I.. I Don't Even Know At This Point.. (PERSONAL; REGARDING GIRLS)

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
08/19/2014 at 22:20 • Filed to: personal, help, girls, relationship

Hello again Oppo. Remember about two weeks ago when I !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ? Well I got a ton of advice and some people wanted an update so here it is... but its not so much of an update as another plea for help. Yenko Chevelle for those who don't really care (or to lure you in; whichever you prefer).

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Let me just start off by thanking everyone here. As dumb as it sounds, I would be lost without Oppo. You guys (and gals) are just an amazing group of people and are always so helpful with anything. So I really appreciate everything here because I am still learning most of this as I go along and have no where else to turn for help. Also, just being able to talk with you... it helps me so much.

Well, the new school year has started. And sadly, it hasn't been as great as I had hoped for. I honestly feel intimidated. Like the girls that I would like to talk to seem so far out of reach. I've never had this feeling before. But it really sucks. I had confidence going in, but now seeing all of these girls have made it vanish. (Just be expecting another post regarding this soon…)

The real reason I come to you tonight is involving the girl from the linked post earlier. She was in my first period class on the first day. An as soon as she walked in the door, all I could think was "wow" because she looked great. And she saw me, and waved. Then gave me a hug and sat beside me. And we talked for as long as we could (like 12 minutes) just about normal stuff like our Summer. And talking in person was nice, because it forced her to respond quickly and I made sure I got more than one word responses from her. And it was nice. But I told myself I was over her (I am still). And that she isn't worth it; solely for the ways she did "hurt" me.

So the day went on. And I didn't see her again. I saw like two or three new girls, but like I said earlier, I was intimidated. I was scared to be talking to them. And this was a newer issue for me so I'm not sure why…

Being in high school, we get the supply list that first day. So everyone runs out to the stores to pick through the scraps. I happened to go to Staples for a completely unrelated reason (A: I got nearly everything at Target and B: I was there looking for a really cheap tablet) and sure enough, there she was. And she waved me down and we started talking and somehow I ended up helping her get school supplies. I spent thirty minutes shopping with her. The real treat was she found me these 2015 Ford Mustang composition books that "were so totally me I had to have them" (she was right; they were quite awesome).

So I had to have some changes done to my schedule, so many classes got changed around (for instance, I had three Englishes) and I was no longer in first period with her. But I saw her twice walking around the campus. And both times I got a wave and a hello. And then near the end of the day, we both went to see our guidance counselor (I had no 6 th period class). And she sat next to me and we talked some more and she was upset I left her English class and wanted me to switch into her history class (I tried for a different reason, but couldn't). And then we both went our separate ways.

So as I'm home my phone dings and she texted me first… again.

And I'm just confused here honestly. I don't know why she is doing this. I'm not sure if she is doing it out of empathy (for feeling bad for what happened) or she actually does like talking to me (like she has said before) or she likes messing with me or what. And I'm still too scared to actually ask her in person. But doing it over text gives me the generic "I just like talking to you haha" response.

I don't want to seem like a dick here. Honestly these two days have been rather fun talking to her and getting to know the real her (not the shell I always used to get). And on one hand, I don't want to lose a "friend" (in quotations because it seems more of a one sided friendship because I still don't get very personal with her as she does with me). And if I tell her off, I really won't have any friends who are girls (fuck, that sounds really sad but is true). But on the other, I want to move on and not have to keep thinking about her.

As the title said, I don't even know anymore. Does Oppo have any thoughts here? (Is there even anything here for you to make an opinion on; I don't even know what I wrote there or if it makes sense).

Thanks again guys! And enjoy some more car photos!

DISCUSSION (37)

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:26

Well, you got me lost too haha. I'm unsure about that girl from before, but I can at least say something about the new girls, I hope. Don't try to go to them acting like someone you're not; just be yourself and let things play out. If they don't wish to talk to you or have your company, so be it and their loss. If they do enjoy your company though, then proceed forward and get to know them better.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/19/2014 at 22:27

It just really sucks... I had these great ambitions for this year... and there doesnt seem to be anyone i can just comfortably talk with .. its never been an issue before so...

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:34

You just gotta do it(talk to them); nothing else to it.; if you don't, then nothing will happen, if you do talk to them, at least you have that chance. The year just started too; just take the year one day at a time; don't fret, there's plenty of time to make things happen. :)

OPPOsaurus WRX > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:34

way too fuckin long to read. but there's a ton of chicks out there. don't get impatient. this could all be irrelevant so whatever.

Marriokart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:45

My suggestion towards approaching and getting to know new girls (or anyone in general) is to be taking part in a common activity or interest. Obviously finding a girl who is very into cars, as you are, is unlikely especially in high school. Whether it's a co-ed sport or a club, having a group activity tends to make people more willing to chat, rather than singling someone out at random.

As for the girl in the last post, if you really want to know what she's trying to accomplish you'll have to do it in person. There are way too many things that are lost through text only communication. If you want to be friends with her, I would suggest going old school, hanging out rather than just talking through text.

Hope this helps.

Frank Grimes > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:51

You are in high school now is the time to master the art of not giving a fuck. SERIOUSLY. Do not invest too much time or energy in a relationship until someone comes along who wants you as much as you want her.

Manuél Ferrari > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:52

As the wise B. Silvestro reminds us: cars over everything

Focus on the cars, not the girls

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Marriokart
08/19/2014 at 22:56

Thanks you really did help!

It has just been rather odd this year. Nothing feels the same. Every class is like a college lecture; there is no student interaction at this point. So no one gets to really talk all too much. And with these assigned seats no one can be next to someone they know. So everyone just sits there very quietly. Trying to find something is hard. And all these girls just seem so grown up and serious now. (I am mature too, but its just different). These girls dont seem like the same ones I have met before.

And with the old girl, I think i might try and take her to get coffee, and just give us a chance to actually sit down and talk. I want to try and be her friend here, but its a bit hard.

Sam > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 22:59

Sam's Completely Unhelpful Advice: Buy a BMW and say, "Hey, I drive a BMW, wanna fuck?"

Helpful advice: The best strategy I've found for talking to girls back is HS was to ask if they needed help when they seemed to be struggling. Basically, study up so you can be that super smart guy that helps them out, and they tend to return the favor. Unless they're preps, then they usually just use you.

oldirtybootz > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:07

I'm no ladies man, so I've dealt with my share of rejections and whatnot, but I've also dated a few so I do have aome experience. If there's one thing I've realized is that there are millions of fish in the sea. It's cliche and when you're in the position of wanting a girl it's the last thing you want to hear but it's true. There are soooooo many of them out there. You'll find at least one eventually who will be the right one(there is no right one, but you kbow what I mean). Another thing I try to do is just be myself, if a girl can't accept who I am then shes not worth the time. I also don't like to get my hopes up for anything in general, but girls especially. Go into situations with lower expectations of people and you have less of a chance of being disappointed. Also, going back to the point about there being plenty of girls, just don't worry about them so much, especially in high school. They're just girls, half of the ones you think are gorgeous will be taking your order at Applebees after you graduate. Eventually you'll get into a relationship and miss being single and being able to do whatever the fuck you want. Enjoy that while you can. Being in a relationship has its pros and cons. And you don't have to be mackin all the ladies to enjoy being single. Do guy stuff. Play video games, go to car shows, hang with the bros. You'll miss it someday. Just be happy on your own, without needing a girl to make you feel happy. Confidence stems from being happy with yourself.

As for your immediate situation, it ain't nuttin' to cut dat bitch off. I've had female friends where the relationship ended up being toxic because you develop feelings for them but they don't reciprocate them. You get to a point where you realize that you're just hurting yourself and you need to walk away. Just recently I cut a girl off who had become a really good friend. She lied to me when there was no reason to and I realized that she wasn't worth the aggrivation.

And I agree that being able to vent and get support from a car forum/blog is yet another reason why Oppo is great. We do have a great community here, I can't stress that enough. I've been going through some shit lately too, and being able to come on here and either vent or just get my mind off it is always comforting.

oldirtybootz > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/19/2014 at 23:08

Indeed, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by at least making an attempt to talk to them.

Sportwägen, Driver Of The Red Sportwagen > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:09

ANNNND this is why I plan to stay single until I'm halfway through college *shrug* what could it hurt?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > oldirtybootz
08/19/2014 at 23:20

Exactly! :)

Conan > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:22

If it's 11th grade, you're going to have a much harder year than the rest of HS. I try to warn my students. I don't assign seats until students annoy me but lots of teachers don't like that route.

As for your new girl issue? Talk to her. Let her know you're interested. If she's not interested, let those thoughts move on and just be her friend. Don't be stuck on her as a relationship and she might introduce you to other girls/social circles. Women are tribal. When you're introduced by one of their friends you get the acceptable tag. At the very least, this girl seems to recognize your interests which is cool.

Marriokart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:23

I found that classes became a lot more serious in grade 11 here at my school (along with a lot of my friends attitudes towards getting a good education, since universities in Canada look at grade 11 final marks along with grade 12 for admission). Based on your other posts, you're in grade 11 (I think?). I know it might be tough, but try to focus on your studies and interest, to prepare yourself for your future. Girls also tend to mature at a younger age which might influence the change you're seeing

I've found that most high school relationships are pointless. Also, if you aren't trying to talk to girls while looking for someone to have a relationship with, you'll give off a different vibe and likely act differently. I don't know how many close guy friends you have, but being friends with girls just to be friends with girls is pointless. Get a good group of friends regardless of gender.

thebigbossyboss > Marriokart
08/19/2014 at 23:30

Yup. All the yups.

GhostZ > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:35

Don't let your eyes, and the bodily reactions therein, cloud reason and safe judgement.

What you're doing right now, with reminding yourself of how she "hurt" you etc, is trying to compensate for a course that your not under real control over. It's like adjusting the sails on a boat pointed the wrong way, instead of actually turning the rudder.

Like my previous advice, the best way to feel comfortable and confident about dating is to think you have to date or that you need to date . The minute you need it (and you can't just tell yourself "well, I don't really need it!" bullshit if you clearly feel that you do) is the minute that you ruin your chances and make yourself a lot less happy.

Don't act like you need her. Ask her clear questions and be responsible about it. If telling her how you feel is going to be a problem (like obsessing over her) then you need to change how you feel. Otherwise, you should be very honest about what you expect, and you can't assume that she'll be honest.

Seriously, I think it would do you some good to just lay back, relax, and don't even try to get in touch with her. Ask her honest questions about how she feels (not like "I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE" but simple stuff that makes he feel safe instead of bothered). If she wants to have a relationship with you, she should tell you. If not, don't let it bother you, because you don't need it.

Seeking love and sex naively is the fastest way to ensure you don't get it.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Sportwägen, Driver Of The Red Sportwagen
08/19/2014 at 23:35

I know exactly how you feel. And honestly I felt that way too for a while, but when I started to see all my friends get in a relationship (even ones that I couldn't believe) I became very very jealous and wanted that. And now its all that is on my mind :/

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Conan
08/19/2014 at 23:37

Yeah its 11th grade... and everything has seemed to change so so so much. Its just drastic and threw me really off guard here. So... I am struggling a lot here.

Out of curiosity, what do you teach? And no they all like making their own seating charts because "it helps them"...

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Marriokart
08/19/2014 at 23:41

Yeah 11th grade here and its very similar for us because the colleges mainly care only about 11th grade so the studies matter a lot.

I already am for the most part planned. I know where I want to go to school and what I want to do with my life. I have most things figured out. I have a great schedule now with classes I want to take that look great on my resume.

And yes, they are pointless. Honestly I want one not to find the love of my life, but to have someone cool and different to hang out with and talk to. Someone who I can joke around with and have fun with. I want to be able to go out to dinner or see a movie and its not the same with my friends who are guys.

So it kind of sucks now.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Sam
08/19/2014 at 23:43

For the unhelpful: I already got a Civic, and all the V-TEC, yo (girls love it!)

As for the helpful: this is really what i need. I need an icebreaker of some sort. It's funny like today I heard some girl talking to herself and I tried to join in (confidence? stupidity? I'm not sure) and I didn't even get a reaction or look. Its turned into a lot of silence. And Im not used to this. Everywhere in every class with everyone. I don't like it.

Conan > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:43

I teach AP US History, Virginia and United States History, and a Psychology elective. Teaching in private school was more fun but paid less. Eventually I want to either go into teaching college, go into research on different material for different high readiness learners, or get the PHD to become a principal.

Seating charts as a punishment works as a better "help" to me. I memorize names by taking roll and being amused by the 9th grade pictures they give me to help me remember the students.

Sportwägen, Driver Of The Red Sportwagen > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:43

Ugh, I know that feeling... middle school all over again :( Peer pressure (if that's the word I'm looking for?) FUCKING SUCKS

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > oldirtybootz
08/19/2014 at 23:47

I know there will be someone out there for me. But as I said in a reply elsewhere, its just the fact that I want a really good friend. Im not here to find the love of my life. I want someone to show around town and go eat at a nice restaurant or see a movie with. Its not the same doing that with guys. So I just want a really good friend at this point.

Also, way too much truth about the gorgeous girls! But I havent been able to find like any middle ground yet; its either preppy, rich, gorgeous models; or rather immature girls who go get drunk every weekend and arent worth my time. I havent found this combination yet and I hate hate hate it.

And seriously, just coming here to talk helps me so much. Otherwise these thoughts just sit in my head forever...

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Conan
08/19/2014 at 23:51

Thats really great! And at least your school is better than ours: we still use 7th grade photos :/

And by you teaching an AP course, Im sure you understand quite well what im saying then!

I'm in Dual Enrollment (the college level courses) US History, English, and AP psych so... all these classes are so serious and lecture style to the point that I never get to hear anyone speak. So its tense.

Sam > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/19/2014 at 23:52

You just gotta not lose hope. I'm sure you've never heard this saying before, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Even more so now, there are more women than men in the US and Canadia (I don't know where you live, but it's pretty much the same everywhere)

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 00:03

You should just not give a fuck, and just be friends with her. It's high school. From what you're saying, she's a nice person who wants to be friends with you. Sure, it might be confusing. You should just try to be friends with her, and get to know her better. You'll then find out what direction is heading in this friendship. One more friend is better than losing one. She shares interests with you, at least car wise. I've read a few of your posts before and I'm sorry about your dilemma.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
08/20/2014 at 00:07

Thanks man! I think realistically thats the way I want this to go. I'm not going to date her. But it would be nice to have someone to talk with and maybe see outside of school once or twice.

Its mainly a dilemma just because Im 16 and Ive never dealt with this kind of stuff before. Everything happening here is brand new.

Marriokart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 00:08

If that's what you're going for, I'd suggest asking a few girls to join you and some of your friends for something like a movie. Singling out a girl to do that kind of stuff, without being in or wanting to be in a relationship with her might make it seem like that's what you're trying to do. If your guy friends have girlfriends and you all hang out in a group then it's slightly different and I would just ask someone to join you and explain the situation to her:

"My friends and I are going to (some group activity) saturday night. They're all bringing their girlfriends and I was wondering if you'd join me. I'm not really asking you out, you seem like a nice person I'd like to get to know and being the only single person in a group of couples gets kind of awkward.

Something along those lines would be what I'd try

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 00:11

I'm a 16 year old guy myself, so you aren't alone. I feel you.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
08/20/2014 at 00:22

Oh wow! Never wouldve guessed that between this and the other comments ive seen you post! Always exciting to meet other opponauts my age!

Conan > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 00:31

I can only imagine how my students would complain if I saw their seventh grade photos.

I understand what you're saying about advanced classes too. Teachers have to strike a careful balance between scaring off the students we shouldn't have, keeping the ones we should, showing students this is way more serious than before, but also keeping you motivated.

It is really good you are in them and hopefully you'll get to do some more collaborative projects over time too. DE should calm down. AP Psych will likely remain difficult for the whole year though. If you're thinking so deeply about your own thought I believe you can do it though. Good luck!

RotaryLover > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 02:01

I had the same issue more than once, til I said myself that enough is enough. Girls that don't know what they want irritates me. You text and text and talk and talk and nothing is clear! You try to get an answer but they skip the questions. This is why I don't give any and I stopped being a chaser. It's like the model I was dating (hell, I don't even know if it was dating for her), I was the one doing every moves. She never text, never called, never replied to my messages when she asked me to post stuff about Sailor Moon which we are both fans. When I finally stopped texting, calling, messaging. she showed up a month later to my fav bar, saying as an excuse that it's her favorite bar too. After this encounter, she never contacted me til now despite having fun. So I said myself...fuck it. Why the fuck should I waste my time, energy and my hard earned money on someone that doesn't show me the same appreciation as I gave to her?

This is why I'm going out with other girls. Don't be scared by them, act like they are your homies and it's gonna be fine. Worked for me.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 02:15

As others have said, don't give too much time or effort into these years as far as relationships go. No offense, but I speak from experience - high schoolers are dumb shits and college students are high schoolers with more income and free time.

That being said, know this - You have three options.

1) Ask her out. If she says no, then continue to support her AS A FRIEND. This means a) do NOT expect to ever go out with her. and b) be a FRIEND to her. GIve her advice, but at some point, let her make "mistakes" in your eyes. Maybe they aren't mistakes. She has her own life as do you.

2) Ask her out. If she says no, then don't talk to her as much. If she pesters you, be honest and just say "Look, I am attracted to you but I already have friends. I'm not looking for a friend, I want a girlfriend." or something along those lines.

3) Don't ask her out. Be her friend or whatever you have now. Move on and ignore her. There is a chance she's just comfortable around you and she's a physical person. She might hug lots of people. Hell some cultures regard a kiss as a greeting so don't read too much into things right away.

So there you go. Of course you can always pick the fourth option and just say "fuck this shit" and duck down, get through HS, and prepare for a fun college experience. That's what I ended up doing.

orcim > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
08/20/2014 at 03:58

Just recognize one simple thing. It's the most important and simple thing, but also the one thing that controls everything you're going through:

Those are *your* feelings, emotions, fears and embarrassments driving the angst. It's not the girls, the situations, the texting, the non-texting, etc. What would happen if those inside drivers all left? What would be left? Well, cutting to the chase, basically You.

And You is who a young woman is gonna be interested in, not any of that other stuff above. The only thing you have to do at your age is be able to wait... the hottest hotty might pass before you, but it's not the right one because she can't see You. You wait until the right one passes before you, see You, and then you stick out your hand and introduce yourself with none of the above stuff, and she'll recognize it.

Of course, at this age, it's a crap shoot. The perfect dating candidate is 80% probably not the right one at this age - you're both changing too fast. But use a little selection criteria up front, recognize that you (and her) are changing *super* fast, and don't get too attached to outcomes. (It's ok to get attached.. just recognize that it's a moving target and deal when it's not right anymore.)

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > orcim
08/20/2014 at 22:33

wow man. Thank you for the great advice here.

And I realize and aren't even expecting a serious relationship. I don't plan on finding the one who I will spend the rest of my life with. Now, I want a really great friend almost. One I can take out to the great restaurants and see a movie and spend time with. Nothing all that crazy.

And this whole mess I'm in is my fault for so no many reasons. I have for the most part learned from them so that was the best thing to come from it.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
08/20/2014 at 22:36

as I said in another comment I'm not even looking for anything serious at all here. I don't plan on meeting the one. I don't really believe in that at a high school level.

And really at this point I'm about to go with option number 2. In which I will try but it won't work and I just need to tell her that this won't work and we need to move on.

I'd love to work through this, but I'm just bored abs lonely. I hate sitting at home every night not doing anything (or working when I get the chance). It sucks. I'm boring. So that's the main reason.