"brian1321" (brian1321)
08/25/2014 at 13:34 • Filed to: None

Mike Spinelli, creator of all you see, and Odin, god of all things Swedish, were enjoying a round of drinks when Odin declared he had secured the control of all things automotive. Spinelli, in a fit of rage and pride unseen since the Jack Baruth incident of '12, challenged Odin to a contest. Each would construct an idol fit for worship; the idol with the most worshipers would be declared the winner. Odin ascended into the heavens with like 6 hot blonde chicks and a case of Steel Reserve, while Spinelli moved to Boca and brought a bottle of White Zin to work on his idol.

Thunder clapped and the sky grew dark as Odin worked on his idol. Carefully constructing it out of steel and really straight edges, Odin was pleased with his work. He sent word to Spinelli that he had completed his idol and would be collaborating with Mateus Hardigreus on a new style of horned helmet until Spinelli had finished.

Spinelli was not worried for he had created the ultimate idol. He had been reading a lot of Home and Garden, US Weekly, and People Magazine to prepare himself and he would not fail. His idol would be everything his creations wanted, everything they could imagine. After an all-night marathon of watching Barbershop 2 and Legally Blonde, he put the finishing touches on his idol and sent word to Odin.

Odin and Spinelli met at the ancient holy ground behind the McDonalds off Exit 9 on the NJ Turnpike. Odin presented his idol first. It was a steel, boxy wagon he had dubbed the 240 (after the amount of times Hardigreus asked to touch his beard), and it was good. Spinelli was shocked, he was not prepared for the 240 to look like it did, he was worried. But not that worried. Bitches.

Spinelli pulled the cover back and revealed his slender, red convertible he had named the Miata. Odin's laugh resounded through the galaxy, awakening the great scourge Dentonus (to be continued…). How could Spinelli believe this little, womanly idol would enrapture the world? Surely he was mistaken. It was at this moment that a lowly street beggar named Raymonde Wert was passing by. He laid his eyes upon the 240 and his back straightened, his eyes gleamed. He looked upon the Miata and his hair grew thicker and he was now wearing a suit. He ran over to the cars and began, what Spinelli would later declare to be the "most beautiful thing I had ever seen", furiously humping both cars.

Spinelli and Odin looked at each other and knew that they had created something that people would blindly lust over for generations. Spinelli would go on to found the Jalopnik kingdom using these idols, while Odin went back to designing furniture made of particle board. The rest, they say, is history…sponsored by Volvo