Worst automotive stickers, ranked

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 09/13/2014 at 14:03 • Filed to: None

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Some people like putting stickers on their cars. I am not one of those people. Your car's stickers suck, and therefore you are a horrible person. Here are the worst automotive stickers, ranked, so you can know just how horrible you are.

1. Those stupid happy family decals placed in the rear window of minivans and SUVs.

2. Marathon/half marathon/10k/triathlon stickers. The world doesn't need to know about how far you ran that one time.

3a. Stickerbombing - oh look at me trololololol I don't take stuff seriously hahaha STICKERS APPLIED IN NO COHERENT PATTERN MEANS MAD TYTE DRIFTING AND STANCE BRO.

3b. The rear window diagonal roll call - minimum of one (1) illest sticker required.

4. Unlike stickerbombing and the diagonal rear window roll call where the stickers tend to be only somewhat automotive related, the front door roll call often consists of parts that are on the car, to look like the car is sponsored, except it's not. Often not particularly exciting brands.

5. Over-promising and under delivering: adding badges that don't really mean anything but make a car seem fancier. Hondas in the 90s were often the worst offenders with extraneous VTEC, Type-R and POWERED BY HONDA stickers and decals. BMW M and Mercedes AMG badges on base cars is also similar.

jkm7680 > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:05

2

How about the: "My kid goes to who gives a fuck school, and got on the honor role so I must tell the world." sticker.

Sweet Trav > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:06

4

Where are the monster stickers for Bro-trucks and Wannabe Rally cars?

Conan > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:08

6

I like the Ctulhu variants on the Jesus fish and stick figure family stickers.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:11

1

This is the worst. Can't stand posers...

TheJWT > jkm7680 09/13/2014 at 14:14

1

I would actually buy that bumper sticker

Dsscats > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:16

0

#TavrishLyfe

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:16

3

Im noticing this more and more lately- the fender stickerbomb

Im growing incredibly sick of these. Do you go offshore fishing, are you in the Navy/Marines/a profession that your office bobs up and down on the water?

This I found amusing

Because fuck your happiness

And Im sorry but nothing says "look at me I'm so special I bought an iPad therefore I must be better than you" which was originally "I use Apple cause everything else is too mainstream" (I think the hipsters are using Ubuntu now). And it is ALWAYS in the lower corner of the window - how to be discretely smug

jkm7680 > Conan 09/13/2014 at 14:17

2

I've got to get one of those.

TheElephant > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:18

1

No mention of the 3 letter city abbreviations? Your car is not a steamer chest, it doesn't need NYC, SFO, ATL or PHL stickers on it. Congratulations, you move about a country that encourages that type thing. Look at you, being normal.

And you people that stick abbreviations for cities that no one is going to figure out? Fuck you, OBX and HBT. Fuck you just like the others.

Conan > jkm7680 09/13/2014 at 14:19

2

It leads to the best question from students ever, "Mr. INSERTREALNAME, what's a Cthulhu?"

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Sweet Trav 09/13/2014 at 14:21

4

Textured Soy Protein > TheElephant 09/13/2014 at 14:23

1

OBX is Outer Banks, NC.

My dad actually has a BOZ sticker in the rear window of his Saab 9-3 convertible. It's for Bozman, MD where my folks have their vacation house.

I gave him a bit of a hard time about it.

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 14:33

6

Can't say I hate all stickers

wkiernan > TheElephant 09/13/2014 at 14:38

1

Except it's even worse when they put one of those hometown acronyms in an oval which spells it out in fine print underneath.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 15:16

5

I'm surprised shocker stickers didn't make the cut

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 15:43

1

I got a 0.0 sticker recently (from signing up for the Beat the Blerch half marathon). I'm tempted to put it on my car. http://shop.theoatmeal.com/products/the-b…

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 16:03

2

Can't say I hate all stickers, as I have a few in my car. Not those, obviously... I have my Campus and Hospital parking permits on my front windshield, with a Blipshift Apex Hunting License next to them, one Oppo sticker on each quarter window, and Blipshift decal on the rear window, a LeavemealoneIknowwhatImdoing sticker on the rear hatch and a Powered by FlyArt sticker, also on the rearhatch. FlyArt is a local aeronautic workshop where I do engine repairs and tuneups, because taking my car to an auto center is too mainstream. :p

not for canada - australian in disguise > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 16:07

1

I actually like stickerbombing, guess its time to hand over my jalop-card.

TotallyThatStupid > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 17:04

1

I agree with most of these. I also don't think you should put a Nürburgring sticker on your car if you haven't driven it (I have, and I did). I like this one:

And I also like my subtle Piston Heads sticker:

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > TheElephant 09/13/2014 at 17:15

0

I rocked one of these in high school, since while on vacation once we were in a city that happened to use my initials, so I bought one.

Yep, I was cool.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > jkm7680 09/13/2014 at 17:17

1

I always like the "My *insert dog breed* is smarter/faster/etc than your honor student." ones.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 17:20

2

Don't forget putting on track maps for tracks you've never driven on...

One of my friends does this, and I love her dearly, but it drives me insane. Just because you've *been* to a track, you don't need a track map. They sell other tourist-y stickers for a reason.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > TotallyThatStupid 09/13/2014 at 17:24

0

My friend has a similar one, it's 4.048 for Road America. I like how there are getting to be "fake" ones to show how annoying the marathon ones are.

jcm055 > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 17:40

1

I'be been wondering what the heck these were!

RMudkips > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 18:03

0

I don't mind just one discreet Illest sticker, but a whole set of clothing brand stickers on your G37 isn't gonna do any favors.

Local Miata Bro > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 18:17

0

What about the blipshift +5hp sticker? I put one on yesterday

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 18:57

0

OH REALLY?

M > Textured Soy Protein 09/13/2014 at 21:00

2

As long as my Nordschleife sticker from that one time I ran it in a rental is good, I'm cool

Dusty Ventures > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 00:47

0

I have stickers for four of the rallies I've competed in, one for Kitty Smiles Rally Adventure, and one for Doctor Who. Come at me, bro.

Gasoline > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 09:14

1

And then you over take them, because they just don't have the power. To keep up with your real AMG or //M.

Gasoline > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 09:23

1

This is not the worst in my opinion but one that makes sense.

Gasoline > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 09/14/2014 at 09:27

2

You should visit Qatar lots of Apple on the rear windows of SUVS etc. The hate grows strong with seeing them. I need to find a anti Apple car sticker to combat this.

Gasoline > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 09/14/2014 at 09:35

1

Ah this will do.

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Gasoline 09/14/2014 at 09:38

2

that's my anti Apple sticker

Fuel_of_Satan > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 12:34

1

I saw a car with those family stickers on the back, but the cat one had two black stripes across with black electrical tape. Someone ran it over I guess.

Saf1 > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 13:44

0

I completely agree that there probably wasn't much thought put into the choice of stickers. And I think it looks AWESOME.

PS why did pics of muscly women come up when searching flamesuit? Men defending their tastes I guess :P

Dead_Elvis, Inc. > jcm055 09/14/2014 at 15:47

0

Could be half-marathon, could be driver's IQ.

Mathias Rios > Textured Soy Protein 09/14/2014 at 23:14

0

On all of my cars I have been running just two stickers. One a Nürburgring outline (I have driven the 'ring twice) and the other an Oppo sticker. On my 944 I have a little static cling thing that says M. RIOS on it.

STANDARD6SPEED > Textured Soy Protein 09/15/2014 at 15:25

0

Oh man, you would hate my car then most likely ;) Well, on top of the obvious "it's a terrible car" aspect of it.

Textured Soy Protein > STANDARD6SPEED 09/15/2014 at 15:33

1

You're right. I do hate it.

STANDARD6SPEED > Textured Soy Protein 09/15/2014 at 15:34

0

If it makes you feel better, I probably hate it more.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Textured Soy Protein 09/19/2014 at 10:59

0

we refer to OBX as Obnoxious (though it was a great time when we were there)

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > jcm055 09/19/2014 at 11:00

0

3.1 = 5k run

6.2 = 10k

13.1 = half marathon

26.2 = full

if you see numbers higher than that they run way too often and are just showing off at this point.

For the record I have a Tough Mudder Magnet on my car, at least I don't have the numbers.

First time we saw one we thought it was a radio station that was impossible to tune to.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Textured Soy Protein 09/19/2014 at 11:22

0

What about my stickers?