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agreed :]

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > kalabaddon 09/30/2014 at 21:57

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Got you covered for the 944 at least.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > EL_ULY 09/30/2014 at 22:10

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"So...this is the future....ALL OF MIEN OFFSPRING ARE GETTING FAT AND DROWNING!!"

Oh and...

"This Boss 302 isn't real, and that Subaru boxer engine is scheisse!! K-Roll, take me home, now!!"

EL_ULY > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 10/01/2014 at 00:05

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oh man I feel bad that the 964 had to see this. I think it would be disappointed as well to some degree

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > EL_ULY 10/01/2014 at 00:51

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Uh...That's not a 964 though...It's a 1974 911; Porsche didn't change the designation until 1989. :P

EL_ULY > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 10/01/2014 at 00:58

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mybad, I've still yet to perfect the line. So what was the G series?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > EL_ULY 10/01/2014 at 01:28

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G-Series was 1974-1989, including the 930, 911SC, and 3.2 Carrera.

EL_ULY > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 10/01/2014 at 02:39

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ooohhh, ok. Saved in brain forever