The Toyota Prius Sub21 Is A Celebration Of Nürburgring Mediocrity

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
08/19/2014 at 12:50 • Filed to: sarcasm

You're Toyota. You put out a front-wheel drive hybrid car that manages !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! What do you do about it? Gloat? Well, you definitely do that, but you also put out a special edition to celebrate this act of driving really slowly.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

This is the Toyota Prius Plug-In with the Sub21 special package. Clearly, "Sub21" refers to its under-21 minute 'Ring run time. (Clearly.) And when you opt to make the first plug-in hybrid car with such a time even better, you get standard brakes, special low-drag wheels, standard seats, and the low-rolling resitance tires.

Toyota even notes that their tires are the ones you can get on the Scion FRS, which costs about the same as a Mustang V6. And they're not bitter about it at all. No, sir.

The new optional package is priced at £2,025, or about $3,400 in our money if the Prisus wasn't sold here, which it sadly is. That's a shame, because I'd take almost anything over a Prius Plug-In in a heartbeat.

DISCUSSION (86)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 12:53

Previous generation Ford Transit van, when preceded by an air-breaking car: sub 11. Advantage, Transit.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 12:57

Well I like the Prius GT300*

*Its an actual race car that's actually really cool and sounds really cool.

William Byrd > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 12:58

Toyota even notes that their tires are the ones you can get on the Scion FRS

Wait, don't people usually say that the FR-S has tires that can be found on a Prius? Sounds like a chicken vs. egg conundrum! haha

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:29

Thanks to Patrick George for the Seat article.

Gary Yogurt > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:31

Was this one of those ridiculous fuel-saving green challenges from Gran Turismo 6?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Gary Yogurt
08/19/2014 at 13:33

I wish.

asspennies > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:34

Kinja'd!!!

Looks so wrong for there to be nothing here...

All Motor Is Best Motor > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:34

Kinja'd!!!

This interior is ghastly.

TheCrudMan > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:35

...it was a fuel economy run.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > TheCrudMan
08/19/2014 at 13:36

Youdontsay.jpeg

Captain_Spadaro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:38

Please tell me this is fake.

asspennies > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:38

Kinja'd!!!

Driving in this car is the vehicular equivalent of wearing your finest frock/muumuu to Wal-Mart.

T off the New > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:41

More fuel to stoke my Prius rage fire

iNvDrZiM > asspennies
08/19/2014 at 13:42

Echoes of the past... ;)

http://image.cpsimg.com/sites/carparts…

inefficient > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:43

Kinja'd!!!

Wow... this dash hasn't aged well at all.

qbeezy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:43

I think this car defines Toyota as a company more than a mediocre time. I know the propose was for efficiency, but the time is mediocre. The car is mediocre. The package is mediocre. What does 3400$net you? Mediocrity. Toyota is the new 80s - 90's GM. Bland designs, bland adverts. Hell even the actors in their commercials have that Homely safe feel to them. I long for a change.

David E. Davis > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:44

Comicbookguy.jpg.

"Worst Ring Time ever!"

wrblue11 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:45

celebration? this "record" is the equivalent of a participation medal in fucking tee ball. this makes me sick to my stomach. how many prius owners even know what the Green Hell is? trying to cash in on this bullshit is..... well, bullshit.

ThePenguin > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:45

Absolutely brilliant. I have no words.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:46

1. Goes to dealership

2. Gets new, fancy, Sub21 Prius

3. Goes to street light

4. Makes eye contact with senior on Rascal

5. Waves and drives off gingerly to get a macchiato.

Prius drivers will always be Prius drivers, no matter the lap time.

ComradeApexx > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:47

If Toyota really wanted to garner appeal from the average auto-enthusiast then they should focus on their other cars, e.g. the Corolla; nameplate has so much motorsport history, or a new Celica All trac. I'd love me a Japanese RWD sedan, a modern day Cressida if you will./Daydreaming

Fragile_this_side_up > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:48

Needs giant "Sub21" in epic graphics down the side of the car.

Tani Vickson > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:50

I'm actually convinced my Citroën Ami Super from 1976 would be faster around the Nürburgring.

It's got 61 horsepower and about 1 foot pound of pull. 0-60? Well, mine does it somewhere between 15 seconds and something you'd need a calender for. But at least it has standard tires. Granted, those tires're only 125's.

Also, it doesn't look like a bottom feeder. Well, not as much like a bottom feeder. I just love it, okay? And it's faster than this abomination.

I don't have to prove anything to you.

dustynnguyendood > asspennies
08/19/2014 at 13:50

Yeah, I can't hang with anything sporting that center cluster design. Ugh.

MultiplaOrgasms > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback
08/19/2014 at 13:51

...And which has absolutely nothing to do with a regular Prius except a bodyshell vaguely resembling the real deal.

TheCrudMan > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:52

So what about it represents mediocrity, and what was meaningless? It was actually a pretty good troll and pretty darn clever, and doing a special edition is even more awesome. Such a solid parody of manufacturers doing Nürburgring editions.

MechE30 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:58

Can Jalop please put together a top ten list of rediculous things that loop the ring faster than the Prius?

FriscoFairlane > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:58

That's gonna look hella sporty driving 52 mph in the fast lane!

rs510 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 13:58

Kinja'd!!!

I thought driving one was going to be just plain boring, but maybe slightly interesting on the inside. Dear lord I was wrong! Next Top 10 should be about ugliest/most boring interiors and this would definitely make it in the list somewhere.

StevenG > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif
08/19/2014 at 13:59

So would your head explode if you found out people buy cars like that to commute and another car for fun?

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:00

What exactly are low-drag wheels?

Mr. Sinister > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:02

Fuck everything.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:02

I'm having a really hard time with the math here...I really cannot understand how any vehicle made in the last half-century could be so slow on the Ring. I can't literally wrap my head around it.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 14:03

Wheels that don't create aerodynamic drag.

AdmiralAkbar > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 14:05

The spokes in the wheels create drag as they spin, the more solid the wheel the lower the resistance to spin. Like this http://images.autobytel.com/view/aic/HONDA…

Arch > TheCrudMan
08/19/2014 at 14:05

Yep, and not only that, but given its mission in life, the Prius is a pretty fantastic car.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:06

So they have flush-fitting covers on them? If you eliminate airflow thru the wheel, doesn't that affect heat dissipation from the brakes?

Alex87f > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:07

They're just trolling a little bit and making fun of all the recent Nürburgring craziness.

Why the hell not?

AdmiralAkbar > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 14:10

Heat dissipation? On a Prius? But actually the brakes on a Prius have to work way less than a standard car because the regenerative braking kicks in to do a lot of the work - they use brake pads very slowly which is another reason fleets like them so much.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:10

It's a great thing for the internet to be needlessly angry about.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > All Motor Is Best Motor
08/19/2014 at 14:13

That interior is so bland, it'ls impossible to be ghastly. Except maybe that blue on the shifter, a color that can't be found anywhere else in the interior. If anything this car is an interior design faux pas.

CleverBS > All Motor Is Best Motor
08/19/2014 at 14:15

And people still pay way too much money for it. I think that's why they created a Lexus version of it for a short while, to mildly improve the horrible interior (and charge more for the badge).

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > MultiplaOrgasms
08/19/2014 at 14:16

Except you're forgetting that it has the same batteries as the street car.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666
08/19/2014 at 14:17

Considering this is all sarcasm, then yes, needless anger.

92RedMister2 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:17

I don't just want a Prius, I want a special edition Prius!

Prius, so bland it can make the Nurburgring boring...

Tani Vickson > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 14:17

It's a Prius. You never go fast enough to warm up the brakes. Especially with those wheat-thin tires that would probably just slip all over the place.

KB Garage > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:19

I want to run the 'ring on a forklift. Ya know, cuz why not?

Dave-O > CleverBS
08/19/2014 at 14:20

There was a Lexus version of it? Good god

The Gray Adder > All Motor Is Best Motor
08/19/2014 at 14:21

There's a lot of gray there. Maybe if you order one in red or white, you can change the gray to tan.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:25

I'm angry about being sarcastic! Better break out the ol caps lock here.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > StevenG
08/19/2014 at 14:34

Why buy the Sub21 Prius then? Why not just get the regular one and put more into fun car?

Kaufmania: Mark Webber's Stunt Double > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:36

well done Duke.

Zsa Zsa Gaborg > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:41

Nurburgring lap times are meaningless unless you possess both a Carrera and mild autism. I think it's pretty fresh for a slow car to embrace its slowness - it's like shaving your head when you're going bald. Lean in, you underpowered Eco-wagon!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666
08/19/2014 at 14:42

hulksmash.gif

Zsa Zsa Gaborg > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 14:43

Wheels that wear heels and women's pants, but not wigs or makeup. Like Miss J, only round and made of metal.

AJ_Lethal > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 14:46

mfw:
https://img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/ima…

Galant Enthusiast > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 15:02

This is like a fatass being proud of walking a mile in less than 15 minutes. Good for them I guess but the rest of us are going to keep talking about the 4 and 5 minute miles.

Fuel_of_Satan > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2014 at 15:11

I'm almost certain they can do that 21 minute run without using the brakes, just engine

brake/regen into every turn. Road cars wont even be treated that hard.

I believe the picture is of the actual record breaker during its monumental run for fame and glory, and as you can see it's aerodynamic trickery on the spokes rather than full wheel covers

I almost wish they'd made an effort, at least something like this would raise an eyebrow .

Truth-Hertz > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 15:27

not sure if srs.

Bfunkadelia > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 15:32

Mercedes Streeter > StevenG
08/19/2014 at 15:45

This is essentially the "Nurburgring Edition" of the Prius, or supposedly the "fun" and "fast" version of the car.

RunsToday_BrokenTomorrow > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 15:48

Ha...that's like saying that you are the most handsome sloth.

Doesn't Drive a BMW > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment
08/19/2014 at 16:03

They drove slowly because they were doing a fuel economy run. It wasn't driven at full bore. My guess is that they were trying to make a point that not everything is about getting around a track the fastest. Personally, I think getting around the fastest is the best. But different strokes for different folks.

uberbigpete > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 16:07

Wait is this article a joke/spin-off of the Seat Sub8?

"You're Toyota. You put out a front-wheel drive hybrid car that manages a totally meaningless 20:59.4 lap time on the 'Ring. What do you do about it? Gloat? Well, you definitely do that, but you also put out a special edition to celebrate this act of driving really slowly.

Toyota even notes that their tires are the ones you can get on the Scion FRS, which costs about the same as a Mustang V6. And they're not bitter about it at all. No, sir.

StevenG > Mercedes Streeter
08/19/2014 at 16:14

I don't think it is. You could make it round the ring in 11 min or less in a prius if you tried. This 21 minute run was about mpg.

notavirusexe > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 16:17

This reminds me of the idiots who put the Prius in the Gran Turismo 5 game.

Mercedes Streeter > StevenG
08/19/2014 at 16:21

Considering there's a sub 11 time in a Transit van and I've seen a fortwo do it in about 11, I'm sure a Prius could do it.

My problem is that anyone could drive super slow on a course with no traffic signals and get amazing MPG (a diesel smart would score well above 100 MPG), so it's no achievement that Toyota did this...much less worthy of creating a special edition car for it.

And you're right, this car is the "Anti-Nurburgring Edition-Edition" of the Prius. xD

Shiftright > Tani Vickson
08/19/2014 at 16:32

You had my love at Citroen Ami

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Doesn't Drive a BMW
08/19/2014 at 16:41

Ah I see. That makes more sense, as there was no way this could be possible otherwise :p

Justino6969 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 18:41

That interior looks like a 90's econobox. Holy crap I never care about interiors but that is just bad.

Widget_Master > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 18:54

Haha! "Prius" and "Nurburgring" shouldn't ever even be in the same paragraph. Whoops I just did it....

bryan40oop > StevenG
08/19/2014 at 19:24

Waste of resources that could be spent on your fun car.

Person Person > bryan40oop
08/19/2014 at 19:52

The idea is that you spend way more time in your commuter car, so that's probably the worst thing you can do.

MrZoglog > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 20:21

I drove the Hybrid Auris to the Ring :) Pondered taking it on the track but figured I didn't want to get banned for life.

All Hail Spaceball > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 21:28

back to the text referencing of popular memes I see

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/19/2014 at 21:50

Kinja'd!!!

fuck yea straya!

benn454 > TheCrudMan
08/19/2014 at 23:48

They have no room to talk with their LFA Nurburgring Edition.

We call that hypocrisy.

Beldrueger > StevenG
08/20/2014 at 00:52

Confused. I have two cars, both fun, and two motorcycles, also fun. I commute on a motorcycle (good MPG!). Why would I ever buy a Prius or a car I don't like?